Winding Down 2013

"I'm a Solid 'C' Student!"

As 2013 counts down, it's time to reflect on my year of Wellness and Strength. I've actually accomplished more than the numbers indicate, but the numbers aren't that impressive. Some other interesting things happened this year too.

To start with, I turned 50 in April. To celebrate, my bro and I went to Las Vegas for a long weekend. We went to the Elton John Concert and had a blast. In a random bar at a random casino on the Strip, we randomly ran into the ex-wife of a certain foreign exchange student from Belgium that we hosted in 1977. He never left the U.S., but left our family's world in 1985 or so. We hadn't seen or heard from him since.

Running into his ex led to renewed conversations and relationship with my brother that ran away from home, and we're ending 2013 with a visit from him. He came to town yesterday, and we all had dinner. We'll spend the rest of the week with him. It is just not possible to communicate in a blog post how miraculous, awesome and wonderful that is. (But I'm also mad as hell at him for disappearing these 27+ years). I guess on the 1-10 scale, I'm 8.5 mad and about 13 excited. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed.

Back to Wellness and Strength, I started vaping instead of smoking last December. I'm still smoking a little. My Brother quit completely in June and Mom quit November 1. Not only did I impact my own wellness and strength issues by mostly laying down cigarettes, the paradigm expanded to include the last smokers in my family - and they've been more successful at it than I was.

I've lost some weight. And I did it right. I changed my diet lifestyle and started working out. My performance deserves a grade of "C", but at least it's not an "F". There's much more to do, but the ball is rolling, and I fully expect the progress to continue in the months and years to come.

I walked away from the gay world this year, and no longer identify myself with this ethos. Like a candle that burns all the way down to the bottom until it runs out of wick, there was no particular fanfare with my exit from this paradigm. I'm just too old, too out of place and bored with it anyway.

After 30+ years away from it, I bought a trombone and rekindled my love of the music and the instrument I grew up with. And I am enjoying it more than ever. Not only do I get the benefit of playing, I can do it without being good enough or better than someone else. It's been a truly wonderful experience.

And I almost lost mom, who had a heart attack in November. She has had two stents (yes, I learned to spell it correctly!). She is doing well, but will have another procedure in January to fix an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm that is just as serious as her heart problems, but couldn't be fixed until the heart was stable.

Next year is lining up to be crazy. I think I've been a few baby steps away from crazy for a long time, but in 2014 I think I'm actually going there whether I want to or not. Since the journey has become inevitable, my plan is to put on my Big Boy pants and go there with attitude and enthusiasm, and not fear. Who knows? It might just be fun!

First New Year's Resolution:

"I may require an intervention."

I have a lot to say about the New Year, and it's coming. But today, I wish to formally announce to the world my first New Year's Resolution for 2014.

I resolve to refrain from purchasing or acquiring through other means any new shoes, boots, sandals, flip flops, slippers or variations thereof."

I am a shoe whore. I admit it. And I'm changing that next year.

Somebody was giving Nephew #4 of Six a hard time Christmas Day because nobody needs 10 pair of shoes. He was explaining why he needed the new pair he just opened so badly. I, always the good uncle, came to the boy's defense by confessing that I probably have forty pair - not including the ones I've shoved aside that don't fit or are so worn out they've been relegated to yard work attire (not that I do any, but 'there's a shoe for that').

And I realize that I have, in typical form for me, way overdone the shoe thing.

So I will recognize I have a problem and deal with it like a man. Does anyone know of a 12 step program for shoe addicts like me? Does each step require a different pair of shoes?

In preparation for my hiatus from shoe acquisitions, I got one pair for Christmas and bought three more pair during after Christmas sales already. But I'm drawing the line, by God.

No More Shoes.

I may cry now...

A Christmas Story

"I bet none of us got a Christmas gift like this. It sure is nice to help someone else get one."

Meet the recipient. His legs and feet don't work right. He gets around mostly on his hands and uses the rocks to protect himself from the harsh terrain. He lives in a village near Chirundu, Zambia. The farmer/pastor we support arranged for him to get some help.

He's climbing into his new wheelchair. Our company helped send the chair over, just in time for Christmas.

He doesn't need the rocks anymore.

I'll bet he remembers this Christmas for a long time

A Tale Of Two Dinners

"I may not eat anything else this year!"

I had the pleasure of partaking in two Christmas dinners this year. I don't think I've ever done that before. And I am stuffed still.

Mom cooked a rib eye roast, and it was outstanding. The family gathered and ate and opened presents. This is what we pretty much do every year. This year was about average for Christmas at our house. It was great, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't particularly exceptional, if that makes sense.

But this year, before the festivities started with my own family, I had dinner with the friend I went to Costa Rica with earlier this year. We had brisket, and it was delicious. There were seven of us at that dinner. My friend is a lawyer with the State Bar Association. His sister is a Methodist minister. A State Supreme Court judge and his wife were there and a Professor of Philosophy and Religious Studies from a local college joined us too. Finally, there was a genealogy expert as well.

There were several unique things about this particular dinner.

First, I don't think I've ever been to someone else's Christmas dinner.

Second, I was the only idiot at the table.

Third, and this is hard to say, I really liked everyone. This is a group of people I really enjoyed being around - more than my own family. There. I said it.

I'm not sure why. We didn't get involved in any deep discussions. As a matter of fact, dinner conversation was mostly about cooking. The group represents a wide range of economic, social and political persuasions. I know some of their stories, and they (and their families) are as screwed up as mine - or more. I cannot explain why I enjoyed hanging with this group of people so much. But I really did.

I would really like to be in a monthly dinner club with these folks or something.

But it bothers me a little that I had a better time at Christmas dinner with somebody else's friends than I did with my own family.

If A Christmas Tree Falls And Nobody Hears It...

"There is more than one way not to hear."

Usually my Christmas Musings revolve around the Christmas Star. If is a visible sign of hope for the whole world, and shines to herald the coming of Christ for all generations. I love thinking about the wise men who started the trip, following the star. I'm not sure how many wise men there were, but I'm pretty confident that more started the trip than finished it.

This year, my thoughts surround the music - the sound - of Christmas. We sing the old hymns, but do we really hear them? We are inundated with the noise of Christmas, but do we distinguish the noise from the sound of it?

It's almost a cliche to talk about remembering the reason for Christmas, and not get sidetracked by the commercialism, hustle, blah, blah. That's sort of what I'm thinking about this year - but not quite. Separating the music from the noise is a good thing. But having done that, we also need to hear the music, not just recognize or appreciate it, but let it in. We need to experience the sound of Christmas.

The Christmas star stands out as a guide. It gives hope and purpose to those who follow it. It gives assurance and motivation to stay focused and on target. It helps is not be discouraged, distracted, despondent or defeated in our pursuit of Christ. The wise men completed the trip. We will too. And the rewards, as we present ourselves as living sacrifices before Him, are tremendous. The star guides from afar and leads us forward.

But the music of Christmas is more immediate. Somehow, it is more tangible than the idealistic and futuristic connotation of the star. "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus", "Away In A Manger", "Silent Night", The First Noel" and a hundred other carols all talk about an event long ago. But the connotation of the music is to bring that moment in history to us today - each Christmas, right now.

The carols, the Christmas Story (Luke 2), etc. remind us that Immanuel (God With Us, Revealed In Us) is more than a major historical event, but it is an ongoing event, day by day in our lives. Just as God's Words "Let there be light" created an ongoing event we call the universe, the words of Christmas, the Incarnation of Christ, create an ongoing event inside each and every one of us. An event that has a beginning, an impact and a consummation.

As we look at the Christmas star and follow it intentionally and diligently, we also need to hear the music of Christmas and allow its creative and ongoing impact to influence the very core of our beings. Because of the star, we know that everything will be different and better. Because of the music, it already is.

Let's not ignore the star. And let's not let the music be drowned out by anything...not even the tradition of Christmas itself. Let's allow the music and the coming of Christ to change us, remake us and give us peace this year and forever.

Merry Christmas.

1 Cor 6:9-10

"Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Lord Thy God In Vain."

I have thought forever that Duck Dynasty is the stupidest show on TV. But I'm all about political and social agendas. We all have them. We all have issues we believe in deeply, and want to see changed. Since I have a blog, I think I shall promote mine here:

My issue is the drunks. I believe very strongly that a third conviction for DUI should be a capital offense, and should incur the death penalty. Drunk drivers kill people - innocent people who were not involved in the perpetrator's decision to get drunk and did not receive any benefit or pleasure from that decision.

Further, violent crimes such as child or spousal abuse, rape, assault or anything associated with firearms when the suspect was drunk at the time of the incident should incur the death penalty on the first offense.

That may sound harsh, but violent drunks and drunk drivers cause incredible harm and should be purged from society.

That's my opinion, and I am allowed to have one.

But when I escalate that opinion to the level of spiritual truth, documented by snapshots of scripture like 1 Cor. 6:9-10, which clearly states that "neither [blah, blah], nor drunkards [blah, blah] have any part in the kingdom of God", when I tell all of the Christians they aren't following Christ if they disagree with me, when I use the Bible (God's Holy, self expression to man) to justify and solidify my social/political opinion and coerce others into submission to it, have I not violated the Third Commandment?

Using the name of Jesus and all that He stands for to promote any agenda is exactly what the Third Commandment forbids. And we do it all the time. Hitler killed 6 million Jews in Jesus' name and the Catholic Church sat by in silent agreement. The concept has been used to persecute and discriminate against all kids of people groups throughout history including blacks, divorced women, kids born out of wedlock, and a whole lot more.

This is as wrong as anything else on the planet. Period.

Which is more important, the Third Commandment or the First Amendment?

I Am Shopped Out!

"One for you, One for me. One for you, Two for me."

I usually love Christmas Shopping. I typically buy more stuff for myself, always on sale, than for anybody else. I also really enjoy being out and among 'em at the malls and stores - for a while. Then, when it gets stressful and not fun, I go home.

This year, I just wasn't in to it. Black Friday starting at 2:00 PM Thanksgiving Day was offensive. I don't need a damn thing (so I didn't have anything to shop for). For the most part, the people I need to give gifts to don't need anything either. Besides (like me) if they want something, they go buy it.

I didn't think the sales were particularly good this year. Everything I saw fell in to the "same ol' shit" category or else the "why would they possibly think I want that" category.

I did find some cool presents for my important peeps. Things they won't expect and wouldn't have thought of.

But the result of all of the above is that for the first time ever, I'm done - long before Christmas. Every present is bought, paid for, wrapped and ready.

I've even had time to burn myself out on Christmas carols, both listening to them and playing them. I still have to get Handel's Messiah in sometime this year. Maybe this weekend.

Then it will be time to have Christmas and be done with it. I think I'm ready.

Bethany, Oklahoma's Sad Demise

"I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. If a decent wage for firefighters threatens the fiscal stability of the city, people that live there better pay attention!"

I am embarrassed of my home town. For many years, Bethany, Oklahoma has been in demise. I graduated high school in 1981. There were 683 seniors in my class. Now there aren't 683 students at the whole high school - and they added a grade too.

There are many reasons for the decline. But it used to be a great place to live and grow up. Now, it's just mean and terrible. From city leadership to the police department to the religious kooks that control the place, Bethany has suffered greatly during a time of relative prosperity and growth for the rest of the OKC Metro area.

But this post is not really to criticize Bethany. That would take a whole book, and would be totally unnecessary anyway.

This post is about the recent controversy between city leaders and the fire department. The fire department union pushed for a raise and won through arbitration. The City responded by agreeing to the raise and cutting staff. The story is here.

I understand fiscal responsibility. But Bethany already pays firefighters 25% less than surrounding municipalities. Are they really so defunct that they can't staff the fire department properly and pay a decent living wage? Things really are getting bad there.

Firefighters are part of a group of people that we really need, and they usually get the very short end of the deal. They, along with police officers, social workers and a host of other public servants, see the worst of society. Firefighters do a lot more than fight fires. They work car accidents, medical calls, and a whole lot more. Whenever anybody thinks he needs help, the fire department is the default answer.

And that kind of work takes its toll. Many of these guys get calloused and bitter and suffer personal tragedy that is entirely a result of their chosen vocation. And society needs their sacrifice. We can't get along without them, even if many of them live miserable lives and die young helping the rest of us. It takes a very special person to be a public servant and not be victimized and traumatized by the experience.

But it's just wrong to ask them to to do that and not even pay them enough to live - or, like Bethany, use them as pawns in a power struggle.

A Carton Every 40 Days?

"I hope Mom doesn't start smoking again."

Mom quit smoking November 1. I almost quit when I started vaping last December.

Mom used to smoke 2 1/2 packs a day, or a carton every 4 days. Doing some math, 365 days in a year times 2 1/2 packs a day is 912 packs per year. 10 packs in a carton comes down to 91 cartons a year. I smoked about the same. That's another 91 cartons a year.

Cigarettes cost between $50 and $55 per carton presently. That's $50 times 182 cartons = $9100/yr for mom and me to smoke.

Being forever mad at the government for taxing them so much, and forever broke, I found that by rolling my own cigarettes, I could make them for $10.57 per carton. So a few years back I cut the smoking costs to $10.57 times 182 cartons = $1,923 for mom and me to smoke. The downside? It took almost an hour a day, every single day, to make enough cigarettes for both of us. I cut that in half last December, so I have only been spending 30 minutes a day making cigarettes.

One of the biggest questions I had when I bought my trombone earlier this year was, "Where am I going to find 30-45 minutes a day to play this thing?" It takes that much time. I can't stand to play badly. I didn't have time to budget for this.

It has been a wonderful gift to be able to reallocate 30-45 minutes a day away from something harmful (but necessary?) toward something enjoyable and healthy. I have had time to play the horn for no other reason except that I'm not making cigarettes.

Some days after Mom quit smoking, I opened a new carton of tubes (to make the few that I smoke still). I can't remember which day it was. Probably November 3 or maybe 5. This is December 13, and I just now opened another carton.

That's pretty much 40 days per carton. Translate to 9 times $10.57 = less than $100/year.

Suddenly I realize that I can pay for the trombone 3 times, have time to play it and still save money in just the first year.

If I ever needed proof of concept on the Wellness and Strength year, I now have it! Wow!

Thanks, Mom!

Melodious Etude No. 11

"This is why I bought a trombone!"

There is a famous trombone study guide called "Melodious Etudes For Trombone" that has been around for a hundred years, but I never used it during my trombone playing time. The idea behind it is, it is a method book that lets trombone students play exercises that are arranged as music. It is used the world over by trombone players on every level. I picked up a copy when I got my trombone earlier this year.

I have very much enjoyed working my way through the book, playing pieces that I think sound good. Some of it is beyond my ability, and I hack through it the best I can. After not playing for 27 years, I am amazed that I can still play any of it.

There is a fundamental difference between playing classical music and playing jazz. Jazz music has boundaries, not rules. As long as you stay within the boundaries, anything goes. The point to playing jazz is to be creative, spontaneous and interpretive. The idea is to express oneself and (again, within the boundaries) play your heart out.

Classical music is different. The issue here is to express the music - appropriately and exactly as it was designed and written to be expressed. The objective is to honor the music and the composer (creator) by performing it to the level of proficiency and standard for which it was composed.

There is room for both in the world of music, but there is an absolute distinction between the two. The principle, which deserves much more thought and comment that I can provide here, applies to a whole bunch of different paradigms in life. Jazz is about expressing myself musically. Classical music is all about the music. This distinction and contradiction applies to religion and our relationship with God, to work, to marriage, raising kids, and a whole lot more. Knowing the difference between Jazz and Classical music, and knowing when use each approach is a really important life skill.

But my point for today is just how good I felt this morning playing Melodious Etude No. 11. When you play a piece like that really well - above your own ability. When it sounds and feels just perfect, it gives you goose bumps. At the end of it this morning, I actually cried a little. It was so right. And nothing in a world based on this music can ever be that wrong.

This is why I bought a trombone.

Feels almost as good as getting licked by a horse!

Running From An Avalanche

"Don't look back! They may be gaining on you."

Sorry for the Blogging Blackout. It's just been busy. Mom had Round 2 of having stints put in her heart, we've had a major (by Oklahoma standards) snowstorm, it's end of year time at work, Christmas parties, working out, eating too much, and everything else you can think of has been going on.

Plus, this is my time of year to be introspective.

I've been reviewing my year of "Wellness and Strength" and charting a course for next year. 2011 was a year of Momentum (May the momentum continue, and continue to increase). 2012 was a year to coast and enjoy. 2013 was all about "Wellness and Strength". There is measurable progress but I'm still not where I need to be. So what will 2014 bring?

We're in the end of year airplane buying mode too, which means that I have a bunch of bills at work for which there is no money to pay. It was this way last year too, but it seems worse this year - or else everything else is getting to me and I don't have enough energy to feel the checking account's pain.

In any case, this will all pass soon. In the mean time, I am reminding myself that I have a pretty stress free life compared to most people. Times like now, once everything settles down again, are just reminders of how good life really is.

Besides all of that, it's Christmas time. I have taken time to really enjoy playing along with Pandora's Jazz Holiday Radio on my trombone and piano now and then. My Christmas theme this year is Music, and I only pulled out Christmas decorations that tie in to music.

In my world,, Music = Sanity. Every couple or few years, I allocate time to listen to the complete performance of Handel's Messiah. I have every intention of devoting time to that endeavor this year especially. That single act may turn out to be the biggest contributor to my year long Wellness and Strength theme.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's one thing to be thankful for stuff - family, material stuff, status in life overall, whatever.

It's another thing to be thankful to someone - God, family, employer, whatever.

It's still another thing to be thankful for surviving and prospering through a situation or season of life.

It's still another thing to Give Thanks.

As I celebrate Thanksgiving this year, I want to emphasize the Giving part of Thanksgiving, intentionally and specifically in every paradigm of life. I am Thankful. But just now, in addition to being thankful, I want to Give Thanks.

Vancouver Bans Door Knobs. Really?

"And I thought Oklahoma City trying to ban E-Cigarettes was bad."

So, as if the world needs proof that government is getting too big, to invasive, too restrictive, too much, our neighbor to the north drives the point home.

Do we really need government on any level meddling with how we open doors? Whether a door is opened with a knob or a lever just doesn't seem to pass the importance test as far as I'm concerned. The fact that there are city councils, county commissioners, state committees and federal agencies that have absolutely nothing better to do than study such things demonstrates clearly that there should be no budget deficits. There is a lot of money that just doesn't need to be spent.

I could rant about this forever, and get totally depressed for the future of human life. No wonder government is so broke. If I catch anyone in our business worrying about such trivial issues, I make it a point to give them something more important to worry about. On one occasion, I suggested that a certain employee work on his resume instead of the BS he was so worked up about.

What a bunch of crap! I think I'll use the door knob on my office door to close it long enough for a nap so I can forget I read about Vancouver banning door knobs.

No More Excuses

"If my breathing is OK, why can't I jog more the 2 minutes?"

Well, the sleep study results are in, and I don't need a CPAP. Further, the Dr. did a PFT (Pulmonary Function Test), and I passed with flying colors. There is virtually no damage to my lungs after 30 years of smoking. My lungs are clear and strong. Any shortness of breath I experience while working out is related to conditioning, not smoking.

I think the Dr. was giving me good news. He thought I should be thrilled, and I am from a certain point of view. It's fun to know that I will probably not follow in line with my father and grandfather, who died in their early fifties from COPD, emphysema and other smoking related complications. But there's another angle to consider.

My standby excuse for poor performance in the gym, general lethargic lifestyle, the amount of time I spend asleep (or wishing I were asleep), lack of interest in almost everything and life overall has been taken away. I had a stress test and some other routine 50 year old stuff done earlier this year, and my heart is as strong as ever too. So the two main concerns with my 30 year smoking addition have pretty much evaporated for now.

So, why do I get so winded after just a couple of minutes running slowly on the treadmill? I could understand it before. Last year while I was still smoking, I could barely walk fast for a few minutes. I am doing a lot better.

I remember back in college when I was encouraged to run. I had friends who very much enjoyed going for a good run in the morning. I never could do it. After just a few minutes, I just ran out of air. From then on, it was just meaningless torture to run more. And that was before I ever smoked a cigarette.

So I'm trying to work on breathing better. Maybe pushing my lower jaw forward and stuff. I tried it on the treadmill this week, and it seems to help a little. Maybe the bottom line is that I just need to do the one thing I don't know how to do...

Try harder.

The Vaping Backlash Exposed

"Water looks like Vodka and Gin, so don't drink it because it could lead to alcoholism and death."

I am now approaching the one year anniversary of mostly vaping instead of smoking. I am not alone. My brother (who ridiculed me for months before he actually tried it) hasn't had a cigarette since May. My mom is on day 15 of vaping instead of smoking - after telling me under no uncertain terms that after 63 years of smoking, she was not going to vape instead.

These stories are neither unique or atypical. Thousands and thousands of people in the U.S. and Europe have finally found a way to stop smoking without killing anyone - a feat that Medical Science and the Tobacco industry have attempted and failed at many times over the past fifty years.

Yet the backlash against vaping is loud and strong - especially from the very industries that should be reveling in its succes. The reason behind this stance is that the anti-tobacco industry has become just that…an industry.

It is a body composed of many parts. There are the pharmaceutical corporations who make billions of dollars off of Chantix, Wellbutrin, Nicorette, etc. There are organizations such as Truth. org which employ many people who are dependent on the continuing panic of tobacco-induced health risks for job security. There are doctors, lawyers, etc. who have concentrated their practices on tobacco-related issues. There are many government agencies who benefit from the tobacco taxes. So the mere mention of something that could possibly make many of these different companies and organizations obsolete is a frightening and threatening proposition. This makes no sense at all.

The main arguments against vaping are:

It looks like smoking, therefore must be bad. (The quote above demonstrates how silly that argument is.)

It lends itself to a false sense of security that may entice people to become addicted to nicotine who would never smoke. (Try applying that argument to condom use as a way to reduce teenage pregnancies or the spread of STD's.)

We don't know whether they're safe. There's not enough data. (We know that smoking isn't safe, and kills thousands each year. Let's save some of those lives while the research continues, eh?)

They contain arsenic and other bad chemicals. (As does baby food, the patches and gum they're so proud of and thousands of other products we use every day. The FDA can't find anything harmful about the nicotine juice that doesn't apply to all kinds of other products they have deemed safe for human consumption.)

There really aren't any more substantial reasons for the bitter, hateful opposition to e-cigarettes. And there have already been many, many efforts to find a smoking gun in this fledgling industry.

Experience is everything. My experience, and that of many close to me and thousands in the world around me is nothing but positive. Why can't we just leave it there and let everyone go on with their lives?

It Was So Fun The First Time

"Mom's going back for more heart stints."

I took my mom to the cardiologist for her follow up appointment after her heart attack. They said she's recovering nicely and they want to schedule the procedure for the other two stints in a couple or three weeks. They're telling us it's not nearly as traumatic when we do it on purpose - and not in the middle of a coronary 'incident'.

Mom is doing much better. She's almost back to where she was before the first incident. Maybe gets tired a little quicker.

I'm recovering too. Most people lose their parents at some point in life. The other way around is really not fair. Parents should never have to bury their children. I lost my dad in 1991. I probably came closer than I want to know about to losing Mom a couple of weeks ago. Of course I had to think about that a little. Books have been written on losing loved ones and coping with it. I think I shall not need to read them.

At Mom's house while she was in the hospital, I looked around at all of the accumulated stuff from several generations of our family. It's all the stuff that Mom loves. I love a little of it too, but not much. I remember thinking that when she dies, all of this will turn to dust as far as I'm concerned. Then I thought about how callous that would sound if I put it in my blog.

I don't mean for it to be callous or hard hearted. It's just how it is. I have been a good son to Mom, and she has been a terrific mother. The day will come when that role is completed for both of us. When she dies, I will miss her. But I will not grieve much. I have no regrets. I've lived my life the way I have for these 50 years to avoid having to look at someone important that I've lost, regretting things that I did (or didn't) do or say.

I know. That all sounds good. We'll see what happens when the time comes.

The good news is, that day is not today.

Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen

"It doesn't work in Europe."

I can find absolutely nothing profound to say about 11/12/13. I can't even think of anything smart-ass to say about it. But it's still cool.

Somebody should have predicted the end of the world today. It makes as much sense as 12/21/12. But as far as I can tell nobody did.

(Does that actually make it more probable that the world will end sometime today?)

So I thought of an idea. Why can't eleven/twelve/thirteen be a day when something good happens to each and every person on the planet? That is every bit as likely as doomsday, isn't it? Or perhaps today can be a day that begins a whole new cycle of goodness such that the world has never experienced before. What if today could be a day when the whole culture shifts from self centered, self saturation to something better?

Well, it's just a thought.

Mom Had A Heart Attack

"Some days, the world turns faster than others."

At 74 years old (the last 63 of which as a smoker), my mother experienced a heart attack last Thursday.

It wasn't the sudden catastrophic kind. It was the more subtle, don't feel a bit good kind. After 36 hours of feeling bad, she started having a hard time breathing, and we called for help. Within 45 minutes, the EMS folks took her to the Oklahoma Heart Hospital, the staff diagnosed the problem and completed the stint procedure to completely open up a 100% blocked artery. From 911 call to recovery was a total of 45 minutes. That's amazing.

She was in the hospital all weekend, resting and being pampered. I was up there with her, taking care of her house and dogs, intercepting calls from friends and family (how fast the gossip channels work!), talking to doctors, fetching chocolate pudding, worrying and contemplating life without her, etc. By the time she came home Sunday night, I was exhausted.

Our family has a history of leaving this world through heart attacks - the sudden kind that come from nowhere and are over as fast as they start. Mom's older brother died that way in 1996, and Mom's mother died that way in 1984. My mom has always said she wants to go that way, and even told the cardiologist that before they did the stint procedure. "I'm going to die of a heart attack. But not today."

The events of the weekend have caused some serious reflection, and some awesome circumstances surrounded the main attraction. More about those coming soon, I'm sure.

But for now, it's great that she's home and feeling better - and that I can get some rest.

An Answer For healthcare.gov

"One Good Idea Can Change History."

So, just for fun, here's my idea for fixing the problems with healthcare.gov.

Why not use the geeks at the NSA?

Since they aren't allowed to tap cell phones of foreign heads of state, and aren't allowed to spy on the U.N. anymore, and are obviously smart enough to do those things,

Why not reallocate their obvious talent and ingenuity to making the Health Insurance Website work properly?

Just a thought.

Sleep

"Somnum puer, somnus et non evigilabit donec dicitur."

In the early or mid 1990's, I sold and installed our medical practice management software in the first Sleep Disorder Clinic I had ever heard of. I quizzed the staff what their practice, and what a sleep center was all about. I remember thinking that this was silly, and a total insurance scam.

I thought that trouble sleeping would be a result of some other problem. Find the real problem and fix it, then the patient will sleep better. Be it digestive, stress related, sinus issues or any number of other problems, it just seemed to make more sense to find and fix the underlying cause of poor sleep, not work on the sleep.

Now, of course, there are sleep centers all over the place.

About 7 years ago, my brother had a sleep study, and got a CPAP machine. He said it made a world of difference. I was skeptical. So a couple of months ago in San Francisco, the guy who let me camp out in his hotel room mentioned that I stopped breathing a lot at night, then gasped for air. He suggested I get a CPAP too, and has bugged me constantly about it since.

I found a practice that does the sleep studies at home without all of the fuss of a night at the hospital. We're doing my sleep study this week, but the Dr. already told me to get ready for one of those machines. I've been asking around, and found 10 people within my circle who have such a device. Exactly five of them say it is the greatest thing ever. They talk about their sleep mask the way I talk about vaping. Their enthusiasm and testimony about how much good these devices really do is encouraging.

The other five went through the study, got a machine but don't use it. They're uncomfortable, too much trouble, don't work, blah, blah.

The ones who use them say that they get a full night's sleep in about five hours, wake up energized and rested and ready for the day. I don't think I have ever - ever felt that way in the morning. I need a pot of coffee and half a pack of smokes (before I started vaping, anyway) before I can even focus on waking up. Hmmm.

I have never felt that sleeping is on the list of things I'm no good at. I sleep a lot. I have always considered it fortuitous that I have the luxury of sleeping 7+ hours at night. I always thought this is something I did pretty well.

Maybe it's time I considered a different perspective. Is there a possibility that my sleeping IS the underlying problem? Or is it all hocus-pocus?

Struggles

"The results of struggling with oneself: Victory, Failure or Frustration!"

Seems like life has been extraordinarily easy lately - cept for the struggles I'm having with myself. I hate times like that, but they are inevitable at times, I guess. But just now, on every front, I'm facing opposition. Not opposition from outside, just from myself. What the hell do I do about that?

SMOKING
I haven't smoked so much since last December when I started vaping. I've always had the mindset that I'm not quitting smoking, I'm choosing to vape instead. And overall, that works really, really well most of the time. There are times when vaping doesn't cut it. First thing in the morning, I don't want to philosophize, negotiate, compromise or be reasonable. I want a cigarette, NOW! So I have one. At first, I smoked 2 or 3 real cigarettes a day. Now it's five or six and maybe more if it's a really bad day. Not sure why all of a sudden I want to smoke more, or how to fight it.

Plus, even smoking 5-6 cigs a day is a helluva lot better than two and a half packs. In context, I'm still doing really well, but I want to do better. And I was a few months ago.

WEIGHT LOSS
I'm trying not to eat too much, and concentrating on eating the right (or better) food this year. I lost over 20 lbs. and really have changed my eating habits. I went from 221 to 200 lbs. by eating better and working out. But the momentum stopped there. I don't know why. I'm still eating better and less, and I'm still working out. But I'm back up to 206 lbs. and continuing to gain. I can't figure out why or what to do about it.

If I eat less, I want to smoke more. I can't handle being hungry and wanting a cigarette all of the time. I want to lose another 20 (now 25) lbs, and have absolutely no idea what to do from here. I think I'm doing everything right for the most part, and not experiencing the results I want. Now What?

WORKING OUT
I'm still doing it, but I hate it more now than ever. I don't like my trainer very much, but am doing everything he says without complaining (too much). But I am disliking the medicine, and (see previous paragraph) and not getting anywhere. I really am getting stronger. I can easily do stuff now that I could never have done last year. I am losing fat. I am wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear in years. There is progress from a certain point of view, but I'm not where I need to be.

The obvious answer for all of the above is, "Try Harder". If I had any more to give I would have already. Try harder is no help.

PLAYING TROMBONE
I'm having a ball. I'm loving playing again, and am not as bad as I thought I would be. But I don't have enough time to play as much as I want or progress to the level I want to be. I am doing well, but could do so much better if I could find another half hour each day to invest in this area.

My emphasis this year is "wellness and strength". I'm not depressed about my progress, but I am growing more frustrated at the slow pace. I need an answer to this dilemma, and a way to get off of high center.

And I may have found one. Stay tuned.

Obamacare Impact So Far

"Republicans might have been better off to let Obamacare fail all on its own."

I'm not a fan of Obamacare. It makes no sense. The first object of universal healthcare should be to improve public health. Obamacare does nothing on this front. Forcing people to buy auto insurance doesn't lead to better driving, and forcing people to buy health insurance doesn't lead to better health.

If people living in the U.S. would live more healthy lifestyles, eat better, exercise now and then, drink less alcohol and vape instead of smoke, there would be less need (demand) for healthcare. The supply/demand equation would work the way it should in free market economies, and prices would go down.

If you want to increase access to healthcare, you either have to reduce demand or increase supply. Nothing else will work. I do not think Obamacare is about health, healthcare or access to healthcare. I think it is about money.

Oklahoma's FY-2012 budget for medicaid is around $4.5 Billion dollars. Statistics indicate that each nondisabled Oklahoman covered by medicaid costs the State $4,500. In Oklahoma, 679,000 kids and well over a million people total are covered by medicaid. This one program consumes 13% of the state budget. There are only 4 million people living in the state. Medicaid covers One out of Four of them? Obamacare wants to expand medicaid coverage. How the hell are we going to do that?

At my company, we're cutting back insurance benefits this year. We're increasing deductibles and co-insurance, therefore increasing each employee's exposure if something bad happens. We're also not providing spouse or dependent coverage for free anymore. But what choice do we have? I pay the bills here, and I know that insurance costs are two and a half times higher now than they were four years ago. If we keep our insurance plan that we've had for the past 10 years, our rates will go up again in January.

Insurance costs for all of our employees have gone from $4,000/month 5 years ago to $10,000 per month next year. We're bailing, not increasing coverage. It's sad, but unavoidable.

At least we're not cutting staff...yet.

So The Democrats "Won"?

"When the game's over, it all goes back in the box."

Well, the government is back open. The radical House Republicans were put in their place. The democrats won hands down. All's well?

Remember, I'm a political cynic. I don't have any respect for most republicans, democrats, politicians, bureaucrats, lobbyists or any of the other labels you can place on people who think they run things. Government, now more than ever, is something to be avoided and to work around. As an institution, it does not have my (or anyone's) best interests in mind on any level, and any benefits we receive from government is incidental to the process.

Government can only limit or take away freedom. Freedom is built in to the human equation. God gave each of us free will, and life provides consequences to our actions within the paradigm we live in. Government claims to improve that paradigm, and to the extent that it does, I'm all for it. But that's not inherently what any government, now or at any time in the past has done.

Government does not create wealth (sorry, Mr. Obama). Government only redistributes wealth. Again, the paradigm argument goes here. Government creates the paradigm under which I can create wealth, and give it to the government for redistribution. But for every example of that principle, there is an example of government limiting or eliminating my ability to create wealth.

So the Democrats won the showdown. What did they win?

An extension of the argument for a few months (same as they won last time?).

The ability to deepen the debt problems we face because all of government spends trillions of dollars we don't have. (Is that a victory?).

What did the Republicans lose?

Face. Not because they lost the battle, but because nobody (not even the leaders of the party) knew what they were trying to accomplish anyway.

I think we all lose. But it's just a game. God never created us to spend our whole lives chasing dollars. This money game is just a made up game, played with money that has no intrinsic value. And the game's almost over.

Pretty soon, it will all go back in the box and a new game will start. And we can do it all over again.

Illusions

"The Sooners Laid An Egg."

Gathered around the TV, I did, with a couple of folks Saturday morning. Ready to watch Mack Brown's final, dismal performance as head coach of the Longhorns against the Sooners in the infamous Red River Rivalry, I was. Alas, maybe next year.

What should have been an easy victory for the Sooners turned instead into an embarrassing performance - even for the mediocre team OU has this year. It's one thing to beat Texas when we're good and they're not (see the last three meetings between the two). But to soundly beat them when we're not very good would have been even more delicious. I can, even now, smell the cremated flesh of Bevo, bar-b-Que sauce and all the fixins. Ummm. How many times have I had the pleasure of indulging in that particular feast!

But it wasn't to be. We dropped touchdown passes, threw interceptions and got beat up on the offensive line bad. Our defense looked like they haven't seen a running play since little league. Even for a mediocre team, we played poorly.

And UT came to play football. They beat us in every facet of the game.

Now the Sooners will displace some worthy JuCo team (TCU?) at this year's "Sorry You Suck" Bowl.

And it will be up to OSU and Baylor (Gawd!) to prove to the world that the Longhorns really are as bad as all of the UT fans thought they were going in to last Saturday's game.

And the saddest part is that the casual observer might be under the illusion that Texas actually has a pretty good team or that Mack Brown is actually a good coach. What a bunch of crap.

As I shake my head at Stoops and the Sooners, and chuckle at the Longhorns, I feel the urge to talk about something of actual importance. Did anyone see Duck Dynasty last week?

Music: Audible, Emotional, Intellectual and Intrinsic

"Experiencing Music and a whole lot more."

I tripped over the perfect book as a companion to my return to the trombone after so many years. The book is called "Common Sense for Comeback Chops". I found it totally by accident when I looked up my Jr High trombone instructor. He wrote a book that I bought just for the nostalgia of it. This book was on the same website, so I bought it too. It's fun to find a good read. But to find one apparently written just for me, totally by accident is awesome!

I've read exactly one page of it. Already I have enough to occupy my small mind for several days. In discussing the hunger to return to playing after an extended absence, especially a number of years, the author discusses the intrinsic expression of music as something completely different from hearing, thinking about or even being moved by it.

We hear music all the time. We listen to it on purpose now and then. We think about sometimes - maybe a certain piece's place in history, the message it presents, the beauty of it or something. We are moved by it often. Music invokes a reaction as an association with events or circumstances that have meaning for us. For example, hearing our college fight song takes us right back to the stadium in the middle of a good game. The song we share with a significant other rekindles a whole lot of emotion sometimes good feelings and sometimes regret.

But creating music, at the time and place of one's own choosing, and shaping it and forming it with one's own lips is a completely different way to experience music. Expressing oneself through it (as opposed to responding to someone else's expression) is intrinsically different. Even if I've played a song before, I've never played it like I am now. Just as there are millions of apples and each apple is different and unique, so it is with playing music.

The author of the book expresses this concept better. But for me, it is exactly what I am so hungry for. I want to play - even if nobody ever hears it. I want to create, to imitate, to belong to the music I play, and know it intimately. I can almost (but not quite) get there with the guitar and piano. (It would be easier if I could play better.) But for me, I will again be able to do that with the trombone. I can't wait to get there.

And it occurs to me that the concept presented on the very first page of this book applies to a whole bunch of different paradigms. Playing basketball on a team is intrinsically different than watching it, studying it, cheering for a favorite team or player, or critiquing it.

Building a business is a completely different thing from taking business classes or working in a cubicle for someone else's business. Being a parent is a completely different experience than being around kids or studying early childhood development.

I can experience God through Christianity. I can know what the bible says, and can think about it, study it, try to figure out ways to apply it, etc. But intrinsically experiencing Christ, with the intimacy with which I play a song on the trombone, the passion for creating it, the hunger for belonging to it is something else I used to experience more of.

And I want that back too.

The "Nay's" Have It.

"I therefore did it anyway!"

I looked at the opportunity to buy a trombone and start playing again every way I could think of, and just couldn't figure out how to say, "Yes".

I don't think the world needs another trombone player. The only way to get rid of one standing on your porch is to pay for the pizza you ordered.

I don't think I have an hour a day to practice with this thing. I played in school for 2-3 hours a day, and hardly ever found time to practice outside of that.

I have other things to do with money right now besides investing in a fantasy that came out of nowhere, and could return there at any moment.

I already have both a guitar and a piano. I can invest my musical energy into those.

I can't think of an excuse to buy one and start playing again - other than I want to just now.

It was still a close vote. The committee in my head argued passionately. The discussion was strange: Everybody was arguing in the affirmative, but whenever they voted, the decision came out the other way. It's almost like each committee member wanted everyone to vote, "Yes" so that their own "No" vote would be irrelevant. That's about the strangest argument I've ever had with myself - and there have been many over the years.

Finally there came a breakthrough. Somewhere in my head, someone made the following speech:

"Of course it makes no sense to get a trombone and pretend you're a musician. That decision was made years ago, and nothing in the whole universe is indicating that the decision was wither incorrect or outdated. Forget about that.

"But there has never been a more beautiful piece of art than a Conn 48H trombone, with a rose brass slide and a nickel, bright silver bell. We can justify buying one out of the 'art' budget, not out of the 'hobby' budget (as if either budget actually exists). In that these horns haven't been produced since 1969, their value will only appreciate. So let's buy it as art. And we can play it too if we want"

The motion passed unanimously and enthusiastically.

I got the horn last Friday and have managed to cause every cat in the neighborhood to flee to Texas. So far, I am not unimpressed with the results.

The Government Shuts Down

"...and I've got a picture of Richard Pryor!"

Sometime back, so long ago I can't remember the source, someone was babbling on about something meaningless. Not wanting to be rude and say, "Who gives a shit?", somebody interjected that they had a picture of Richard Pryor.

That has now become the standard way around our office of politely telling someone that you're not interested in whatever they're talking about.

"I saw the coolest thing on Duck Dynasty last night!"

"Really? Wow! I've got a picture of Richard Pryor!"

I have personally used that line many times on telemarketers. It stops them cold.

I used it once in the middle of a company meeting when by brother announced some actually important event. Once everyone quit laughing, the announcement was actually much more effective.

So now our government is supposedly shut down. and who cares?

People who count on the government for handouts care. They may not get the government cheese.

People who work for the government and are furloughed care. Don't they know this is just the flip side of all of the free holidays they get?

People wanting to visit the U.S. care. They can't get visas.

The only impact we've seen on our lives in and around my office is that we can't buy any airplanes because the office at the FAA that registers them is closed.

I have thought for years that we would not see another shutdown because nobody involved - Republicans, Democrats, Congress, the President, the media, the military - nobody wants the American public to know how irrelevant most of the Federal Government is to our daily lives.

I guess the morons in Washington forgot that they don't want us to know that.

I Wanna Do That!

"This guy could at least make it look hard."



I think he missed a note in there somewhere. Schmuck!

The Musician's Advantage

"At Least I Have An Option."

In further consideration of the question of purchasing a nice trombone and regaining my proficiency in this area, I got to thinking about the music paradigm vs. the sports paradigm. My thoughts drifted to high school athletes who thought they were really good (and some actually were), but whose playing career - much like my music career - ended abruptly years ago.

I remember going to my ten year high school reunion, the last and only one I intend to attend. I watched (with no little disdain) as all of the jocks (fat and balding by that time) sat around and watched old football game footage and congratulated themselves on what studs they were.

To this day it's easy to pick guys like this out at little league football games. They can't play anymore, so their kids are burdened with the responsibility of being the superstars that their balding, fat parents always wanted to be. What a sad way to raise kids. But to each his own.

Anyway, this weekend I had my own version of the jocks watching themselves play football. I spent some time remembering the awesome opportunities and experiences I enjoyed in high school and college playing trombone. And it occurred to me that whether I get another one or not, I am every bit capable, given enough time and effort, of playing just as well today as I did back then.

What a cool thought. The big shot jocks who were (are?) so arrogant and full of themselves would kill themselves today if they dressed out and tried to participate in the activity they grew up loving so much. I can smugly sit here and contemplate whether or not to do so in my own life. But at least I have the option.

Score one for the nerdy band jocks!

Should I Bitch or Be Excited?

"Be careful what you ask for..."

Earlier I noted that I weighed less than 200 lbs for the first time this century. Unfortunately I gave a few pounds back in the past few weeks. I decided to do something about it.

My old trainer left to go play baseball. He was a great guy and a good trainer, BTW. I actually miss him. But he's history and life goes on. I tried to continue the progress myself with varying degrees of success. Basically, I maintained the level we achieved together, but forward motion was slow at best, stagnant most of the time.

I noted in my last post that I needed to look at it this way: The fat old man that used to be me died. Now I am a 200 pound guy that needs to weigh 180. What do I need to do to get there?

I needed a new trainer. I got one. He isn't as good as the old one, and I've had more intelligent conversations with my Jack Russell. But he gets me to the gym consistently and doesn't let me skip the hard stuff.

Actually, he's kicking my butt. He's working me out a lot harder than the other guy did, and I really don't like it. I don't like the guy, his training style or how tired I am when we're done. I'm having to remind myself that I'm doing this with the mindset of taking medicine, not as a new hobby.

I got just what I asked for. I got a trainer that has no concept of the fat guy who couldn't hardly lift his right arm over his head a few months ago. And I'm already stronger than I was before. And he's pushing me. And I don't like it.

So, what do I do. Do I suck it up and perform? Do I complain politely and tone things down?

I think I know the answer. I'm already sucking.

Choices With No Wrong Answer

"Hitting the bullseye is easy. Choosing the right target is the hard part."

I've been thinking lately about my trombone playing days of yesteryear, and seriously considering getting another one and rekindling my relationship with the trombone playing paradigm. It's been almost 30 years and I really miss it. I went so far as shopping online and in a local store this weekend. The good news is that there are a bunch of trombones out there. The bad news is that they are incredibly expensive.

I've thought about it enough to get stressed out. I had to stop this morning and remind myself that there is no wrong answer.

I can go get a nice trombone. I can learn to play again - it won't take nearly as long as it did the first time. I already know what to do. It's no different than working out. It's just a matter of execution. I will never be great. But I will quickly be good. Good enough is not possible in artistic endeavors, so good will have to do.

I can hear the loud pop, let reason take over and not get a new horn. For a lot less money, I can buy some good albums and listen attentively to the great, legendary trombonists. I already have a few. Arthur Pryor (circa 1905) recorded a version of "Blue Bells of Scotland" that nobody today can even touch. And when he recorded it, there was not way to copy the recordings, so he made 40 recordings a day by playing the piece 4 times in front of ten individual recording devices. I don't have to play a trombone to respect those who do it well. I can enjoy Arthur Pryor and a hundred others whenever I want to without spending a ton of money or practicing.

Logic votes for the second answer. Plus, getting a trombone means making a commitment to it. It takes an hour a day, every day, to do it well. Logically and financially, getting another trombone makes no sense at all. It's not like I don't have other things to do with both my time and money just now.

But, of course, logic and artistic ventures are incompatible by definition, so who gives two shakes of a fat rat's ass what logic says?

Should I get one? Which one? Will I do what I need to do to play well (I won't be able to tolerate playing badly). Should I wait and see if prices come down or if the passion subsides? Should I refocus on the piano and guitar I already have? Should I be logical and responsible? Should I go for it and enjoy it? Should I just think about it summore?

The answer is a resounding, "Yes!". But what is the question again?

Target Of Future Drone Attack Urges American Intervention In Syria

"DAMASCUS—The target of a future U.S. drone strike aimed at taking out anti-American extremists strongly urged swift U.S. military intervention in Syria, sources confirmed Thursday. “President Obama and American forces must step in and help us overthrow Assad,” said the radical Islamist who will be the object of what will one day be an intense and lengthy manhunt by the CIA and whose death will reportedly be hailed as a major strategic victory by counterterrorism officials. “There needs to be a new regime in Syria immediately.” At press time, a non-target of a future drone strike, currently indistinguishable from the target of one, was saying the same thing.-www.theonion.com"

I love the Onion News Network. I usually don't repost anything like the story above on my blog, but this one time, the article really sums up my opinion of the situation in Syria.

We're considering some level of military retaliation for the use of chemical weapons. Fine. But the rhetoric, pomp and circumstance surrounding the discussion sounds a whole lot like the discussions preceding the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

On the anniversary of Sept 11, I would like to point out the following:

Some group of terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center, and the U.S. responded by taking down two countries. The rest of the BS about weapons of mass destruction, etc. was just a bunch of talk. Frankly, I'm OK with that outcome. I think the U.S, should worry less about preventing terrorist attacks and focus a whole lot more on inappropriate and overwhelming responses to future attacks. I think we should publish a list of cities we will destroy in the event of future terrorist attacks on our soil, and update the list monthly. Let those cities and the leadership thereof fight our terrorist war for us. Let us quit trading our freedom for supposed security, etc.

Obama poked a lot of fun and threw a lot of rocks at Bush and McCain for pursuing those wars, and now he's the one starting another one just like those. That's gotta be hard - even for a sleazy politician.

There is not a 'good' side in Syria. Nobody over there is our friend, and no matter how the ongoing conflict there is resolved, the U.S. loses. It's in our best interest to let these folks continue to fight with each other so that the leave us the hell alone. Why would we intervene in that situation at all?

I don't think the world needs a policeman. If it does I don't think it should be the U.S.

So, let Syrians solve the Syrian crisis. If the culture over there allows their leadership to involve chemical weapons, so be it. Hopefully, the guys that hate us so much over there will continue to fight amongst themselves until they become insignificant. Until oil was discovered in the Middle East, that's the way things were anyway.

Finally, I am among those who will never forget Sept 11, and who believes a strong military response to such actions in the future will always honor those who died that day.

Musical Memory Lane

"Good Things Come In Three's."

I know that my previous two posts have been about music, and here comes another one. In an event unrelated to anything else in life, I decided to go to my nephew's (5 of Six's) piano recital this weekend. It was held at a venue I have never visited called the UCO Jazz Lab. That venue opened in 2002, but despite my past connections to jazz, the music department at UCO, etc. I've never been there.

And first thing inside the door is a picture of my trombone professor, jazz band director, director of music, et al from 1982. I have very fond memories of my time at UCO and with the music department there. Unfortunately those times did not last.

I was never good enough to play professionally, and my vision made it impossible to sightread on that level. I found other things to do with my life, and put down the trombone and the music paradigm many, many years ago.

But it was more than fun to have my picture taken with Dr. Kidwell (or at least his picture) at a really cool place that basically stands as a monument to his talent, leadership and vision.

And what's up with life bringing my music oriented past back to focus all of a sudden? Is the universe trying to tell me something? Do I need to get on eBay and buy a trombone? My ears are open, but I don't get it yet.

In Memory Of...

"Score another one for the guy that lives in a bottle of booze."

I suppose I'm old enough to start losing friends occasionally. I lost one earlier this year.

My friend and I went to high school together circa 1980, before cell phones, Facebook or even personal computers. He was a musician - a damn good one. His primary instrument was the tenor sax, but he could competently play anything with a reed. My friend and I were invited to play in a local college jazz band when we were both still in high school. It was an honor, and it allowed us to spend a lot of time together. My friend was a great guy as well as someone to follow. I really admired him and appreciated our relationship.

A year older than me, he graduated and left OKC for the University of Miami. At the time, that school had one of the three best jazz music programs in the country. My friend went on a full ride scholarship. I was very proud of him and he was excited to go. He was full of hope and anticipation, ready to embrace a music career and bright future.

He returned home after just one semester. In the almost 30 years since, I never saw him sober again.

Somehow, my friend met the guy who lives in a bottle of booze, who moved in and took over. My friend changed completely. He was a loud, sloppy drunk, and absolutely no fun to be around. His future was destroyed. His parents spent thousands of dollars trying to make him well again. He lived in hell for the rest of his life and died last May.

And the guy who lives in a bottle of booze took yet another life.

It occurs to me that if people are warned about AIDS, they start using condoms. If they are warned about food poisoning, the are more careful to cook better. But the guy that lives in a bottle of booze is a clever one. He doesn't take everyone, just the ones who love him dearly.

And before he takes their lives, he lashes out at countless others through car 'accidents', child abuse, financial ruin, broken marriages and a host of other weapons in his arsenal.

To the guy that lives in a bottle of booze, I say, "I hate you! With all of my heart and everything inside me, I hate you for all of the harm, pain and death you cause."

To my friend, I say, "I'm really, really sorry. But I'm not surprised."

I Wish I Was A Musician

"Our government got it right when they created our National Parks"

I had the occasion, as part of a really boring Labor Day weekend, to just sit and watch TV. I hardly ever do that, so I took advantage of the opportunity while the rest of the family went to the lake - and were miserable because it was so hot.

Channel surfing, I came across an episode of the Ken Burns series on the US National Parks. This episode covered the time up to 1890, and discussed the first National Park (Yellowstone) and three subsequent parks in California (including Yosemite). I was not aware of the history of these parks and the conflicts and work involved in getting them established. I was enthralled by the stories and the beauty of these places. Hopefully I'll get some more TV time soon. The whole series is available for free on Amazon Prime Videos and probably on Netflix.

As I watched the episode, of course I remembered my own trips to Yosemite, Yellowstone, Glacier, the Grand Canyon and other National Parks I have had the honor and pleasure of visiting. My favorite is Glacier National Park in Montana on the Canadian border. I drove into the park the week after Labor Day (yep, about now) in the early 2000's. I drove to Lake McDonald and turned right, following one of the streams. The park was empty and the pass had already been closed for the season due to snow. I found a turn out, got out of the car and hiked down to the stream.

I listened to the leaves fall, the riffles, etc. I thoroughly enjoyed sitting there in the cold wind and warm sunshine as the seasons competed. I thought about music, and how a real musician (which I am not) can recreate at will music that is just as lovely and beautiful and inspiring as the setting that surrounds me. I thought about beauty, God, creation, music and a ton of stuff. What a great day!

Unfortunately, my musings were interrupted by the park ranger, who told me to get my butt back up to the road and into my car. I wasn't doing anything wrong, there were just reports of two bears in the area. Said bears would undoubtedly be on the prowl for a last meal before they went into hibernation for the winter. I would make a perfect candidate if I wanted to volunteer. Otherwise, I should not sit there anymore.

I appreciated the wisdom of the park ranger, and got back in my car. But I can close my eyes and be back there again anytime I choose, just like the musician can disappear into a musical composition any time he chooses.

After the Ken Burns episode was finished, I turned off the TV and did just exactly that. What a good weekend.

Another Milestone

"Thank You to the people, spambots and NSA Agents."

Well, yet another milestone happened yesterday. My blog topped 10,000 page views. I'm not sure why that's important, but it's kinda fun.

It's been a while sine I said, "Thanks" to the people who actually follow my blog and read it now and then. My blog is really just a journal, and I think I probably enjoy reading it now and then more than anyone else. Some of the individual posts are OK, but more than that it's fun to relive a year of Momentum and retrace my steps towards Wellness and Strength. I don't mean to be so self centered, but my blog is for my own benefit and entertainment more than anything else.

But having people actually read it is encouraging too, and I want to let whoever reads this know how much I appreciate it. I hope that overall it's not too boring.

Thanks again.

Is It Football Season Yet?

"Close Enough!"

I Want One!

"I never knew that George Jetson's car was called a Gumdrop." "

OK, Here it is. The future of personal transportation. Analogous to the Model T for Jetson's flying car of the future, this thing looks cool. It can take off and land vertically, fly up to 10,000 ft, and cruise at 60mph for an hour and a half. It can land in a driveway and slide into a garage. Wow. Sign me up.

For the record, I am the perfect candidate to beta test this bad boy. I work around 4 miles from home over a populated area, but not too bad. Oklahoma has all kinds of weather so if it can work here, it can work anywhere. And if a mostly blind guy can fly it to and from work, land it safely in the backyard and maneuver it, anyone can. And, we're in the Aviation Parts business, so we can help sell and support it. Sounds like a match made in heaven. Finally, now that I've lost some weight I bet I can actually fit into the thing.

So, I'm volunteering to risk life and limb and try one of these things.

For more info, see www.flythegumdrop.com.

198.6!

"I like not being a fat old man anymore."

For the first time this century, I weigh less than 200 lbs.

I've been working on it for months, and weighed in yesterday at 198.6 lbs. I actually got off, reset the scale and reweighed just to make sure. I used the scale at work today just to confirm. It's Official!

I started at 221.5 lbs, so some quick math means that I have lost 22.9 lbs. since I started paying attention to my theme this year of Wellness and Strength.

My former trainer told me that my ideal weight for my age and height is 178 lbs. I told him flat out that I couldn't even begin to see that far down the road. I would be happy with anything south of 200. He said we needed to put 178 as the goal anyway. I told him to go for it, but it didn't mean anything to me. 221 to 178 is too much for me to get my head around.

But now that I have broken through 200, and have lost almost 23 lbs, 178 is just 21 lbs away. I still can't imagine what I would look like at 178. I weighed 185 in high school.

But for the most part, I'm excited to find out. But I need a new plan.

So, here's what I'm thinking now. The 221.5 lb fat guy died. He doesn't exist anymore, and never will again.

Now I'm a 200 lb guy who needs to weigh 180. What do I need to do to get there?