"Septober, Octember, Nowonder, Remember."
Looking back at October, both on my blog and in events in life overall, it seems to have been a very random month. My thoughts have wandered all over the place.
I started the month asking for another September or two, and basically got it. The streak of good weather we;ve enjoyed since exactly Labor Day weekend has continued. It's getting a little colder, but still beautiful. I hope everyone else has been enjoying it as much as I have been.
Hopefully November will prove to be a little more congruent. If October has a typical theme, it is Transition. November's theme is, of course, Thanksgiving. We all have much to be thankful for, and the ritual of doing that intentionally is healthy and beneficial.
November 22 is my one year anniversary of keeping my journal online, and opening it up for the whole internet to read. Of course, the whole internet doesn't read it. But I am amazed and a little humbled at how many people evidently do. My primary objective in doing this online is to keep myself motivated to journal consistently. I have really enjoyed doing this, and have especially enjoyed going back a few months and reading what I wrote then.
The one year mark will be an appropriate time to reevaluate the theme of my blog too. I'm either getting comfortable with the oxymoron or realizing that the paradigm is bogus. I'm going to be thinking about whether to continue the blog, start a new one with a different emphasis or quit doing it altogether. We'll see
As far as momentum (my theme for the year) is concerned, well, I dunno. Maybe this is another opportunity for congruence to replace randomness in the coming weeks. Life is moving along quickly enough. I'm busier than I want to be, and still not doing everything that needs to be done. I am content with momentum's velocity, but I sure wish I could find the steering wheel and make it take me where I want to go.
But I am ready to transition to thankfulness, then to the joy and hope of Christmas. I'm ready to build some fires in the fireplace and hear/play some Christmas music. I'm ready for the time change, and the family without work time of the coming season. Wherevever life goes from here, I'm ready for the trip.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Halloween Is Here. Bah! Humbug!
"I was going to dress as a UT fan, but I can't even pretend to be that miserable."
My understanding is that the gay world has adopted Halloween as Gay Christmas, which makes my "Bah! Humbug!" response absolutely appropriate. As far as I'm concerned, Halloween is irrelevant. But the day after Halloween kicks us into Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. Before long, it will be Christmas shopping season. And since Charity Begins At Home, I'm expecting to buy myself some really nice things - on sale!
I do believe in ghosts. In fact, when 2011 becomes a historical event rather than an ongoing experience, probably the biggest single accomplishment I will be able to quantify is the extent to which I've managed to run off the ghosts in my life. People who died years ago have finally made the transition from part of my life to part of my past.
Halloween is typically associated with evil. And evil is typically associated with scary. I expect that evil, if allowed to fully express itself, is in fact much more scary than any of us want to experience, just as good is more wonderful than any of us can aspire to know. Isn't it amazing that people who will not even entertain the possibility of the existence of God will eagerly embrace the underworld, and the dark forces of universe?
If Halloween has any value, it is in the emphasis it places on the mystic, metaphysical, supernatural part of life. The polarity is usually backwards, but the concept is cool. We need to be reminded that the universe is more than physics, time/space and cause/effect.
Anyway, on a more shallow level, Halloween is an opportunity to put on a mask and a costume and be something that I'm not. So how is that different than church every week or the bars on any day that ends in "y"? I've figured out that the reason I can't seem to relate to people in either context is that I just can't relate to people's masks. It's too much trouble, and there's no substance to it anyway. What's the point?
So, for those of you who are into it, Happy Halloween. I'm going to put on my standard benevolent, bald, middle-aged, fat man costume and cheerfully give candy to kids that have the audacity to knock on my door. Like tax season, it will be over before I know it.
Bah! Humbug!
My understanding is that the gay world has adopted Halloween as Gay Christmas, which makes my "Bah! Humbug!" response absolutely appropriate. As far as I'm concerned, Halloween is irrelevant. But the day after Halloween kicks us into Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. Before long, it will be Christmas shopping season. And since Charity Begins At Home, I'm expecting to buy myself some really nice things - on sale!
I do believe in ghosts. In fact, when 2011 becomes a historical event rather than an ongoing experience, probably the biggest single accomplishment I will be able to quantify is the extent to which I've managed to run off the ghosts in my life. People who died years ago have finally made the transition from part of my life to part of my past.
Halloween is typically associated with evil. And evil is typically associated with scary. I expect that evil, if allowed to fully express itself, is in fact much more scary than any of us want to experience, just as good is more wonderful than any of us can aspire to know. Isn't it amazing that people who will not even entertain the possibility of the existence of God will eagerly embrace the underworld, and the dark forces of universe?
If Halloween has any value, it is in the emphasis it places on the mystic, metaphysical, supernatural part of life. The polarity is usually backwards, but the concept is cool. We need to be reminded that the universe is more than physics, time/space and cause/effect.
Anyway, on a more shallow level, Halloween is an opportunity to put on a mask and a costume and be something that I'm not. So how is that different than church every week or the bars on any day that ends in "y"? I've figured out that the reason I can't seem to relate to people in either context is that I just can't relate to people's masks. It's too much trouble, and there's no substance to it anyway. What's the point?
So, for those of you who are into it, Happy Halloween. I'm going to put on my standard benevolent, bald, middle-aged, fat man costume and cheerfully give candy to kids that have the audacity to knock on my door. Like tax season, it will be over before I know it.
Bah! Humbug!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Tenacity
"Well, Rangers. Dammitt!."
Congrats to the STL Cardinals for winning the World Series and showing us all what tenacity is. I was pulling for the other guys, but I very much respect the 'Never Say Die' attitude demonstrated by the Cards this whole post season. If the Rangers had to lose, I'm glad it was to you guys.
Congrats to the STL Cardinals for winning the World Series and showing us all what tenacity is. I was pulling for the other guys, but I very much respect the 'Never Say Die' attitude demonstrated by the Cards this whole post season. If the Rangers had to lose, I'm glad it was to you guys.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thomas Jefferson Said What?
"There's so much wrong with this picture it's hard to know where to start."
The Backyard Skeptics in Costa Mesa, CA put this billboard up recently. The quote attributed to Thomas Jefferson is dubious. There is no evidence or documentation that he said this, or wrote any letter of any kind to the person this quote is typically associated with. Let's see, does that make it a myth or a fable?
I realize Jefferson was not a Christian. He was a Deist, and as such believed that the world and humanity were created by a Supreme Being or God, intentionally and intelligently. Why a group of Atheists would put anything he said on a billboard is curious. Whatever ambiguities there are about what Jefferson said or didn't say, clearly he was not an atheist, and would not agree with them today. Seems like if atheists are going to go to the expense of putting up billboards, they should at least put one of their own quotes up there rather than quoting someone who obviously disagrees with them.
The quote itself seems to challenge the intellectual integrity of believing in Christ. Fair enough. Sometimes I challenge Christians for the same thing. God gave us brains and He expects us to use them. But since the quote is disingenuous, and blatantly violates the very concept of intellectual integrity, what is their point again? In Christian circles, that is called hypocrisy, and is considered a bad thing.
Whether the quote has anything to do with Jefferson, clearly the guys that put up the billboard believe it, and therefore believe that there is not one redeeming feature of Christianity. Well, they might look a little harder. Shall I see if I can help the poor bastards?
Their own contention is that God is not necessary in order to perceive, desire and do good. The implication is that goodness, mercy, grace, compassion, forgiveness, redemption, destiny and purpose can all be realized within the confines of humanity without adding God to the equation at all. If that's true, then the benefit of escalating these things to the level of Deity should be self evident, shouldn't it? Christianity does this better than any other worldview on the planet. What's their contention again?
Atheists never promote the benefits of atheism. They just criticize the benefits of faith in God. Without the concept of God, there would be no meaning to atheism at all. So their very identity is a benefit to Christianity, isn't it? To say that there is no redeeming value to Christianity is moronic.
Christianity is almost always criticized based on its credibility. It is also subject to criticism based on the way it is expressed through mainstream religion. But almost nobody criticizes it based on the benefits it offers or the concepts it promotes and represents.
So my conclusions about the billboard so proudly displayed by the Backyard Skeptics are as follows:
If indeed the myth is true and the Thomas Jefferson quote is accurate, he was probably drunk at the time and not thinking straight. Overall, the man was not that big of an idiot.
Second, whether or not Christians have any intellectual integrity, the Backyard Skeptics surely don't. Nobody needs Christ more than those who are proud of things they should be ashamed of.
Finally, the whole incident affirms the meaning of California. Just as the literal translation of 'Oklahoma' is 'Land of the Red Man', the literal translation of 'California' is 'Land of Morons With Money'.
The Backyard Skeptics in Costa Mesa, CA put this billboard up recently. The quote attributed to Thomas Jefferson is dubious. There is no evidence or documentation that he said this, or wrote any letter of any kind to the person this quote is typically associated with. Let's see, does that make it a myth or a fable?
The quote itself seems to challenge the intellectual integrity of believing in Christ. Fair enough. Sometimes I challenge Christians for the same thing. God gave us brains and He expects us to use them. But since the quote is disingenuous, and blatantly violates the very concept of intellectual integrity, what is their point again? In Christian circles, that is called hypocrisy, and is considered a bad thing.
Whether the quote has anything to do with Jefferson, clearly the guys that put up the billboard believe it, and therefore believe that there is not one redeeming feature of Christianity. Well, they might look a little harder. Shall I see if I can help the poor bastards?
Their own contention is that God is not necessary in order to perceive, desire and do good. The implication is that goodness, mercy, grace, compassion, forgiveness, redemption, destiny and purpose can all be realized within the confines of humanity without adding God to the equation at all. If that's true, then the benefit of escalating these things to the level of Deity should be self evident, shouldn't it? Christianity does this better than any other worldview on the planet. What's their contention again?
Atheists never promote the benefits of atheism. They just criticize the benefits of faith in God. Without the concept of God, there would be no meaning to atheism at all. So their very identity is a benefit to Christianity, isn't it? To say that there is no redeeming value to Christianity is moronic.
Christianity is almost always criticized based on its credibility. It is also subject to criticism based on the way it is expressed through mainstream religion. But almost nobody criticizes it based on the benefits it offers or the concepts it promotes and represents.
So my conclusions about the billboard so proudly displayed by the Backyard Skeptics are as follows:
If indeed the myth is true and the Thomas Jefferson quote is accurate, he was probably drunk at the time and not thinking straight. Overall, the man was not that big of an idiot.
Second, whether or not Christians have any intellectual integrity, the Backyard Skeptics surely don't. Nobody needs Christ more than those who are proud of things they should be ashamed of.
Finally, the whole incident affirms the meaning of California. Just as the literal translation of 'Oklahoma' is 'Land of the Red Man', the literal translation of 'California' is 'Land of Morons With Money'.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Visitors From Brazil
"I think I want to move there."
Yesterday, we had four guys from Brazil come by and look at our inventory. We've been talking to them for months about buying the engines from an airplane we purchased last June. They waited too long and someone else came up with just a little more money and, well, Cash Is King.
My bro worked with the ones that spoke the best English, and I was able to spend some time with the other two. Thankfully, their English was slightly better than my Portuguese. We talked about sunsets, international travel, food and culture. It was really a fun day once I figured out that they weren't any more interested in aircraft parts than I was.
One of them had just returned from Kenya, so I showed him a pic of me sitting in front of some little store in Zambia. Then I showed him the picture of my bro sitting in front of the same store two years before I was there. We talked about the orphanage in Zambia and why we're involved in it. We talked about all of the different animals he saw on safari (and I saw in my travels too).
That sounds really boring until you realize how much work it was considering the language barrier. It was actually quite entertaining. Never before has someone with whom we have a business relationship come to my work and played 'Charades'. It was really fun when I think I guess the right wild African animal.
I pointed out the nice sunset, and one of them pulled out his IPhone and showed me about 20 sunset pictures from his home town. It's really a neat thing to connect with someone who lives half way around the world and also appreciates a sunset.
I told them about our foreign exchange student from Brazil back in 1984ish. I told them that he didn't like it here. He would only eat peanut butter, and watched TV all the time. After just a few months, he decided to go back home.
They told me about their city, that has McDonald's and Wendy's too. Their City has many immigrants from all over the world, which is something they are very proud of. And he told me that many people from Brazil come to the U.S., but almost always want to go back home and never come back. My experience with the Brazilian student isn't unique, he said, because life is so different there.
Sure there are differences in the food and customs. But the main difference is that in Brazil, they just don't live life at the heart attack pace we live at in America. It is unheard of for a family not to have breakfast together, and about noon, the family gathers for their main meal of the day. They spend from Noon to 3:00 every day eating, resting and spending time together. He thinks the US moves too fast and misses the main things.
And he's absolutely right. And I very much enjoyed talking with these guys. And they bought some stuff and left. And I wish each of them the very best in life.
For a while whenever I get the after lunch sleepy's, I'm gonna think of those guys in Brazil (and a pretty big chunk of Central and South America as I understand it), that are doing just what I want to do, on purpose, with pride and enthusiasm.
Life is very good.
Yesterday, we had four guys from Brazil come by and look at our inventory. We've been talking to them for months about buying the engines from an airplane we purchased last June. They waited too long and someone else came up with just a little more money and, well, Cash Is King.
My bro worked with the ones that spoke the best English, and I was able to spend some time with the other two. Thankfully, their English was slightly better than my Portuguese. We talked about sunsets, international travel, food and culture. It was really a fun day once I figured out that they weren't any more interested in aircraft parts than I was.
One of them had just returned from Kenya, so I showed him a pic of me sitting in front of some little store in Zambia. Then I showed him the picture of my bro sitting in front of the same store two years before I was there. We talked about the orphanage in Zambia and why we're involved in it. We talked about all of the different animals he saw on safari (and I saw in my travels too).
That sounds really boring until you realize how much work it was considering the language barrier. It was actually quite entertaining. Never before has someone with whom we have a business relationship come to my work and played 'Charades'. It was really fun when I think I guess the right wild African animal.
I pointed out the nice sunset, and one of them pulled out his IPhone and showed me about 20 sunset pictures from his home town. It's really a neat thing to connect with someone who lives half way around the world and also appreciates a sunset.
I told them about our foreign exchange student from Brazil back in 1984ish. I told them that he didn't like it here. He would only eat peanut butter, and watched TV all the time. After just a few months, he decided to go back home.
They told me about their city, that has McDonald's and Wendy's too. Their City has many immigrants from all over the world, which is something they are very proud of. And he told me that many people from Brazil come to the U.S., but almost always want to go back home and never come back. My experience with the Brazilian student isn't unique, he said, because life is so different there.
Sure there are differences in the food and customs. But the main difference is that in Brazil, they just don't live life at the heart attack pace we live at in America. It is unheard of for a family not to have breakfast together, and about noon, the family gathers for their main meal of the day. They spend from Noon to 3:00 every day eating, resting and spending time together. He thinks the US moves too fast and misses the main things.
And he's absolutely right. And I very much enjoyed talking with these guys. And they bought some stuff and left. And I wish each of them the very best in life.
For a while whenever I get the after lunch sleepy's, I'm gonna think of those guys in Brazil (and a pretty big chunk of Central and South America as I understand it), that are doing just what I want to do, on purpose, with pride and enthusiasm.
Life is very good.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Bombs Away!
"I feel safer already, don't you?"
The United States is now dismantling the last of the 9 megaton nuclear bombs that have been around since 1962. The B53's, roughly 600 times more powerful than the bomb that was dropped over Hiroshima, have been replaced with smaller, gentler nuclear devices that are merely 75 times stronger than the Hiroshima version. Supposedly the newer models, the B83's, are much more accurate, enabling them to hit targets more precisely while doing less collateral damage.
But for those of you who believe that an overwhelming military is the only way our nation can continue to dominate and intimidate the rest of the world, no worries. We can still destroy the whole world some multiple number of times should the geo-political landscape call for such action. What would be the catalyst for such a thing again?
Personally, the whole nuclear arms race seems like an incredible overreaction to me. Should the world be destroyed only once, it would be sufficient, wouldn't it? Did we ever need to be able to end all life on earth 389 times, just because the old U.S.S.R. could do it 362 times?
Well at least these damn things are gone. I wonder if we've paid for them yet, or if we're still paying interest on the money we borrowed to build them in the first place?
One interesting detail. Evidently the engineers and scientists that originally built these things have long since died or retired, so they really didn't know how to safely dismantle them. They had to do a lot of work on that before they could take the silly things apart. Would it be too much to ask that we not build any more weapons of mass destruction without knowing how to unbuild them at some point in the future when we have more sense?
Hmmm. Now what do we do if we need to destroy an asteroid?
The United States is now dismantling the last of the 9 megaton nuclear bombs that have been around since 1962. The B53's, roughly 600 times more powerful than the bomb that was dropped over Hiroshima, have been replaced with smaller, gentler nuclear devices that are merely 75 times stronger than the Hiroshima version. Supposedly the newer models, the B83's, are much more accurate, enabling them to hit targets more precisely while doing less collateral damage.
 |
| It's not even pretty. |
Personally, the whole nuclear arms race seems like an incredible overreaction to me. Should the world be destroyed only once, it would be sufficient, wouldn't it? Did we ever need to be able to end all life on earth 389 times, just because the old U.S.S.R. could do it 362 times?
Well at least these damn things are gone. I wonder if we've paid for them yet, or if we're still paying interest on the money we borrowed to build them in the first place?
One interesting detail. Evidently the engineers and scientists that originally built these things have long since died or retired, so they really didn't know how to safely dismantle them. They had to do a lot of work on that before they could take the silly things apart. Would it be too much to ask that we not build any more weapons of mass destruction without knowing how to unbuild them at some point in the future when we have more sense?
Hmmm. Now what do we do if we need to destroy an asteroid?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Too Much TV
"My dad used to call it the Idiot Box."
Part of my funk last weekend, which is ongoing but better this week, includes a general lack of interest in things at the moment. Part of it is the realization that despite my fancy words about momentum this year and growth and significance, etc., not much has fundamentally changed since this time last year. Part of it is that my back hurts, which is a result of (among other factors) being too fat. Part of it is looking too hard at what I don't have in life and not appreciating what I do have, what I have accomplished and where I am going.
As I go over these things, I am pretty sure that my funk has developed right alongside and is directly proportional to the amount of TV I've been watching since I switched to U-Verse last month. I guess I thought that if I'm gonna pay this much for TV, I should at least watch it now and then. And I am enjoying the World Series. But it seems like I've developed a routine of working in front of a computer all day, going home and sitting in front of a TV until bedtime. And eating too much, of course.
Mundane routines in life are exactly what saps interest. Doing the same thing every day prohibits real growth. A sedentary lifestyle promotes all kinds of aches and pains - especially back pain, and adds to the 'too fat' equation. And TV is notorious for showing us all of the things life has to offer that we will never have.
So, as my dad would say, it's time for me to get up from in front of that idiot box and do something.
I think I'll take his advice.
Part of my funk last weekend, which is ongoing but better this week, includes a general lack of interest in things at the moment. Part of it is the realization that despite my fancy words about momentum this year and growth and significance, etc., not much has fundamentally changed since this time last year. Part of it is that my back hurts, which is a result of (among other factors) being too fat. Part of it is looking too hard at what I don't have in life and not appreciating what I do have, what I have accomplished and where I am going.
As I go over these things, I am pretty sure that my funk has developed right alongside and is directly proportional to the amount of TV I've been watching since I switched to U-Verse last month. I guess I thought that if I'm gonna pay this much for TV, I should at least watch it now and then. And I am enjoying the World Series. But it seems like I've developed a routine of working in front of a computer all day, going home and sitting in front of a TV until bedtime. And eating too much, of course.
Mundane routines in life are exactly what saps interest. Doing the same thing every day prohibits real growth. A sedentary lifestyle promotes all kinds of aches and pains - especially back pain, and adds to the 'too fat' equation. And TV is notorious for showing us all of the things life has to offer that we will never have.
So, as my dad would say, it's time for me to get up from in front of that idiot box and do something.
I think I'll take his advice.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Tidbits
"The Devil is in the details."
Well, here's a bunch of little, unrelated stuff.
Bob Stoops was asked what happened Saturday as Tech (who?) beat OU. His responded that when he told the team they would have to play a whole game this week because Tech wasn't going to lay down after the first quarter, they misunderstood and thought he said they had to play a Bowl game.
It looks like I'm going to Chicago for St. Patrick's day next March. I'm already excited. I've never really been to Chicago (except to change planes). I went there to train one client, but stayed busy enough working that I didn't get to look around much. I've been a lot of places on business, and it's fun to go back to some of these places as a tourist. I'm going with a friend who has spent a lot of time there, and will be a great tour guide. Is it March yet?
After that, we're talking about going to Costa Rica for a week or two. But who knows if that will happen. Chicago is officially a goal, but Costa Rica is only a dream. We'll see how that plays out over the next few months. I've always wanted to learn Spanish. Maybe the dream (whether it comes true or not) will motivate me to make some progress in that area.
I went to church this morning, and continue to be impressed with it. But after attending there for 18 months now, I still feel like an outsider. I can't tell you the first names of five other people there. I am really impressed by their outreach programs. The programs are neither evangelistic nor activist. They are community service programs aimed at just helping people wherever they are in life. The church runs an HIV/STD testing center, provides mental health counseling, delivers food to homeless communities each week, etc., etc. These things aren't aimed at getting people saved or promoting any homosexual agenda, the programs are just designed to make life a little easier and better for hundreds of people they touch on an ongoing basis. I don't know why I haven't gained any traction there. I very much respect who they are and what they're doing.
Evidently, my church is now on the radar of the Westboro Baptist Church of Terrorists in Kansas. They want our pastor to participate in some debate or something. Of course, it's not a real debate where a fair and open exchange of ideas will be allowed. I would debate any of them if I could see any good coming from it. But my first reaction would be to tell them to fuck off. Debates are a good format for presenting opposing views on a matter to undecided people so that they can make informed decisions. But debates by and for people who have already decided an issue are never productive.
The weather has been simply outstanding since Labor Day. It's supposed to get cold and crappy this week. It needs to, or else a bunch of weirdos from California will start moving here. This weekend in particular was beautiful.
The weather is great, I feel really good since I did some house cleaning a week or so ago, church is good, friendships are good, work is good, life is good. But I've sort of been down this weekend for some reason. I guess it's just been my time of the month. Anyway, that should be over for now and today I intend to get back to enjoying life.
Well, here's a bunch of little, unrelated stuff.
Bob Stoops was asked what happened Saturday as Tech (who?) beat OU. His responded that when he told the team they would have to play a whole game this week because Tech wasn't going to lay down after the first quarter, they misunderstood and thought he said they had to play a Bowl game.
It looks like I'm going to Chicago for St. Patrick's day next March. I'm already excited. I've never really been to Chicago (except to change planes). I went there to train one client, but stayed busy enough working that I didn't get to look around much. I've been a lot of places on business, and it's fun to go back to some of these places as a tourist. I'm going with a friend who has spent a lot of time there, and will be a great tour guide. Is it March yet?
After that, we're talking about going to Costa Rica for a week or two. But who knows if that will happen. Chicago is officially a goal, but Costa Rica is only a dream. We'll see how that plays out over the next few months. I've always wanted to learn Spanish. Maybe the dream (whether it comes true or not) will motivate me to make some progress in that area.
I went to church this morning, and continue to be impressed with it. But after attending there for 18 months now, I still feel like an outsider. I can't tell you the first names of five other people there. I am really impressed by their outreach programs. The programs are neither evangelistic nor activist. They are community service programs aimed at just helping people wherever they are in life. The church runs an HIV/STD testing center, provides mental health counseling, delivers food to homeless communities each week, etc., etc. These things aren't aimed at getting people saved or promoting any homosexual agenda, the programs are just designed to make life a little easier and better for hundreds of people they touch on an ongoing basis. I don't know why I haven't gained any traction there. I very much respect who they are and what they're doing.
Evidently, my church is now on the radar of the Westboro Baptist Church of Terrorists in Kansas. They want our pastor to participate in some debate or something. Of course, it's not a real debate where a fair and open exchange of ideas will be allowed. I would debate any of them if I could see any good coming from it. But my first reaction would be to tell them to fuck off. Debates are a good format for presenting opposing views on a matter to undecided people so that they can make informed decisions. But debates by and for people who have already decided an issue are never productive.
The weather has been simply outstanding since Labor Day. It's supposed to get cold and crappy this week. It needs to, or else a bunch of weirdos from California will start moving here. This weekend in particular was beautiful.
The weather is great, I feel really good since I did some house cleaning a week or so ago, church is good, friendships are good, work is good, life is good. But I've sort of been down this weekend for some reason. I guess it's just been my time of the month. Anyway, that should be over for now and today I intend to get back to enjoying life.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Aspire To Significance
"Don't just survive, Contribute."
If you can't tell, I've been thinking a lot about Nephew #3 of Six, who is currently figuring out why a DUI and possession charges are things to be avoided. He screwed up (though not too much, but enough) and is getting his nose rubbed in it just now. I feel for the kid, but also see the other side.
A DUI is a particularly good example of a principle in life that applies to many situations. A DUI stands all by itself. People who don't know Nephew at all, who have never seen any of his assets and know nothing of his struggles, victories or history, know that he has a DUI on his record. Insurance companies, lawyers, etc., etc. know just this one thing about him, and that one thing stands alone.
So it is when we screw up in life. Our screw ups, be they a DUI or something as simple as oversleeping and missing work, seem to have a way of becoming the lens through which others see us. If we are not careful, they also become the lens through which we see ourselves. This is one of the most destructive principles in life. Nephew is more than the DUI he tripped into last week. It's important for me to recognize that, and it is critical, imperative and crucial that he recognize that himself.
Clearly, a first offense DUI charge is no fun, expensive and humiliating. But it is survivable. Nephew will make it through this experience, of that I have no doubt. But I would like to present the concept that surviving the experience is not the issue. In the shadow of our biggest mistakes in life, we need to intentionally and aggressively do something good in the world around us. There is no time in life when it is more important to contribute something tangible to make the world a better place.
If we do this, then there is immediately another lens available to us (and whoever else will look through it) that tangibly and irrefutably presents a different picture of us than our mistakes present. Obviously, it is invalid to see anyone only in light of their failures (though people do this to each other constantly). But it is up to us, even while the nose rubbing is ongoing, to build the lens, to establish another perspective, through which others can see us and we can see ourselves.
In other words, nephew, find something right now to do that makes a contribution on the good side of life for someone. It doesn't have to be world peace or anything magnificent. It just has to be real, demonstrable and meaningful. Then when you feel bad about your DUI, there will be something on the other side of the equation to make you feel good about yourself, and you will know that you are not defined by your mistakes.
And if anybody else that happens to bump in to my blog is suffering from an identity and self image consisting of your failures and screw ups in life, do something today, and every day for that matter, to counteract that image. The image that I am my failures is a lie, and evidence to the contrary is found in every positive contribution and good thing I add to the world around me.
If you can't tell, I've been thinking a lot about Nephew #3 of Six, who is currently figuring out why a DUI and possession charges are things to be avoided. He screwed up (though not too much, but enough) and is getting his nose rubbed in it just now. I feel for the kid, but also see the other side.
A DUI is a particularly good example of a principle in life that applies to many situations. A DUI stands all by itself. People who don't know Nephew at all, who have never seen any of his assets and know nothing of his struggles, victories or history, know that he has a DUI on his record. Insurance companies, lawyers, etc., etc. know just this one thing about him, and that one thing stands alone.
So it is when we screw up in life. Our screw ups, be they a DUI or something as simple as oversleeping and missing work, seem to have a way of becoming the lens through which others see us. If we are not careful, they also become the lens through which we see ourselves. This is one of the most destructive principles in life. Nephew is more than the DUI he tripped into last week. It's important for me to recognize that, and it is critical, imperative and crucial that he recognize that himself.
Clearly, a first offense DUI charge is no fun, expensive and humiliating. But it is survivable. Nephew will make it through this experience, of that I have no doubt. But I would like to present the concept that surviving the experience is not the issue. In the shadow of our biggest mistakes in life, we need to intentionally and aggressively do something good in the world around us. There is no time in life when it is more important to contribute something tangible to make the world a better place.
If we do this, then there is immediately another lens available to us (and whoever else will look through it) that tangibly and irrefutably presents a different picture of us than our mistakes present. Obviously, it is invalid to see anyone only in light of their failures (though people do this to each other constantly). But it is up to us, even while the nose rubbing is ongoing, to build the lens, to establish another perspective, through which others can see us and we can see ourselves.
In other words, nephew, find something right now to do that makes a contribution on the good side of life for someone. It doesn't have to be world peace or anything magnificent. It just has to be real, demonstrable and meaningful. Then when you feel bad about your DUI, there will be something on the other side of the equation to make you feel good about yourself, and you will know that you are not defined by your mistakes.
And if anybody else that happens to bump in to my blog is suffering from an identity and self image consisting of your failures and screw ups in life, do something today, and every day for that matter, to counteract that image. The image that I am my failures is a lie, and evidence to the contrary is found in every positive contribution and good thing I add to the world around me.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Aspire To Grow
"The three criteria for life are Respiration, Circulation and Ambition."
A pulse proves that our heart is beating, but it doesn't prove that we're alive. Having goals, dreams and a destiny worthy of life is what proves that we are indeed living creatures.
If the things we aspire to have any value, they are by definition going to be hard. And we are by definition going to make mistakes along the way. It's better if we try to avoid stupid mistakes, but we're going to screw up at some point.
And when w screw up, it seems like the whole world is anxious to point out our error. If the government can figure out how to impose a penalty, fine or sanction, it does so enthusiastically. Friends sometimes laugh at us, or push away from us. Family loves to say, "I told you so", and our own conscience rebukes us incessantly.
Our response to these things leads one of two directions.
Either we train our conscience, family and friends to help us accomplish our goals and realize our dreams, pick ourselves up and refocus, reaffirm, regroup and recommit ourselves to the outcome we seek, and experience this natural phenomenon called Growth,
Or we shrug our shoulders, and in the grasp of guilt, we realize that our dreams are unattainable, our goals are out of reach and we're not good enough. We set our goals and dreams aside and conform to others' expectations of us or someone else's image of who we're supposed to be And we experience the unnatural result called Complacency.
I could insert a whole sermon here about where God stands in this particular either/or. But those of you who would be interested in the sermon can write it yourselves. Those would would be offended by it wouldn't read it anyway.
So instead, I just want to be a voice today that encourages each and every person on the planet who feels like they're falling short, failing and bogged down in life to use the re- words above and a hundred others, to pick yourself up and keep pressing on. Don't stop growing, the other choice is dying. Accept your mistakes with humility and don't repeat them, and move on.
Don't be talked out of your destiny. Aspire to grow instead.
A pulse proves that our heart is beating, but it doesn't prove that we're alive. Having goals, dreams and a destiny worthy of life is what proves that we are indeed living creatures.
If the things we aspire to have any value, they are by definition going to be hard. And we are by definition going to make mistakes along the way. It's better if we try to avoid stupid mistakes, but we're going to screw up at some point.
And when w screw up, it seems like the whole world is anxious to point out our error. If the government can figure out how to impose a penalty, fine or sanction, it does so enthusiastically. Friends sometimes laugh at us, or push away from us. Family loves to say, "I told you so", and our own conscience rebukes us incessantly.
Our response to these things leads one of two directions.
Either we train our conscience, family and friends to help us accomplish our goals and realize our dreams, pick ourselves up and refocus, reaffirm, regroup and recommit ourselves to the outcome we seek, and experience this natural phenomenon called Growth,
Or we shrug our shoulders, and in the grasp of guilt, we realize that our dreams are unattainable, our goals are out of reach and we're not good enough. We set our goals and dreams aside and conform to others' expectations of us or someone else's image of who we're supposed to be And we experience the unnatural result called Complacency.
I could insert a whole sermon here about where God stands in this particular either/or. But those of you who would be interested in the sermon can write it yourselves. Those would would be offended by it wouldn't read it anyway.
So instead, I just want to be a voice today that encourages each and every person on the planet who feels like they're falling short, failing and bogged down in life to use the re- words above and a hundred others, to pick yourself up and keep pressing on. Don't stop growing, the other choice is dying. Accept your mistakes with humility and don't repeat them, and move on.
Don't be talked out of your destiny. Aspire to grow instead.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Eat, Pray, Love, Ugh!
"I think I'm the only person I know that didn't like this movie."
I feel so ashamed and bad about myself. Everybody I know has been bugging me to see Eat, Pray, Love. Literally everybody I know loves the movie. I went to a friend's house for the OU - Texas game, and he loaned me his copy of the movie (which I left on his coffee table accidentally). I finally watched the whole thing last night.
What a beating! I was very careful to stay awake through the whole thing so I wouldn't miss anything and be forced to watch it again. If it hadn't been so late when the movie finally ended, I would have dialed up some Charles Bronson movie, or something equally manly.
The weird thing is that I should have loved it too. It's got lots of stuff that I should identify with...a spiritual quest, emotional drama, love and hurt and gurus and people who see with the heart, not just the eyes. The movie discusses concepts that I live for, and avidly seek in my own life. I love Julia Roberts. I should have loved the movie, and I didn't. I'm so bad.
I can't even put my finger on what I didn't like about it. As I sit here trying to think of things that I didn't like, all I can bring to mind are things that I did like - despite not liking the movie at all. I wouldn't feel so bad about myself if I could figure out why I didn't enjoy the damn movie, but the truth is I have no clue.
I would think more about why I didn't like the movie more than I did, except I didn't enjoy the movie enough to think about it that much. Now all of my friends are going to ask what I thought of the movie, and I'm going to say how cute Ian was or how beautiful Bali looks. Comments like that will get me safely out of the conversation, I hope.
For what it's worth, I really wanted to enjoy this movie. Does that count for anything?
I feel so ashamed and bad about myself. Everybody I know has been bugging me to see Eat, Pray, Love. Literally everybody I know loves the movie. I went to a friend's house for the OU - Texas game, and he loaned me his copy of the movie (which I left on his coffee table accidentally). I finally watched the whole thing last night.
What a beating! I was very careful to stay awake through the whole thing so I wouldn't miss anything and be forced to watch it again. If it hadn't been so late when the movie finally ended, I would have dialed up some Charles Bronson movie, or something equally manly.
The weird thing is that I should have loved it too. It's got lots of stuff that I should identify with...a spiritual quest, emotional drama, love and hurt and gurus and people who see with the heart, not just the eyes. The movie discusses concepts that I live for, and avidly seek in my own life. I love Julia Roberts. I should have loved the movie, and I didn't. I'm so bad.
I can't even put my finger on what I didn't like about it. As I sit here trying to think of things that I didn't like, all I can bring to mind are things that I did like - despite not liking the movie at all. I wouldn't feel so bad about myself if I could figure out why I didn't enjoy the damn movie, but the truth is I have no clue.
I would think more about why I didn't like the movie more than I did, except I didn't enjoy the movie enough to think about it that much. Now all of my friends are going to ask what I thought of the movie, and I'm going to say how cute Ian was or how beautiful Bali looks. Comments like that will get me safely out of the conversation, I hope.
For what it's worth, I really wanted to enjoy this movie. Does that count for anything?
Monday, October 17, 2011
First Sulu, Now Spock. What's The Future Coming To?
"i believe in the power of intention to change the landscape of our society - and it is my intention to live an authentic life of compassion and integrity and action." -Zachary Quinto
The new Mr. Spock in the reboot of Star Trek finally, after dodging the question for a long time, came out officially yesterday. Zachary Quinto, motivated by yet another teen suicide of a tormented gay kid mercilessly bullied by his peers, wrote a very classy and moving statement on his website.
The gay world needs role models. Successful people doing things right. Not only does the gay world need high profile, quality people, the straight world needs to see them too. If being gay is not what conservative Christians, Muslims, Rednecks, etc. think it is, it's up to the gay community to show them.
Observing quality role models and authentic examples of people living life right is the only way that the straight community is going to be able to develop any respect for the gay world. Hell, it's the only way those in the gay world are going to develop any meaningful self respect and see their own potential value.
I don't know anything about Zachary Quinto (outside of the Star Trek movie, which I enjoyed greatly, and the fact that he's killer cute with that beard.) But I read his statement, and put part of it at the top of this post.
Look at the power words he is using:
"I Believe". The gay world is famously shallow and self centered, and finding gay guys who believe in anything farther than 18 inches from the end of their ... um ... noses is difficult.
"Intention". The power of intention is the nonreligious and esoteric way to say God.
"Authentic". The opposite of the mask, the antithesis of bullshit. A life lived as an expression of something genuine, meaningful and important. Just reading those words from a gay guy is refreshing.
"Compassion". Reaching out with the power of intention to help others, straight and gay, live better lives.
"Integrity". The opposite of two-faced. Living life on purpose, whether others are looking or not.
"Action". More than lip service.
If Quinto's statement is a well written ploy by his publicist to garner attention, then I applaud his publicist. He's saying just exactly the right things, and the whole world needs to say them too.
But if the statement is a genuine expression of how the guy thinks, feels, acts and believes, then I applaud him wholeheartedly and enthusiastically, and wish him every success and opportunity to give those words substance in the real world, with real people and producing real change.
The new Mr. Spock in the reboot of Star Trek finally, after dodging the question for a long time, came out officially yesterday. Zachary Quinto, motivated by yet another teen suicide of a tormented gay kid mercilessly bullied by his peers, wrote a very classy and moving statement on his website.
Observing quality role models and authentic examples of people living life right is the only way that the straight community is going to be able to develop any respect for the gay world. Hell, it's the only way those in the gay world are going to develop any meaningful self respect and see their own potential value.
I don't know anything about Zachary Quinto (outside of the Star Trek movie, which I enjoyed greatly, and the fact that he's killer cute with that beard.) But I read his statement, and put part of it at the top of this post.
Look at the power words he is using:
"I Believe". The gay world is famously shallow and self centered, and finding gay guys who believe in anything farther than 18 inches from the end of their ... um ... noses is difficult.
"Intention". The power of intention is the nonreligious and esoteric way to say God.
"Authentic". The opposite of the mask, the antithesis of bullshit. A life lived as an expression of something genuine, meaningful and important. Just reading those words from a gay guy is refreshing.
"Compassion". Reaching out with the power of intention to help others, straight and gay, live better lives.
"Integrity". The opposite of two-faced. Living life on purpose, whether others are looking or not.
"Action". More than lip service.
If Quinto's statement is a well written ploy by his publicist to garner attention, then I applaud his publicist. He's saying just exactly the right things, and the whole world needs to say them too.
But if the statement is a genuine expression of how the guy thinks, feels, acts and believes, then I applaud him wholeheartedly and enthusiastically, and wish him every success and opportunity to give those words substance in the real world, with real people and producing real change.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
All Is Well
"Hey, I'm all caught up."
I ended the week Friday at 4:30 by signing our renewal for our line of credit at work. I knew the guy was coming, so I worked to get all of my stuff done before he got there. I realized about fifteen minutes before our appointment that my desk was pretty much cleared off, and that I was, for the first time in months, caught up.
Our collections finally caught up with expenses incurred to produce the sales that led to the collections, so all of the bills are paid. As my desk is the resting place for any piece of paper that no one else in the office wants to deal with, my desk usually contains a collection of crap that I either deal with or throw away. And that's all done for now.
On October 7th, I did some mental/emotional house cleaning and I find my agenda of things to think about is in about the same shape as me desk.
Both at work and outside of work, there are some things on the not too distant horizon that will need my attention. My nephew made me play a no fun game of "Heads or Tails" last week, and an equally unpleasant game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" is inevitable. Rock: When a man's down, kick him. I'm done supporting a lifestyle I fundamentally disagree with. Paper: Give the kid a break. He's young and will make mistakes. The rest of the world will kick him hard enough. Don't add my boot. Scissors: Up to now, I've let him do his own thing with invited advice only and no interference. The interference starts now.
I don't particularly like any of those answers. If anyone has a vote or some advice, I'd love to hear it.
But my thoughts this weekend are about how good it feels to be on top of things again. My house is even clean and my laundry is caught up. I'm in an all too temporary state of being just now where all is in order, and I can really rest.
There are moments in almost every day of 'imposed peace'. These are good times when I intentionally and belligerently push the conflicts, agendas, thought processes and drama away and immerse myself in a peace based on the knowledge that Christ has the whole world in his hands, and that one of the benefits to walking with Him is encapsulated by Philippians 4:6-7:
I ended the week Friday at 4:30 by signing our renewal for our line of credit at work. I knew the guy was coming, so I worked to get all of my stuff done before he got there. I realized about fifteen minutes before our appointment that my desk was pretty much cleared off, and that I was, for the first time in months, caught up.
Our collections finally caught up with expenses incurred to produce the sales that led to the collections, so all of the bills are paid. As my desk is the resting place for any piece of paper that no one else in the office wants to deal with, my desk usually contains a collection of crap that I either deal with or throw away. And that's all done for now.
On October 7th, I did some mental/emotional house cleaning and I find my agenda of things to think about is in about the same shape as me desk.
Both at work and outside of work, there are some things on the not too distant horizon that will need my attention. My nephew made me play a no fun game of "Heads or Tails" last week, and an equally unpleasant game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" is inevitable. Rock: When a man's down, kick him. I'm done supporting a lifestyle I fundamentally disagree with. Paper: Give the kid a break. He's young and will make mistakes. The rest of the world will kick him hard enough. Don't add my boot. Scissors: Up to now, I've let him do his own thing with invited advice only and no interference. The interference starts now.
I don't particularly like any of those answers. If anyone has a vote or some advice, I'd love to hear it.
But my thoughts this weekend are about how good it feels to be on top of things again. My house is even clean and my laundry is caught up. I'm in an all too temporary state of being just now where all is in order, and I can really rest.
There are moments in almost every day of 'imposed peace'. These are good times when I intentionally and belligerently push the conflicts, agendas, thought processes and drama away and immerse myself in a peace based on the knowledge that Christ has the whole world in his hands, and that one of the benefits to walking with Him is encapsulated by Philippians 4:6-7:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.But I also enjoy times like now when the world is right, all is well and life is good all by itself, without being enforced by faith or held on to by reaching outside of myself.
Friday, October 14, 2011
So, What's Up?
"No, I don't want to know what you're doing, I wanna know What Is Up?"
It's easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house, and some guys fix UP the old car.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP. Just as I'm getting all wound UP it's time to shut UP!
Now it's UP to you to decide, "What's UP?"
[Editor's Note: This is the first time I've ever plagiarized anything on my blog, but I thought it was funny. I actually adapted it from an email someone sent me. Sorry, I promise not to do it again.]
It's easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house, and some guys fix UP the old car.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP. Just as I'm getting all wound UP it's time to shut UP!
Now it's UP to you to decide, "What's UP?"
[Editor's Note: This is the first time I've ever plagiarized anything on my blog, but I thought it was funny. I actually adapted it from an email someone sent me. Sorry, I promise not to do it again.]
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Well, CRAP!
"I really hoped I wouldn't have to write a post like this."
My Nephew #3 of Six is driving around Bethany last night around 2 AM and gets pulled over and cited for improper lane use. The Cop found he had been drinking alcohol and since he is 3 months shy of his 21st birthday and subject to the zero tolerance policy, charged him with DUI. The Cop also found marijuana residue and a pipe in his truck, so there's a possession charge and a charge for drug paraphernalia. The Cop didn't find insurance verification in his truck, so he wrote a ticket for that too.
And, of course, my bro is out of town and can't deal with it, so I (using bro's money) paid the fines and got Nephew out. His truck is still there. The fines added up to $3,050 + $42 for the privilege of spending the night in Bethany, Oklahoma's new jail.
Like every good coin, this story has two sides. Let's play heads or tails.
HEADS
Nephew was obviously up to no good. Nothing good is going on at 2 AM. He had been drinking and is not 21 yet. The zero tolerance policy exists for a reason. If he wasn't high at the time, he had been. He has been warned, lectured, threatened, taught, and didn't listen. He got caught red handed, and must now face the charges. The last thing any civilized society needs is some dumb-ass 20 year old kid driving around drunk and high. Innocent people die because of this, and the punishment is severe and justified. Nephew knows better than to behave this way, and did it anyway. The cop threw the book at him and should be applauded for his handling of the situation.
TAILS
The test showed his blood alcohol level to be .06. For someone three months older,this would be considered under the limit, and no DUI charge would have been filed. He was drinking, but barely. The pot residue they found was less than a gram, basically insignificant. The cop told him that if he had been 21, there wouldn't be enough here for a ticket. He has insurance but the cop wouldn't let him go find it. Nephew was wrong, but not very wrong, and the aggressive charges are not a result of his actions so much as the result of overenthusiastic law enforcement by a typical small hick town cop, supported by a municipal government that is just as belligerent and parasitic.
So? Heads or Tails? I can go either direction.
Heads is obvious. Nephew lives with me, and it's been a long standing question as to whether I'm helping him get on his feet and establish himself as an adult in society, or whether I'm enabling this kind of behavior that he probably couldn't afford if he had to go get his own apartment, pay utility bills, etc. etc.
On the Tails side, I grew up in Bethany and hate it. I don't even drive through it if I have a choice, and refuse to spend money there. It is a hick town, run by the Nazarenes and Baptists who elect Sally Kern, Oklahoma's consistent national embarrassment, to the state senate over and over. It's a terrible place to live, and the cops there are only different than the thugs because they have badges (I never got cross threaded with them, but they even treat honest, law abiding people badly). As far as I'm concerned, the world would be a better place without Bethany, Oklahoma.
The Truth, as usual, is probably somewhere in the middle.
My question, and I'm fighting being mad over it, is why I have to play heads and tails in this case. I try to live my life in a way that avoids this kind of dilemma. I don't drink and drive, and I know places like Bethany are crawling with government sanctioned thieves called policemen. (If they were real policemen, they'd do something about crime in their city. They pick on 20 year old kids, but real criminals flock to the place like flies to dog shit.)
One of the benefits to living a clean life within the boundaries is not having to ponder situations like this. The whole thing makes me feel dirty and sick. I feel like I have to negotiate or be caught between two perspectives that I can't stand. I find the whole paradigm distasteful, and want to get away from it. And here I am blogging about it.
My Nephew #3 of Six is driving around Bethany last night around 2 AM and gets pulled over and cited for improper lane use. The Cop found he had been drinking alcohol and since he is 3 months shy of his 21st birthday and subject to the zero tolerance policy, charged him with DUI. The Cop also found marijuana residue and a pipe in his truck, so there's a possession charge and a charge for drug paraphernalia. The Cop didn't find insurance verification in his truck, so he wrote a ticket for that too.
And, of course, my bro is out of town and can't deal with it, so I (using bro's money) paid the fines and got Nephew out. His truck is still there. The fines added up to $3,050 + $42 for the privilege of spending the night in Bethany, Oklahoma's new jail.
Like every good coin, this story has two sides. Let's play heads or tails.
HEADS
Nephew was obviously up to no good. Nothing good is going on at 2 AM. He had been drinking and is not 21 yet. The zero tolerance policy exists for a reason. If he wasn't high at the time, he had been. He has been warned, lectured, threatened, taught, and didn't listen. He got caught red handed, and must now face the charges. The last thing any civilized society needs is some dumb-ass 20 year old kid driving around drunk and high. Innocent people die because of this, and the punishment is severe and justified. Nephew knows better than to behave this way, and did it anyway. The cop threw the book at him and should be applauded for his handling of the situation.
TAILS
The test showed his blood alcohol level to be .06. For someone three months older,this would be considered under the limit, and no DUI charge would have been filed. He was drinking, but barely. The pot residue they found was less than a gram, basically insignificant. The cop told him that if he had been 21, there wouldn't be enough here for a ticket. He has insurance but the cop wouldn't let him go find it. Nephew was wrong, but not very wrong, and the aggressive charges are not a result of his actions so much as the result of overenthusiastic law enforcement by a typical small hick town cop, supported by a municipal government that is just as belligerent and parasitic.
So? Heads or Tails? I can go either direction.
Heads is obvious. Nephew lives with me, and it's been a long standing question as to whether I'm helping him get on his feet and establish himself as an adult in society, or whether I'm enabling this kind of behavior that he probably couldn't afford if he had to go get his own apartment, pay utility bills, etc. etc.
On the Tails side, I grew up in Bethany and hate it. I don't even drive through it if I have a choice, and refuse to spend money there. It is a hick town, run by the Nazarenes and Baptists who elect Sally Kern, Oklahoma's consistent national embarrassment, to the state senate over and over. It's a terrible place to live, and the cops there are only different than the thugs because they have badges (I never got cross threaded with them, but they even treat honest, law abiding people badly). As far as I'm concerned, the world would be a better place without Bethany, Oklahoma.
The Truth, as usual, is probably somewhere in the middle.
My question, and I'm fighting being mad over it, is why I have to play heads and tails in this case. I try to live my life in a way that avoids this kind of dilemma. I don't drink and drive, and I know places like Bethany are crawling with government sanctioned thieves called policemen. (If they were real policemen, they'd do something about crime in their city. They pick on 20 year old kids, but real criminals flock to the place like flies to dog shit.)
One of the benefits to living a clean life within the boundaries is not having to ponder situations like this. The whole thing makes me feel dirty and sick. I feel like I have to negotiate or be caught between two perspectives that I can't stand. I find the whole paradigm distasteful, and want to get away from it. And here I am blogging about it.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Another Beautiful Morning
"How can I get paid for this?"
If there is a theme to my blog, and I'm not sure there is or that the overall tenor of my blog represents it, I want that theme to be digging through my days, finding something beautiful, worthy of praise, pure, right, honorable or just something I am proud of and highlight that thing. I love doing this. I wish I could figure out how to get paid for it.
But then it wouldn't be worship, would it?
Anyway, today's winner is (once again) the beautiful beyond description morning hot tub and coffee time I enjoyed so much. The air is cool and wet, the trees and yard are beautiful, the morning sun is both stimulating and extremely peaceful. What a great way to start a day. How does anyone live without a hot tub?
And as I soaked in the hot water and soaked up the beautiful morning, I remembered one of my favorite songs from the distant past:
I love the morning, I love good things, I love beauty and I love God, the source of it all and the one who opens my eyes so I can see it. The ugly shit in life finds its way into my field of vision all by itself. But the beauty in life is so hard for a blind, stupid guy like me to see and perceive. It's so great to have a Guide, a Helper, a Faithful Friend and Teacher. And, oh yeah, he's the absolute sovereign Lord of it all too.
Some people hate Him because they don't know better, Others fear Him terribly (and sometimes rightfully so). I'm excited, proud and thankful.
If there is a theme to my blog, and I'm not sure there is or that the overall tenor of my blog represents it, I want that theme to be digging through my days, finding something beautiful, worthy of praise, pure, right, honorable or just something I am proud of and highlight that thing. I love doing this. I wish I could figure out how to get paid for it.
But then it wouldn't be worship, would it?
Anyway, today's winner is (once again) the beautiful beyond description morning hot tub and coffee time I enjoyed so much. The air is cool and wet, the trees and yard are beautiful, the morning sun is both stimulating and extremely peaceful. What a great way to start a day. How does anyone live without a hot tub?
And as I soaked in the hot water and soaked up the beautiful morning, I remembered one of my favorite songs from the distant past:
The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice,
Let the hills sing for joy,
Let the forests lift their hands to Him
And the people hear His voice.
The Lord reigns, let the nations know
He's exalted on cherubim,
Let the earth quake,
For the Lord is great,
He's exalted over them.
Call all the people to praise His name,
To bow down at His footstool and pray.
The holy God and a mighty King
We will hear Him and not turn away.
I love the morning, I love good things, I love beauty and I love God, the source of it all and the one who opens my eyes so I can see it. The ugly shit in life finds its way into my field of vision all by itself. But the beauty in life is so hard for a blind, stupid guy like me to see and perceive. It's so great to have a Guide, a Helper, a Faithful Friend and Teacher. And, oh yeah, he's the absolute sovereign Lord of it all too.
Some people hate Him because they don't know better, Others fear Him terribly (and sometimes rightfully so). I'm excited, proud and thankful.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
11th Inning, Grand Slam, Walk Off Home Run
"Ooh! Ooh! I want one! I want one!"
Last night he Texas Rangers prevailed over the Detroit Tigers in game 2 of the ALCS with a home run from Nelson Cruz. He popped one over the left field wall to end the game, in the 11th inning with the bases loaded. The crammed stadium erupted. It was a beautiful sight. He hit the first walk off grand slam home run in post season baseball ever.
There's a story behind it. Cruz has been a fantastic player for a while, and is no stranger to the Home Run Trot. But he spent time on the disabled list earlier this year, and hasn't really been doing much since his return. His batting average was something like .168 since returning from the DL. Saturday night he hit his first home run. Then last night he homered in the 7th to tie the score. The grand slam in the 11th, in addition to making baseball history, says to the whole world that he's back.
Moments like this are what baseball players live for - Major League and Little League players alike. It was cool to watch, I've had a few moments like this in my life in various paradigms. I know its an awesome feeling and a great day for Cruz.
But he didn't load the bases, the rest of the team did that. And, although I didn't see the whole game, I'm pretty sure that Ian Kinsler or Michael Young made a brilliant infield play or two that saved a run and extended the game to the 11th. Baseball is a team sport with plenty of opportunities for each player to shine like Cruz did last night.
Such is life and business and family and about every other important thing. I love being on a team, taking my turn in the bright lights now and then and enjoying my teammates when its their turn too.
It was just a really inspiring thing to watch it all come together last night.
Last night he Texas Rangers prevailed over the Detroit Tigers in game 2 of the ALCS with a home run from Nelson Cruz. He popped one over the left field wall to end the game, in the 11th inning with the bases loaded. The crammed stadium erupted. It was a beautiful sight. He hit the first walk off grand slam home run in post season baseball ever.
There's a story behind it. Cruz has been a fantastic player for a while, and is no stranger to the Home Run Trot. But he spent time on the disabled list earlier this year, and hasn't really been doing much since his return. His batting average was something like .168 since returning from the DL. Saturday night he hit his first home run. Then last night he homered in the 7th to tie the score. The grand slam in the 11th, in addition to making baseball history, says to the whole world that he's back.
Moments like this are what baseball players live for - Major League and Little League players alike. It was cool to watch, I've had a few moments like this in my life in various paradigms. I know its an awesome feeling and a great day for Cruz.
But he didn't load the bases, the rest of the team did that. And, although I didn't see the whole game, I'm pretty sure that Ian Kinsler or Michael Young made a brilliant infield play or two that saved a run and extended the game to the 11th. Baseball is a team sport with plenty of opportunities for each player to shine like Cruz did last night.
Such is life and business and family and about every other important thing. I love being on a team, taking my turn in the bright lights now and then and enjoying my teammates when its their turn too.
It was just a really inspiring thing to watch it all come together last night.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Grate Wall Of Fire
"A roaring fire in the fireplace is the biggest asset winter brings."
I know, it's not winter. This was just a trial run. I love a roaring fire. My preference is a campfire, but I'll take a candle if that's all I can get. I have a fireplace in my house that is the exact thing a fireplace shouldn't be. It's a huge masonry fireplace, 36 inches deep and 30 inches wide. And a traditional fire creates a strong updraft that pulls every bit of heat out of the house and pushes it right up the chimney.
Now what do I do with that? For the past five years, I've only used the fireplace when (like today) it's a little chilly, but not cold enough for the heater. Once the furnace goes on, I forget I have a fireplace and use lots of candles. I've been looking for a better solution, but damn.
A fireplace insert costs $3-6,000, and takes away the whole benefit of a roaring fire from my perspective. I want a heart warming, soothing fire, not a wood stove. I don't have natural gas in my house (thank God), so gas logs aren't an option. Propane logs and a propane tank outside on the back of the fireplace would work, but I can't find anyone to put that all together - and I'm not smart enough.
Well, whether it's a pig in a poke or a sincere solution, I found a company in Connecticut called Grate Wall of Fire who redesigned the fireplace grate to solve exactly my problem. I researched it as much as I could, and found a plethora of college educated morons who listed probably a thousand reasons why this thing wouldn't work but never used it. I found about 3 people who bought it and loved it. I couldn't find anyone who tried it and didn't like it. So I bought one. I love it.
I can't yet comment on whether it helps much with heat, but I can say that last night I enjoyed the most wonderful fire I've had in my fireplace since I moved here. And, other than adding a log to it now and then, I haven't had to touch it since I started it. And the fire, with the ongoing sound of rain coming from the open back door, a glass of wine and Romantic period Piano music playing on Pandora, made for a really great evening.
If this is what I'm in store for this winter, Bring It.
I know, it's not winter. This was just a trial run. I love a roaring fire. My preference is a campfire, but I'll take a candle if that's all I can get. I have a fireplace in my house that is the exact thing a fireplace shouldn't be. It's a huge masonry fireplace, 36 inches deep and 30 inches wide. And a traditional fire creates a strong updraft that pulls every bit of heat out of the house and pushes it right up the chimney.
Now what do I do with that? For the past five years, I've only used the fireplace when (like today) it's a little chilly, but not cold enough for the heater. Once the furnace goes on, I forget I have a fireplace and use lots of candles. I've been looking for a better solution, but damn.
A fireplace insert costs $3-6,000, and takes away the whole benefit of a roaring fire from my perspective. I want a heart warming, soothing fire, not a wood stove. I don't have natural gas in my house (thank God), so gas logs aren't an option. Propane logs and a propane tank outside on the back of the fireplace would work, but I can't find anyone to put that all together - and I'm not smart enough.
Well, whether it's a pig in a poke or a sincere solution, I found a company in Connecticut called Grate Wall of Fire who redesigned the fireplace grate to solve exactly my problem. I researched it as much as I could, and found a plethora of college educated morons who listed probably a thousand reasons why this thing wouldn't work but never used it. I found about 3 people who bought it and loved it. I couldn't find anyone who tried it and didn't like it. So I bought one. I love it.
I can't yet comment on whether it helps much with heat, but I can say that last night I enjoyed the most wonderful fire I've had in my fireplace since I moved here. And, other than adding a log to it now and then, I haven't had to touch it since I started it. And the fire, with the ongoing sound of rain coming from the open back door, a glass of wine and Romantic period Piano music playing on Pandora, made for a really great evening.
If this is what I'm in store for this winter, Bring It.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Some People Walk In The Rain, Others Just Get Wet
"The Sooners walked, the Longhorns ?"
OK, So it wasn't raining at the Cotton Bowl yesterday, but the Sooners walked tall. The Longhorn fans walked too - away from the Red River Massacre to the corn dog stands at the Texas State Fair. With one notable, beautiful exception, I love seeing Longhorn fans in dismay. Sometimes it makes me think there is some actual value to football. And we all get to see it again next week when the other Oklahoma team (who are they again?) goes to Austin and gnaws on the carcass. Hey, maybe I could go sell corn dogs in the parking lot.
It didn't rain at the Cotton Bowl, but it rained and rained and rained here - and more is on the way. As for me, I solemnly swear that I will never again bitch about rain. We got exactly what we needed in a soaking, steady rain that lasted for hours. And it was widespread enough such that some parts of the world that have really been suffering from the drought got some real relief.
Sometimes rain is associated with depression. What could describe depression more accurately than the 186th consecutive rainy, gloomy, dreary day? Sometimes rain is associated with total destruction and devastation like Noah's flood. Rain also represents cleansing, providence, the end of hopelessness or the lifting of a siege, unity (rain falls on the just and unjust alike), difficulty (everything is harder to do in the rain) or something to look forward to (the latter rain). In literature and thought, rain represents lots of different things.
Contrast that to a rainbow, which always represents hope and promise fulfilled. Sunshine always represents happiness, life, clarity, etc. The starry sky always represents grandeur, mystery, vast expanse of things left to be discovered and known. Rain represents lots of conflicting emotions and circumstances.
Did I mention that the Sooners only needed the defense to beat the Longhorns yesterday? The three defensive touchdowns were enough to compensate for UT's offensive endeavors. OU would have won 21-17 without any offensive success at all. But we're talking about rain not football.
Clearly, our impressions of rain depend on our perspective. In Christianity, rain represents the presence and anointing of God in our lives, not conceptually or historically, but right here, right now. And yet there is so much resistance to God in our culture, just like some don't like the rain.
I can write books on the benefits God offers. It is easy for me to see the perspective that every Oklahoman feels today about rain. But I don't get the benefits of living life without God any more than I see a benefit to living life without rain. Believing in God is a choice with benefits. Not believing in God is ... what? ... a choice without benefits?
OK, So it wasn't raining at the Cotton Bowl yesterday, but the Sooners walked tall. The Longhorn fans walked too - away from the Red River Massacre to the corn dog stands at the Texas State Fair. With one notable, beautiful exception, I love seeing Longhorn fans in dismay. Sometimes it makes me think there is some actual value to football. And we all get to see it again next week when the other Oklahoma team (who are they again?) goes to Austin and gnaws on the carcass. Hey, maybe I could go sell corn dogs in the parking lot.
It didn't rain at the Cotton Bowl, but it rained and rained and rained here - and more is on the way. As for me, I solemnly swear that I will never again bitch about rain. We got exactly what we needed in a soaking, steady rain that lasted for hours. And it was widespread enough such that some parts of the world that have really been suffering from the drought got some real relief.
Sometimes rain is associated with depression. What could describe depression more accurately than the 186th consecutive rainy, gloomy, dreary day? Sometimes rain is associated with total destruction and devastation like Noah's flood. Rain also represents cleansing, providence, the end of hopelessness or the lifting of a siege, unity (rain falls on the just and unjust alike), difficulty (everything is harder to do in the rain) or something to look forward to (the latter rain). In literature and thought, rain represents lots of different things.
Contrast that to a rainbow, which always represents hope and promise fulfilled. Sunshine always represents happiness, life, clarity, etc. The starry sky always represents grandeur, mystery, vast expanse of things left to be discovered and known. Rain represents lots of conflicting emotions and circumstances.
Did I mention that the Sooners only needed the defense to beat the Longhorns yesterday? The three defensive touchdowns were enough to compensate for UT's offensive endeavors. OU would have won 21-17 without any offensive success at all. But we're talking about rain not football.
Clearly, our impressions of rain depend on our perspective. In Christianity, rain represents the presence and anointing of God in our lives, not conceptually or historically, but right here, right now. And yet there is so much resistance to God in our culture, just like some don't like the rain.
I can write books on the benefits God offers. It is easy for me to see the perspective that every Oklahoman feels today about rain. But I don't get the benefits of living life without God any more than I see a benefit to living life without rain. Believing in God is a choice with benefits. Not believing in God is ... what? ... a choice without benefits?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A Tax That Might Actually Be Fair
"Oh No! Obama and Pelosi wanna tax my welfare check!"
There is a certain kind of tax gaining ground (evidently) in Europe that has received a lot of chatter in the U.S. lately from email panic mongers and Obama haters. The tax is a 'financial transaction fee' and has been rolled out as a 1% fee on deposits (income), withdrawals (payments) and intangible transactions (moving money around to avoid income tax).
Basically, the bill wants 2% of every dollar moved in the U.S. economy, including real estate transfers, stock and precious metal transactions, etc.
The idea was originally proposed in 2005 and has never (including this year) made it out of committee in Congress. Folks, it ain't gonna happen. Neither Obama nor Polesi nor anyone else we've ever heard of has anything to do with it. Any discussion about it's potential advantages or drawbacks is entirely esoteric. People with a lot of money obviously hate the concept, and all they have to do to gain overwhelming popular support is point out that welfare recipients, social security recipients and churches will be taxed and the uproar is deafening.
But let's look a little closer at the concept and see if we can find any redeeming value in it.
First, it is a asset based tax and an income based tax. People with more money will disproportionally pay more taxes. The average paycheck to paycheck guy is going to pay 2% (1% when he deposits his paycheck and 1% when he spends it). That sounds awful until you take into account that the fee replaces individual income taxes a detail always omitted by the hate everything email spammers.
Middle class America would pay a little more because they are taxed on money coming in and money going out just like paycheck to paycheck guy. But they are also taxed 2% on credit card purchases (1% to use the credit card and 1% to pay it), House and car payments would increase by 2% too. Transferring money (the asset based part of the tax) from checking to savings or a brokerage account would also incur the 2% tax (1% for taking money out of checking, 1% for the deposit to savings). Finally, they would pay the 2% tax when buying stocks (1% to buy, 1% to sell).
People with a whole lot of assets that move these assets around a lot will pay through the ass. 2% every time they make a financial move of any kind.
Since business don't pay taxes (customers pay taxes), we would see an instant, automatic 2% price increase on everything across the board (which adds to the 2% tax). But we would get rid of income tax altogether. It would be a good trade.
Personally, I'm in. I think that if the fee was implemented without prejudice, exemption, exception or negotiation across the board, and the fee would replace income tax altogether with no possibility of revival ever, it would be a great way to reorganize taxes. The real losers would be the trust fund brats that don't work for their money anyway and financial services companies that are little more than parasites in my opinion.
There is a certain kind of tax gaining ground (evidently) in Europe that has received a lot of chatter in the U.S. lately from email panic mongers and Obama haters. The tax is a 'financial transaction fee' and has been rolled out as a 1% fee on deposits (income), withdrawals (payments) and intangible transactions (moving money around to avoid income tax).
Basically, the bill wants 2% of every dollar moved in the U.S. economy, including real estate transfers, stock and precious metal transactions, etc.
The idea was originally proposed in 2005 and has never (including this year) made it out of committee in Congress. Folks, it ain't gonna happen. Neither Obama nor Polesi nor anyone else we've ever heard of has anything to do with it. Any discussion about it's potential advantages or drawbacks is entirely esoteric. People with a lot of money obviously hate the concept, and all they have to do to gain overwhelming popular support is point out that welfare recipients, social security recipients and churches will be taxed and the uproar is deafening.
But let's look a little closer at the concept and see if we can find any redeeming value in it.
First, it is a asset based tax and an income based tax. People with more money will disproportionally pay more taxes. The average paycheck to paycheck guy is going to pay 2% (1% when he deposits his paycheck and 1% when he spends it). That sounds awful until you take into account that the fee replaces individual income taxes a detail always omitted by the hate everything email spammers.
Middle class America would pay a little more because they are taxed on money coming in and money going out just like paycheck to paycheck guy. But they are also taxed 2% on credit card purchases (1% to use the credit card and 1% to pay it), House and car payments would increase by 2% too. Transferring money (the asset based part of the tax) from checking to savings or a brokerage account would also incur the 2% tax (1% for taking money out of checking, 1% for the deposit to savings). Finally, they would pay the 2% tax when buying stocks (1% to buy, 1% to sell).
People with a whole lot of assets that move these assets around a lot will pay through the ass. 2% every time they make a financial move of any kind.
Since business don't pay taxes (customers pay taxes), we would see an instant, automatic 2% price increase on everything across the board (which adds to the 2% tax). But we would get rid of income tax altogether. It would be a good trade.
Personally, I'm in. I think that if the fee was implemented without prejudice, exemption, exception or negotiation across the board, and the fee would replace income tax altogether with no possibility of revival ever, it would be a great way to reorganize taxes. The real losers would be the trust fund brats that don't work for their money anyway and financial services companies that are little more than parasites in my opinion.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Cleaning House
"No More Thinking In Circles."
One of my weaknesses in thinking things through is allowing myself to get tangled up in a mental circle jerk. Thinking about A leads to B leads to F leads back to A and the circle continues until I get so dizzy I abandon the process. I decided a few years ago not to allow that to happen anymore. Break the circle (it doesn't go anywhere anyway) at any cost. Just clean house.
So, I'm cleaning house today as follows:
Concerning Boundaries, I think my boundaries in life are fine for now. Yes, they define me to some extent. And they exist on purpose. I'm willing to negotiate their placement or existence but only upon the arrival of some new information or reason to do so. I like who I am, and have no intention of losing myself like I've seen so many others do in the past.
Concerning Goals and Dreams which dictate boundaries, I am content. I generally believe that goals should be feasible and dreams should not be. I think feasibility is one thing that separates goals from dreams. I want what I want, and am not particularly ready to compromise. I'd rather do without. And, outside of the feasibility argument, what I want is good.
Concerning Cynicism, aka "The Shark In The Water", I am again convinced that cynicism has no actual value in the human persona. There is no benefit to questioning someone's motives in life. If their character is not what it appears to be, that will come out over time. But to assume up front that this is the case automatically negates the possibility that things are on the up and up. A cynical attitude is a defensive weapon, but it defends against friend and foe alike, so it's value is zero. The same applies to bitterness, anger, jealousy and other widely acclaimed character traits that I choose not to incubate in my life.
Concerning Indifference, I am a sensitive, passionate person. I am not apathetic or indifferent. I cannot say, "I don't care." Not only is it a lie, in my opinion apathy destroys everything. No relationship of any kind can survive it's attack. Here's what I can say: "I care, but that situation is beyond my reach, outside of my circle." Once a situation is outside of my heliosphere, it doesn't really matter how far outside, in which direction, how fast it is moving or where it is headed. Out is out. That's it.
Concerning Being Good Enough, nobody is good enough. I just want to be.
Concerning Momentum There is a question as to whether Momentum serves me by bringing me closer to my desires or whether it carries me where it decides and I either go willingly or stressfully. I think probably the latter is closer to the truth. Momentum is not my servant. Instead, I am its passenger. At the moment, momentum seems to be taking me farther than I have been in years from all things gay. This saddens me a little, but I also know that I have not found anyplace in the gay world to really land and stake a claim anyway. So even if it takes me away altogether, I haven't suffered any actual loss, only loss of anticipated progress.
Part of the advantage to cleaning house is that I can be more sensitive and responsive to the call and motion of momentum. As such, it's all good and I am content. May the momentum continue and continue to increase.
One of my weaknesses in thinking things through is allowing myself to get tangled up in a mental circle jerk. Thinking about A leads to B leads to F leads back to A and the circle continues until I get so dizzy I abandon the process. I decided a few years ago not to allow that to happen anymore. Break the circle (it doesn't go anywhere anyway) at any cost. Just clean house.
So, I'm cleaning house today as follows:
Concerning Boundaries, I think my boundaries in life are fine for now. Yes, they define me to some extent. And they exist on purpose. I'm willing to negotiate their placement or existence but only upon the arrival of some new information or reason to do so. I like who I am, and have no intention of losing myself like I've seen so many others do in the past.
Concerning Goals and Dreams which dictate boundaries, I am content. I generally believe that goals should be feasible and dreams should not be. I think feasibility is one thing that separates goals from dreams. I want what I want, and am not particularly ready to compromise. I'd rather do without. And, outside of the feasibility argument, what I want is good.
Concerning Cynicism, aka "The Shark In The Water", I am again convinced that cynicism has no actual value in the human persona. There is no benefit to questioning someone's motives in life. If their character is not what it appears to be, that will come out over time. But to assume up front that this is the case automatically negates the possibility that things are on the up and up. A cynical attitude is a defensive weapon, but it defends against friend and foe alike, so it's value is zero. The same applies to bitterness, anger, jealousy and other widely acclaimed character traits that I choose not to incubate in my life.
Concerning Indifference, I am a sensitive, passionate person. I am not apathetic or indifferent. I cannot say, "I don't care." Not only is it a lie, in my opinion apathy destroys everything. No relationship of any kind can survive it's attack. Here's what I can say: "I care, but that situation is beyond my reach, outside of my circle." Once a situation is outside of my heliosphere, it doesn't really matter how far outside, in which direction, how fast it is moving or where it is headed. Out is out. That's it.
Concerning Being Good Enough, nobody is good enough. I just want to be.
Concerning Momentum There is a question as to whether Momentum serves me by bringing me closer to my desires or whether it carries me where it decides and I either go willingly or stressfully. I think probably the latter is closer to the truth. Momentum is not my servant. Instead, I am its passenger. At the moment, momentum seems to be taking me farther than I have been in years from all things gay. This saddens me a little, but I also know that I have not found anyplace in the gay world to really land and stake a claim anyway. So even if it takes me away altogether, I haven't suffered any actual loss, only loss of anticipated progress.
Part of the advantage to cleaning house is that I can be more sensitive and responsive to the call and motion of momentum. As such, it's all good and I am content. May the momentum continue and continue to increase.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Battery Is Low - Please Recharge Soon
"Even a cell phone can be a source of wisdom."
I very much need the world to slow down just a little bit for just a little while. Things are awesome, and I'm not complaining.
There's just a little too much going on too fast.
At work, throwing around $20,000 is pretty routine, but yesterday, we sold and delivered $200,000 worth of aircraft engines, bought another airplane, spent $40K on some other junk and shipped parts to three foreign countries. Good business, but can I get a breath in here somewhere?
It seems like that's just how all of life is right now, and I love it. I just need to make sure I don't lose track of anything - especially my nuts.
I very much need the world to slow down just a little bit for just a little while. Things are awesome, and I'm not complaining. There's just a little too much going on too fast.
At work, throwing around $20,000 is pretty routine, but yesterday, we sold and delivered $200,000 worth of aircraft engines, bought another airplane, spent $40K on some other junk and shipped parts to three foreign countries. Good business, but can I get a breath in here somewhere?
It seems like that's just how all of life is right now, and I love it. I just need to make sure I don't lose track of anything - especially my nuts.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Most Recent Picture Of My Brain
"This is exactly how my mind works.."
Please don't laugh at me. It hurts when I do that.
Please don't laugh at me. It hurts when I do that.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Benevolent Indifference
"The opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy."
I am a very passionate person. Attitudes, emotions, belief and perceptions run deep and strong with me. I don't do apathy well. I think the three most destructive words in the English language are, "I don't care".
But I'm trying to learn a new skill recommended by a consensus of my friends. I've named the concept Benevolent Indifference. In other words, a combination of wishing someone well in a generic, impersonal sense without really giving a shit.
The closest picture I can find in my own mind to benevolent indifference is how I feel about the OU Sooners football team. It's almost heresy to say something like this in Oklahoma, but I enjoy the Sooners and wish them well, and I'm on their team when the win. When they lose, oh well. It's just football. It's not like they are doing anything of actual importance. If I had my choice, they'd win all the time. But if they don't, my life goes on unaffected.
I have been told that I should think this way about people and situations that are associated with traumatic or negative events in my past without prejudice as to why those associations exist or what should have happened instead. They say I should do so with an intentional detachment from the people and situations just as I am emotionally detached from the outcome of a damn football game.
"Yeah, but..." says I, "Football really isn't important to me. The 13 years I spent trying to build a successful software business is fundamentally different. It is close to me, and I invested much of who I am in it."
And I realize they are more right than I am. My old business, my old church, my old arch type are all now outside of my circle of influence and for the most part outside of my field of vision. Their fate is in their own hands, and I have long ago released them to their choices and whatever destiny develops because of those choices. But I haven't really detached myself in the same way I am detached from some football team.
I don't have much of a traumatic past to detach from - not nearly as much as others whose stories I know. But I'll give it a try.
Anything is better than cynicism.
I am a very passionate person. Attitudes, emotions, belief and perceptions run deep and strong with me. I don't do apathy well. I think the three most destructive words in the English language are, "I don't care".
But I'm trying to learn a new skill recommended by a consensus of my friends. I've named the concept Benevolent Indifference. In other words, a combination of wishing someone well in a generic, impersonal sense without really giving a shit.
The closest picture I can find in my own mind to benevolent indifference is how I feel about the OU Sooners football team. It's almost heresy to say something like this in Oklahoma, but I enjoy the Sooners and wish them well, and I'm on their team when the win. When they lose, oh well. It's just football. It's not like they are doing anything of actual importance. If I had my choice, they'd win all the time. But if they don't, my life goes on unaffected.
I have been told that I should think this way about people and situations that are associated with traumatic or negative events in my past without prejudice as to why those associations exist or what should have happened instead. They say I should do so with an intentional detachment from the people and situations just as I am emotionally detached from the outcome of a damn football game.
"Yeah, but..." says I, "Football really isn't important to me. The 13 years I spent trying to build a successful software business is fundamentally different. It is close to me, and I invested much of who I am in it."
And I realize they are more right than I am. My old business, my old church, my old arch type are all now outside of my circle of influence and for the most part outside of my field of vision. Their fate is in their own hands, and I have long ago released them to their choices and whatever destiny develops because of those choices. But I haven't really detached myself in the same way I am detached from some football team.
I don't have much of a traumatic past to detach from - not nearly as much as others whose stories I know. But I'll give it a try.
Anything is better than cynicism.
Monday, October 3, 2011
What Is The Gospel Anyway?
"The sheep will know the Master's voice."
I've written a little about the fact that I'm not an evangelist. I have done some marketing in my day, but never in a way that asked someone to buy something they don't need or won't benefit from. I can't sell medical billing software to a tanning salon, but I do (well, did) have a knack for showing a medical office how my software can help them accomplish their goals and mandates, and do it cost effectively, and that I'm the right guy to help with that process.
I was totally bored at church yesterday, and my thoughts wandered around how Christianity is marketed the world over. I'd like to say it is always well intentioned, like I sold medical software, I'd like to say that whatever weirdness is found in Christian evangelistic circles is at least passionate insanity, not filled with hidden agendas or ulterior motives. A dumb-ass in Jesus' name is still just a dumb-ass.
Overall, I don't think much of marketing Christ anyway. I think that the relationship between Christ and his people is more like my attraction to smart, pretty guys with a plan and a vision. I don't think any amount of marketing will make me pay for something I don't want to buy. In the past, the Church has resorted to coercion, intimidation and corruption to get converts to Christ. I think this is not only counter intuitive and immoral, it's totally ineffective.
As a Christian, my role is to live my life openly, in a way that others can see how I think, act, react and make decisions, not stand on a street corner yelling at people to repent or face certain doom. Some people will look closer than others, and some will be attracted to the impact of Christ in my life and some will be repulsed. It doesn't really change me or how I should present myself - and Christ in me. Sometimes, I do this well. And it's hard so I'm allowed to make mistakes.
So yesterday, I wondered how I would present Christ. I've seen how others do it. Baptists contend that all men are evil and only Christ can save us from the ultimate consequences of that evil. In Central America and other places where people are oppressed by political and economic conditions, Christ is Liberator. In people groups victimized by social injustice, Christ is Healer of the damage caused to us individually and Advocate in the culture overall. To the poor, he is Provider. To the weak, he is Mighty Shield. And all of these are basically true, and each of these is subject to error and fraud by the presenters.
So, just because I have a blog and just because I find the subject interesting at present and just because I've never really done it before, I'm going to give this presentation of Christ thing a try from my perspective. I'm not really going to try to sell him to anyone, just to present what I see in Christianity and in the character of Christ that I think makes the Christian story irresistible and valuable.
People who know me already know that the discussion is going to revolve around destiny, significance, intention, purpose, preparation and each human being's intrinsic value in a universal and eternal context. Hopefully, most will already know that my presentation will not involve judgment or condemnation, although Christ is (in my opinion) the exact polar opposite of life in the Abyss where nothing matters except my good time tonight.
It may take me a few days to pull my thoughts together around this subject, but stay tuned for the Gospel According To Mr. Happy. I'm going to give it a shot.
I've written a little about the fact that I'm not an evangelist. I have done some marketing in my day, but never in a way that asked someone to buy something they don't need or won't benefit from. I can't sell medical billing software to a tanning salon, but I do (well, did) have a knack for showing a medical office how my software can help them accomplish their goals and mandates, and do it cost effectively, and that I'm the right guy to help with that process.
I was totally bored at church yesterday, and my thoughts wandered around how Christianity is marketed the world over. I'd like to say it is always well intentioned, like I sold medical software, I'd like to say that whatever weirdness is found in Christian evangelistic circles is at least passionate insanity, not filled with hidden agendas or ulterior motives. A dumb-ass in Jesus' name is still just a dumb-ass.
Overall, I don't think much of marketing Christ anyway. I think that the relationship between Christ and his people is more like my attraction to smart, pretty guys with a plan and a vision. I don't think any amount of marketing will make me pay for something I don't want to buy. In the past, the Church has resorted to coercion, intimidation and corruption to get converts to Christ. I think this is not only counter intuitive and immoral, it's totally ineffective.
As a Christian, my role is to live my life openly, in a way that others can see how I think, act, react and make decisions, not stand on a street corner yelling at people to repent or face certain doom. Some people will look closer than others, and some will be attracted to the impact of Christ in my life and some will be repulsed. It doesn't really change me or how I should present myself - and Christ in me. Sometimes, I do this well. And it's hard so I'm allowed to make mistakes.
So yesterday, I wondered how I would present Christ. I've seen how others do it. Baptists contend that all men are evil and only Christ can save us from the ultimate consequences of that evil. In Central America and other places where people are oppressed by political and economic conditions, Christ is Liberator. In people groups victimized by social injustice, Christ is Healer of the damage caused to us individually and Advocate in the culture overall. To the poor, he is Provider. To the weak, he is Mighty Shield. And all of these are basically true, and each of these is subject to error and fraud by the presenters.
So, just because I have a blog and just because I find the subject interesting at present and just because I've never really done it before, I'm going to give this presentation of Christ thing a try from my perspective. I'm not really going to try to sell him to anyone, just to present what I see in Christianity and in the character of Christ that I think makes the Christian story irresistible and valuable.
People who know me already know that the discussion is going to revolve around destiny, significance, intention, purpose, preparation and each human being's intrinsic value in a universal and eternal context. Hopefully, most will already know that my presentation will not involve judgment or condemnation, although Christ is (in my opinion) the exact polar opposite of life in the Abyss where nothing matters except my good time tonight.
It may take me a few days to pull my thoughts together around this subject, but stay tuned for the Gospel According To Mr. Happy. I'm going to give it a shot.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
An Apology and Good News
"There's nothing better than the perspective of a good friend."
The good news is that my one good friend I've managed to develop this year is NOT moving out of state. Great for me. He seems OK with it too. We met for coffee this morning and talked for a while. Good Times.
It is my opinion, and that of all of my friends, that I reacted badly to Dave's comments last month. Cynicism is never the right response to anything, at least not the right first response. I know for me it is, and always has been, a defense mechanism. It is only appropriate to defend oneself in the presence of an actual threat. In this case, there was none, and the premise may even have been a compliment.
So Dave, please accept my apology for my cynical response to your adding my blog to your blogroll. It's obvious to me and others that I still care deeply about you. My cynicism was only trying to put distance between me and my residual feelings about you and the past.
A more carefully thought out response would have been a simple, "Thank You", and an expression of my very genuine and deep seated hope that you are able to overcome your own obstacles and find happiness, fulfillment and peace in life. I wish you well.
The good news is that my one good friend I've managed to develop this year is NOT moving out of state. Great for me. He seems OK with it too. We met for coffee this morning and talked for a while. Good Times.
It is my opinion, and that of all of my friends, that I reacted badly to Dave's comments last month. Cynicism is never the right response to anything, at least not the right first response. I know for me it is, and always has been, a defense mechanism. It is only appropriate to defend oneself in the presence of an actual threat. In this case, there was none, and the premise may even have been a compliment.
So Dave, please accept my apology for my cynical response to your adding my blog to your blogroll. It's obvious to me and others that I still care deeply about you. My cynicism was only trying to put distance between me and my residual feelings about you and the past.
A more carefully thought out response would have been a simple, "Thank You", and an expression of my very genuine and deep seated hope that you are able to overcome your own obstacles and find happiness, fulfillment and peace in life. I wish you well.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
A Football Story
"I don't need to review my goals and dreams again. I know them by heart."
This story is appropriate on several levels. First, it goes directly to the Boundaries, Obstacles, Goals and Dreams discussion I've been having with myself. Second, it's about the best conversation I've had with nephew #3 of Six in quite some time. And finally, today begins the anticipation that even I enjoy leading to the almost pagan indulgence of the slaughter of Bevo next Saturday. The meat doesn't appear to be very good this year, but the ritualistic devouring of it should be as much fun as it always is. I can almost smell the cremated flesh of that tired old bull even now.
Friday, I enjoyed another beautiful morning, got ready for work and my nephew woke up. We had a cup of coffee together on my back porch. He is trying to get things together to go spend some time in Nicaragua next year and it isn't all falling in place the way he thinks it should.
I told him I sensed a lot of indecision and being wishy-washy, not committing himself to a direction but still expecting everything to come together. I told him that doesn't work. I used the analogy of a football game. Until the play is called and the ball is set, nothing will happen. The players sometimes just stand around out there and look at each other. Nothing can happen until the decision is made, the play is called and the offense takes its place to execute it.
The whole universe works that way. This is why flaky, wishy-washy people always feel like they're in a fog. They really are. The whole universe stands around doing nothing until they take a stand. I told Nephew that it was time for him to make a decision and take a stand, and that the whole universe could then take its place. Some of it will line up with him, as if on offense. He'll have an offensive line, a backfield and a host of assets to help him achieve what he sets out to do.
Some of the universe will line up against him, just like a defense on a football field. And then it's, "Game On." I told him there wasn't a right or wrong play to call, just make the call. Choose a direction and take off with enthusiasm, passion and hope. Then look around to see who is with him and who is against him.
It was a good talk, and there was obviously a lot more to it than the outline above. After we finished, I went to work and realized I was talking to myself as much as I was talking to Nephew.
I don't need to review my goals and dreams again. I've done that a million times. I want to be in a committed relationship with a quality guy that I love and am good enough for. I want that relationship and all of the good things that happen because of it to be an inspiration and help to others who think the gay ghetto is the way things should be for us. I want that relationship to be proof to the Christian world that gay is not inherently evil, just as I saw in my arch type these many years ago. I want good things, things worthy of protecting and being proud of.
But where the hell is my offensive line? My backfield? Where are the assets that should help me attain and realize my goals? Even my arch type gave up on the concept. The gay, straight and Christian world seem to pretty much agree on this much: I'm living in a fantasy world that will never exist in the real world. My dream is to prove them wrong.
Ready....Break.
This story is appropriate on several levels. First, it goes directly to the Boundaries, Obstacles, Goals and Dreams discussion I've been having with myself. Second, it's about the best conversation I've had with nephew #3 of Six in quite some time. And finally, today begins the anticipation that even I enjoy leading to the almost pagan indulgence of the slaughter of Bevo next Saturday. The meat doesn't appear to be very good this year, but the ritualistic devouring of it should be as much fun as it always is. I can almost smell the cremated flesh of that tired old bull even now.
Friday, I enjoyed another beautiful morning, got ready for work and my nephew woke up. We had a cup of coffee together on my back porch. He is trying to get things together to go spend some time in Nicaragua next year and it isn't all falling in place the way he thinks it should.
I told him I sensed a lot of indecision and being wishy-washy, not committing himself to a direction but still expecting everything to come together. I told him that doesn't work. I used the analogy of a football game. Until the play is called and the ball is set, nothing will happen. The players sometimes just stand around out there and look at each other. Nothing can happen until the decision is made, the play is called and the offense takes its place to execute it.
The whole universe works that way. This is why flaky, wishy-washy people always feel like they're in a fog. They really are. The whole universe stands around doing nothing until they take a stand. I told Nephew that it was time for him to make a decision and take a stand, and that the whole universe could then take its place. Some of it will line up with him, as if on offense. He'll have an offensive line, a backfield and a host of assets to help him achieve what he sets out to do.
Some of the universe will line up against him, just like a defense on a football field. And then it's, "Game On." I told him there wasn't a right or wrong play to call, just make the call. Choose a direction and take off with enthusiasm, passion and hope. Then look around to see who is with him and who is against him.
It was a good talk, and there was obviously a lot more to it than the outline above. After we finished, I went to work and realized I was talking to myself as much as I was talking to Nephew.
I don't need to review my goals and dreams again. I've done that a million times. I want to be in a committed relationship with a quality guy that I love and am good enough for. I want that relationship and all of the good things that happen because of it to be an inspiration and help to others who think the gay ghetto is the way things should be for us. I want that relationship to be proof to the Christian world that gay is not inherently evil, just as I saw in my arch type these many years ago. I want good things, things worthy of protecting and being proud of.
But where the hell is my offensive line? My backfield? Where are the assets that should help me attain and realize my goals? Even my arch type gave up on the concept. The gay, straight and Christian world seem to pretty much agree on this much: I'm living in a fantasy world that will never exist in the real world. My dream is to prove them wrong.
Ready....Break.
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