Money Monday

"It's always more fun when money and conversation flows both ways."

Monday is always the busiest day of my week. Somehow, money always comes in on Mondays. I don't know why, it just works out that way. Maybe most of our customers write Accounts Payable checks on Thursdays or something.

The past few weeks, it seems like I've been writing a ton more checks than I've been depositing. We're in the middle of adding 2,000 sq. ft. to our building, we recently bought the important parts of an airplane that will fly no more, we're brokering some parts that are expensive - and we have to buy them before we sell them. I've got a new server on the way, which I actually bucked the system and ordered before the old one dies. Business is good, but circumstances over the past few weeks have - well, let's just say my butt's been a little puckered.

Unfortunately, the deal with my job is that these kinds of problems are mine and mine alone. I don't tell anyone else about them because if they get concerned about cash flow, they make decisions differently than they normally do, and that almost always costs money in the end. So, it is my cross to bear when things get turned upside down from time to time.

This upside down economics evidently works fine for the government. I don't understand how, but somebody evidently does. But I do know that it doesn't work for our little business. I've been waving my Harry Potter wand over the computer screen every morning for the past couple of weeks, counting on timing to work out right.

Today especially, I want to say "Thank You" to all of our customers who paid their bills on the past couple of Monday's. You have really helped Monday to be my favorite day of the week!

(Now my bro wants to buy a new hot tub. Sheeesh!)

'Not Yes' Usually Means 'No'

"Failure to answer the question is an answer all by itself."

A couple of days ago, I posted some comments about saying "Yes" on purpose, knowing full well that saying "Yes" to one thing automatically says "No" to many other things. My exhortation was to say "Yes" when it's appropriate, but be aware of what you're saying "No" to in the process.

Today, I am reminded of another principle about good decision making: For a decision to be a good decision, you actually have to make one. Failure to do so is every bit as much of a decision as either "Yes" or "No" - and the decision usually turns out to be "No". Hem-Hawing around, scratching your nuts, watching the baseball fly right over your head while you try to decide whether or not to catch it is a decision by default.

I am convinced that more decisions are made through indecision than by any other method. It's the cheesy-easy out. If you don't decide then (you think) you're not responsible for the outcome. If the result of something doesn't turn out to be the very best answer, one can always say, "It's not my fault, I didn't make that decision". Yeah, you let indecision make it for you. That's smart.

There are about a zillion causes of indecision. They range from needing someone else's approval, fear of doing the wrong thing, a feeling that the planets aren't lined up exactly right (or some other set of ambiguous factors) so you can't decide, not enough time to think it through, etc. Meanwhile, the whole universe sits and waits on you to figure out what you're gonna do until indecision decides for you and takes you off the hook.

Personally, I think things would be better if people would look at their choice, make a decision - and if they can't say 'yes', just say 'no'. Indecision will probably say 'No' anyway, so take yourself and the rest of the universe off the hook at the same time, and just say 'No' and be done. Sure, you have to accept the consequences of the "No'. You can't claim to be just an innocent bystander. But you and the rest of the whole universe can know that the answer is 'No' and go on, rather than sitting around waiting for you to make up your feeble mind.

And another thing: "Yes, but ..." is no better. "The answer is yes, but these eighteen things have to happen before my I'll really do it." That's also the same as saying, 'No.'

If 'No' is the right answer, just say it. At least have the genital fortitude to say it on purpose. Life will go on, and if anyone will be pissed at you for saying 'No', they're gonna be just as pissed at your indecision.

Damn. More Politics

"Whachagonnado?"

OK, so whazzup in Wisconsin? At first glance it looks pretty simple. Unions want to protect their hard earned sugar tit, and the state legislature says it can't afford them anymore. At second glance, the reason the state can't afford the unions is because they just passed a big 'ol tax cut for small businesses and corporations while cutting funding for all kinds of social programs. At third glance, the problem is that nobody in Wisconsin has the money to afford the state budget. Corporations don't want to pay for it, people don't want to pay for it. Everybody wants somebody else to pay for it.

Well, Wisconsin (and the whole rest of the whole world for that matter), Good Luck With That.

I promise, I'm not picking any fights here. I don't live in Wisconsin, and don't have a dog in this fight. I think there is no good answer. Either the unions lose, business loses or the budget loses.

I just listened to some belligerent rant from a radio guy in New York (who also doesn't live in Wisconsin or have a dog in this fight). He was for the unions and democrats and against the republicans. I really enjoy, as I always do, the passion. I love seeing people get all fired up about this stuff and make their cases. This guy's case was about a third right and two-thirds bullshit. A cursory Internet search for some of his facts clearly shows he is distorting and manipulating the situation such that it conforms to his rant. (Sounds a lot like some closed minded conservative Christian preachers.) But that's what politics is about, so no foul there.

Then the rant deteriorated in to a name calling session. Anybody who disagrees with this guy is a stupid, mentally incompetent idiot who should not be allowed to vote, eat or even exist. And I'm convinced he really thinks that.

Passion is great. But when you can't think of anything to say except for calling people names, please shut up! Oh, never mind. I''ll just find a different website to explore.

Life For The Fun Of It

"Music to drown by...Now I know I'm in First Class."

I guess the article I read and my previous post, combined with my meager efforts to document why I believe in Christ and the Christian worldview makes my mind drift from 'sex for the fun of it' to 'life for the fun of it''.

In a way am jealous of people who can genuinely think like this. All of the things I lack and strive for would be summarily dismissed if I were able to live life with the singular objective of having fun. I know some really shallow people who pretty much live this way. All that matters is having a good time.

But at what cost?

Saying "Yes" to one thing always automatically says "No" to many other things. Plus, we live in a cause/effect world where our actions are judged by their impact and the repercussions they cause. On one hand, repercussions and effects of my actions would either be fun or I would dismiss them as unimportant (I guess). On the other hand, reactions to my actions could easily cause me more pain then the pleasure I received initially - not to mention the mess they could leave behind in the lives of others.

Many things in my life are not very fun, but they are important to me. I don't want to say "No" to them. Many other things that I think are important are also lacking or missing in my life altogether. But I still don't think I want to say "No" to them either.

I think I want and need to strive to grow, accomplish, learn and achieve. I think that to do less is to be less than human; less than we are created to be. Even though there are periods in life where all I can see are my failures and shortcomings, there are other times when I am very proud of who I have become and who I am growing into.

The only way I think I could buy the 'life for the fun of it' mentality is if I actually believed that life is nothing more that what I see around me and I have no destiny except to die one day. I'm not sure anything could be fun in that context.

But, alas, I wish I had more fun.

Sex For The Fun Of It

"Just a little fun between friends."

I read an article recently about the upside of casual sex. With my background and worldview, I'm not really wired this way. But even though this article is not the first of its kind, it caught my attention. The premise of the article is that gratuitous sex (sex without emotional drama, any real commitment or any connotation other than fun for an hour or two) has no downside, and promotes many good things in the human psyche.

Among the benefits the article highlighted are: Good source of physical activity, Helps maintain youthful (not childish) outlook, Temporary escape from reality, Relief from boredom (which I agree is one of life's biggest problems), Promotes self esteem, Supports the need for conquest and competition, and a Well deserved reward.

I can see where the author is coming from. Personally, I'm long over my image of sex as an expression of religious purity. Standing against sexual immorality is one of the biggest areas of life where conservative Christians show themselves to be entirely hypocritical. But I could also list most of these as benefits to joining a bowling league or playing tug of war with my dog, or riding my new bike around lake Hefner.

The article mentioned the potential for casual sex to lead to unhealthy relationships, but only if one breaks the rules by actually assigning some significance to the activity, which makes sense. The concept of NSA fun specifies 'No Strings Attached'. Attaching emotional strings to this behaviour obviously breaks the most basic rules of the game, and if somebody does that they deserve to get hurt.

Albeit from a great distance, in my observations of sex for fun, there is something I think the article failed to discuss. This kind of sex often (I would say almost always, but I'm not qualified to make that observation) involves an abundance of alcohol and drugs, thus combining three potentially very addictive, self destructive tendencies into one activity. Sex for fun is evidently much more fun if everyone involved is drunk or high. Alcoholism, drug addiction and sexual addictions are hard enough to overcome individually. Put them all together and the outcome is not pretty for anyone and fatal for way too many. All three of these issues are addictive and chronic. Sex that starts off fairly mild  has to get wilder and wilder to maintain the benefits the article promotes. Otherwise it looses its intrigue and becomes nothing more than bowling, bike riding or playing with a dog.

I've always viewed self esteem as the same thing as self worth. Self esteem comes from being of some value to the world at large, from contributing something positive to life on earth. Self esteem doesn't come from a certain activity, or something that I do. Self esteem comes from who I am as reflected (documented, made real) by what I do.

So how would being some drunk asshole's 2:00 AM booty call give me self esteem? Having self esteem is a different thing from feeling pleasure. Pleasure is no more a substitute for self esteem than food that smells good is a substitute for food that tastes good and is good for you.

I guess I just live on a different planet then the author of this article or those who think this way. I've only really been sexually attracted to people who I respect, admire and am proud of. Cute guys are everywhere, and they're fun to look at, but I don't really want to take one home. I don't like being drunk or high. But I long to connect with someone I admire who also respects, admires and is proud of me. Really good, frequent, productive, passionate, intimate sex would be but one of the benefits to that kind of relationship. I sure which I could find one.

It's A Sun Fart!

"What were you doing at 7:56 PM on Valentine's Day?"

Whatever it was, it probably wasn't nearly as dramatic as the sun above. Evidently, there was a large coronal mass ejection (CME) from the sun's southern hemisphere, resulting in an X-Class solar flare. The 'gas' of charged particles and radiation blasted toward the earth at 560 miles per second, and started interfering with radio transmission in southern China as early as Monday. Impact from the solar flare is expected to continue through today. Radio transmissions, satellite communications and power grids around the world are vulnerable to this storm.

Some potential damage estimates are as high as Two Trillion Dollars in the U.S. alone. (Damn. So much for my tax refund.)

So I'm sitting here this morning trying to remember the last time I had a good old fashioned CME. I guess I won't share that story. Let's just say it was ... oh, let's just not say! (But it wasn't a billion miles wide.)

In a way, it's kind of awesome. The power of it all, the frailty of life on earth when looked at from a cosmic perspective, the way events like this dwarf any political, environmental or social problems we can think of here. Not even global warming is a match for a well timed sun fart.

In a way, events like this remind us that each day is a gift - not just for each of us individually, but for the planet as a whole. We really need to spend a lot more of this time-gift loving each other instead of criticizing, helping each other instead of fighting and enjoying each other instead of hating. Life is too short, too precious and too fragile to live the way our society lives.

And in a way, it reminds me to have a sense of humor. There's no arguing with the end of the world if and when its time comes. And I can think of a zillion and three really funny jokes to put here. I'm sure you can think of them too, so take a minute and enjoy each one.

"Time For A Change"

"Some listen to music that matches their mood. I listen to music to SET my mood."

I have always loved music. I played trombone through high school and college. I never could see well enough to be able to play professionally, but since way back in my life, I have always had a deep appreciation of many different kinds of music.

Music, more than any other single thing I can think of, has the power - without a word being spoken - to change the very essence of our emotional state. I listen to music, as with most things in life, on purpose. In the same way that some people take Advil to get rid of a headache, I am very liable to play a single song for an hour to drive away the voices and renew and re-establish myself. I have to do this to my brain every few months, and it's really enjoyable for me.

Probably my all time, number one head and shoulders above the rest song for doing this is Time For A Change from Kenton '76 by Stan Kenton. Trust me. This is worth every bit of 5 minutes, 54 seconds of your day:

'Yes' to One is 'No' to Many

"Let your 'Yes' be Yes and your 'No' be No. "

My nieces and nephews are not Borg, but it's easy to refer to them by their order of entry into this old world. Three of Six is growing up and trying to find his place in the world. He's a really smart kid, but he's having a really hard time with the concepts of being a grown-up. He's gonna make it. But he's making the journey harder than it needs to be.

I've been working on him. We've talked about the two seemingly contradictory concepts of "Teach us Lord to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom", (Concept: make each day count for something. Don't waste them, count them and make each one important) vs "If the Lord is not the builder, the builder builds in vain", (Concept: It is better to wait and move intentionally than to let chance direct your life.)

We've talked about the concept that if a man likes to eat, likes to play and likes to spend, then by definition, he likes to work. Because without work there is no food, play or spending. A fool says, "I like to party but I hate to work." 

I know he lacks direction, or a vision for what his life should be or where he should go from here. I want to help him develop one, or at least give him a safe place from which to figure it out. I have a heart to help, and resources to provide until the wires in his head grow together and the circuit is complete. I don't want to yell at him or give him a bunch of pass/fail ultimatums. I want him to get his feet underneath him, take those first few steps and embark on a life that adds to more than it takes from the world, and produces the rewards and benefits this particular nephew deserves.

So far, it just ain't kicking in. 

Maybe it's time for the "Yes usually means No" concept. Almost always, saying 'Yes' to one thing means saying 'No' to many other things. Three of Six has trouble saying 'No' to people. Maybe I need to show him that every time he says, "Yes", he also says, "No". It's not a question of being strong and saying, "No" sometimes. It's a case of saying, "Yes" to the right things. That automatically says, "No" to everything else.

"Yes" to the Night says "No" to the Morning.
"Yes" to the party says "No" to the career.
"Yes" to the whore says "No" to the (future) wife.
"Yes" to the friend who needs money says "No" to the people you owe.
"Yes" to the hangover says "No" to the renewal each new day brings.
"Yes" to the wrong says "No" to what is right.

Maybe it's time for me to teach him that almost every time he says, "Yes" he also says, "No", and to encourage him to be aware of what he is saying "No" to before he says "Yes" to anything else.

At Least It's Red and Good for the Heart!

"I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike."

It's Here! Yep, it's that time of the year when the whole universe pokes fun at all of us single people who have nobody to spend Valentine's Day with except their own sorry selves. All of the couples in the world go do stuff, buy each other presents and enjoy each others' company while people like me sit around and wonder why we're not good enough.  Thank God it's only one day.

You'd think after so many years I'd get used to the ritual and find something to do with myself on at least this one day. But alas, another one comes, and another, and another...

Well, this year I've decided to rebel. I bought my own self a Valentine's Present. And it's really pretty, and red. And it's good for the heart - or so I hear. I guess the saying, "That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger" applies.

I bought myself a 2010 Fuji Sunfire 3.0 Bicycle.

It has 24 gears (of which I'll probably use three), and the guy that sold it to me said all kinds of good things about it.

I haven''t been on a bike since the early 90's, when a friend of mine talked me into going on a 40 mile ride. It about killed me, but I made it almost all the way. My friend went on ahead and was run off the road by a Texas redneck in a beat up old pickup. He wasn't hurt too bad, and I didn't have to ride back!. It all worked out.

But Oklahoma City has been working hard to develop some really nice bike trails throughout the city. There's one around a local lake, another that connects two city lakes, another that follows the river through the city and several more. Since I'm paying for it through my sales tax cotribution, I might as well enjoy it.

And I need to get out. I need to enjoy the lake, fresh air and exercise. Especially since I don't have anyone else to spend Valentine's Day with.

MIQ #2: The Missing Ingredient - The Main Ingredient

"Something wonderful happened and now I know, He Touched Me and made me whole "

Surely there is something deeper, some more meaningful, substantial reason why I am a Christian besides the fact that I happen to like it - like I like green beans or jazz music. In a way it seems to be the nature of life that I have to choose a worldview (or have one chosen for me). But in another way, that seems backwards. I don't choose gravity, it just is. If I decide not to submit to it and try to fly, it just is (and I fall on my butt). I can like it, hate it, argue with it, ridicule it or surrender to it, and it just is.

Truth should be like that, and many times it is exactly like that. My mind tells me that a universally objective worldview should be this way too. Acceptance or rejection of it is irrelevant. It just is. From a certain point of view, if it has to be accepted, sought out or distinguished from the competition, it is already disqualified as universally objective.

On the other hand, truth only really exists in the context of a worldview.

8+5=13  so long as we're working in the decimal system. In a hexadecimal system, 8+5=D. In binary math, the same equation looks like 1000+0101=1101. The numbering system we use doesn't really change truth, only the way expressions are represented. But our worldview becomes our numbering system. Everything around us is understood in terms of our worldview, including truth.

For example, if I asked a hundred people a True or False question like, "True or False: 13=D=1101," probably all hundred people would answer "False" and think the question is nothing more than jabber. All hundred would be wrong. The expression is True (universally and objectively), but one must know this truth in the context of decimal, hexadecimal and binary numbering systems.

How then could we ever find universally objective truth, or a universally objective worldview?

I have thought about this a lot, and I can only find two possibilities. 1. This whole discussion really is jabber, and the Default Answer is the only one we can ever really have. Or 2. The Universally Objective worldview, and its subset of truth, has to help me find it. It has to connect with me in a proactive way that I can understand its point of view and accept (or reject) it.

I don't see any way around it. And Christianity excels like no other worldview in providing this connection.

Let me try to say this more simply: In order to see something with my eyes, two things have to happen. First I have to look. If I'm not looking, I will not see. Second, I have to be able to see. If I look but just don't have the ability to see, I will never see. I can control the 'looking' but I cannot control my ability to 'see'. Life has to provide that.

Same with a worldview. I have to choose one. And the right one has to make itself known to me. Both ingredients are necessary in order for me to find the right one (other than the Abyss). The basic Christian story is that Christ came from God to show God to us and become in His own person the very path to God and God's universally objective worldview. (Remember that for now all worldviews get to tell their story. We'll worry about rippig them apart later.)

What worldview has a better mechanism for reaching out to humanity than tthe Christian worldview? The answer is easy: None.

MIQ #2: Backwards! !sdrawkcaB

"I once was lost but now I don't know where I am, Was blind, but now I can't see."

So the good news in my quest is that after comparing Christianity to other ways of looking at life, I am more convinced than ever that I've made the right choice. The bad news is that I realized I embraced Christianity (or my perception of it) because it represents MY worldview. It is everything I want it to be and more. Even where I fail to live up to Christian ideals and principles, I agree with and want the ideals. One of the benefits to Christian thinking is that it keeps me growing, keeps me engaged.

But surely there is something deeper, some more meaningful, substantial  reason why I am a Christian besides the fact that I happen to like it - like I like green beans or jazz music.

Besides, one of my biggest pet peeves with church is when some preacher takes his opinion, goes to the bible and finds some obscure scripture to support, justify or give credence to it, and then preaches it as universally objective truth. This is so wrong and has been the source of a whole lot of error over the centuries. Plus, it hurts a lot of people and doesn't honor Christ or a good God at all.

These guys aren't preaching God's word, they are preaching their dumb-ass opinions, cleaned up and made palatable because they disguise it with scripture. Whenever I have to give my dog medicine, I hide the pill in a piece of bread or a bite of weenie. The dog eats it really fast thinking it's a hot dog and never knows it just swallowed some drug. I'm not a dog and it makes me mad to be treated like one.

Surely, the years of study and growth in my own Christian walk don't amount to just the same thing!

My quest is to document why I believe in this, not why I like it. The process is to find 'that than which nothing greater can be conceived'. I see no way around the fact that I will by definition adopt a worldview and live by it (whether I do this on purpose or not). I think it is in my best interests to do so by choice, not by accident. I look at the available worldviews and let them tell their own stories. I choose the one with the greatest destiny; the one that offers the most, makes the most sense and promotes the highest ideals I can imagine. So I choose Christianity - on purpose with a good heart. And I believe my choice is right.

And that takes me right back up to the top of this post, and starts an endless loop.

There is something missing: A facet of the 'right' worldview that I'm overlooking. Who am I to say what is the 'right' way to look at things anyway? The process and the outcome seem backwards!

Then I realized what is missing, and that it is at the very heart of Christianity.

A Thousand Words...

"Sometimes I just talk too damn much."

Since we're expecting another 6-12 inches of snow, I thought a beautiful ocean scene would be appropriate.

Focus on Fido

"It's just a damn dog. If it dies, get another one."

A few weeks ago, there was an article on Yahoo about what kinds of dogs need which kinds of sweaters to stay comfortably warm in the winter. The article was apparently written with the same passionate profoundness that a good journalist would use when writing about something of actual importance. 

For some reason, the whole thing came across as funny as hell to me.

Then I got down to the message board at the bottom, and discovered several hundred comments from people with additional advice not covered by the article itself, along with a whole bunch of specific stories about how some dog really loves its particular winter outerwear. Of course there were also a few people making jokes about the article, some of the dog stories, etc.

So, being in a bit of a smart-ass mood anyway, I added my two cents, and pointed out that these were just dogs. If they died, people could just get another one. Boy, did I ever not know what I was in for.

Within six minutes, thirty-seven people clicked the 'thumbs down' button beside my comment, and Yahoo hid it because of 'low user ratings'. (I only got three 'thumb's ups'.) In addition, there were several very colorful replies to my comment. One nice lady suggested that I should be incarcerated and tortured for the rest of my life. One guy offered to kick my ass. A couple of people suggested that I spend the rest of the winter outside with no protection and see what it is like. All of this, of course, just made me repeat my comment and the cycle repeated itself - several times.

Rumor has it that I will be a subject on America's Most Wanted some Saturday in the near future.

Since then, I have noticed a dog story every few days on either Yahoo or AOL. One was about which chew toys were safe. Another was about keeping old dogs strong. I can't remember the other few.

Daddy's Little Girl - Off Switch Engaged

Don't get me wrong. I love dogs, and I have a very sweet, very intense Jack Russell (who goes outside in winter without a coat and hasn't died. And if she does, I'll probably get another one.)

But it is interesting to me that in a world where so much is going on that is actually important and ignored by most people, how so many of us can be moved to such intensity by an article about a doggie sweater.

The world has gone mad, I tell you. The world has gone mad.

MIQ #2: Heinz 57

"Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.
Put 'em together and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo"

In my quest to figure out why I believe in Christ, "Why am I Christian?", I looked at several 'competitors' to see what they had to offer. I figured I would either justify my decision to believe in Christ or find a better answer. I looked strictly at the benefits of each worldview I studied, and didn't really try to criticize any of them. I wanted to hear each of their stories, and see what life might look like from their perspective.

In a way, the project was successful. The good things that I saw in other worldviews were even better in Christianity. The perfect peace that Buddhism seeks as Nirvana, Christianity contends has been given already. The 'higher level of life' promoted in Illusions is more precisely documented in Christianity. Our state of being is Spirit, confined in a physical body for a time, destined to lay it aside for an immortal body in an eternal home that is not here. The freedom without boundaries set forth in the Abyss is not as appealing as the freedom to seek and do right without condemnation or judgement when I screw up or fail. (This paragraph could be 16 pages long, but hopefully you get the point.)

I discovered that even in the presense of other ways of looking at life, I like being Christian. I identify with the benefits of it, and embrace the responsibility. It feels right, and I want it.

Then I realized I got it exatly backwards.

I embraced Christianity (or my perception of it) because it represents MY worldview. That which I am, want to be and want not to be are expressed in the Christ story and the biblical worldview - even to the point of not wanting to be gay. I wasn't trying to be an expression of Christ in this world. I was allowing Christ to be my expression of everything I saw as good.

Hmmm. I'm sure my exposure to Christianity had a lot to do with the way my worldview developed. But so did my parents, Captain Kirk, Sgt. Joe Friday, my high school History teacher and a zillion other things. I was just a mutt. a mix of a whole lot of different breeds of philosophies, ideals, lifestyles and opinions. Some of them came from the bible, if I liked them. Some of the came from Cinderalla's fairy god mother.

This, I decided, is not what being a Christian should be. And I better think about this a whole lot more.

Hundreds Gather for Global Warming Protest

"It rained all night the day I left, the weather it was dry.
The sun so hot I froze to death, Susanna, don't you cry "

I'm not sure what I think about Global Warming. I don't trust the science, especially after the ozone fiasco in the '70's. But it seems like things are changing (and perception is reality).

Then there's the question as to whether change is a good thing or bad. If you live in Northern Canada, change might be good. An island in the south Pacific that's only a few inches above sea level anyway might be a place to avoid.

Then there is the evidence. We're having the coldest weather in Oklahoma in the last 20 or 30 years. That doesn't sound like global warming. But the U.N. says the global average temperature is rising. It must be really hot someplace right now. Science says hotter than normal weather and colder than normal weather are both signs of global warming. It seems to me like almost every year will be hotter or colder than normal.  I don't see how looking at weather patterns over the last 100 years of the 4.5 billion years of earth history can indicate a trend. The sample is too small.

Or is this whole Global Warming thing like driving a car. Anyone who drives faster than me is a maniac. Anyone who drives slower is a moron. Therefore the world consists entirely of maniacs and morons. If the weather is too hot, I tend to blame global warming. If it's too cold, I scoff at the idea.

So, here's the question: Is the picture above cynical? Or are these guys really worried? Whichever it is, I think I agree with them.

Momentum: "Ready Or Not, Here I Come"

"Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!"

News Flash: It's already February! Where'd January go anyway?

Momentum is my buzzword for 2011. I had a great 2010, and my hope at the beginning of 2011 was that the momentum of 2010 would continue, and continue to increase. So far I am not disappointed.

I thought about writing a post in the middle of January talking about the yearly lull in life I usually experience between January 2 and the first good thunderstorm of the season, usually around the middle of March. To me, this is the deadest, most boring time of the year. Normally, nothing really happens. I generally spend the time just waiting it out, knowing that Spring will be here soon.

I thought about writing that post, but never got around to it. I've just been too busy. And it's been a fun busy so far. Business is going well, family life is hectic and exciting and my God life is more energetic than it has been in years. I'm very excited and very pleased. If January is like this, April is going to be fantastic!

Even though Momentum has been on my mind since December, I'm not as prepared as I thought I would be for everything that's going on. At work, on my blog and in other areas, projects that are important to me, and that I am excited to finish, are being relegated to the 'back burner' just because the "A" list is full.

I can't decide if this is a good thing or not.

And I need some down time.

And Sir Winter answers tonight with what promises to be an incredible snow storm. (Anything over 2 inches down here qualifies as Snowpocalypse. The city will shut down for a few days until the snow goes away and everyone gets cabin fever.) I'm looking forward to the time.

And I'm looking forward to February - I don't think I've ever said that before, ever in my whole life.

Life Is Good!

Point of Order, Please...

"No government can survive without at least the passive support of the people it governs."

Of course I've been following the news on the Internet about the situation in Egypt, and the impending collapse of the thirty year regime of Hosni Mubarak. I don't care much about politics, not because I'm cynical, but because I don't believe in it. See my Upside Down Circles post for my political views if you care. I don't want my blog to be political, and I don't want to be associated with any political party, agenda, perspective or bias. I am 'apolitical' as others are 'amoral'.

But I've seen a tendency on the message boards around the news stories to associate the social and political unrest in Egypt with Muslim extremists called the Islamic Brotherhood, and attempts to link Egypt's troubles to those of Tunisia, Yemen and even Somalia. And although I am loathe to post a political blog entry, I would like to object.

In any religion, Muslim, Christian, pagan - whatever, poverty, corruption, abuse of power and disregard for the needs of the people are not good things. If the people of Egypt were happy and felt like there was hope for their future and their kids, had plenty to eat and were living good lives, and thought they had some input into their destinies, there would be no traction for the Islamic Brotherhood or anyone else to incite the people to the point of overthrowing the government.

Don't blame religion for government's failure! Unhappy people may be inspired by situations in other countries, and may be encouraged by what they see as a successful revolution in Tunisia. But people who are overall happy with life do not riot, rebel and conduct revolutions against the government. Not in Tunisia. Not in Egypt. Not in Western Europe and not in the good old U S of A.

Some US and Western European government officials better be watching and learning!

MIQ #2: Religions

"Be a clone and kiss conviction Good Night! Cloneliness is next to Godliness, Right?"

I promise, this is the last one, but it's time to talk about the God based worldviews. I really should avoid the word religion, so that I avoid the connotation of blindly following a set of rules, rituals, creeds and liturgies while turning the brain off except to condemn anyone who does not do likewise. This is badly implemented religion widely practiced all over the world, in all kinds of cultures and belief systems. This is NOT what I'm talking about.

In addition, I should point out that all worldviews except the default answer have a God. For the materialist, money is God. For the scientist, nature is God. For the humanist, humanity is God, etc.

In religious worldviews, God is presumed to be a higher power that controls human destiny, and is presumed to have a personality, a will, a purpose in and of Himself and for humanity and each human. When a God based worldview says, "God is good", the contention is not that God passes the good vs. evil test and is found to be good. Rather the contention is that God defines what Good is. God IS Good.

Certain God based worldviews like Agnosticism and Theism deviate from the previous paragraph in that they believe that it is either impossible to know God or that God created then moved on, leaving us to do as we please with His creation. Pragmatically speaking, these worldviews are not too different from the abyss. Other God based worldviews assume that God wants man to find Him, know Him and connect with Him.

The character of God varies within the God based worldviews and factions thereof. Some characterize God as absolute, holy, uncompromising and judgmental. They are afraid of Him, and their world revolves around obedience. Others see God as weak, helpless and incompetent which is why they are so zealous to do His job of judging and condemning everyone else. Some see God as Father, Shepherd, Teacher, Helper or Friend, and tend to emphasize trust and faith in any circumstance.

From what I can see, each of the groups mentioned above can be found in any of the major religions. Christianity, Islam and Judaism all contain groups of people who fit into each category above. This is what differentiates a religion from from a worldview.

If I have a certain worldview and choose a religion that lines up with my worldview, I haven't really accomplished anything. I just learn to say the right things, do the right things and feel good about my worldview. Religion becomes my expression of my worldview, and as such serves no purpose at all. I'm just a wind up toy soldier marching blindly forward. From what I can see, this is the vast majority of church members, even church leaders. And it's a real shame.

But finding an expression of God in which I have confidence, and binding myself to that point of view as a wife binds herself to her husband, opening myself to the fullness of that expression and yeilding my own perspective to its presumed higher wisdom, intentionally and with all of my heart is a different thing. This is the context in which a religion qualifies as a worldview.

An expression of God that is a worldview in and of itself, with a more meaningful outcome than the Divide By Zero answer, that is more tangible than the Abyss, more reliable (credible) than science and reaches higher than the pragmatic...Now we're getting closer to 'that than which nothing greater can be conceived.'

MIQ #2: The Pragmatic

"Many times the most obvious answer is also the right answer."

Another whole class of worldviews falls under the heading of The Pragmatic. To me, Humanism, Materialism  and Aestheticism fall into this category. All of these worldviews share a very noble character trait, which is that they sacrifice Destiny for Legacy. In many cases, people who cling to these worldviews are wonderful, caring, giving, beautiful people. These worldviews are very 'earthy', and full of flavor.

Humanists take a lot of crap from the church because they replace God with Humanity. The glory of humanity is the goal, and any one life is only a very small piece of that goal. Self worth and satisfaction in life come from doing everything possible to advance the next generation, build a solid, secure society, care for others and insure the survival and continued growth and development of the human race. Humanity is the important thing, and my contribution to the future of humanity is the legacy that gives my life definition and meaning.

Materialistic people, who derive their self esteem from the power they wield, the fortunes they accumulate and the influence they exert, are less fortunate. They know they can't take it with them, but they can enjoy it while they are here. And even after they have more than they could possibly enjoy, they continue to strive to acquire more. I think that nobody would choose this worldview intentionally, but many are afflicted by it.

Aestheticism is much more interesting to me. The opposite of materialism, aestheticism seeks beauty, and values it above all else. Beauty needs definition, but the connotation of aestheticism is that the whole world is beautiful and this beauty should be acknowledged, exalted and appreciated. Further, each of us has the ability to recreate or originally create beauty, and not to do so is not to live. My legacy is my beautiful life, and the impact I have had on the world in highlighting and preserving its inherent beauty.

I am a very pragmatic person, despite obvious evidence to the contrary in my blog. I admire the pragmatic worldviews because of their obvious impact and effectiveness. I don't want to steal my thunder from my conclusions about choosing a worldview, but the Christian worldview is all of these pragmatic worldviews on steroids. Christianity completes and empowers any of the worldviews mentioned above - even materialism, albeit somewhat conditionally.

I would think, for example, that a true humanist would genuinely appreciate the Destiny offered by the Christian worldview both on an individual basis and concerning all of humanity. My concern with all of the pragmatic worldviews is that they are short sighted and too limited. I can imagine a better, higher purpose for each of the pragmatic worldviews I considered, and see no conflict but only augmentation when aligned with the more esoteric worldviews available to me. I see no necessity in sacrificing Destiny for Legacy.

I want a worldview with a more meaningful outcome than the Divide By Zero answer, that is more tangible than the Abyss, more reliable (credible) than science and reaches higher than the pragmatic.. Now am I asking for too much here?

MIQ #2: The Fantastic

"Believing in something is a different thing than wishing for something."

Just as several worldviews can be combined and categorized as 'the default answer', there is another category of worldviews that I consider The Fantastic. Some of them are scary, some pointless and some pretty neat. Here are two perfect examples of what I'm talking about:

First, there's The Matrix. It made for a great series of movies, and Keanu Reeves is ... well, nevermind. Hopefully you know the movies and the plot.

Second, there is Richard Bach's Illusions. This book promotes (among other things) a worldview whereby we are just experiencing a form of life that's different than any we've lived before. It paints a human as universal, immortal creature that could have taken on any life in one of an infinite number of dimensions, and does so just for the experience of it. Maybe when I'm finished with this life, I'll choose to be a star for a life, or a pretty rich girl, or a cockroach or something in a world that is not space-time related at all. It's all just fun.

These are both good stories, and I have enjoyed them. But they're just fantasies, just expressions of someone's imagination. There is not enough substance behind them to actually believe in it at all.

Most science qualifies as fantastic. When science tries to answer worldview questions, i.e. the nature of everything, the best it can come up with is a plausible theory with a little evidence. Of course scientists give more credence to science than to the mystics like Nostradamus. I tend to be a little skeptical of both. The only clear truth in science is that its understanding of the nature of things changes over time. Obviously the science of 1492 changed when Columbus sailed the waters blue. But science has changed dramatically since the 1970's when hair spray and aerosol deodorant was going to destroy the ozone layer and kill the planet, and carbon dioxide wasn't even on the map.

I don't intend to criticize science, but I don't think I can build my life around its theories either. In my search for a worldview, one thing became pretty clear: If we're going to be able to interact with the nature of everything, or find anything close to the truth, the truth itself is going to have to help. Again, by definition, a worldview cannot have a point of reference outside of itself. The only place that point of reference could come from is the Abyss. The only other choice I can think of is that the worldview itself must reveal itself to us in a way we can comprehend, relate to and trust. If this isn't true, I'm afraid we're stuck with the default answer.

I want a worldview with a more meaningful outcome than the Divide By Zero answer, that is more tangible than the Abyss and more reliable (credible) than science. Am I asking for too much here?

The Jigsaw Puzzle

"First put the puzzle together, then see if you like it. "

Being an Uncle is about the most interesting thing in my life (outside of my head). My brother has seen fit to provide me with a diverse variety of nieces and nephews, some of whom I am close to and some not so much. There are six of them altogether, and sometimes it seems like there are many more than that.

Ranging in age from four years old to twenty-three, my nieces and nephews  provide a basically limitless array of opportunities to study and enjoy the development of human beings. From my perspective, it's a miracle that anyone actually makes that trip, let alone matures to the point that they start the process over again with kids of their own.

At the moment, my brother and Number Three are engaged in a project that comes down to putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Somewhere, hidden in the pieces of the puzzle are resolutions to issues involving transportation, money, inventory control, professional development, and several other components of the family business, their relationship and the process of turning kids (and dads?) into humans.

The benefits available to each of them are obvious, and pretty awesome. All they have to do is put the pieces together. It's just a damn jigsaw puzzle. How hard can it be?

I think it would be easier if each of them would worry less about whether they like the pieces and more about getting the puzzle together correctly.

"Oh, this piece is too big, and I want it to be a different color."

"This piece is shaped strangely. I want it to be more square with one rounded edge."

"I want to put this piece where that one goes. That one is ugly."

"This piece is lopsided, and the indentation on the right is deeper than I prefer."

Who gives a shit!? Just put the pieces together. How's this for a concept: Assemble the pieces in whatever way they fit together, then look at the whole puzzle and see what you get.

Stop bitching, start encouraging. Stop inventing ultimatums, start reaching consensus. Stop looking at the pieces from your own points of view, look at the whole puzzle from the perspective of each other's best interests. Stop finding fault, start respecting each other's strengths. Stop talking and start listening. Neither of you has come as far as you have by being idiots. Why are you doing that now?

My sister in law isn't much help. She's deep down mad at her thirty-something year old brother who isn't worth two shakes of a fat rat's ass, and sleeps on their mom's couch until noon, and contributes nothing, and has no purpose in life at all other than consuming food and producing shit. Rather than go to her mom's house and express her frustration to her shit-machine brother, she's taking her anger out on Number Two and Number Three. She can't seem to grasp the concept that my nephews are not her brother, and shouldn't have to pay for his sins. God. Women. Sometimes I'm glad I'm gay.

OK, Please excuse the vent session. I promise to get back to MIQ #2 Tomorrow. I've already outlined the next couple of posts. That puzzle is much more fun than this one anyway.

MIQ #2: The Default Answer (The Abyss)

"A certain fish swam all over the ocean asking everyone he met if they knew the way to the sea."

There is an unstated property of the Default Answer, Divide by Zero worldview that deserves some special attention. It is the concept of Freedom. If I were to discuss my search for the right worldview with the Divide by Zero worldview, it would teach me that all worldviews are right (and wrong). It doesn't matter which worldview I choose, only that I fully engage whichever one I want to follow. It would teach me that I am free. That I am not bound by any concept, law, doctrine or tradition. It would show me that all of these things actually hold me back, and keep me from experiencing the freedom of thought and mind that the Divide by Zero worldview promotes.

Freedom without boundaries. The Divide by Zero worldview connotes that boundaries and freedom are mutually exclusive, and so long as I try to live within any set of boundaries, I am not free - not in the true sense of the word. The highest form of happiness and perfect peace comes from outgrowing or overriding all boundaries, all pleasures, all sorrow, all pain. I can experience this happiness only through living in the immediate moment all of my life.

Man, that sounds good. I think this is what the serpent in the Garden of Eden sold to Eve. Transcend the boundaries. Be like God. Eat of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and know that neither are important. Be free.

I question whether this kind of freedom is true freedom, or if it is just disorientation. Consider this: A blind man is "free" from seeing any horrible thing. He is free from seeing any beautiful thing too. If you ask a blind man, "What does 'beautiful' look like?" How could he answer the question? He has no frame of reference to evaluate beauty. Is this really Freedom?

If freedom=blindness, I think I do not want to be free. On the contrary, the question, "What does beautiful look like?" is subjective. I think that in my search for a worldview to build my life around, I want to try to find objective, universal answers to questions like, "What does beautiful look like?"

It seems to me that without boundaries, one cannot be free - only lost. Freedom without boundaries is not enlightenment, it is the abyss; the void. Freedom without a frame of reference is not meaningful, beneficial or productive. It is just a delusion.

Freedom comes from knowing and respecting the very boundaries that the Divide by Zero worldview negates. I want to be free - free to perceive and gravitate towards a universal Good, Beautiful, Right, Pure, Wonderful Expression of Everything. I want to be free to be proud of that Center, and live inside of its context. Living there IS Freedom, Meaning, Fulfillment, Identity, and Belonging.

For me, I reject the Divide by Zero, Default Answer worldview on these grounds. I do not want to live in the Abyss. I want to avoid the Void. I can conceive of better than this. I want better.

MIQ #2: The Default Answer (Divide By Zero)

"It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter."

When I was in fourth grade learning my multiplication tables, I had the hardest time understanding why math doesn't allow division by zero. Once I got my mind around it, it reminded me of the one tree in the garden of Eden that Adam and Eve were commanded not to touch. Dividing by zero in math is really the only sin one can commit. One can make many errors. But dividing by zero is more than error. It is indescribable, unthinkable, inconceivable. It is the one place math cannot go. The best word we have to characterize it is 'undefined'. Not even the smartest minds in the world can answer the question, "What is 4 divided by 0?" The answer just does not exist (or it can be whatever you want if you prefer).

There is a worldview that makes perfect sense, that many have accidentally or intentionally embraced, that answers all of life's questions, that relieves all of the pressure of understanding the world, that negates all joy, sorrow, pleasure and pain, and that reduces everything to "the circle of nothing" (i.e. zero).

The shallow expression of this worldview is, "Eat, Drink and Be Merry, for tomorrow we die." Nothing really matters. In the end we're all dead, so "make hay while the sun shines". A more pessimistic version of this worldview is expressed by Robert Penn Warren in All The King's Men: "Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption and he passeth from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud."

The other end of the spectrum is the Buddhist concept of Nirvana: A perfect state of mind that is free from anger, desire and other 'afflicting' states. It is also the "end of the world;" there is no identity left and no boundaries for the mind. In various versions of this worldview, the words 'nothing' and 'everything' mean exactly the same thing. There is no distinction between them at all. Both words connote wholeness, completeness and perfect peace. This is thought of as the highest form of happiness. There is no 'God' per se, (or I could say that everything is God because it means the same thing).

Now, in the process of examining various worldviews, I kept in mind that all worldviews are circular (they depend on themselves), and that my overview study of any particular worldview is not thorough enough to tear it apart. Many people do this with Christianity: They take a version of the gospel suitable for presentation to a group of five year olds and use their college education to rip it to pieces and claim it makes no sense.

I did not make that mistake. I understand that, A) A large portion of the world embraces Buddhism and/or Hinduism, B) There are thousands of years of devout thought and study behind it, C), that I have not studied it enough to criticize its math, and D) there are obvious advantages to looking at life this way. For me to try to poke holes in the either the shallow or the deep versions of these worldviews would serve only to show my ignorance the way most atheists do when they criticize Christianity. I'm not doing that.

On the contrary. I assume that the overview is absolutely sound. I assume that whether I've studied it or not, the math works. I give it the benefit of the doubt, and carte blanche to paint whatever picture of the world it would have me believe. Then I ask myself whether I can conceive of (imagine) anything better. That is the process. That is the methodology I used in choosing my worldview on purpose, rather than accepting the one that was given to my by my parents, my education, my environment and my heritage.

So, here's what I can't get around: If the themes and variations of this worldview are true, then when it comes right down to it, nothing really matters.

I have named this worldview the "Divide by Zero Worldview". To me, it makes sense. But I want better, if I can find it and gain some level of confidence in it. I want things to matter. I want to matter. I want an identity. I want the trials, pleasures and drama to mean something. I want life to matter.

I think I will stop there for now.

MIQ #2, Definitions

"Now, what are we talking about again?"

Well, it seems like I've taken a vacation without intending to. Just life is good (and busy). But I'm anxious to get back to the second MIQ, "Why am I Christian?" Before I go any farther, I want to define some terms:

Worldview: A working theory of everything that provides a context in which life, and specifically my life, happens. Everybody has one, even the most shallow people whose worldview consists of nothing more than their own satisfaction and pleasure and is no larger than 36 inches in any direction from the end of their, well, noses. A worldview is a mental model of reality. A framework of ideas and attitudes about the world, ourselves, and life, a comprehensive system of beliefs.

It is my contention that it is not possible for a human to live without a worldview. We should therefore select a worldview intentionally, rather than accept the one that grows all by itself subject to our environment. Experience will give us a worldview, but there's no reason to think it will give us the right one, the best one or one that is in our best interests. Our worldview forms us and gives us our identity. It's much too mportant to leave to chance. Isn't it reasonable for us to pick a worldview, then conform to that worldview? To view life through that lens? To interact with the world based on the rules and properties of the worldview we choose?

God: The best definition I know of, in that it is the broadest, most basic, yet still complete definition, came from St Anselm. The definition is "That than which nothing greater can be conceived". The original version assumes God to be a being, and I do not. Therefore, I'm not using a biased version propagated by Christianity. I use the term more conceptually. We may explore God as a force, an idea or anything else. So long as we cannot conceive of anything better, we're in bounds to characterize God any way that makes reasonable sense. Maybe a better way to phrase this definition is, "That than which nothing greater can be imagined."

Since all worldviews are circular in nature, we have to let each worldview tell us its story without ripping it apart. Every worldview has a God (at the center of whatever that worldview represents), and is based on that than which nothing greater can be conceived by that worldview.

Destiny: Basically Future with a twist. Future is whatever happens from this point forward in time. Destiny is what happens from this point forward in time AND what it is when it is finished AND what it will have been at the end even from the beginning. Example: The White house was built in 1792. It's future, as it was being built, was to be the place that U.S. Presidents lived and worked. It's Destiny (likely unimaginable in 1792, and still unfolding today) was to be the seat of power for the whole free world.

My contention is that every valid worldview has a destiny except one: The Abyss. The Void. There is no destiny there, because there is nothing there at all. This worldview will be the first one we look at. I think it will be pretty easy to eliminate it as an intentional choice, but it is the Default Answer, in lieu of any other reasonable choice.

Other than that, it is fair game for us to examine the destiny that each worldview claims to offer as part of the process. A worldview with a better destiny will likely make a better choice than a worldview with a less enticing destiny.

OK, we may have to define some more terms as we go, but  this should get us started. Coming next: The Default Answer.

Servant Thoughts

"I want to be wanted, but I need to be needed."

I listened to a devotional this morning on the Servant's Heart. How many of those have I heard over the years? There was a different thought that was presented though, which is basically that a servant is not a slave.

 'Servant' doesn't imply the absence of authority or responsibility. Just because someone is a servant does not mean others should not respect or honor them. Servant in the context of John 13:14 is a term directed at leaders and great men, not monkeys whose life involves doing exactly what they're told without thinking or questioning.

A servant's heart is more concerned with doing whatever is in the best interests of those around him, especially those for whom he is responsible. I know in business, when decisions need to be made that are not cut and dry, or where there is no right answer from a business perspective, sometimes I have used the question, "What is in the best interests of my employees?" to make the decision. Sometimes, the answer to that question is much more clear than the business perspective.

And since it is in their best interests, the people around me would work harder to make my decision work out the best way it could. They put more energy into the decision than they would into a different decision that was not in their best interests. That extra energy can make the difference between a successful decision and a bad one.

So when we get cornfungled, and aren't sure what the next move should be in some situation, perhaps we need to take a look at those around us and ask, "What would be best for them?" or "What would make them happy?" Sometimes it just feels good to make someone else feel good.

And it's OK if others see us as a servant.

OK, Add This to The Creepy-Weird in a Good Way list...

"The Mind of Christ is One Mind."

On Friday, I posted the resolution to MIQ #1, which boils down to, "Call me whatever you want, good or bad. I will find my identity in the name that God gave me, which is 'Son'. Nobody on the planet, preacher or barfly, will devalue that name with condemnation or ridicule or anything else. And I will never question it again." (Scroll down just 2 days to Friday, January 7 to read that post.)

On Sunday, my pastor preached the very same message.

One of the most quoted verses of all time is, "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purposes." I know I've quoted it, thought it, prayed it over various situations and used it as a safety net when things don't work out the way I think they should many, many times in my life.

Why, then, am I always surprised when things work together?

That's so weird it's creepy - in a good way!

The twist is that when I originally thought through the issue with names, it was partially responsible for my exodus from church. If the men of God up there proclaiming His word every week don't get this concept, why am I paying any attention to them anyway?

This week, Pastor Neill used it as a call into what God is doing through the church. A call to freedom in Christ, and through this freedom allowing Him to accomplish whatever He desires and has ordained (my paraphrase), because this is what worship is about!

So the same message, with the opposite impact.

That's so weird it's creepy - in a good way!

But to me, it documents that my thoughts on personal and universal momentum I've been thinking about for 2011 are genuine and legitimate. I am so ready to come out of my shell, stand up and get involved with life on earth again.

Talk about New Beginnings!!

This is going to be a Great Year!

MIQ #2, The More Important Question

"Like cramming a watermelon into a Coke bottle."

As I prepare to get into the second MIQ, "Why am I Christian?", I have to say that I'm excited and a little intimidated. I can't wait to get this part of my mind into written form. I sort of did it once before, as I developed the answer in the first place but it was a mess. My biggest challenge will be to present my thoughts in a coagulated, organized way that someone else has a chance of following, and do it thoroughly and concisely at the same time.

I was raised Christian. I could quote bible verses and stories long before I could read. As an adult, I wanted to know why I believe what I believe, and whether there is any substance to it, or whether I just had it crammed down my throat as a little kid and never considered any other options. The cool part is that Christianity passed my test - at least to my satisfaction. Now I make a humble effort to explain it to everyone else.

In no way do I intend to write a comprehensive, one size fits all, apologetic dissertation. That is work for others who are much more educated and intelligent than I am. (And nobody has come up with a good one yet that I know of.) My intent is much more simplistic. I want to explain why I believe, not necessarily why everyone else should. As I have said, I'm nobody's judge. I'm also nobody's brain.

Another challenge involves the circular nature of any worldview. If you think about it, it has to be this way. A worldview is a working theory of everything. By definition, a worldview cannot have a reference point outside of itself. If it could, it wouldn't be a worldview at all. Christianity, atheism, humanism, all other religions and all non-religious worldviews are circular. Even high school geometry is circular. The first thing we learn about geometry is to postulate the existence of a point and a line, and a concept that the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. There is no proof that these postulates are valid. Yet all higher math depends on them being true. So it is with worldviews in general.

This is one reason we cannot prove the existence of God. If God exists, by definition there is no point of reference outside of God that can be used to independently validate His existence. Since logic offers no possibility of proving a negative, there is no way to prove that God does not exist. We're stuck with reason for better or worse when discussing a worldview, a theory of everything.

Ultimately, acceptance of any worldview is a matter of choice - A matter of decision. This much, I should be able to prove to everyone over the next several dozen (hopefully not) posts. But there also has to be a basis for believing in something other than my opinion of it. I don't want to believe a lie just because it says what I want to hear.

So, here we go. Hopefully I get this done this year. (Just kidding.) But it is a little like trying to cram a watermelon into a coke bottle. Before we can start, we have to define a few terms.

MIQ #1 RESOLVED Forever!

"What's in a name, anyway?"

So the "Why am I gay?" question, which has provided a significant level of frustration for me in the past because I've been taught (wrongly) that it is abominable in God's sight, needs an answer, or at least a resolution. I looked for one, and the more I looked, the bigger the question became and the more frustrated I became with the answers available to me.

And then an event happened in an instant. I could characterize the event as an Epiphany, a fever breaking, the sun bursting through the clouds, an awakening or something similar. But in a certain instant in time, I knew something I did not know in the instant before. Here's what I knew in that instant:

First, I knew that God has many names. We call Him God, but what does that mean? We call Him Faithful, Savior, Provider, Father, Creator, Healer, and a hundred other names. Each of these names describes or connotes some attribute, some manifestation, some characteristic of God. Every one of these names are true.

I knew that I had a name too. I am called Terry. So what? What does that mean? I have many names, just like God. In my case, some of those names are complimentary and I am proud of them. Others are derogatory, and I am not proud of them.

Then I knew that God has only called me one name. God has called me 'His Son'.

And I knew that any other name that I might be called, true or false, good or bad, complimentary or derogatory, is irrelevant; Any other name that I can be called is overshadowed and made insignificant by the name that God called me.  I have only one name that matters, and that name was given to me by the Only One Who Matters. And it is a good name, a name I am proud of, a name that overrides any other name.

And I knew that I would never again allow anyone on this planet to devalue that name or try to take it away from me.

And I knew that I would never again ask, "Why am I gay?", "Why am I half-blind?", "Why am I - any other name - "?

And the game changed. In that instant, life changed for me. Instead of fighting, trying and failing to be worthy or acceptable (or just not offensive) to God, I started thinking in terms of how to honor the name He gave me in every thing I do. I am His son, and I want to be good at being His son in whatever context life places me in; gay, straight, rich, poor, slave, free, leader, follower, teacher, student, almost blind or any other context.

Life is not about all of my names. It is about honoring my Father with everything that I have - my mind, body, sexuality, heart, soul, money, all of my possessions and all of my dreams. Life isn't about not being any number of somethings, it is about being something special, wonderful and exciting.

The question is resolved.

Tough World...

Following is an email I received this morning concerning the ministry in Zambia, Africa I have become involved with. The ministry is called Mufutuli Vineyards. Mufutuli means Savior in their language. More info on the ministry is available at http://www.charlesinafrica.org/ If we ever think we have problems in the U.S. this thinking can easily be corrected by spending a week or two in a 3rd world country like Zambia.

Terry,
Had some bad news from Charles this morning. One of the 2 boys you been sponsoring for school was killed Christmas day. I asked him which one. He said the guys name was Stephen, he was about 20-21 years old and he was in 11th grade. I trying to remember which young man this was?
Charles said no one really knows what happened. Charles called for him to come and fellowship on Christmas and instead he went off drinking with some of his friends and something happened.
Tough world…

Stephen is on the Left

In Zambia, the government pays for school through 8th grade. After that it costs $60 per term (there are 3 terms each year) to continue one's education. Most families cannot afford the tuition, and many others can only afford 1 term per year. That's how they have 21 year old 11th graders.

I never met Stephen. I met Malumbe, the boy on the right. He wants to finish high school then go on to become a doctor and help the people in his part of Zambia. There is virtually no health care available for these people at all now, and HIV/AIDS is far above epidemic levels.

Young people dying in rural Zambia is all too commonplace. A couple of years ago, my brother went there to see about starting the farm, and attended the funeral of an eight year old boy who was killed by a crocodile at the river as he tried to draw out water for his family. His mother stood on the bank and watched helplessly.

We should be thankful for all that we have in this country before we bitch about anything that we feel needs to change. God, please be with Stephen's family.

MIQ #1, Why Am I Gay?

"Sometimes the answer is, 'There is no answer'."

I admit to having trouble with this post. I think it's an important issue to deal with, but not for me. The weird thing is that of the two MIQ's, I spent a whole lot more time and effort on the second one than I did this one. But the second MIQ, "Why am I Christian", was the non-negotiable one. It's the one I wasn't ever willing to change.

If I ask myself, "Why am I too fat?", the answer implies the resolution. I'm too fat because I eat too much and don't exercise enough. The implied course of action is, "Move More, Eat Less." I have not found a valid answer to MIQ #1 that implies a feasible course of action.

But for the record, here are the broad stroke answers I researched and considered:

The religious/moral answer is characterized by words like sin, addiction, perversion, character defect, weakness. Their implied course of action is change the way I think. Make different choices. In extreme cases, these guys even came up with helpful programs to assist in the process. Shock therapy was used on gay guys who were shown pics of naked men and became aroused, then hit with the juice to 'teach' them that this thinking was wrong. Other disincentives like jail, mutilation, excommunication and even execution were and are used to teach society that the homosexual perspective is wrong. All it did was make people lie and be miserable.

The medical/psycho-babble answer is characterized by word like genetic difference, environmental anomalies, chemical imbalances, normal sexual development issues. The implied answer is expand the definition of normal, promote self esteem, accept yourself and distance yourself from those who will not accept you. All is well, there is no problem here. Nothing is wrong. This boils down to, "If you can't fix it, ignore it."

Of course the interaction and conflict between the two groups above, conducted mostly by straight people with no dog in the fight anyway, is pretty intense. They throw rocks at each other constantly, never knowing or caring that I'm caught in the middle.

The more I thought about this issue, the more disillusioned I became with both religion and science. The more I studied this, the more convinced I was that nobody had an answer that implied a resolution. The more I looked into these things, the more isolated, introverted, depressed, lonely and ashamed I became. I tried to walk away from the question completely, just to maintain my sanity. But the issue didn't go away.

Then I found my resolution. An event occurred that resolved the question for me powerfully, completely and instantly. But this post is long enough, so I'll write about it next.