Lack Of Interest

"Not really bored, just bored with this."

Well, obviously my blog is suffering at the moment. I've been trying to figure out why, but I don't have any answers.

It's not that life isn't busy. There's a lot going on. Good, fun, exciting stuff.

It's not like I don't have anything to say. I always have something to talk about. But I will say that I don't like my thoughts very much right now, and I'm not particularly enjoying my theme this year. Perhaps if one loses his mind, he should do it privately and not advertise it all over the internet.

It's not like I'm depressed or melancholy. Actually the year has started out with a flurry of activity - and I was already busy. Life is pretty exciting at work as we expand again and at home as I continue to work out, eat right and avoid tobacco. I am engaged and happy, and all's well.

I think it's more like, "I'd rather DO than TALK just now.

Or perhaps I'd rather talk with somebody rather than just talk.

Anyway, for whatever reason or for no reason at all, I'm bored with the blogging thing for now.

Those of you who actually know me, shoot me an email or give me a call. Everybody else, please check back periodically. Boredom doesn't usually last too long.

Raising The Bar - At Least The Voltage

"Time to get out hte big gun!"

I have now been vaping instead of smoking for over a year. I still smoke a few real cigarettes a day, just because I can't seem to completely quit. But it's time to raise the stakes a little on my vaping.

I've proved the concept long ago. I've gone from two and a half packs a day to 3-6 cigarettes a day. My brother and mom have quit smoking completely. My cousin is starting the vaping journey and I just sent a kit to my long lost brother in California who came to visit last month. He vaped while he was here, and is ready to make the switch. It is a total mystery to me why the politicians and anti smoking coalitions object so strongly to vaping in light of all of the positive things this paradigm has brought to me, my family and thousands of others. But that's a different post.

I've been considering an upgrade for a while. My system works well, and it's easy. But the vaping community has gone over the edge in terms of making this a full time hobby. There is a whole new language around the vaping world - most of which I never want to understand. I just want to quit smoking. My current system isn't very powerful, but usually good enough. But I want to take just one step forward in terms of effectiveness without learning about RBA's, VV, mech mods, volts/amps/resistance graphs, drip tanks, and all of the rest of the crap that the techno-vapers all know inside out.

I finally went shopping for a more powerful, more flexible way to vape, and dug into the jargon as far as I dared. I still wasn't convinced. Fortunately for me, I met a vape nerd at a local store who sold me his backup mod cheap and set it up for me in such a way that it is as easy as the old system, only more robust. And I even saved some money buy buying a working used one instead of a new one.

So I now use a Smoketech Zmax v3. Are you impressed?

Its battery is 2 amps instead of 1.3. It vapes at 7 watts instead of 3.7. It hits a lot harder than my old one, and even a little harder than a cigarette. It weighs as much as a Smith & Wesson 38 Revolver. It has 1,072 other features of which I know nothing. Just like the old one, I just push the button and suck. Perfect!

Maybe now I can get rid of the last few cigarettes each day and finally be free.

My Year To Be Crazy

"I don't think I can accomplish everything on my plate this year and maintain my sanity."

I've been avoiding writing this post for a month, and life is really busy so it's been easy to procrastinate. But here's the deal for 2014.

For years, I've been just a short distance from crazy anyway. I've been compensating the best I can. But the evidence is becoming overwhelming. The only reason I haven't gone there already is because I am afraid of it. Crazy people aren't treated very well in society, and too many of them are homeless or in jail. I'd rather not go there.

But it seems like lately I've been spending more energy fighting it than I have applied to getting life done. That isn't good either. So I've been wondering if this 'crazy' thing is all bad. I'm ready to entertain the possibility that it isn't. Besides, all of the compensating and covering up and self denial is just a smoke screen anyway. It is what it is, whether I admit it or not.

I've watched over the years as others I evaluate as crazy attack life with all of their might, doing things that don't make sense - even to themselves at the time. They somehow make it through, and pretty much succeed. I wonder if I can be like that. I'm pretty sure that over thinking things is just as crazy as under thinking them. Since I am an over thinker, perhaps by under thinking things for a while, I will just equalize into normal - even if it seems crazy to me. But, of course, I just over thought over thinking.

So my contentions on 'my crazy year' are as follows:

Crazy is not synonymous with stupid. I can be crazy and not stupid, reckless or destructive. I just have to trust myself a little more.

Crazy, though outside of my field of vision, is not beyond the reach of faith. God is with me wherever I go - even Crazy!

Crazy just might turn out to be a whole lot of fun.

So, here we go. Let's Go Crazy, and do it well!

Seeking God?

"Everybody worships something. To see what a certain man worships, watch how he spends his time."

To be alive is to seek God. The question is, "Which One". We're all seeking something. We can all envision something better than what we see before us. This applies individually, within our circle of influence and also universally, within our field of vision.

For some, god is money, fame, power or safety. For others, god is simply enough food to eat, some education for their children or a place to live that doesn't flood when the rains come. For some, the party this weekend is god. The rest of the stuff they do all week is only to facilitate the fun.

Whatever god is to us, it changes our life. Our god becomes the lens through which we see everything else. For one who seeks money, a promotion means a raise. To the one who seeks power, a promotion means control. To the one who seeks the party, a promotion (and the responsibility, commitment and effort it represents) may actually be a distraction that interferes with god and life.

But most of the gods people seek are pretty empty. If the seeker actually asks the question, "So What?", it becomes obvious that all of the seeking, working, trying, failing and succeeding are pretty shallow. Even if I succeed in my quest to have a lot of money, I can't take it with me when I die, and I have to now spend every waking moment making sure thieves don't steal it.

Most of us play a game in life that we lose, even if we win. For many, the things we seek don't matter, and we spend our lives attaining that which we will lose.

To seek something better: A Life that matters not only now but forever, is to seek God. But how? Where do we look? How can we possibly connect with anything that matters forever, that is bigger than our own lives, that is more significant than our checking account balance and more effective than whatever fad diet I'm trying this year? Seeking God, intentionally and diligently, becomes a quest that changes the way we view and do everything else.

The best answer I have found is the Christian story. In it, I find a God who created everything, who reached out to me so that I could connect to Him, who loves me as a man loves his child or wife, who wants me to know Him and who has a plan not only for me and my life, but also for all of mankind and the universe as a whole.

If someone else is interested in seeking God instead of god, my advice is to read the book of John in the bible. Read it and let it tell its story, without tripping over every pronoun or overthinking every verb. Read John and meet God who loves people and is competent and eager to show us what life is about and how to participate in it the way we were created to do. After reading John, if you want to know more read the whole New Testament - again without overthinking it. Just let it tell its story. Let it say what it says without all of the religious interference or secular skepticism. There is time for all of that later.

Before you know it, you will see life through a different perspective than the gods you have been serving before could ever show you. It's a great trip.