"Morning has broken, like the first morning."
It's amazing how an event, a conversation, an introduction or a gesture can change the whole world all at once. Several examples of that very thing happened in and around my life yesterday. The high points are:
I talked to a different company about the hot house problem I discussed yesterday. EnergyWise, OKC's Solatube dealer, came out and talked to me about their stuff. I went by their store Monday and I've seen them at shows for years. Not only did I buy their solution for the attic ventilation, I bought three skylights too. I spent a thousand dollars more than I would have spent with the other bozos, and feel much better about my purchase. I'd much rather give the 'right' people $1800 than the wrong people $150. This encounter was night and day different than the previous one, and I feel great about my decision to buy from these guys.
Someone I work with got lab results back from a series of tests the doctors ran to figure out what's wrong. Bad news, looks like. It's amazing how a simple lab report can make such a dramatic difference in someone's life.
A friend I had dinner with a week ago, and had a lot in common with at that time, met someone last weekend. They had one of those 'Three Minute Conversations That Change The Rest Of Your Life." I keep hoping for one. I have had several in my life, but only one since I came out. Anyway, my friend now has a new best friend, and his whole countenance is different because of it. Who knows the future? Even if the relationship only lasts a short time, at least it's fun. And who knows whether it won't last forever? My friend is a really good guy, and I wish him all the best with his new found relationship. And I'm, of course, jealous as hell.
Sometimes momentum builds over months or years, as I am experiencing in my own life just now. Other times life can change on a dime. Wouldn't it be cool if the momentum that's been building in my world for so long leads up to a life changing for the better event in my life?
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Anybody Know A Good Roofer?
"All I need is an attic fan."
Earlier this year, I took advantage of the opportunity to get rid of an absolutely huge silver maple tree in my front yard. The weather got hot and so did my house. At 1:30 AM last night the temperature is still 82, and the air conditioner is working all the time. I had it checked and it's fine, but there's absolutely no attic ventilation at all. No wonder it's hot.
So I called Cashion Home Improvements (who did mom's roof last year and whose kid plays football with my nephew). Gary Taff shows up today to look at my roof and figure out a solution. The guy has 35 years experience, and sure enough took one look and told me what I need to do. I think his diagnosis is dead on target. He tells me it's going to cost $800 and that they can do it tomorrow morning first thing.
"What's your next opportunity after tomorrow morning?" I asked, not quite prepared to move this fast, but not sure why not either...
"If we don't do it tomorrow, it's going to be weeks before we can get to it." First Red Flag sails a half mile into the air, right up the back of my neck.
But I agreed. The price seems a little high and they want to do more than I had envisioned, but what do I know? They can solve the problem tomorrow, and they seem like they know what they're doing. Over the next few minutes, the world turned upside down, and a perfectly sane situation turned in a very unpleasant one.
As Gary fills out his contract, he explains to me that this is between me and him, cause it's too small for Cashion to be involved with and it would cost more if they were. Second Red Flag.
Then he asks for half up front so he can buy materials. Third Red Flag.
Then he wants cash. Now it sounds like a story for Scott Hines and NewsChannel 4's "In Your Corner" segment. I'm done. I handed him his contract back and ended the appointment, then took a shower to get rid of the coat of slime I felt bombarded with.
And it's still hot in my house...And I still need some roof ventilation...Why can't people just follow the rules and play ball the right way. Life is good without the sleaze factor. There is absolutely no reason for this at all.
I guess I'll start over and call somebody else tomorrow.
Editor's Note: I wrote this just to rant, without intending to post it. But WTF? What's the point of having a blog if I don't post things like this? Maybe somebody will read it and avoid getting into a similar situation.
Earlier this year, I took advantage of the opportunity to get rid of an absolutely huge silver maple tree in my front yard. The weather got hot and so did my house. At 1:30 AM last night the temperature is still 82, and the air conditioner is working all the time. I had it checked and it's fine, but there's absolutely no attic ventilation at all. No wonder it's hot.
So I called Cashion Home Improvements (who did mom's roof last year and whose kid plays football with my nephew). Gary Taff shows up today to look at my roof and figure out a solution. The guy has 35 years experience, and sure enough took one look and told me what I need to do. I think his diagnosis is dead on target. He tells me it's going to cost $800 and that they can do it tomorrow morning first thing.
"What's your next opportunity after tomorrow morning?" I asked, not quite prepared to move this fast, but not sure why not either...
"If we don't do it tomorrow, it's going to be weeks before we can get to it." First Red Flag sails a half mile into the air, right up the back of my neck.
But I agreed. The price seems a little high and they want to do more than I had envisioned, but what do I know? They can solve the problem tomorrow, and they seem like they know what they're doing. Over the next few minutes, the world turned upside down, and a perfectly sane situation turned in a very unpleasant one.
As Gary fills out his contract, he explains to me that this is between me and him, cause it's too small for Cashion to be involved with and it would cost more if they were. Second Red Flag.
Then he asks for half up front so he can buy materials. Third Red Flag.
Then he wants cash. Now it sounds like a story for Scott Hines and NewsChannel 4's "In Your Corner" segment. I'm done. I handed him his contract back and ended the appointment, then took a shower to get rid of the coat of slime I felt bombarded with.
And it's still hot in my house...And I still need some roof ventilation...Why can't people just follow the rules and play ball the right way. Life is good without the sleaze factor. There is absolutely no reason for this at all.
I guess I'll start over and call somebody else tomorrow.
Editor's Note: I wrote this just to rant, without intending to post it. But WTF? What's the point of having a blog if I don't post things like this? Maybe somebody will read it and avoid getting into a similar situation.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Darn That Dream
"In the same way that certain music expresses us, it also defines us. "
Sometimes there's just nothing like an old Jazz Classic like this. Especially when sung by a bono fide queen. Since I'm not enough of one to sing this for you, I included it below.
.
Darn that dream I dream each night
You say you love me and you hold me tight
But when I awake, you're out of sight
Oh, darn that dream
Darn your lips and darn your eyes
They lift me high above the moonlit skies
Then I tumble out of paradise
Oh, darn that dream
Darn that one-track mind of mine
I can't understand that you don't care
Just to change the mood I'm in
I'd welcome a nice old nightmare
Darn that dream and bless it too
Without that dream, I never would have you
But it haunts me and it won't come true
Oh, darn that dream
Sometimes there's just nothing like an old Jazz Classic like this. Especially when sung by a bono fide queen. Since I'm not enough of one to sing this for you, I included it below.
.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Hot, Bored and a Little Frustrated
"Once again, I'm glad it's Monday."
"God, it's hot," I said to myself as I soaked in the swimming pool at Mom's house Sunday afternoon. I thought about all of the folks waiting for or participating in the PRIDE Parade, and was very happy to be someplace else.
I realized that I'm also a bit bored with the whole gay paradigm. For much of my life, the gay world was off limits. Then a few years ago, it wasn't. So I've spent some time and effort trying to explore it, gain some traction in it, understand it and figure out how to relate to it. Yawn. I'm ready to focus on something else in life.
The process has been frustrating too. I'm beginning to think that 1) I'm not smart enough, good enough or pretty enough to ever find any substance here, or 2) I am good enough. There simply is no substance here. I'm shopping in an empty store or trying to pull water from a dry well.
I've been here before, and each time my answer is to walk away empty handed, and go on and live life anyway. After all, I have a pretty good life. Then I think that there most be a thousand guys like me right here in Oklahoma City who are in exactly the same boat, and so the circle starts again. Blah.
Well for today, it's time to go back to work. And I can't hardly wait. I think it's good to spend time out of one's comfort zone. But not too much. Hot, bored and frustrated are not the words I want to use to describe my life. I'm way too happy to put up with that crap.
I feel like Joshua, the computer in the movie "War Games". "How about a nice game of chess?"
"God, it's hot," I said to myself as I soaked in the swimming pool at Mom's house Sunday afternoon. I thought about all of the folks waiting for or participating in the PRIDE Parade, and was very happy to be someplace else.
I realized that I'm also a bit bored with the whole gay paradigm. For much of my life, the gay world was off limits. Then a few years ago, it wasn't. So I've spent some time and effort trying to explore it, gain some traction in it, understand it and figure out how to relate to it. Yawn. I'm ready to focus on something else in life.
The process has been frustrating too. I'm beginning to think that 1) I'm not smart enough, good enough or pretty enough to ever find any substance here, or 2) I am good enough. There simply is no substance here. I'm shopping in an empty store or trying to pull water from a dry well.
I've been here before, and each time my answer is to walk away empty handed, and go on and live life anyway. After all, I have a pretty good life. Then I think that there most be a thousand guys like me right here in Oklahoma City who are in exactly the same boat, and so the circle starts again. Blah.
Well for today, it's time to go back to work. And I can't hardly wait. I think it's good to spend time out of one's comfort zone. But not too much. Hot, bored and frustrated are not the words I want to use to describe my life. I'm way too happy to put up with that crap.
I feel like Joshua, the computer in the movie "War Games". "How about a nice game of chess?"
Sunday, June 26, 2011
PRIDE Sunday
"What does it mean to be proud anyway?"
If I were asked why I am proud to be an American, I could answer that question. The answer would involve an affirmation of what our country stands for; the ideals and posits that the US Constitution embraces and mandates. My answer would also involve our history and contribution to the world even despite some pretty dirty underwear at times. My answer would include a discussion of the opportunities we provide for our people. The American dream of being able to succeed regardless of one's family, heritage, race or religious affiliation is very real. With hard work, ambition and intelligence, any of us can make a better life for ourselves and our families. The American Spirit is tangibly unique, alive and effective. It was 200+ years ago, and it is today. I'm proud of it, and I'm proud to be an American.
If I were asked why I am proud to be a Christian, my answer would be even more enthusiastic. Christianity is about the concept and mechanics of transforming me from deep inside, in the very essence of my being, into the image and substance of a perfect God who loves all with perfect love. And it is about radiating that transforming power out into every aspect of life as the sun radiates light, heat and life. Christianity is about an intentional, sometimes sacrificial, decision and pursuit of the Creator and Father of everything, and about entering into and growing in a relationship to that Father as sons and daughters, with all of the privileges and responsibilities thereof. Christianity is about knowing that which is universally good, pure, right and true not the way I know my multiplication tables or know how to drive around Oklahoma City, but the way a wife knows her husband. I am proud to be a Christian, and proud of the impact Christ has had on my life and the things with which I have to do.
I'm proud of my family and those who I call my friends. I'm proud of who they are and what they stand for in life, and am proud and honored to be associated with them. I'm proud of my own accomplishments in life, who I am and what I stand for.
I am proud of the wonderful pot of coffee I made this morning and am enjoying as I type. You should be so fortunate as to experience the pleasure and satisfaction it brings me at this moment. I'm proud of my house (when it's clean) and the art on my walls, the books in my library and the atmosphere in my house. I'm proud of the flowers growing in the back yard, and my nephew who is asleep in the next room, and the Chinese student who slept in that room a few years ago and is now a senior in college, set to graduate in May.
But, despite today being PRIDE Sunday, I do not know how to apply any of this to the gay world. Does anybody else?
If I were asked why I am proud to be an American, I could answer that question. The answer would involve an affirmation of what our country stands for; the ideals and posits that the US Constitution embraces and mandates. My answer would also involve our history and contribution to the world even despite some pretty dirty underwear at times. My answer would include a discussion of the opportunities we provide for our people. The American dream of being able to succeed regardless of one's family, heritage, race or religious affiliation is very real. With hard work, ambition and intelligence, any of us can make a better life for ourselves and our families. The American Spirit is tangibly unique, alive and effective. It was 200+ years ago, and it is today. I'm proud of it, and I'm proud to be an American.
If I were asked why I am proud to be a Christian, my answer would be even more enthusiastic. Christianity is about the concept and mechanics of transforming me from deep inside, in the very essence of my being, into the image and substance of a perfect God who loves all with perfect love. And it is about radiating that transforming power out into every aspect of life as the sun radiates light, heat and life. Christianity is about an intentional, sometimes sacrificial, decision and pursuit of the Creator and Father of everything, and about entering into and growing in a relationship to that Father as sons and daughters, with all of the privileges and responsibilities thereof. Christianity is about knowing that which is universally good, pure, right and true not the way I know my multiplication tables or know how to drive around Oklahoma City, but the way a wife knows her husband. I am proud to be a Christian, and proud of the impact Christ has had on my life and the things with which I have to do.
I'm proud of my family and those who I call my friends. I'm proud of who they are and what they stand for in life, and am proud and honored to be associated with them. I'm proud of my own accomplishments in life, who I am and what I stand for.
I am proud of the wonderful pot of coffee I made this morning and am enjoying as I type. You should be so fortunate as to experience the pleasure and satisfaction it brings me at this moment. I'm proud of my house (when it's clean) and the art on my walls, the books in my library and the atmosphere in my house. I'm proud of the flowers growing in the back yard, and my nephew who is asleep in the next room, and the Chinese student who slept in that room a few years ago and is now a senior in college, set to graduate in May.
But, despite today being PRIDE Sunday, I do not know how to apply any of this to the gay world. Does anybody else?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Forget Not All His Benefits (Ps 103:2)
"Sell the Sizzle. Buy the Steak."
Someone I used to work with who thought he was clever once criticized Christianity to the point of instant dismissal by calling it a mental crutch for weak minded, uneducated, lazy people whose lives are miserable because of their own actions and who need God to make them feel better about themselves and their worthless lives.
His contention was that we should live life without this crutch, taking responsibility for ourselves, knowing that our life and our legacy will be written by our choices and their outcomes alone, and that improvement of humanity (the human race as a species) is the only goal in life worth pursuing. Individually, we don't matter. We live, we do stuff and we die. But humanity has the option to control it's own destiny, and each of us should be a part of that eventual destiny. Not that we have anything to gain from it, but huanity itself is the beneficiary.
I didn't give much credence to his criticism for a couple of reasons.
First, I happened to know he was taking strong doses of Zoloft every day. This 'mental crutch' is allowed but faith in God is arrogantly dismissed? Not in my world. Even if his perspective is true, he doesn't have the clout to say it. This violates the Third Rule of Criticism: "Never accept criticism from anyone whose life doesn't back up their own words."
Second, this same criticism of Christianity could equally be applied to the automobile. It's just a crutch I use to go back and forth to work or to experience places I could never see if I was limited to walking. It's just a lazy man's form of transportation. Well, look at the benefits.
I really can use my car to work in a much more gainful, fulfilling position than I could get if I had to walk to work every day. The places I've been and seen because I have the luxury of a car, and would never know if I could only walk, are very real places. The 'car is a crutch' criticism is bogus and down right stupid. So is this same line of thinking when used to criticize a faith based worldview.
In fact, if there is one scripture to me that defines the paradigm for believing in Christ, is is Ps. 102:3, "...forgot not all his benefits for he has forgiven you and sent his word to heal you. Remember all his love for you for he redeemed your life from death (futility, the Abyss) and crowned you with mercy."
If you take away (or let some moron talk you out of) the benefits of a car, there's no point in having one. They are expensive to buy, insure, maintain and fuel. The same applies to Christianity. I'll pay the price, and take the benefits.
There are two reasons I wrote this post. First, to congratulate my friend in AZ for getting his driver's licence. Keep the benefits of driving in mind, and don't be stupid with your car.
Second, for years I have avoided applying the benefits test to the gay world. I keep telling myself that I don't know enough about it, I haven't met the right people, I haven't yet fully shaken off the bias of a life spent in a world where gay is not an option, I'm too aware of what I don't like about it to see the inherent good, pure, right and true aspects of it.
These excuses are wearing thin and I think soon the gay world/part of me is going to have to pass or fail the tests that the Christian world/part of me passed a very, very long time ago. I've had all of the sizzle I care for. If there's no steak here, it's about time for me to be moving along.
Someone I used to work with who thought he was clever once criticized Christianity to the point of instant dismissal by calling it a mental crutch for weak minded, uneducated, lazy people whose lives are miserable because of their own actions and who need God to make them feel better about themselves and their worthless lives.
His contention was that we should live life without this crutch, taking responsibility for ourselves, knowing that our life and our legacy will be written by our choices and their outcomes alone, and that improvement of humanity (the human race as a species) is the only goal in life worth pursuing. Individually, we don't matter. We live, we do stuff and we die. But humanity has the option to control it's own destiny, and each of us should be a part of that eventual destiny. Not that we have anything to gain from it, but huanity itself is the beneficiary.
I didn't give much credence to his criticism for a couple of reasons.
First, I happened to know he was taking strong doses of Zoloft every day. This 'mental crutch' is allowed but faith in God is arrogantly dismissed? Not in my world. Even if his perspective is true, he doesn't have the clout to say it. This violates the Third Rule of Criticism: "Never accept criticism from anyone whose life doesn't back up their own words."
Second, this same criticism of Christianity could equally be applied to the automobile. It's just a crutch I use to go back and forth to work or to experience places I could never see if I was limited to walking. It's just a lazy man's form of transportation. Well, look at the benefits.
I really can use my car to work in a much more gainful, fulfilling position than I could get if I had to walk to work every day. The places I've been and seen because I have the luxury of a car, and would never know if I could only walk, are very real places. The 'car is a crutch' criticism is bogus and down right stupid. So is this same line of thinking when used to criticize a faith based worldview.
In fact, if there is one scripture to me that defines the paradigm for believing in Christ, is is Ps. 102:3, "...forgot not all his benefits for he has forgiven you and sent his word to heal you. Remember all his love for you for he redeemed your life from death (futility, the Abyss) and crowned you with mercy."
If you take away (or let some moron talk you out of) the benefits of a car, there's no point in having one. They are expensive to buy, insure, maintain and fuel. The same applies to Christianity. I'll pay the price, and take the benefits.
There are two reasons I wrote this post. First, to congratulate my friend in AZ for getting his driver's licence. Keep the benefits of driving in mind, and don't be stupid with your car.
Second, for years I have avoided applying the benefits test to the gay world. I keep telling myself that I don't know enough about it, I haven't met the right people, I haven't yet fully shaken off the bias of a life spent in a world where gay is not an option, I'm too aware of what I don't like about it to see the inherent good, pure, right and true aspects of it.
These excuses are wearing thin and I think soon the gay world/part of me is going to have to pass or fail the tests that the Christian world/part of me passed a very, very long time ago. I've had all of the sizzle I care for. If there's no steak here, it's about time for me to be moving along.
Friday, June 24, 2011
PRIDE Weekend Kicks Off Today in OKC
"Calling All Boys, I'm Calling All Boys. I Need You. I Do."
And in honor of OKC PRIDE, someplace in Paris called Milan gathered together some really cute boys for a fashion show. Less is More, as they say...
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Some of these guys would be a lot more appealing if they'd come to Oklahoma and eat. They need some good ol' Chikin Fried Steak, some Mashed Taters and Apple Pie.
The starved to death, Concentration Camp victim, heroin addict look is out as far as I'm concerned.
But some of these guys look just fine the way they are.
So tonight I guess I'll head down to the block party and see what kind of eye candy Oklahoma City has to offer. It's going to be hotter than two freshly mated sheep outside, so excess clothing should be minimized.
Who knows? I might find an attractive, somewhat respectful, 35-38 yo, not too fat Latino guy to hang with for a while. Or at least a shot of Crown and 2 MGD's. Sometimes I think that if I just had a decent hoe once or twice a month, I could just forget about all of this gay crap altogether.
Not really. It's not who I am, or want to be. But now and then I think that way for a little while.
And in honor of OKC PRIDE, someplace in Paris called Milan gathered together some really cute boys for a fashion show. Less is More, as they say...
The starved to death, Concentration Camp victim, heroin addict look is out as far as I'm concerned.
But some of these guys look just fine the way they are.
So tonight I guess I'll head down to the block party and see what kind of eye candy Oklahoma City has to offer. It's going to be hotter than two freshly mated sheep outside, so excess clothing should be minimized.
Who knows? I might find an attractive, somewhat respectful, 35-38 yo, not too fat Latino guy to hang with for a while. Or at least a shot of Crown and 2 MGD's. Sometimes I think that if I just had a decent hoe once or twice a month, I could just forget about all of this gay crap altogether.
Not really. It's not who I am, or want to be. But now and then I think that way for a little while.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Shout Out To The NOOK
"I turned down a new boy toy tonight! "
I mean the new NOOK Color by Barnes and Noble, of course.
I'm not sure I've explained in my blog/jjournal how much I enjoy my NOOK 1 (as it's now called). I love to read. Whether it is getting lost in a good story or dissecting someone else's opinions or beliefs, I enjoy reading. I find it much more relaxing and informative than watching TV, and I think it just has to be more healthy mentally.
But I pretty much quit reading some years back because it's too much trouble. I just can't see well enough to read most books without good lighting and a magnifying glass or some really strong reading glasses. I'd read for ten minutes and my eyes would get tired. It just wasn't worth the effort.
Of course, I watched enthusiastically as the Kindle, the Nook, the Sony Ereader and other products came out. I didn't jump in at the beginning as I saw disadvantages to each. About a year ago, I finally decided on the Nook, and I have been very happy with my decision. I can change the font size depending on my eyes at any given time. And I could see, touch, taste and smell one at Barnes and Noble before I plunked down my money and bought one.
Now they have the Nook Color, and it's more like a smart phone or tablet than an ereader. OK, I'm intrigued. Tonight they had a special class on using the Nook Color, so I went to the class just to see if I wanted one. I wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be. The Internet was useless for me (and my eyes) and the interface (to me) was more convoluted than the original Nook. Sure it does more. But after looking at the new one, and separating the 'sizzle' from the 'steak' as the saying goes, I decided again that I am just really pleased with what I have already.
So without further adieu, I'm going to go enjoy a good book, and pat myself on the back for making a really good decision a whole year ago.
I mean the new NOOK Color by Barnes and Noble, of course.
I'm not sure I've explained in my blog/jjournal how much I enjoy my NOOK 1 (as it's now called). I love to read. Whether it is getting lost in a good story or dissecting someone else's opinions or beliefs, I enjoy reading. I find it much more relaxing and informative than watching TV, and I think it just has to be more healthy mentally.
But I pretty much quit reading some years back because it's too much trouble. I just can't see well enough to read most books without good lighting and a magnifying glass or some really strong reading glasses. I'd read for ten minutes and my eyes would get tired. It just wasn't worth the effort.
Of course, I watched enthusiastically as the Kindle, the Nook, the Sony Ereader and other products came out. I didn't jump in at the beginning as I saw disadvantages to each. About a year ago, I finally decided on the Nook, and I have been very happy with my decision. I can change the font size depending on my eyes at any given time. And I could see, touch, taste and smell one at Barnes and Noble before I plunked down my money and bought one.
Now they have the Nook Color, and it's more like a smart phone or tablet than an ereader. OK, I'm intrigued. Tonight they had a special class on using the Nook Color, so I went to the class just to see if I wanted one. I wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be. The Internet was useless for me (and my eyes) and the interface (to me) was more convoluted than the original Nook. Sure it does more. But after looking at the new one, and separating the 'sizzle' from the 'steak' as the saying goes, I decided again that I am just really pleased with what I have already.
So without further adieu, I'm going to go enjoy a good book, and pat myself on the back for making a really good decision a whole year ago.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Am I Getting My Money's Worth?
"Value: To rate according to relative estimate of worth or desirability."
My nephew (1 of 6) went yesterday and bought a new mattress. There are some things that are fun to spend money on, and then there are mattresses. He came back and told me I need to go look at a $5400 bed that does everything except fly. He said he couldn't afford anything like that, but I could. And boy was it cool.
I told him I was indeed born in the morning, but not this morning, and I would not be spending one-tenth of that much money on a mattress, even though I do need a new one.
Then I got to thinking about all of the things I don't spend very much money on and about the value that these things really add to my life. For example:
I spend around $45/month on my cell phone, which typically rings three times in any given billing cycle (excluding calls I'd just as soon not receive and telemarketing crap). That works out to $15 per call, $540 per year. Assuming a mattress lasts only eight years, I will pay $4,320 for a cell phone during the life of a new mattress.
I spend $85/month on cable TV, which works out to around $42.50 per hour of actual TV viewing. Gulp! If (and I'm not) I bought a new bed for $5400, and it lasted eight years, and I used it 330 nights/year for 7 hours/night. Let's see. $5400 divided by eight years, divided by 330 nights, divided by seven hours, comes to $0.29 per hour.
Obviously, the value of the bed increases dramatically if I have someone to share it with (other than my Jack Russell) and/or if it lasts longer than eight years. (I've had my current mattress since 1991.) In the same eight years, at current prices I'll spend over $8,000 on cable TV.
And to think that I consider $9.50 to see a two hour movie is a rip-off!
I have a very reasonable gym membership that only costs $42/month, or $4,032 over the eight year life of a new bed. And the actual value received from the gym membership? It cannot be determined since we're not allowed to divide by zero.
Well, I'm still not spending $5400 on a bed. But it might be in my best interest to spend $600, cancel the cell phone, cable TV and unused gym membership and save
$4320+$8160+$4032-$600=$15,912.
My nephew (1 of 6) went yesterday and bought a new mattress. There are some things that are fun to spend money on, and then there are mattresses. He came back and told me I need to go look at a $5400 bed that does everything except fly. He said he couldn't afford anything like that, but I could. And boy was it cool.
I told him I was indeed born in the morning, but not this morning, and I would not be spending one-tenth of that much money on a mattress, even though I do need a new one.
Then I got to thinking about all of the things I don't spend very much money on and about the value that these things really add to my life. For example:
I spend around $45/month on my cell phone, which typically rings three times in any given billing cycle (excluding calls I'd just as soon not receive and telemarketing crap). That works out to $15 per call, $540 per year. Assuming a mattress lasts only eight years, I will pay $4,320 for a cell phone during the life of a new mattress.
I spend $85/month on cable TV, which works out to around $42.50 per hour of actual TV viewing. Gulp! If (and I'm not) I bought a new bed for $5400, and it lasted eight years, and I used it 330 nights/year for 7 hours/night. Let's see. $5400 divided by eight years, divided by 330 nights, divided by seven hours, comes to $0.29 per hour.
Obviously, the value of the bed increases dramatically if I have someone to share it with (other than my Jack Russell) and/or if it lasts longer than eight years. (I've had my current mattress since 1991.) In the same eight years, at current prices I'll spend over $8,000 on cable TV.
And to think that I consider $9.50 to see a two hour movie is a rip-off!
I have a very reasonable gym membership that only costs $42/month, or $4,032 over the eight year life of a new bed. And the actual value received from the gym membership? It cannot be determined since we're not allowed to divide by zero.
Well, I'm still not spending $5400 on a bed. But it might be in my best interest to spend $600, cancel the cell phone, cable TV and unused gym membership and save
$4320+$8160+$4032-$600=$15,912.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Dirty Water
"It's Not My Dirt."
As I have more conversations with people, I am reminded that I have better conversations with Lake Eufaula than I do with most people. I love the lake.
On of my earliest conversations involved dirt. I was out by the water at sunset. The weather was beautiful, the sunset was stunning, but the lake was dirty. Of course there are reasons for the dirt. It had rained a lot lately, the lake was 'turning over' which all lakes do a couple of times each year, and the wind had been blowing like crazy which is not uncommon in Oklahoma.
"You're dirty, " I said.
"Yeah, but it's not my dirt," said the lake. "I'll take care of it little by little. I'll sink it to the bottom. I'll get rid of it. It just takes time and patience. That's what lakes do. Lakes take dirt from everywhere and get rid of it."
As I thought about lakes, and how every stream that feeds in to them brings water and dirt. Animals pee in them, people dump trash in them, rain brings everything from pesticides to oil residue, businesses dump all kinds of chemicals and waste into them. Lakes process a lot of dirt. Water is the universal solvent, and lakes have a thousand tools to make water clean ranging from oxidation and chemical reactions to bacteria and other organisms.
"You're dirty too, but it's not your dirt," the Lake said, intruding on my thoughts. "You're the kind of person that absorbs dirt from other people. It's not your dirt, but you carry it around and dwell on it like it's your problem."
"Maybe," says I. "I just want to help. I want to be like you and clean it up. I know I can do that to some extent. I can say the right things and make someone's day better. I can help people see their situation from a different perspective. I have tools too."
And I realized that the tools I have don't work unless I start from the perspective that it's not my dirt.
I walked away from that conversation more aware of how dirty I am, and also lighter and happier because a lot of what I carry around really isn't my dirt. And I am pretty good at cleaning it up. But it does take time and patience. I began to realize that if I couldn't clean it up, I needed to let it go. This is all learned behaviour. And I'm learning.
This week especially, I think I needed to be reminded of that story.
As I have more conversations with people, I am reminded that I have better conversations with Lake Eufaula than I do with most people. I love the lake.
On of my earliest conversations involved dirt. I was out by the water at sunset. The weather was beautiful, the sunset was stunning, but the lake was dirty. Of course there are reasons for the dirt. It had rained a lot lately, the lake was 'turning over' which all lakes do a couple of times each year, and the wind had been blowing like crazy which is not uncommon in Oklahoma.
"You're dirty, " I said.
"Yeah, but it's not my dirt," said the lake. "I'll take care of it little by little. I'll sink it to the bottom. I'll get rid of it. It just takes time and patience. That's what lakes do. Lakes take dirt from everywhere and get rid of it."
As I thought about lakes, and how every stream that feeds in to them brings water and dirt. Animals pee in them, people dump trash in them, rain brings everything from pesticides to oil residue, businesses dump all kinds of chemicals and waste into them. Lakes process a lot of dirt. Water is the universal solvent, and lakes have a thousand tools to make water clean ranging from oxidation and chemical reactions to bacteria and other organisms.
"You're dirty too, but it's not your dirt," the Lake said, intruding on my thoughts. "You're the kind of person that absorbs dirt from other people. It's not your dirt, but you carry it around and dwell on it like it's your problem."
"Maybe," says I. "I just want to help. I want to be like you and clean it up. I know I can do that to some extent. I can say the right things and make someone's day better. I can help people see their situation from a different perspective. I have tools too."
And I realized that the tools I have don't work unless I start from the perspective that it's not my dirt.
I walked away from that conversation more aware of how dirty I am, and also lighter and happier because a lot of what I carry around really isn't my dirt. And I am pretty good at cleaning it up. But it does take time and patience. I began to realize that if I couldn't clean it up, I needed to let it go. This is all learned behaviour. And I'm learning.
This week especially, I think I needed to be reminded of that story.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Dad, I'm Really Sorry I Wasn't Good Enough
"In Memoriam Patris."
Dear Dad,
I know you loved me, and I can't begin to tell you how much you meant to me, how much I learned from you, how much I wanted to be the son you wanted me to be and how much I've missed you since you died 20 years ago. For what it's worth, I tried hard - and still do most of the time. The things I want in life and strive for would not offend you. I think that in many respects, you would be proud of who I've become and the things I stand for.
I know you didn't blame me for my bad eyesight, which kept me from being the baseball catcher, football quarterback and star athlete you wanted. Fortunately, my brother was all of those things and more. You'd be proud of him now too. We often talk about how we wish you could be a part of or at least a witness to all of the good things we've got going in business.
You never criticized me or acted badly about the fact that I couldn't be what you wanted, but I always knew you were disappointed. I think I presented a situation you didn't know what to do with. I couldn't play sports or go hunting. I'm not very mechanical, and we didn't seem to have all that much in common.
At least we connected musically. We often talked about but never made the trip to New Orleans to spend a few hours listening to real dixieland music. For my 40th birthday, I did make that trip, and sat listening to a dixieland band play for several hours. It was a great experience.
Of course, I never told you that I am gay. I probably wouldn't if you were still alive now. As far as I know, the two things in life that hurt the most are 1) really letting down someone you care about and 2) being on the other end of 1). I hope you understand me not wanting to put either of us in that situation. You probably had a right to know, and I probably should have gone ahead and put you in the position to either accept or reject me. But my bad eyes kind of did that once, and I didn't want to push my luck.
I've tried to do the right thing in life, and I haven't done too bad. Life is good, and I'm getting along fine. I have some good friends, enough money and I'm overall happy. But I wish I could have been a better son. For what its worth, I'm really sorry that I wasn't good enough.
Happy Father's Day
Dear Dad,
I know you loved me, and I can't begin to tell you how much you meant to me, how much I learned from you, how much I wanted to be the son you wanted me to be and how much I've missed you since you died 20 years ago. For what it's worth, I tried hard - and still do most of the time. The things I want in life and strive for would not offend you. I think that in many respects, you would be proud of who I've become and the things I stand for.
I know you didn't blame me for my bad eyesight, which kept me from being the baseball catcher, football quarterback and star athlete you wanted. Fortunately, my brother was all of those things and more. You'd be proud of him now too. We often talk about how we wish you could be a part of or at least a witness to all of the good things we've got going in business.
You never criticized me or acted badly about the fact that I couldn't be what you wanted, but I always knew you were disappointed. I think I presented a situation you didn't know what to do with. I couldn't play sports or go hunting. I'm not very mechanical, and we didn't seem to have all that much in common.
At least we connected musically. We often talked about but never made the trip to New Orleans to spend a few hours listening to real dixieland music. For my 40th birthday, I did make that trip, and sat listening to a dixieland band play for several hours. It was a great experience.
Of course, I never told you that I am gay. I probably wouldn't if you were still alive now. As far as I know, the two things in life that hurt the most are 1) really letting down someone you care about and 2) being on the other end of 1). I hope you understand me not wanting to put either of us in that situation. You probably had a right to know, and I probably should have gone ahead and put you in the position to either accept or reject me. But my bad eyes kind of did that once, and I didn't want to push my luck.
I've tried to do the right thing in life, and I haven't done too bad. Life is good, and I'm getting along fine. I have some good friends, enough money and I'm overall happy. But I wish I could have been a better son. For what its worth, I'm really sorry that I wasn't good enough.
Happy Father's Day
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Every Gay Guy Has Baggage
"How can we expect anyone else to love us if we hate ourselves?"
One of my contentions when I worked through what I called Christian Math is that gay guys take the conservative christian (et al) condemnation of homosexuality much more seriously than conservative Christians do. We tend put more faith in criticism from others than we do in our own understanding and knowledge about ourselves.
We have been (falsely) taught to hate ourselves from a very young age. This lesson came from a number of sources, be it church, people we grew up with in Jr High and High School, our parents, gay bashing politicians, mainstream media and the film industry,.etc. We grew up and live in a culture that pretty much hates and rejects us, and it's easy to agree with them when you take a good look at gay life.
The gay community's answer to this is "Gay Pride". Whatever the ideals and intentions behind the Gay Pride movement, the application of Pride weekend is that it's an opportunity to be drunk for three days and behave in a manner that absolutely supports the cultural disdain for the gay lifestyle that "Pride" is designed to counteract.
So a circular system is set up in which our culture hates us causing us to hate ourselves and live our lives in a way that is self destructive and feeds the hatred that initiated our self image and behavior in the first place.
Until this circle is broken, we lose. (And probably rightfully so.)
In my efforts to reach out more socially, and overall efforts to find someplace to stand in the gay world, I've met so many guys with so many stories. On one extreme is they guy who is totally closeted and totally scared and ashamed to come out, who loathes how he feels in the inside and yet the feelings are strong. I remember when I was that guy.
On the other extreme is the guy who is out, open and belligerent. He hates himself and everybody who hates him, and expresses that hate with every drink, every high, every sexual experience and every relationship.
Both of these extremes make me hurt down on the inside, and I could be either of these any time I want. I understand both points of view better than I ever wanted to.
I really want to help, and I don't know how. I really want to find some 'normal' gay guys to hang with and one to fall in love with. I really want to run away from it all, and retreat to the safety of my closet that I understand. I really want things not to be the way they are.
Well, since tomorrow is Father's Day, I'll quote dear old dad here: "You can want in one hand and shit in the other. The other hand will always fill up first."
Anyway, I'm tired of 'wanting' and ready to engage. So here we go...
One of my contentions when I worked through what I called Christian Math is that gay guys take the conservative christian (et al) condemnation of homosexuality much more seriously than conservative Christians do. We tend put more faith in criticism from others than we do in our own understanding and knowledge about ourselves.
We have been (falsely) taught to hate ourselves from a very young age. This lesson came from a number of sources, be it church, people we grew up with in Jr High and High School, our parents, gay bashing politicians, mainstream media and the film industry,.etc. We grew up and live in a culture that pretty much hates and rejects us, and it's easy to agree with them when you take a good look at gay life.
The gay community's answer to this is "Gay Pride". Whatever the ideals and intentions behind the Gay Pride movement, the application of Pride weekend is that it's an opportunity to be drunk for three days and behave in a manner that absolutely supports the cultural disdain for the gay lifestyle that "Pride" is designed to counteract.
So a circular system is set up in which our culture hates us causing us to hate ourselves and live our lives in a way that is self destructive and feeds the hatred that initiated our self image and behavior in the first place.
Until this circle is broken, we lose. (And probably rightfully so.)
In my efforts to reach out more socially, and overall efforts to find someplace to stand in the gay world, I've met so many guys with so many stories. On one extreme is they guy who is totally closeted and totally scared and ashamed to come out, who loathes how he feels in the inside and yet the feelings are strong. I remember when I was that guy.
On the other extreme is the guy who is out, open and belligerent. He hates himself and everybody who hates him, and expresses that hate with every drink, every high, every sexual experience and every relationship.
Both of these extremes make me hurt down on the inside, and I could be either of these any time I want. I understand both points of view better than I ever wanted to.
I really want to help, and I don't know how. I really want to find some 'normal' gay guys to hang with and one to fall in love with. I really want to run away from it all, and retreat to the safety of my closet that I understand. I really want things not to be the way they are.
Well, since tomorrow is Father's Day, I'll quote dear old dad here: "You can want in one hand and shit in the other. The other hand will always fill up first."
Anyway, I'm tired of 'wanting' and ready to engage. So here we go...
Friday, June 17, 2011
Ba-Da-Bing, Ba-Da-Boom
"Events of the week have left me no choice...But I'm blaming the existence of ATMs."
***
At least Wiener's wife should have access to a good mentor in her boss. She's been there and back on several occasions, eh?
When are these lowly congressmen going to learn that you have to be President to get away with a sex scandal?
***
Looks like Gingrich learned his lesson, now he wants to be President. Just what we need, another drunk republican in the White House.
Please please, just once can someone run for President that I don't mind voting for?
***
I'm kind of impressed with the riots in Vancouver. I didn't think Canadians gave a damn about anything.
Being from Oklahoma, I've met UT fans so I know about sore losers. But Geeez!
***
You'd think Hugh Hefner of all people would know better than to pick one of the three living blondes with a lick of sense.
"Run Chrystal, Run"
***
That's what I'm talkin' about.
***
At least Wiener's wife should have access to a good mentor in her boss. She's been there and back on several occasions, eh?
When are these lowly congressmen going to learn that you have to be President to get away with a sex scandal?
***
Looks like Gingrich learned his lesson, now he wants to be President. Just what we need, another drunk republican in the White House.
Please please, just once can someone run for President that I don't mind voting for?
***
I'm kind of impressed with the riots in Vancouver. I didn't think Canadians gave a damn about anything.
Being from Oklahoma, I've met UT fans so I know about sore losers. But Geeez!
***
You'd think Hugh Hefner of all people would know better than to pick one of the three living blondes with a lick of sense.
"Run Chrystal, Run"
***
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Momentum Breeds Momentum
"The object of thinking is doing."
My topic of the week is what to do with Friday Nights to avoid Friday Night Let Down Syndrome when everyone else has something fun to do and I become irrelevant and invisible until Monday morning.
All week, while I've been writing down my thoughts in my blog/journal, I've also been taking some practical steps to deal with the situation. It's not like I'm a hermit or anything. I can, albeit uncomfortable at first, engage with people I don't know and reach out of my shell. So here's what I've been doing and a few preliminary results.
First, as pathetic as it sounds, I plunked some money down on one of the social dating sites. I did this a little before back when they were free. I never met anyone I fell for, but I did meet my very best gay friend. Too bad he lives in Houston. This time is better (you get what you pay for?). I've been enjoying Saturday morning coffee with a new future good friend. Not sure there's much more there, but it's a start. So far, so good.
Second, I ran an ad on Craigslist just asking the world whether anybody else in Oklahoma City felt the same way I do about Fridays. So far, I've received five responses, and am trying to figure out where we can all go Friday and just meet each other. Maybe some good will come of that, maybe not. But it too is a start.
Third, I've been checking out some places to hang out. In OKC, adjacent to the gay ghetto area, there is just the weird area of town. I love weird people. Anyway, there are quite a few smaller bars and restaurants over there that you would never know existed if you didn't go looking for them. These places are way more in line with my tastes and comfort zone than the gay bars or crowded, busy dance clubs.
Last night I went to one such place for a while called the Lobby Bar. I had a great chicken sandwich and two beers. In the hour and fifteen minutes I was there, I had no less than four enjoyable conversations with people I would never meet in the course of my normal day. If I have to resort to being a barfly, places on this level are infinitely better than gaytown.
Everybody knows somebody, and momentum breeds momentum. I really do want to take the momentum of the year and apply it to my social life. I want to meet some new people and make some new friends. It's time to do something besides 'want' that.
Whether anything good actually happens or not, it's fun to hope.
My topic of the week is what to do with Friday Nights to avoid Friday Night Let Down Syndrome when everyone else has something fun to do and I become irrelevant and invisible until Monday morning.
All week, while I've been writing down my thoughts in my blog/journal, I've also been taking some practical steps to deal with the situation. It's not like I'm a hermit or anything. I can, albeit uncomfortable at first, engage with people I don't know and reach out of my shell. So here's what I've been doing and a few preliminary results.
First, as pathetic as it sounds, I plunked some money down on one of the social dating sites. I did this a little before back when they were free. I never met anyone I fell for, but I did meet my very best gay friend. Too bad he lives in Houston. This time is better (you get what you pay for?). I've been enjoying Saturday morning coffee with a new future good friend. Not sure there's much more there, but it's a start. So far, so good.
Second, I ran an ad on Craigslist just asking the world whether anybody else in Oklahoma City felt the same way I do about Fridays. So far, I've received five responses, and am trying to figure out where we can all go Friday and just meet each other. Maybe some good will come of that, maybe not. But it too is a start.
Third, I've been checking out some places to hang out. In OKC, adjacent to the gay ghetto area, there is just the weird area of town. I love weird people. Anyway, there are quite a few smaller bars and restaurants over there that you would never know existed if you didn't go looking for them. These places are way more in line with my tastes and comfort zone than the gay bars or crowded, busy dance clubs.
Last night I went to one such place for a while called the Lobby Bar. I had a great chicken sandwich and two beers. In the hour and fifteen minutes I was there, I had no less than four enjoyable conversations with people I would never meet in the course of my normal day. If I have to resort to being a barfly, places on this level are infinitely better than gaytown.
Everybody knows somebody, and momentum breeds momentum. I really do want to take the momentum of the year and apply it to my social life. I want to meet some new people and make some new friends. It's time to do something besides 'want' that.
Whether anything good actually happens or not, it's fun to hope.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Laughing At Myself
"Please allow me to coagulate a little."
I started off by complaining that I'm bored on Friday nights, the precise time when the rest of the world is excited and adventurous.
One of my bad habits is to take a simple statement like the one above and escalate it into the image of my whole social life, current and past. OK, ao I AM at least part Drama Queen.
As soon as I get there, I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for in terms of the quantity and quality of my friends scattered all over the planet, and I am thankful. There are so many awesome people in the world, and I've had the pleasure of spending some really good time with a whole lot of them.
Focusing on what we don't have to the neglect of what we do have is a very human thing to do. But it is destructive and false. This particular character trait has been responsible for all sorts of negative outcomes from divorce to war between nations. I'm not normally prone to this kind of thinking (because I know better) but now and then, as in this week, I fall for this fallacy too.
I am hungry for more of the kinds of friends I've become accustomed to. And I'm working on a couple of them now.
And I haven't addressed the Friday Night problem at all.
I started off by complaining that I'm bored on Friday nights, the precise time when the rest of the world is excited and adventurous.
One of my bad habits is to take a simple statement like the one above and escalate it into the image of my whole social life, current and past. OK, ao I AM at least part Drama Queen.
As soon as I get there, I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for in terms of the quantity and quality of my friends scattered all over the planet, and I am thankful. There are so many awesome people in the world, and I've had the pleasure of spending some really good time with a whole lot of them.
Focusing on what we don't have to the neglect of what we do have is a very human thing to do. But it is destructive and false. This particular character trait has been responsible for all sorts of negative outcomes from divorce to war between nations. I'm not normally prone to this kind of thinking (because I know better) but now and then, as in this week, I fall for this fallacy too.
I am hungry for more of the kinds of friends I've become accustomed to. And I'm working on a couple of them now.
And I haven't addressed the Friday Night problem at all.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
A Little Off The Subject, A Little Not
"I actually have many great friends."
Thinking about my blog thoughts this morning and poking around Facebook and Blogland, I by chance ran across a well established blog of an old acquaintance that I met 15 years ago. He's a friend of a friend, and I drove half way across Pennsylvania just to have lunch with the guy. We were never close friends, and I've heard a bit about him over the years, but somehow he managed to make a big impression on me back then.
From there, I started thinking about all of my really good friends and people who have made a difference in my life. My thoughts on these people sort of shifted to a game of word association. For example:
Roger - "Perfect". Absolutely the most perfect person I've ever met without exception or qualification. I could write a book on how much I admire this guy, and how proud of him and our friendship that I am. If I ever would want to be someone else, it would be Roger. But I'd screw it up.
Fred - "Beautiful". Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, Fred is the most beautiful guy. What more can be said? I'm glad the guy managed to come across my life.
David - "Fraud". One of the most influential people in my life, but the basis of his influence is totally fake. There's nothing real about our history, but the impact (outcome) is real enough. My part was real. Lest negative connotations be assigned here, I have none. It is what it is. Bitterness belongs to others. I'm actually grateful for the opportunity to have known the guy.
Tommy - "Intense". Balls to the wall all the time. Always on go at high speed. Direction sometimes meaningless. I can't live this way, but it's fun now and then for a while.
Franklin - "Goto Guy". If I ever need anybody's help right now, know I can count on him.
Paul - "Diseased". Terrific guy, but his checkbook is his God and he serves it ruthlessly. A terrible disease to have. Glad I don't.
Pete - "Competent". At the top of his game, and a really great guy.
Sam - "Faithful". My oldest and closest friend period.
Andy - "Real". Through all of the ups and downs of gay life and life overall, Andy's a trooper. Makes the best of things and stays happy. A great mentor and friend.
At work today, I kept a Word document going and added over 50 more people to this list - and the guy that started the process didn't even make the list since we weren't really friends anyway.
The outcome of the exercise is to realize just how many good, quality friends I have. Honestly, I have more than my share. Maybe I should spend a couple of Friday's thinking about and praying for each of these wonderful people who have and do make my life better, and quit complaining about Friday Night Letdown at all.
Thinking about my blog thoughts this morning and poking around Facebook and Blogland, I by chance ran across a well established blog of an old acquaintance that I met 15 years ago. He's a friend of a friend, and I drove half way across Pennsylvania just to have lunch with the guy. We were never close friends, and I've heard a bit about him over the years, but somehow he managed to make a big impression on me back then.
From there, I started thinking about all of my really good friends and people who have made a difference in my life. My thoughts on these people sort of shifted to a game of word association. For example:
Roger - "Perfect". Absolutely the most perfect person I've ever met without exception or qualification. I could write a book on how much I admire this guy, and how proud of him and our friendship that I am. If I ever would want to be someone else, it would be Roger. But I'd screw it up.
Fred - "Beautiful". Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, Fred is the most beautiful guy. What more can be said? I'm glad the guy managed to come across my life.
David - "Fraud". One of the most influential people in my life, but the basis of his influence is totally fake. There's nothing real about our history, but the impact (outcome) is real enough. My part was real. Lest negative connotations be assigned here, I have none. It is what it is. Bitterness belongs to others. I'm actually grateful for the opportunity to have known the guy.
Tommy - "Intense". Balls to the wall all the time. Always on go at high speed. Direction sometimes meaningless. I can't live this way, but it's fun now and then for a while.
Franklin - "Goto Guy". If I ever need anybody's help right now, know I can count on him.
Paul - "Diseased". Terrific guy, but his checkbook is his God and he serves it ruthlessly. A terrible disease to have. Glad I don't.
Pete - "Competent". At the top of his game, and a really great guy.
Sam - "Faithful". My oldest and closest friend period.
Andy - "Real". Through all of the ups and downs of gay life and life overall, Andy's a trooper. Makes the best of things and stays happy. A great mentor and friend.
At work today, I kept a Word document going and added over 50 more people to this list - and the guy that started the process didn't even make the list since we weren't really friends anyway.
The outcome of the exercise is to realize just how many good, quality friends I have. Honestly, I have more than my share. Maybe I should spend a couple of Friday's thinking about and praying for each of these wonderful people who have and do make my life better, and quit complaining about Friday Night Letdown at all.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Maybe Spoiled, But Not A Snob
"Few are more aware of their own limitations than I am."
It seems like yesterday I made a pretty good argument that I'm just a snob, which explains why I don't have a lot of choices for how I spend Friday evenings. I'm not sure what I look like from other people's eyes, but it seems to me that if I were really an arrogant snob I wouldn't even ask the question.
Not many people are as aware of their own limitations as I am. One of the reasons I don't throw many rocks at others is because it's hard for he to hit someone else without hitting myself at the same time. (Besides, I don't see any benefit to it.) Whenever I see someone living a life I have chosen or been blessed not to live, I do not think I am better than him. I'm much more liable to think, "Except for the Grace and Providence of God, that could easily be me."
I don't think I am a conceited snob, but I may indeed be a little spoiled. My past is filled with really good relationships with really good people. And it seems like they end up all over the world. If it were possible to travel to Boston, Edmonton, Dallas, Houston, Amarillo, Zambia or several other places on a Friday afternoon to have coffee or a drink with someone I can connect with, I'd never have Friday Night Let Down Syndrome.
This came home to me in a big way Sunday. I was talking to someone about the possibility of their spending six to nine months on a humanitarian/missions project in Nicaragua next year. I encouraged them to pursue it if possible both for the good of the world at large, but also because of the people he would be meeting and working with. I said,
"The other people going on this trip are by definition going to be great people to know for the rest of your life. They, like you, will be making a choice of sacrifice and service at a time in life when most people your age are just looking for a good time. People like that are rare, except in environments like this trip. Take advantage of the opportunity to engage with this caliber of people."
Afterwords, I realized that this caliber of people is exactly who I spent my college and early career days with. These are the type of people I am hungry to be around now. This level of people is who makes up 100% of my wonderful, if small, base of friends. These folks are the antithesis - the exact polar opposites - of barflies.
And I don't personally know a single gay person in this class. Therein lies the problem.
It seems like yesterday I made a pretty good argument that I'm just a snob, which explains why I don't have a lot of choices for how I spend Friday evenings. I'm not sure what I look like from other people's eyes, but it seems to me that if I were really an arrogant snob I wouldn't even ask the question.
Not many people are as aware of their own limitations as I am. One of the reasons I don't throw many rocks at others is because it's hard for he to hit someone else without hitting myself at the same time. (Besides, I don't see any benefit to it.) Whenever I see someone living a life I have chosen or been blessed not to live, I do not think I am better than him. I'm much more liable to think, "Except for the Grace and Providence of God, that could easily be me."
I don't think I am a conceited snob, but I may indeed be a little spoiled. My past is filled with really good relationships with really good people. And it seems like they end up all over the world. If it were possible to travel to Boston, Edmonton, Dallas, Houston, Amarillo, Zambia or several other places on a Friday afternoon to have coffee or a drink with someone I can connect with, I'd never have Friday Night Let Down Syndrome.
This came home to me in a big way Sunday. I was talking to someone about the possibility of their spending six to nine months on a humanitarian/missions project in Nicaragua next year. I encouraged them to pursue it if possible both for the good of the world at large, but also because of the people he would be meeting and working with. I said,
"The other people going on this trip are by definition going to be great people to know for the rest of your life. They, like you, will be making a choice of sacrifice and service at a time in life when most people your age are just looking for a good time. People like that are rare, except in environments like this trip. Take advantage of the opportunity to engage with this caliber of people."
Afterwords, I realized that this caliber of people is exactly who I spent my college and early career days with. These are the type of people I am hungry to be around now. This level of people is who makes up 100% of my wonderful, if small, base of friends. These folks are the antithesis - the exact polar opposites - of barflies.
And I don't personally know a single gay person in this class. Therein lies the problem.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
A Misfit? Or Just A Plain Old Snob?
"I don't want to be alone, I just don't want to be around people."
Whenever I think about my social life, and what to do with Friday evenings to avoid Friday Night Let Down, there is always one recurring question. I guess it's time to deal with it head on and see.
The question is, "Am I just another arrogant, spoiled, gay-boy snob?"
I don't want to spend time with drunk, arrogant, full of shit, two faced barflies with pharmaceutical issues and no intentional future beyond tonight's 'drunk & fuck' and tomorrow's hangover. I don't mind being around them now and then any more than I mind going to the circus. The entertainment value is good for a bit, but I damn sure don't want to live there.
So, is the paragraph above a judgmental, hateful, bitter unfair stereotype just like conservative Christianity's overall attitude towards homosexuality?
I really, really don't mean it that way. I have no right to criticize anyone else's lifestyle or decisions, and have absolutely no desire to do so. I tried to explain this earlier in this post: Very Judgmental But Nobody's Judge. It's not about others choose to live their lives, it's about how I choose to live mine. In fact, I think that each of us has not just the right, but the responsibility to make the most out of the life we've been given.
There is no hate or nose wrinkling scorn in me at all that I can detect. But I wonder what others see?
I also don't want to spend any time at all with churchy, dogmatic people who criticize everyone in the world that is not like them. I've met many of these people over the years, and find their company distasteful at best. I know my bible inside out and backwards. But I have no interest in using something so wonderful and full of love as a hammer to beat people up with. A Bible Thumper, I am not.
I have a built in aversion to stupid people. My sense of humor is more complex than 'knock-knock jokes', and discussions about how loudly one can pop his knuckles or the pitch and duration of his flatulence do not impress me in the least.
I know just enough about sports to be considered an idiot. If the best someone can talk about is NASCAR or the WWF, I'm not going to be able to participate in the conversation. I can survive for a minute or two in conversations about the MLB, NFL or college football, but not much longer. I could learn more, for the sake of conversation, but I don't care about any of it, and the last thing I want to do is be disingenuous. If I wanted to do that, I'd get back in my closet and pretend to be straight.
I like acoustic jazz, classical, some electronica and feel good music. Classic rock and some pop is OK. But two chord wang-bang turned up so loud that you need a bullhorn to talk over it is no fun. And 'twang me dang me, gonna take a rope and hang me' music is - well, I'd just rather have it quiet.
This is what always happens to me when I think about my social life. I immediately start thinking about all of the people I just really don't want to hang with. Seems like there aren't many left once I'm done. That's not good.
Maybe I need to spend a little time thinking about the people I really do want to be around, and maybe from there I can figure out how to find some.
In the mean time, there's the question as to whether I'm just an arrogant snob, and if so whether that is a bad thing.
Whenever I think about my social life, and what to do with Friday evenings to avoid Friday Night Let Down, there is always one recurring question. I guess it's time to deal with it head on and see.
The question is, "Am I just another arrogant, spoiled, gay-boy snob?"
I don't want to spend time with drunk, arrogant, full of shit, two faced barflies with pharmaceutical issues and no intentional future beyond tonight's 'drunk & fuck' and tomorrow's hangover. I don't mind being around them now and then any more than I mind going to the circus. The entertainment value is good for a bit, but I damn sure don't want to live there.
So, is the paragraph above a judgmental, hateful, bitter unfair stereotype just like conservative Christianity's overall attitude towards homosexuality?
I really, really don't mean it that way. I have no right to criticize anyone else's lifestyle or decisions, and have absolutely no desire to do so. I tried to explain this earlier in this post: Very Judgmental But Nobody's Judge. It's not about others choose to live their lives, it's about how I choose to live mine. In fact, I think that each of us has not just the right, but the responsibility to make the most out of the life we've been given.
There is no hate or nose wrinkling scorn in me at all that I can detect. But I wonder what others see?
I also don't want to spend any time at all with churchy, dogmatic people who criticize everyone in the world that is not like them. I've met many of these people over the years, and find their company distasteful at best. I know my bible inside out and backwards. But I have no interest in using something so wonderful and full of love as a hammer to beat people up with. A Bible Thumper, I am not.
I have a built in aversion to stupid people. My sense of humor is more complex than 'knock-knock jokes', and discussions about how loudly one can pop his knuckles or the pitch and duration of his flatulence do not impress me in the least.
I know just enough about sports to be considered an idiot. If the best someone can talk about is NASCAR or the WWF, I'm not going to be able to participate in the conversation. I can survive for a minute or two in conversations about the MLB, NFL or college football, but not much longer. I could learn more, for the sake of conversation, but I don't care about any of it, and the last thing I want to do is be disingenuous. If I wanted to do that, I'd get back in my closet and pretend to be straight.
I like acoustic jazz, classical, some electronica and feel good music. Classic rock and some pop is OK. But two chord wang-bang turned up so loud that you need a bullhorn to talk over it is no fun. And 'twang me dang me, gonna take a rope and hang me' music is - well, I'd just rather have it quiet.
This is what always happens to me when I think about my social life. I immediately start thinking about all of the people I just really don't want to hang with. Seems like there aren't many left once I'm done. That's not good.
Maybe I need to spend a little time thinking about the people I really do want to be around, and maybe from there I can figure out how to find some.
In the mean time, there's the question as to whether I'm just an arrogant snob, and if so whether that is a bad thing.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Friday Night Focus
"Introducing my next ongoing challenge in life: Friday Nights."
In a world where people live for Friday, I hate Friday nights especially after a really supercharged, almost manic, very busy and productive week. All week long, I have people waiting in line for me to pay attention to whatever they think is important. But around 3:00, everybody else's focus changes to Friday night and the weekend.
"What are you up to this weekend?", everybody asks everybody else. Some people you don't even have to ask. "I'm gonna get boozed up and party like it's 1989". "Going to the lake with the kids." "Company's coming in tonight for the weekend." Now and then I get to hear someone's whole agenda for the weekend. Every ten minute slot is full of something.
So it's 5:00 Friday, and the rest of the world joins together in joyful celebration of the end of yet another work week. Plans are made, enthusiasm has peaked, the inaudible bell has sounded and the world changes color. Issues and agendas that were massively important just three or four hours ago have been totally forgotten. It's Friday Night in the Big Town, and everybody on the planet except me is off to some great adventure.
And I become invisible and irrelevant until Monday morning. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. Saturdays aren't so bad. I have a lot to do on Saturday too, and by Saturday night, I'm usually tired.
But for me, Friday Night Let Down is the most unpleasant time of the week. Most Friday nights, I feel the way that normal, well adjusted, not crazy people feel on Monday morning. And the better the week, the worse it is on Friday night.
I've been fighting this for years, this year in particular. I earnestly look for something to look forward to on Friday night, and if I can't come up with anything, I make myself go down to the gay ghetto and hang out for a couple hours as punishment for my failure. (I've only had to do that three times since January).
But whatever I'm doing isn't working all that well. Last night, after about the best work week I've had in several years, I had planned to go eat Sushi with a friend. That got cancelled and then the rain came. Ugh.
In a world where people live for Friday, I hate Friday nights especially after a really supercharged, almost manic, very busy and productive week. All week long, I have people waiting in line for me to pay attention to whatever they think is important. But around 3:00, everybody else's focus changes to Friday night and the weekend.
"What are you up to this weekend?", everybody asks everybody else. Some people you don't even have to ask. "I'm gonna get boozed up and party like it's 1989". "Going to the lake with the kids." "Company's coming in tonight for the weekend." Now and then I get to hear someone's whole agenda for the weekend. Every ten minute slot is full of something.
So it's 5:00 Friday, and the rest of the world joins together in joyful celebration of the end of yet another work week. Plans are made, enthusiasm has peaked, the inaudible bell has sounded and the world changes color. Issues and agendas that were massively important just three or four hours ago have been totally forgotten. It's Friday Night in the Big Town, and everybody on the planet except me is off to some great adventure.
And I become invisible and irrelevant until Monday morning. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. Saturdays aren't so bad. I have a lot to do on Saturday too, and by Saturday night, I'm usually tired.
But for me, Friday Night Let Down is the most unpleasant time of the week. Most Friday nights, I feel the way that normal, well adjusted, not crazy people feel on Monday morning. And the better the week, the worse it is on Friday night.
I've been fighting this for years, this year in particular. I earnestly look for something to look forward to on Friday night, and if I can't come up with anything, I make myself go down to the gay ghetto and hang out for a couple hours as punishment for my failure. (I've only had to do that three times since January).
But whatever I'm doing isn't working all that well. Last night, after about the best work week I've had in several years, I had planned to go eat Sushi with a friend. That got cancelled and then the rain came. Ugh.
Friday, June 10, 2011
We Now Return To Regularly Scheduled Programming
"When You're Hot, You're Hot."
Please forgive the preceding 'work interlude'. I really needed the time to focus on clearing up my work world, so I put everything else on hold for a week and took care of that. It turned out to be the perfect week to do so, and I got a helluva lot done.
I feel like Rooster Cogburn, reins in my teeth, charging a passel of bad guys, both guns ablazin'.
I've still got a lot to do, but I'm not overwhelmed with it anymore. And this week, though hard work all week, has really been a blast.
Furthermore, it's nice to know you've still got it. I killed two separate computer problems that my IT guy couldn't figure out. And I did it through just good old fashioned troubleshooting techniques that I've used since the early '80's. I was beginning to think I couldn't do IT stuff anymore because my knowledge is so out of date. But, Damn!, I still got it when it comes to problem solving skills.
In fact, there are several slain dragons laying around my office just now if anyone has the time or inclination to come help me dispose of the bodies and clean up the mess. I'll bring the corn dodgers.
Anyway, I've missed my blog. It turns out that for me writing is a good stress reliever. Plus, keeping my thoughts organized enough to put in a blog is great mental exercise. I've already enjoyed going back and reading some ot the junk I wrote earlier. So I think I'll keep up the blog for a bit longer.
Please forgive the preceding 'work interlude'. I really needed the time to focus on clearing up my work world, so I put everything else on hold for a week and took care of that. It turned out to be the perfect week to do so, and I got a helluva lot done.
I feel like Rooster Cogburn, reins in my teeth, charging a passel of bad guys, both guns ablazin'.
I've still got a lot to do, but I'm not overwhelmed with it anymore. And this week, though hard work all week, has really been a blast.
Furthermore, it's nice to know you've still got it. I killed two separate computer problems that my IT guy couldn't figure out. And I did it through just good old fashioned troubleshooting techniques that I've used since the early '80's. I was beginning to think I couldn't do IT stuff anymore because my knowledge is so out of date. But, Damn!, I still got it when it comes to problem solving skills.
In fact, there are several slain dragons laying around my office just now if anyone has the time or inclination to come help me dispose of the bodies and clean up the mess. I'll bring the corn dodgers.
Anyway, I've missed my blog. It turns out that for me writing is a good stress reliever. Plus, keeping my thoughts organized enough to put in a blog is great mental exercise. I've already enjoyed going back and reading some ot the junk I wrote earlier. So I think I'll keep up the blog for a bit longer.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Excuse Me While I Take A Work Break
"This seems like a good place to stop for a bit. Let's take a break."
Well, it's a new week and as it has been for most of the year I'm swamped. I have so much to do next week I don't even know where to start. And it's all just stuff. Nothing on the horizon is particularly challenging or difficult. There's just a lot of it.
That is good and bad. The good part is that I just have to be on my toes and get it done. Focused, organized and diligent. The bad news is that none of it requires any real thought or wrestling with moral, tactical or spiritual issues. It's just work.
After my thoughts last week about meeting momentum with faith and seizing the opportunities it brings my way, and my ultimate decision to just go with it instead, letting it take me where it wills for now and enjoying the ride, it seems appropriate that the near term be filled with just plain old fashioned hard work. I'm actually looking forward to it.
I just sense a near term stint of 'do more, think less' coming my way, which implies that I might not have a whole lot to say worthy of being in a journal. Who knows tomorrow? If I have something cool to say and the time to put it into words, I will do so enthusiastically. But in the absence of any such inspiration, it is both my desire and intention to take a small break from my blog. I'm not going to stop writing it. I'm just going to stop writing five or six times a week.
I want to emphasize that I think this is a short term deal. In the words of world famous Arnold, "I'll be back". Also, I think this is a really good thing in the context of momentum this year, the season of life at the moment and how the dinner table is set just now.
So, thanks for reading and don't give up on me. I'm just taking a small break to get some work done.
Well, it's a new week and as it has been for most of the year I'm swamped. I have so much to do next week I don't even know where to start. And it's all just stuff. Nothing on the horizon is particularly challenging or difficult. There's just a lot of it.
That is good and bad. The good part is that I just have to be on my toes and get it done. Focused, organized and diligent. The bad news is that none of it requires any real thought or wrestling with moral, tactical or spiritual issues. It's just work.
After my thoughts last week about meeting momentum with faith and seizing the opportunities it brings my way, and my ultimate decision to just go with it instead, letting it take me where it wills for now and enjoying the ride, it seems appropriate that the near term be filled with just plain old fashioned hard work. I'm actually looking forward to it.
I just sense a near term stint of 'do more, think less' coming my way, which implies that I might not have a whole lot to say worthy of being in a journal. Who knows tomorrow? If I have something cool to say and the time to put it into words, I will do so enthusiastically. But in the absence of any such inspiration, it is both my desire and intention to take a small break from my blog. I'm not going to stop writing it. I'm just going to stop writing five or six times a week.
I want to emphasize that I think this is a short term deal. In the words of world famous Arnold, "I'll be back". Also, I think this is a really good thing in the context of momentum this year, the season of life at the moment and how the dinner table is set just now.
So, thanks for reading and don't give up on me. I'm just taking a small break to get some work done.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Another Road to Nowhere
"For once in my life, I'm going to think less - on purpose. "
Thursday, I suggested a difference between what I called Faith in the Outcome vs. Faith in the Process. On one hand, I feel the momentum of this year increasing. And I want to meet that momentum with faith and passion, taking full advantage of the opportunity. On the other hand, I don't want to again invest what faith I have left in unrealistic expectations. This destroys both faith and momentum.
But there really is no such actual distinction. I was trying to use the differentiation as a study tool, and drawing lines between things that are not inherently separate so I can see the whole better.
Faith is supposed to move mountains. The fervent prayer of a righteous man is supposed to be effective, and impact the world around him. Process leads to outcome anyway, so faith without outcome (did James say works?) is dead. Process and outcome are necessarily linked, and faith necessarily implies expectations.
Blah. I can't get this line of thinking to go anywhere, so I'm abandoning it.
Furthermore, I don't think I have enough faith at present to do anything constructive. I used mine all up years ago, and although I know I'm developing more it's slow going and not yet strong. I believe (have faith?) that it will be someday, but alas, not today.
Besides, Life Is Good just now.
So, I have decided that rather than try to meet momentum with faith and seize the day, so to speak, I am instead going to continue to ride the wave of momentum that is already present in my life, and continue to be very thankful and aware of it. For now, I'm willing to go where ever it takes me, and enjoy whatever I find there and every step along the way.
I hope that's not a copout.
Thursday, I suggested a difference between what I called Faith in the Outcome vs. Faith in the Process. On one hand, I feel the momentum of this year increasing. And I want to meet that momentum with faith and passion, taking full advantage of the opportunity. On the other hand, I don't want to again invest what faith I have left in unrealistic expectations. This destroys both faith and momentum.
But there really is no such actual distinction. I was trying to use the differentiation as a study tool, and drawing lines between things that are not inherently separate so I can see the whole better.
Faith is supposed to move mountains. The fervent prayer of a righteous man is supposed to be effective, and impact the world around him. Process leads to outcome anyway, so faith without outcome (did James say works?) is dead. Process and outcome are necessarily linked, and faith necessarily implies expectations.
Blah. I can't get this line of thinking to go anywhere, so I'm abandoning it.
Furthermore, I don't think I have enough faith at present to do anything constructive. I used mine all up years ago, and although I know I'm developing more it's slow going and not yet strong. I believe (have faith?) that it will be someday, but alas, not today.
Besides, Life Is Good just now.
So, I have decided that rather than try to meet momentum with faith and seize the day, so to speak, I am instead going to continue to ride the wave of momentum that is already present in my life, and continue to be very thankful and aware of it. For now, I'm willing to go where ever it takes me, and enjoy whatever I find there and every step along the way.
I hope that's not a copout.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Great Expectations
"Momentum Builds Faith, but what kind?"
Part of my own struggle in life since forever has been a tendency to assign too much reality to my own perspective. Like an author believing his own novel is real, or assuming that 'truth' is actually whatever I believe it is. Like pepper on eggs, this attitude is a little bit necessary in life. But too much of it can be pretty disastrous.
As I continue to live out and think through momentum this year, and enjoy the snapshot of what momentum looks like from yesterday's post, I feel just a little caution flag rising up inside me. I want to have faith, and through faith I want to see concepts and ideals that I believe in become reality in every area of my life. This is a good thing, and I want the momentum of this year to bring it to fruition.
Faith implies expectations. "Faith is the evidence of things hoped for..." But faith IN the expectations is a recipe for disappointment. So maybe I need to think about faith the way doctors think about cholesterol. There's good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. Some of each is always present, but the plan is to decrease bad and increase good cholesterol, right?
I think the bad kind of faith can be called, "Faith in the Outcome".
I think the good kind of faith can be called, "Faith in the Process".
Faith in the Outcome can be represented by the "Name it and Claim it" crowd that believes our covenant with God gives us authority to call anything into or out of order by faith and in Jesus' name, and expect our words to have the same kind of impact as God's words when He created Light. Like Jesus calmed the storm and then turned to his disciples and criticized their lack of faith.
Faith in the Process can be represented by Daniel's statement, "We may indeed burn in your fire, O King. But we will not bow down to your image." God is with me, in me, and works through me. I will keep things right, intimate and in tune with Him, and He will direct my path. Nothing on earth is beyond His reach or exempt from His sovereignty and I know I belong to Him. The outcome be damned, I will follow Him by faith.
Placing too much faith in my own expectations has proven to be a costly and painful mistake in my life on several occasions. As momentum builds and creates faith inside of me again, I want to be careful to avoid those mistakes again. They hurt. They destroy faith and they stifle the very momentum that created the whole paradigm.
Hmmm. I think I shall need to discuss this for the next few days. Momentum is great, but I want to do the math right too.
Part of my own struggle in life since forever has been a tendency to assign too much reality to my own perspective. Like an author believing his own novel is real, or assuming that 'truth' is actually whatever I believe it is. Like pepper on eggs, this attitude is a little bit necessary in life. But too much of it can be pretty disastrous.
As I continue to live out and think through momentum this year, and enjoy the snapshot of what momentum looks like from yesterday's post, I feel just a little caution flag rising up inside me. I want to have faith, and through faith I want to see concepts and ideals that I believe in become reality in every area of my life. This is a good thing, and I want the momentum of this year to bring it to fruition.
Faith implies expectations. "Faith is the evidence of things hoped for..." But faith IN the expectations is a recipe for disappointment. So maybe I need to think about faith the way doctors think about cholesterol. There's good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. Some of each is always present, but the plan is to decrease bad and increase good cholesterol, right?
I think the bad kind of faith can be called, "Faith in the Outcome".
I think the good kind of faith can be called, "Faith in the Process".
Faith in the Outcome can be represented by the "Name it and Claim it" crowd that believes our covenant with God gives us authority to call anything into or out of order by faith and in Jesus' name, and expect our words to have the same kind of impact as God's words when He created Light. Like Jesus calmed the storm and then turned to his disciples and criticized their lack of faith.
Faith in the Process can be represented by Daniel's statement, "We may indeed burn in your fire, O King. But we will not bow down to your image." God is with me, in me, and works through me. I will keep things right, intimate and in tune with Him, and He will direct my path. Nothing on earth is beyond His reach or exempt from His sovereignty and I know I belong to Him. The outcome be damned, I will follow Him by faith.
Placing too much faith in my own expectations has proven to be a costly and painful mistake in my life on several occasions. As momentum builds and creates faith inside of me again, I want to be careful to avoid those mistakes again. They hurt. They destroy faith and they stifle the very momentum that created the whole paradigm.
Hmmm. I think I shall need to discuss this for the next few days. Momentum is great, but I want to do the math right too.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
What Momentum Looks Like
"And Mr. Happy's Best of Show Award for the Paseo Arts Festival goes to..."
As the whole universe knows by now, my theme for the year is Momentum - May it continue, and continue to increase. I've tried since December to describe what that means to me and discuss how it is unfolding in my life.
Now I walk into just another booth at the Paseo Arts Festival, and there it is, captured in clay, ready for me to buy, take home and hang on my wall. Perfect! One of the great things about art is that it can encapsulate months or years worth of thought in a single image.
There's not much point in discussing the image. After all, the image is not the thing. The thing is what I've already been discussing. The image is the representation of the thing.
So without further discussion, I give you what momentum looks like - "Rising Up Within You" by none other than Mr. Happy's 2011 Best Of Show Artist, Sean Corner. Check out his website. His work is really fantastic, and he seems like a great guy too - but probably straight.
Concerning the thing, not the image, I just want to say that I'm so ready. I feel just like the angel breaking out of and through the dust and haze of life as a beautiful, powerful, real and solid being, created by God through life and by faith and grace, for a purpose to be determined, limited only by the boundaries of imagination and inspiration.
And as I say, "I'm so ready", I also know that the process started long ago. The image and the thing is not something that will happen or even is happening. It's something that 'will have been' happening since before I ever existed.
So, thanks to Sean for capturing and encapsulating the process. And for those who are going through a similar experience in life of breaking out from life to Life, embrace the process without fear or hesitation.
And to those who deny the process and the experience altogether, wake up! It's OK to be wrong if being wrong helps you understand and embrace being right. You don't know your potential or destiny any more than I know mine. But I know I have potential and a destiny that is good. Reach outside of yourself and seek yours. You will not be disappointed.
As the whole universe knows by now, my theme for the year is Momentum - May it continue, and continue to increase. I've tried since December to describe what that means to me and discuss how it is unfolding in my life.
Now I walk into just another booth at the Paseo Arts Festival, and there it is, captured in clay, ready for me to buy, take home and hang on my wall. Perfect! One of the great things about art is that it can encapsulate months or years worth of thought in a single image.
So without further discussion, I give you what momentum looks like - "Rising Up Within You" by none other than Mr. Happy's 2011 Best Of Show Artist, Sean Corner. Check out his website. His work is really fantastic, and he seems like a great guy too - but probably straight.
Concerning the thing, not the image, I just want to say that I'm so ready. I feel just like the angel breaking out of and through the dust and haze of life as a beautiful, powerful, real and solid being, created by God through life and by faith and grace, for a purpose to be determined, limited only by the boundaries of imagination and inspiration.
And as I say, "I'm so ready", I also know that the process started long ago. The image and the thing is not something that will happen or even is happening. It's something that 'will have been' happening since before I ever existed.
So, thanks to Sean for capturing and encapsulating the process. And for those who are going through a similar experience in life of breaking out from life to Life, embrace the process without fear or hesitation.
And to those who deny the process and the experience altogether, wake up! It's OK to be wrong if being wrong helps you understand and embrace being right. You don't know your potential or destiny any more than I know mine. But I know I have potential and a destiny that is good. Reach outside of yourself and seek yours. You will not be disappointed.
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