Alright Folks, It's A Wrap!

"See Ya In The Funny Papers."

I started blogging November 22, 2010. I've decided to end my blog today. My decision to stop blogging is somewhat arbitrary, as was my decision to start blogging in the first place. I want to tell everyone who reads my blog how much I appreciate your help in keeping me engaged in the process. I have never had the diligence to keep a journal this long before, and the fact that someone is reading it has been invaluable in helping me keep it going as long as I did.

As you can see from my stats page, my readership has grown during the year. I had 16 page hits last November. So far this month, there are 630.

But I feel like I sometimes feel after overeating a large, good meal. I'm stuffed and satisfied, and done.

It seems appropriate to talk about Momentum since I've been discussing it all year. I think that I've made a lot of forward progress this year riding the wave of Momentum in my life. But the easiest way to measure that progress is by looking at the things I've left behind. I think that's good and healthy for me just now. I look forward to the continuing impact that Momentum brings to me and to that with which I have to do. May the Momentum continue, and continue to increase.

And as I bring this chapter of life to a close, I want to emphasize how much I have enjoyed the past year. I will always remember my blog time as one of the cool things I've done in life. But now I want to spend some time enjoying the Holidays, read more, think a little less, be more focused and productive at work and find my way back to the gym so I can try to lose 20 lbs. 

Thank You again for reading my blog. With all of my heart, I want to wish you well. May you realize your highest good and deepest joy in the days and years ahead.

Post Of The Year Award

"As the One Year mark for my blog approaches, I decided to pick what I think is the best post of the year and re-post it today. I'm surprised I haven't written more prose on my blog. This is the only poem that made the cut. I love its message, both literally and metaphorically with respect to the oxymoron around which my blog  revolves.

So without further adieu, give it up for Mr. Happy's Post of the Year."


OF FATHERS AND GAY SONS

There once was a father named Ray
Who found out his son, Chris, is gay.
He shouted and stammered and threw a big fit,
Let’s just say it ruined his day.
"What did I do? Where did I go wrong?
We never raised you this way!
We taught you what’s right. We showed you the Light.
How dare you turn out to be gay?!”

Now Chris is ashamed and embarrassed.
He’d tried so hard not to be careless.
And now all is lost. His father, the cost.
His life slipped from scary to hopeless.
"What can I do now? Someone show me how
To be what he wants me to be.
I’ve tried and I’ve prayed. These feelings have stayed.
There’s no way for me to be free.”

The tension between them grew worse over time.
A dad’s disappointment and son’s intertwine.
Ray doesn’t get it, and Chris can’t retreat.
There’s no way to say, “In the middle, let’s meet”.
If left unattended, this tension will flash,
Harsh words and actions will end in a clash.
There’s all kinds of wisdom and doctrines and such,
But heartache and sadness, none of them touch.

To Chris, let me say that your father’s not mad.
He’s scared for your future and should be. He’s Dad.
His children, you see, are the joy of his life,
Seconded only by love for his wife.
Gay life is sex, drugs, diseases and more.
To think of you living that life makes him roar!
From his point of view, you’re throwing away
That which is precious to choose to be gay.

So don’t be upset when he’s doing his job.
You want him beside you if you face a mob.
Fathers are bold, with the heart of a lion
That makes us proud. But sometimes means cryin’.
You know if you’re hurt or in trouble at all
He’ll be there beside you to cushion the fall.
So give him some leeway as he tries to cope
With issues and questions outside of his scope.

Oh Ray, can’t you see by the dawn’s early light
Your son is the same guy he was just last night.
Nothing about him has changed since before
You found out his secret. He isn’t a whore
Or druggie or anything else that you fear.
He’s still Chris, no matter what else you hear.
It’s so hard to tell you. It’s so hard to lie.
Now it’s all out there. Don’t make him cry.

So Ray, grab your son in a healing embrace!
Tell him you love him and get off his case!
It’s not like he planned this whole thing in advance,
What’s happened has happened. Maybe by chance
He’s not headed for hell or a doom and gloom life.
The last thing he needs now is this kind of strife.
Before he is anything else, good or bad,
He is your own son. Now you be the dad!

The Sacred Things

"Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground."

I know, Catholicism says there are seven Sacraments. Protestants only think three of them are important. Without any disrespect to them and without trying to devalue the Sacraments in any way, I want to broaden the definition of Sacred.

My perspective is that any time the temporal, physical world overlaps and connects with the eternal world, that intersection is sacred. That happens, for example, anytime I pick up my guitar or sit down at my piano and begin to worship God with music. Whenever I close my eyes and go to God in prayer, that is a sacred thing. Sometimes I feel that whenever I get dressed to intentionally go out and do something that represents God and His character, even the act of getting dressed is sacred.

God told Moses to take off his shoes, for "THE PLACE WHERE YOU ARE STANDING" is holy. Religious people feel that they have to go to someplace sacred or perform some ceremony to enter into sacred things. I think that everywhere I go is sacred - work, the bars, church, even sitting here writing, right now.

Life is sacred, and by design everything with which we have to do is sacred. The problem is in the implementation. Will I acknowledge that the place where I am standing is holy ground, treat it as such and honor the God who made it holy? Will I take off my shoes and eliminate the barriers that keep me from experiencing the holy, sacred nature of this place, right here, right now?

Or will i reject that perspective completely and consider the ground I am standing on as a resource to be consumed, an opportunity to take from it (and others who occupy it) whatever I want and whatever I think I can benefit from?

People who don't get the Christian story (and a hell of a lot of them are in church every week) don't understand that the place where we stand is owned by our family. As such, it already belongs to us. We don't have to take it, drain it, abuse it, steal it, milk it for everything it's worth because it is already our inheritance. Anything we do to extract its benefits for our own gain is counterproductive. We're burning down our own houses and stealing our own money.

The sacred things in life do not involve the transfer of pleasure, wealth, value or recognition from something else to us. From an accounting prospective, those transactions offset each other anyway.

Things are sacred because we recognize, honor, reflect and express the values and character of the One who created them into every nook and cranny of the life we have been given. So let's embrace the sacred things with joy and enthusiasm, knowing that today, this place, this time and this life are sacred.

The Special Things

"I'm on the top of the world and looking down on creation,"

Every now and then, life provides something really special: an event or a song or a thought or a relationship that lifts us our hearts and makes us feel like we're on the top of the world. Part of the worldview that life is not random is that I can hold these moments close and revisit them whenever I find myself slipping into depression or feeling the futility and drudgery of everyday routines.

Like a thermal draft that helps the eagle soar, these episodes and the thoughts that go with them lift our spirits and give us hope. I can still close my eyes and relive several moments from the bottom of the Grand Canyon that I actually experienced in 1989. I remember the day I was good enough, the time I won a fight with the IRS, the first time I rented a car at an airport and drove through a strange city to a new place (that might seem mundane to you, but in the context of my story it was an amazing, wonderful thing).

These special things don't just apply to each of us individually. They apply to our families, our nation, humanity and any subset thereof. With all that's wrong with our country, a sense of national pride permeates the problems and there is hope. This pride is based on our special moments as a country when the world was right and we did the right thing.

It's not in our best interests, individually or corporately, to allow these special things in life to be eroded by bitterness, anger, cynicism or any other such disease. We need these times because their antithesis will make itself known often enough. For Christians, the image of the empty tomb with the stone rolled away or the baby in a manger under the Christmas star are powerful, healing, necessary images.They give hope and reassurance not to be found anywhere else in life. Those who dismiss those images through skepticism or ridicule are denied their benefits.

For the rest of us, those images and all of the special moments in life serve to teach us that life is not futile or meaningless. On the contrary, these special things are but a foretaste of eternity.

So, let us rejoice and be thankful for the special things - the gifts from a loving God through a universe created to provide them. Let us hold on to and respect the special things in our past, and look forward to experiencing many more as life unfolds. The special things make life good, and creates something inside of us called happiness.

The Simple Thngs

"Love God Completely, Love People Unconditionally and Love Life Enthusiastically."

Is it really that simple? Well, yeah, kind of. When we make life more complicated that that, it gets harder. Thoughts, opinions, interpretations, worldviews and experience all add their two cents on how to keep it this simple, and by the time these things get all tangled up inside our heads, there's no place left for simple. At least that's how it works with me.

The embarrassing thing is that at first glance the barflies, druggies and homeless people are a lot better at this simple concept than those of us who believe in destiny, eternity, higher calling and a life of significance. The shallow meaning behind the quote above is along the same lines as, "Live and Let Live", "Don't Worry, Be Happy" or "It's All Good."

But how do you watch a four year old wander out into the street in heavy traffic and not react intentionally, judgmentally and emotionally? How can I watch someone give his life to the guy that lives in a bottle of booze, knowing from experience the outcome of that, and not object strenuously? I can tell you absolutely that I will never say, "Live and Let Live" if I see a football coach rape a 10 year old in the shower. It isn't going to happen, and people can call me all the names they want to.

Sometimes it seems like "Love God Completely" and "Love People Unconditionally" are mutually exclusive statements. Over the past year, those who have followed my blog know that (from my perspective) a really good guy that I once highly respected, depended on and appreciated more than I can express has changed into something, well, other than that. Am I supposed to watch that and love him unconditionally? "Live and Let Live", and tell myself that it's none of my business?

If I did, how would that translate into either loving God or loving him?

We live in a world divided: Right and Wrong, Stupid and Wise, Light and Dark, Life and Death, Good and Evil, Beneficial and Self Destructive. I didn't create this paradigm, but to deny it is just a self delusional lie.

But the simplicity of the quote at the top of this post calls to me ever louder. Lay down the struggles, don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff), live my life with integrity and compassion, and let the chips fall where they may. Let God be God, and just focus on being me.

I wish I knew how to do this. Don't you? Why can't we all just get along?

The Small Things

"We cannot do great things in this life, only small things with great love."

I was half thinking that I've been borderline pissed off and feeling sorry for myself this week when I ran across the Mother Theresa quote above. It was at the bottom of my order confirmation when I ordered a few Obi Bands from BeadForLife.org. Obi means Heart, and this is a humanitarian organization helping women and children in Uganda and Nigeria. If I have to buy symbolic Christmas presents for a few guys, the proceeds might as well help someone. Plus, these bracelet things look cool. But I digress.

I was half thinking that I've been borderline pissed off and feeling sorry for myself this week when I got a call from a friend of the family who makes cigarettes for me. Several months ago, I started rolling my own. Then I found out that this family friend had purchased a machine like mine, and was rolling smokes for people to make just a little money. He's a painter by trade, has been doing it forever and is pretty good considering that he can't see as well as I can. Now he can't hardly work but still has a spouse, a granddaughter and her three kids to feed. By paying him to make my cigs, I help feed his family and still save $25 per carton.

I was half thinking that I've been borderline pissed off and feeling sorry for myself this week when I made arrangements to pick up cigs for mom and me, and I remembered that I had a couple of boxes of food left over from last Wednesday. I know my friend can use the food, but I don't want to humiliate him in any way. I asked him last night whether he knew anyone who needed some food, and (it being near the end of the month) he said he and his family could really use some. I'm glad I had some to give, in addition to the money for the smokes.

I was half thinking that I've been borderline pissed off and feeling sorry for myself this week when I realized that today is the day to pass out food again. I contrast these people's prospect for Thanksgiving dinner with mine, and realize that my family will be sitting around eating turkey and lamenting that nobody in my family can make dressing for shit while the homeless people I will see today will be thankful for anything at all to eat.

I was half thinking that I've been borderline pissed off and feeling sorry for myself this week when Nephew #1 of Six came by to borrow $200 basically because he didn't manage his money very well this summer and got behind on his electric bill. Of course, my bro is out of town. I either loaned him some money or gave him an early Christmas present. My bro would probably disapprove of the transaction, but I did the same for him over and over 20 years ago.

I was half thinking that I've been borderline pissed off and feeling sorry for myself this week when I ran across the Mother Theresa quote above. I began to realize how many small things I do with great love. It's always been that way, and I expect it always will. I know I'm an enigma, and not good enough. But there are thousands of small things that stand as evidence in my life that I have nothing to feel sorry for myself about, and much to be thankful for.

Retail Therapy

"$399, Now $250, Do I hear $225?"

Black Friday is almost here. Last September, I mentioned that I wanted a tablet computer but was waiting for the price wars to take hold before I bought one.

Thanks to Amazon and the Kindle Fire, as well as the next generation of tablets on the way, the price for the one I want will drop from $399 to $250 on Black Friday at Best Buy.

Since I can't see very well, the tablet world is a bit risky for me. The Nook 1 from Barnes and Noble was a really great feasibility test. I really love that thing. But a tablet, in addition to a backlit ereader, has a lot of other apps I think I could use - if I can see the damn thing.

I almost bought the Nook Color, and now Barnes and Noble has announced a real tablet. I've been holding out for the Asus eee Transformer mainly because of the 10.1 inch screen. Just trying to hedge my bet a little.

Today it came out that Best Buy is running a Black Friday special on the eee Transformer for $250 and the matching keyboard/docking station deal for $99.

Hmmm. Somebody will surely beat that. Soon - before Black Friday. If not, I'll be standing in line at Best Buy at Midnight on Thanksgiving to get mine.

God, I hope I love it as much as I love my Nook.

Ain't Christmas shopping fun?

Maybe I Should Be More Pathetic

"Maestro, please queue the violins..."

I find myself unable to be pathetic enough to make appointments to spend time with someone seven to ten days in advance, only to have them cancelled at the last minute.

This is my latest addition to the list of things I am not pathetic enough to endure.

At the top of the list is not being good enough when everyone else on the planet is.

The list also includes:

trying to relate to ghetto-fags at the bars,

spending time with guys who can no longer make it at the bars but still want to,

embracing guys who found their way to church only after the 'gay lifestyle' has eaten so much of their minds, hearts and souls that there just isn't anything left,

40+ year old guys who have no clue what they want to do with their lives, who they are or what they stand for,

Oh Yeah, I've also learned not to dig through another man's trash. It's sitting on the curb for a reason.

I have the growing feeling that unless I learn to be more pathetic, lower my expectations and rid myself of any sense of self-worth, I will never really be part of the gay world. I did a Google search to find an online study program in proficient patheticism, but didn't come up with anything.

Maybe I could spend the next few years of my life letting down people who care about me (and who I care about too). Would that help me be more pathetic? It seems to have worked for others.

I think I'll just shake my head and move on...again.

Sad But True?

"Come on, it ain't THAT bad. Or is it?"

They sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!!

In response to the question: "List all dependents?", I replied -

12 million illegal immigrants
3 million crack heads
42 million unemployable people on food stamps
2 million people in over 243 prisons
Half of Mexico
535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

Geese And Ganders

"Man, Did I hit a raw nerve or what?"

I had no idea the comparison between the scandals at Penn State and the Catholic Church would be such a hot topic yesterday. Within four hours, my post on that subject received more page hits than anything I've ever posted before. By the end of the day, yesterday's post had received five times as many views as any previous post. Wow. I was totally unprepared for that.

I know that I am appalled by the goings on at Penn State. I was appalled at the Catholic Priest abuse scandal too. But I had not idea that so many people were relating the two together.

For the record, all Catholics - or even all Catholic Priests - should not be held accountable for the perverse and unthinkable actions of a few. Not all Arabs or Muslims should be considered terrorists. It is bogus to associate the Penn State football fans, obviously disappointed by Paterno's termination, with the terrible things that happened there.

This is exactly what Catholics and other conservative groups have done to the gay world forever. And it's just wrong.

There are indeed creepy gay guys, just as there are really creepy straight guys, really creepy Catholic priests, really creepy Muslim terrorists and really creepy football coaches. But to associate the whole people group with the creepiest elements of that group is always a catastrophic error.

There are really good, quality Catholics (and Priests), football coaches, Muslims and gay guys. We need to look for these guys and give them the respect and acclaim they deserve. To cut these people down to the level of the creepy people inside of any ethos means we miss out on a lot of good things that good people from all walks of life have to offer.

Is Penn State A Catholic School?

"Performance NEVER Replaces Character. Not in Religion, Football, Higher Education, Charitable Foundations or Life."

The way that the Penn State fans were carrying on after Jo Pa's termination, one has to wonder how many of them think it's okay to repeatedly rape a bunch of disadvantaged and underprivileged kids so long as football goes well.

Is that what they think? They must be a bunch of Catholics.

The Penn State scandal has all of the ingredients. Cover ups, sweeping things under the rug, lack of disclosure, lack of proper disciplinary measures, lack of accountability, etc. Apparently this stuff has been going on up there for years, on Paterno's watch. Not only abuse by his staff but pimping out kids to wealthy doners to the program.

I wonder what those Penn State students rioting because their beloved coach was shitcanned are studying in school. Did Michael Jackson ever attend Penn State? At least he got his kids drunk first.

The most disgusting part of this whole story is the 28 year old (at the time) assistant coach who walked in on the abuse in progress and did nothing to stop it. He went home and told his daddy, and was all distraught. Why didn't he interrupt the proceedings and beat the shit out of Sandusky on the spot? If he was distraught, what about the 10 year old being abused right in front of him? And the reason he still has a job at Penn State is ... ?

The next day, he tells one of the most successful, well respected coaches in NCAA Football what's going on and Paterno sticks his thumbs in his ears and closes his eyes to the situation. Both of these guys should be publicly horsewhipped than hanged.

Instead, Penn State students and fans riot in protest? The world has gone mad.

At least the Catholics have enough money to buy their way out of their sins. I wonder how much Penn State has? I bet we find out before this is all said and done.

I Have A New Silk Purse

"Who says you can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse?"

I invited a friend to dinner last night. The plan was to go to Saints, a little Irish Pub and Eatery down in the revitalized Plaza district. The place was recommended by a another friend, and I have never been there. Last night was an exercise in spontaneous food experimentation, And it was basically a flop. The place was too loud. We sat down, looked at each other and changed courses.

So my friend suggests another Irish place not far away. We drove over by St Anthony's hospital to a nice area of town that has also recently been overhauled. It used to be a dump. We step up to put our name on the waiting list (at around 7:30 on Wednesday night!). the wait time is a little over an hour. Huh? Again the look, again the mutual veto. Strike Two.

"Screw This," says my friend. "We're going to my favorite place."

I had the absolute best mushroom soup ever, some fried green beans, the Fillet, mashed potatoes, sauteed asparagus and a glass of wine. I was stuffed. My friend had the rib-eye and three glasses of wine, and then paid the bill. We both had a really fun, enjoyable evening. I very highly recommend the Paseo Grill. Home Run.

It was a great evening, for which I am very thankful.

World Hunger In OKC

"It is silly for me to be doing this."

Today is my second day to go out to a homeless camp and hand out food. This week is supposed to be the larger of the two camps we visit. I'm looking forward to it on several levels.

Most importantly is the "Bridge To Tomorrow" concept I discussed last week. Everyone deserves at least this much, especially here in the U.S. and especially in Oklahoma City.

I'm also looking forward to the distraction from work. It's cool to be able to take time off and do this without worrying about it. That's the advantage to working at a family business that is successful enough to pay its bills and more.

It's also great to be 'on the team', working with people who have a heart and a passion for doing this little bit to make the lives of complete strangers just a little better. I'm honored and thankful to be around people like this.

It's also a reminder to be thankful for the life I have. I am fully aware that except for God's grace, I would be homeless and hungry. So many people are just a few paychecks or less from exactly this life, and yet they spend their days despising their jobs and pissing and moaning about this or that.

But having said all of that, and more besides, my thoughts today are about how silly it is for me to go do this when there are so many people more qualified with more resources that could do this so much better. But they're too busy building their mansions.

On a larger scale, world hunger seems to me to be a man made problem. The world has the capacity to make enough food for everyone a thousand times over. There is no actual lack of food. The lack is economic, which is not a naturally occurring event like famine or drought. It is a scenario caused by humans who spend their lives trying to get more for themselves and being rewarded for their efforts at the expense of starving people who cannot pay enough.

Does our government really pay farmers not to plant crops? As far in debt as our nation is, and considering that around one-third of the world goes to bed hungry, is that really a wise course of action? I think it would take me all of about 45 seconds to think of a better plan, yet this one has been going on for decades. Gawd.

The Morning Broken

"Some things just don't belong in a Morning."

Friday, I painted my best picture of Morning and This Morning, and compared the two things to the two worlds in which we occupy space simultaneously, which are the temporal, physical world and the eternal, spiritual world. They are different things, and not everyone believes in the second.

Pretty much everybody can get their mind around 'This Morning', but the scope of 'Morning' as a never ceasing, ever changing, constant, not only on earth but on every planet that orbits every star in the universe is too much for some. Therefore, the proposed analogy sounds like gibberish. I don't know how to address that, or even if I should. It seems self evident to 95% of the people on earth.

But I would like to talk about all of the things that are a part of 'This Morning' that don't fit in the realm of 'Morning'. For example, courage, compassion, loyalty, honor, respect and a thousand other things intuitively belong to Morning and This Morning alike. Morning refreshes and renews these things, and creates hope in people who embrace them.

But what about child abuse? How does the twelve year old whose drunk dad beat the shit out of him last night experience Morning? Even This Morning seems cruel. What about hunger? Consider the mom who is so hungry she can't produce milk for her baby that starved to death in her arms last night. How can she connect with Morning when even facing This Morning seems impossible?

It seems to me that there has been an ongoing discussion about this forever. And there are only two possible conclusions: The first is that the analogy is bullshit. There is no benevolent, loving God and no eternal, spiritual realm, and no hope in Morning and no value in virtue, and the twelve year old, the drunk dad, the starving mom and the dead baby are as meaningless as all of this talk about God.

The other conclusion is that each of us needs to equip ourselves and take up the task of bringing Morning to This Morning for a hurting world. We need to become soldiers of Morning and ambassadors of light in a dark world. We need to do something to help the mom, the baby, the kid and the drunk dad. We need to get our shit together and cast off the material things and empty ambitions that occupy us, and pay attention to and exploit opportunities to shine the light of Morning, the goodness of God, into that part of the temporal, physical world that intersects our lives.

In other words, we need to practice Christianity. Not in a religious, legalistic, judgmental way, but in a way that makes people's lives better. We need to spread the Good News about Morning, and the hope and renewal it represents. We need to help people connect with Morning and know that it is a gift from God as well as an invitation to live life on His level, in His shadow and be a part of His family.

Earthquake? In Oklahoma? WTF?

"If this is someone's idea of a joke, I am not amused."

We don't do earthquakes here. Until now, that is.

At 2:12 Saturday morning, my whole house shook - just once, but it was enough to wake me up. I thought my nephew did something, so I got up ready to kick some nephew butt when he staggers out of his bedroom and asks me what I did to shake the whole damn house. The last thing to cross our mind was that we had just experienced a real live earthquake.

OK, it was a baby earthquake. 4.7 magnitude. But still...This is Oklahoma, not California.

That's odd, but not odd enough to interrupt a good night's sleep. We went back to bed.

Then 'the big one' hit at 10:53 Saturday night. Wow! 5.6. That's big time for us. This one lasted a long time too. Pictures rattled, the floor shook. I actually had time to wonder what to do. Do I go outside? Stand under a door jam? Cover my head? Get under a table? I know what to do for a tornado, but earthquakes don't happen here. This was actually the biggest earthquake in Oklahoma's recorded history.

I think I''d rather take my chances with tornadoes. At least you can see them coming.

I have officially decided that I don't like earthquakes.

Morning And This Morning

"O Lord, In the morning will I direct my prayers unto Thee and will look up."

A recurring theme in my blog is how much I enjoy my morning coffee and hot tub time. Mornings are my recharge and detox time. It's always been that way. I'll do pretty much whatever anyone asks of me all day, but give me my morning.

This morning is no exception. It is special and unique in that today is our first freeze, which means saying good-bye to the flowers and the flies. It's a cold crisp morning, which makes the hot tub hotter, and the coffee that much more satisfying. This morning is indeed a great morning.

But this morning is not unique in its greatness or its uniqueness. There have been some four billion mornings, and morning is happening somewhere on the planet all the time. Morning is more than 'this morning', or even the sum total of all of the mornings combined. Morning, since the first morning, is an ongoing, never ceasing, always changing, constant.

Morning is not unique to the earth. Every planet in every solar system experiences morning at all times. Morning is so much more than this morning it is hard to grasp the scope of Morning. But it is so easy and wonderful to enjoy this morning.

Maybe understanding the distinction (and similarity) between Morning and This Morning can help us understand the relationship between this physical, temporal world and the eternal world that God calls us to be a part of. There's some really heady, deep stuff in thinking along these lines, and some of it I'm quite sure cannot be encapsulated into words.

But somehow, we're supposed to learn to appreciate This Morning in the context of Morning, and vise versa. We're supposed to live in this world, knowing that our true citizenship is in a world as distinct from this one as Morning is from This Morning. And at the same time, we are to experience this world, just as we experience This Morning, fully participating in and enjoying each and every image or taste of the world to come.

And the wisdom in all of this is to learn to live our Best Life, here and now, starting This Morning. Making quality decisions, developing solid relationships, contributing and creating good in the world around us, and encouraging each other to embrace and appreciate This Morning because of its relationship to Morning and this day because of its relationship to eternity.

I am so thankful for Morning, and This Morning in particular. It just can't help but be a great day!

Everybody Deserves A Bridge To Tomorrow

"Fighting Hunger...Feeding Hope"

I finally got hooked up with the program at church that takes food to homeless camps every week. I've wanted to do that since the inception of the program, but there were always plenty of volunteers. Suddenly they needed help and I jumped in. I must've done OK, cause it looks like I've got the job from now on.

We took a truck full of food from the Oklahoma Food Bank and some case workers from the Homeless Alliance, Be The Change and a couple of other organizations. There really are a lot of resources here for hurting, disenfranchised people. We parked close enough for people to walk over to where we were. They would come and the case workers would find out how many people they had to feed, whether they needed any other services (ranging from counseling to basic health care), etc..

We passed out food and blankets. I listened and absorbed.

I can't figure out how to say any more about it without appearing to be condescending, which I absolutely am not. These guys needed and appreciated the food and blankets. I was excited and thankful to be able to participate in it.

I think we would be amazed at the number of people in Oklahoma City, or anywhere else for that matter who are much closer to the homeless life than they know. If I lose my income and can't pay my house payment, it would take the bank a matter of months or years to foreclose. But people who rent apartments are much more vulnerable. They can stay about 30 days without paying and they're out.

Now they have to find a job, accumulate first and last month's rent, eat, stay warm and figure out how to stay clean and look presentable without a house, bathroom, kitchen,etc. It's really an uphill road.

And they need a bridge to tomorrow.

And, albeit in a very small way, I was glad to help with that.

I'll Fly Away

"Do as I say, not as I do."

To my friend with whom I had the discussion last night about the past...

I know I'm the last person on earth with the clout to say this, but...

That bird isn't going to fly anywhere so long as it tries to take the tree with it. Neither will you until you let go of the past.

Let go of the past, and fly over the rainbow. Be thankful for your wings, and use them with passion and purpose.

(The tree won't care, I promise.)



It took me for frickin ever to learn that.



That's all I have to say about that. But the picture is pretty.

You Spent WHAT?

"Give 'em an inch..."

Yesterday at work was like an episode of The Honeymooners. I hate it when life makes me act like Jackie Gleason and bellow at my bro. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the sitcom from the 1950's, Gleason plays Ralph Kramden who is very short tempered, frequently resorting to bellowing, insults and hollow threats. His role became the inspiration for Fred Flintstone. He is the spitting image of my late uncle who could yell loud enough to rattle glass in the windows. The guy woulda been proud of me.

I sounded just like him when my bro handed me the receipt from the auction we participated in last weekend. I was warned that the auction contained stuff that we wanted to buy, and was prepared for them to spend $75K. The receipt (with the check stub attached) showed $162,600 and I about shit a brick!

I bitched and hollered and squealed like a stuck pig, and suggested that they HURRY to the Magic Wand store to see if my warranty replacement had arrived yet. "Gawd Dammitt! This is Halloween, not April Fool's.

"What's the point to me sitting here like Ebenezer Scrooge, stacking up the silver coins and counting them out one by one if you guys are going to play Russian Roulette with the checking account? Is this how November is going to start?"

I even bounced up and down melodramatically for effect, and I think I turned red.

And it was all an act, and my bro saw right through it and didn't buy it for a second.

Don't get me wrong. It's not a good thing that they spent way more money than the budget called for, or that they went to some steak house and spent $900 on dinner and showed up at the auction Saturday with hangovers. I do not appreciate anybody on the planet meeting me at the door on Monday morning and telling me that they took $162K out of the checking account. I don't keep that kind of money sitting around, and it isn't the best way to start my week.

It is stressful. But it is not unmanageable. I can cope with it. And thus I have the very first thing on a long list of things to be thankful for as the calendar slides into the season of Thanksgiving. Never before in my life have I been able to deal with a $85,000 surprise. I won't say I like it, but I am very aware of how things have changed for our family and business over the past few years. And it feels really good to be thankful for that.

But if they do it again, Heads Will Roll, Gawd Dammitt!

October's Over

"Septober, Octember, Nowonder, Remember."

Looking back at October, both on my blog and in events in life overall, it seems to have been a very random month. My thoughts have wandered all over the place.

I started the month asking for another September or two, and basically got it. The streak of good weather we;ve enjoyed since exactly Labor Day weekend has continued. It's getting a little colder, but still beautiful. I hope everyone else has been enjoying it as much as I have been.

Hopefully November will prove to be a little more congruent. If October has a typical theme, it is Transition. November's theme is, of course, Thanksgiving. We all have much to be thankful for, and the ritual of doing that intentionally is healthy and beneficial.

November 22 is my one year anniversary of keeping my journal online, and opening it up for the whole internet to read. Of course, the whole internet doesn't read it. But I am amazed and a little humbled at how many people evidently do. My primary objective in doing this online is to keep myself motivated to journal consistently. I have really enjoyed doing this, and have especially enjoyed going back a few months and reading what I wrote then.

The one year mark will be an appropriate time to reevaluate the theme of my blog too. I'm either getting comfortable with the oxymoron or realizing that the paradigm is bogus. I'm going to be thinking about whether to continue the blog, start a new one with a different emphasis or quit doing it altogether. We'll see

As far as momentum (my theme for the year) is concerned, well, I dunno. Maybe this is another opportunity for congruence to replace randomness in the coming weeks. Life is moving along quickly enough. I'm busier than I want to be, and still not doing everything that needs to be done. I am content with momentum's velocity, but I sure wish I could find the steering wheel and make it take me where I want to go.

But I am ready to transition to thankfulness, then to the joy and hope of Christmas. I'm ready to build some fires in the fireplace and hear/play some Christmas music. I'm ready for the time change, and the family without work time of the coming season. Wherevever life goes from here, I'm ready for the trip.

Halloween Is Here. Bah! Humbug!

"I was going to dress as a UT fan, but I can't even pretend to be that miserable."

My understanding is that the gay world has adopted Halloween as Gay Christmas, which makes my "Bah! Humbug!" response absolutely appropriate. As far as I'm concerned, Halloween is irrelevant. But the day after Halloween kicks us into Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. Before long, it will be Christmas shopping season. And since Charity Begins At Home, I'm expecting to buy myself some really nice things - on sale!

I do believe in ghosts. In fact, when 2011 becomes a historical event rather than an ongoing experience, probably the biggest single accomplishment I will be able to quantify is the extent to which I've managed to run off the ghosts in my life. People who died years ago have finally made the transition from part of my life to part of my past.

Halloween is typically associated with evil. And evil is typically associated with scary. I expect that evil, if allowed to fully express itself, is in fact much more scary than any of us want to experience, just as good is more wonderful than any of us can aspire to know. Isn't it amazing that people who will not even entertain the possibility of the existence of God will eagerly embrace the underworld, and the dark forces of universe?

If Halloween has any value, it is in the emphasis it places on the mystic, metaphysical, supernatural part of life. The polarity is usually backwards, but the concept is cool. We need to be reminded that the universe is more than physics, time/space and cause/effect.

Anyway, on a more shallow level, Halloween is an opportunity to put on a mask and a costume and be something that I'm not. So how is that different than church every week or the bars on any day that ends in "y"? I've figured out that the reason I can't seem to relate to people in either context is that I just can't relate to people's masks. It's too much trouble, and there's no substance to it anyway. What's the point?

So, for those of you who are into it, Happy Halloween. I'm going to put on my standard benevolent, bald, middle-aged, fat man costume and cheerfully give candy to kids that have the audacity to knock on my door. Like tax season, it will be over before I know it.

Bah! Humbug!

Tenacity

"Well, Rangers. Dammitt!."

Congrats to the STL Cardinals for winning the World Series and showing us all what tenacity is. I was pulling for the other guys, but I very much respect the 'Never Say Die' attitude demonstrated by the Cards this whole post season. If the Rangers had to lose, I'm glad it was to you guys.

Thomas Jefferson Said What?

"There's so much wrong with this picture it's hard to know where to start."

The Backyard Skeptics in Costa Mesa, CA put this billboard up recently. The quote attributed to Thomas Jefferson is dubious. There is no evidence or documentation that he said this, or wrote any letter of any kind to the person this quote is typically associated with. Let's see, does that make it a myth or a fable?

I realize Jefferson was not a Christian. He was a Deist, and as such believed that the world and humanity were created by a Supreme Being or God, intentionally and intelligently. Why a group of Atheists would put anything he said on a billboard is curious. Whatever ambiguities there are about what Jefferson said or didn't say, clearly he was not an atheist, and would not agree with them today. Seems like if atheists are going to go to the expense of putting up billboards, they should at least put one of their own quotes up there rather than quoting someone who obviously disagrees with them.

The quote itself seems to challenge the intellectual integrity of believing in Christ. Fair enough. Sometimes I challenge Christians for the same thing. God gave us brains and He expects us to use them. But since the quote is disingenuous, and blatantly violates the very concept of intellectual integrity, what is their point again? In Christian circles, that is called hypocrisy, and is considered a bad thing.

Whether the quote has anything to do with Jefferson, clearly the guys that put up the billboard believe it, and therefore believe that there is not one redeeming feature of Christianity. Well, they might look a little harder. Shall I see if I can help the poor bastards?

Their own contention is that God is not necessary in order to perceive, desire and do good. The implication is that goodness, mercy, grace, compassion, forgiveness, redemption, destiny and purpose can all be realized within the confines of humanity without adding God to the equation at all. If that's true, then the benefit of escalating these things to the level of Deity should be self evident, shouldn't it? Christianity does this better than any other worldview on the planet. What's their contention again?

Atheists never promote the benefits of atheism. They just criticize the benefits of faith in God. Without the concept of God, there would be no meaning to atheism at all. So their very identity is a benefit to Christianity, isn't it? To say that there is no redeeming value to Christianity is moronic.

Christianity is almost always criticized based on its credibility. It is also subject to criticism based on the way it is expressed through mainstream religion. But almost nobody criticizes it based on the benefits it offers or the concepts it promotes and represents.

So my conclusions about the billboard so proudly displayed by the Backyard Skeptics are as follows:

If indeed the myth is true and the Thomas Jefferson quote is accurate, he was probably drunk at the time and not thinking straight. Overall, the man was not that big of an idiot.

Second, whether or not Christians have any intellectual integrity, the Backyard Skeptics surely don't. Nobody needs Christ more than those who are proud of things they should be ashamed of.

Finally, the whole incident affirms the meaning of California. Just as the literal translation of 'Oklahoma' is 'Land of the Red Man', the literal translation of 'California' is 'Land of Morons With Money'.

Visitors From Brazil

"I think I want to move there."

Yesterday, we had four guys from Brazil come by and look at our inventory. We've been talking to them for months about buying the engines from an airplane we purchased last June. They waited too long and someone else came up with just a little more money and, well, Cash Is King.

My bro worked with the ones that spoke the best English, and I was able to spend some time with the other two. Thankfully, their English was slightly better than my Portuguese. We talked about sunsets, international travel, food and culture. It was really a fun day once I figured out that they weren't any more interested in aircraft parts than I was.

One of them had just returned from Kenya, so I showed him a pic of me sitting in front of some little store in Zambia. Then I showed him the picture of my bro sitting in front of the same store two years before I was there. We talked about the orphanage in Zambia and why we're involved in it. We talked about all of the different animals he saw on safari (and I saw in my travels too).

That sounds really boring until you realize how much work it was considering the language barrier. It was actually quite entertaining. Never before has someone with whom we have a business relationship come to my work and played 'Charades'. It was really fun when I think I guess the right wild African animal.

I pointed out the nice sunset, and one of them pulled out his IPhone and showed me about 20 sunset pictures from his home town. It's really a neat thing to connect with someone who lives half way around the world and also appreciates a sunset.

I told them about our foreign exchange student from Brazil back in 1984ish. I told them that he didn't like it here. He would only eat peanut butter, and watched TV all the time. After just a few months, he decided to go back home.

They told me about their city, that has McDonald's and Wendy's too. Their City has many immigrants from all over the world, which is something they are very proud of. And he told me that many people from Brazil come to the U.S., but almost always want to go back home and never come back. My experience with the Brazilian student isn't unique, he said, because life is so different there.

Sure there are differences in the food and customs. But the main difference is that in Brazil, they just don't live life at the heart attack pace we live at in America. It is unheard of for a family not to have breakfast together, and about noon, the family gathers for their main meal of the day. They spend from Noon to 3:00 every day eating, resting and spending time together. He thinks the US moves too fast and misses the main things.

And he's absolutely right. And I very much enjoyed talking with these guys. And they bought some stuff and left. And I wish each of them the very best in life.

For a while whenever I get the after lunch sleepy's, I'm gonna think of those guys in Brazil (and a pretty big chunk of Central and South America as I understand it), that are doing just what I want to do, on purpose, with pride and enthusiasm.

Life is very good.

Bombs Away!

"I feel safer already, don't you?"

The United States is now dismantling the last of the 9 megaton nuclear bombs that have been around since 1962. The B53's, roughly 600 times more powerful than the bomb that was dropped over Hiroshima, have been replaced with smaller, gentler nuclear devices that are merely 75 times stronger than the Hiroshima version. Supposedly the newer models, the B83's, are much more accurate, enabling them to hit targets more precisely while doing less collateral damage.

It's not even pretty.

But for those of you who believe that an overwhelming military is the only way our nation can continue to dominate and intimidate the rest of the world, no worries. We can still destroy the whole world some multiple number of times should the geo-political landscape call for such action. What would be the catalyst for such a thing again?

Personally, the whole nuclear arms race seems like an incredible overreaction to me. Should the world be destroyed only once, it would be sufficient, wouldn't it? Did we ever need to be able to end all life on earth 389 times, just because the old U.S.S.R. could do it 362 times?

Well at least these damn things are gone. I wonder if we've paid for them yet, or if we're still paying interest on the money we borrowed to build them in the first place?

One interesting detail. Evidently the engineers and scientists that originally built these things have long since died or retired, so they really didn't know how to safely dismantle them. They had to do a lot of work on that before they could take the silly things apart. Would it be too much to ask that we not build any more weapons of mass destruction without knowing how to unbuild them at some point in the future when we have more sense?

Hmmm. Now what do we do if we need to destroy an asteroid?

Too Much TV

"My dad used to call it the Idiot Box."

Part of my funk last weekend, which is ongoing but better this week, includes a general lack of interest in things at the moment. Part of it is the realization that despite my fancy words about momentum this year and growth and significance, etc., not much has fundamentally changed since this time last year. Part of it is that my back hurts, which is a result of (among other factors) being too fat. Part of it is looking too hard at what I don't have in life and not appreciating what I do have, what I have accomplished and where I am going.

As I go over these things, I am pretty sure that my funk has developed right alongside and is directly proportional to the amount of TV I've been watching since I switched to U-Verse last month. I guess I thought that if I'm gonna pay this much for TV, I should at least watch it now and then. And I am enjoying the World Series. But it seems like I've developed a routine of working in front of a computer all day, going home and sitting in front of a TV until bedtime. And eating too much, of course.

Mundane routines in life are exactly what saps interest. Doing the same thing every day prohibits real growth. A sedentary lifestyle promotes all kinds of aches and pains - especially back pain, and adds to the 'too fat' equation. And TV is notorious for showing us all of the things life has to offer that we will never have.

So, as my dad would say, it's time for me to get up from in front of that idiot box and do something.

I think I'll take his advice.

Tidbits

"The Devil is in the details."

Well, here's a bunch of little, unrelated stuff.

Bob Stoops was asked what happened Saturday as Tech (who?) beat OU. His responded that when he told the team they would have to play a whole game this week because Tech wasn't going to lay down after the first quarter, they misunderstood and thought he said they had to play a Bowl game.

It looks like I'm going to Chicago for St. Patrick's day next March. I'm already excited. I've never really been to Chicago (except to change planes). I went there to train one client, but stayed busy enough working that I didn't get to look around much. I've been a lot of places on business, and it's fun to go back to some of these places as a tourist. I'm going with a friend who has spent a lot of time there, and will be a great tour guide. Is it March yet?

After that, we're talking about going to Costa Rica for a week or two. But who knows if that will happen. Chicago is officially a goal, but Costa Rica is only a dream. We'll see how that plays out over the next few months. I've always wanted to learn Spanish. Maybe the dream (whether it comes true or not) will motivate me to make some progress in that area.

I went to church this morning, and continue to be impressed with it. But after attending there for 18 months now, I still feel like an outsider. I can't tell you the first names of five other people there. I am really impressed by their outreach programs. The programs are neither evangelistic nor activist. They are community service programs aimed at just helping people wherever they are in life. The church runs an HIV/STD testing center, provides mental health counseling, delivers food to homeless communities each week, etc., etc. These things aren't aimed at getting people saved or promoting any homosexual agenda, the programs are just designed to make life a little easier and better for hundreds of people they touch on an ongoing basis. I don't know why I haven't gained any traction there. I very much respect who they are and what they're doing.

Evidently, my church is now on the radar of the Westboro Baptist Church of Terrorists in Kansas. They want our pastor to participate in some debate or something. Of course, it's not a real debate where a fair and open exchange of ideas will be allowed. I would debate any of them if I could see any good coming from it. But my first reaction would be to tell them to fuck off. Debates are a good format for presenting opposing views on a matter to undecided people so that they can make informed decisions. But debates by and for people who have already decided an issue are never productive.

The weather has been simply outstanding since Labor Day. It's supposed to get cold and crappy this week. It needs to, or else a bunch of weirdos from California will start moving here. This weekend in particular was beautiful.

The weather is great, I feel really good since I did some house cleaning a week or so ago, church is good, friendships are good, work is good, life is good. But I've sort of been down this weekend for some reason. I guess it's just been my time of the month. Anyway, that should be over for now and today I intend to get back to enjoying life.

Aspire To Significance

"Don't just survive, Contribute."

If you can't tell, I've been thinking a lot about Nephew #3 of Six, who is currently figuring out why a DUI and possession charges are things to be avoided. He screwed up (though not too much, but enough) and is getting his nose rubbed in it just now. I feel for the kid, but also see the other side.

A DUI is a particularly good example of a principle in life that applies to many situations. A DUI stands all by itself. People who don't know Nephew at all, who have never seen any of his assets and know nothing of his struggles, victories or history, know that he has a DUI on his record. Insurance companies, lawyers, etc., etc. know just this one thing about him, and that one thing stands alone.

So it is when we screw up in life. Our screw ups, be they a DUI or something as simple as oversleeping and missing work, seem to have a way of becoming the lens through which others see us. If we are not careful, they also become the lens through which we see ourselves. This is one of the most destructive principles in life. Nephew is more than the DUI he tripped into last week. It's important for me to recognize that, and it is critical, imperative and crucial that he recognize that himself.

Clearly, a first offense DUI charge is no fun, expensive and humiliating. But it is survivable. Nephew will make it through this experience, of that I have no doubt. But I would like to present the concept that surviving the experience is not the issue. In the shadow of our biggest mistakes in life, we need to intentionally and aggressively do something good in the world around us. There is no time in life when it is more important to contribute something tangible to make the world a better place.

If we do this, then there is immediately another lens available to us (and whoever else will look through it) that tangibly and irrefutably presents a different picture of us than our mistakes present. Obviously, it is invalid to see anyone only in light of their failures (though people do this to each other constantly). But it is up to us, even while the nose rubbing is ongoing, to build the lens, to establish another perspective, through which others can see us and we can see ourselves.

In other words, nephew, find something right now to do that makes a contribution on the good side of life for someone. It doesn't have to be world peace or anything magnificent. It just has to be real, demonstrable and meaningful. Then when you feel bad about your DUI, there will be something on the other side of the equation to make you feel good about yourself, and you will know that you are not defined by your mistakes.

And if anybody else that happens to bump in to my blog is suffering from an identity and self image consisting of your failures and screw ups in life, do something today, and every day for that matter, to counteract that image. The image that I am my failures is a lie, and evidence to the contrary is found in every positive contribution and good thing I add to the world around me.

Aspire To Grow

"The three criteria for life are Respiration, Circulation and Ambition."

A pulse proves that our heart is beating, but it doesn't prove that we're alive. Having goals, dreams and a destiny worthy of life is what proves that we are indeed living creatures.

If the things we aspire to have any value, they are by definition going to be hard. And we are by definition going to make mistakes along the way. It's better if we try to avoid stupid mistakes, but we're going to screw up at some point.

And when w screw up, it seems like the whole world is anxious to point out our error. If the government can figure out how to impose a penalty, fine or sanction, it does so enthusiastically. Friends sometimes laugh at us, or push away from us. Family loves to say, "I told you so", and our own conscience rebukes us incessantly.

Our response to these things leads one of two directions.

Either we train our conscience, family and friends to help us accomplish our goals and realize our dreams, pick ourselves up and refocus, reaffirm, regroup and recommit ourselves to the outcome we seek, and experience this natural phenomenon called Growth,

Or we shrug our shoulders, and in the grasp of guilt, we realize that our dreams are unattainable, our goals are out of reach and we're not good enough. We set our goals and dreams aside and conform to others' expectations of us or someone else's image of who we're supposed to be And we experience the unnatural result called Complacency.

I could insert a whole sermon here about where God stands in this particular either/or. But those of you who would be interested in the sermon can write it yourselves. Those would would be offended by it wouldn't read it anyway.

So instead, I just want to be a voice today that encourages each and every person on the planet who feels like they're falling short, failing and bogged down in life to use the re- words above and a hundred others, to pick yourself up and keep pressing on. Don't stop growing, the other choice is dying. Accept your mistakes with humility and don't repeat them, and move on.

Don't be talked out of your destiny. Aspire to grow instead.

Eat, Pray, Love, Ugh!

"I think I'm the only person I know that didn't like this movie."

I feel so ashamed and bad about myself. Everybody I know has been bugging me to see Eat, Pray, Love. Literally everybody I know loves the movie. I went to a friend's house for the OU - Texas game, and he loaned me his copy of the movie (which I left on his coffee table accidentally). I finally watched the whole thing last night.

What a beating! I was very careful to stay awake through the whole thing so I wouldn't miss anything and be forced to watch it again. If it hadn't been so late when the movie finally ended, I would have dialed up some Charles Bronson movie, or something equally manly.

The weird thing is that I should have loved it too. It's got lots of stuff that I should identify with...a spiritual quest, emotional drama, love and hurt and gurus and people who see with the heart, not just the eyes. The movie discusses concepts that I live for, and avidly seek in my own life. I love Julia Roberts. I should have loved the movie, and I didn't. I'm so bad.

I can't even put my finger on what I didn't like about it. As I sit here trying to think of things that I didn't like, all I can bring to mind are things that I did like - despite not liking the movie at all. I wouldn't feel so bad about myself if I could figure out why I didn't enjoy the damn movie, but the truth is I have no clue.

I would think more about why I didn't like the movie more than I did, except I didn't enjoy the movie enough to think about it that much. Now all of my friends are going to ask what I thought of the movie, and I'm going to say how cute Ian was or how beautiful Bali looks. Comments like that will get me safely out of the conversation, I hope.

For what it's worth, I really wanted to enjoy this movie. Does that count for anything?

First Sulu, Now Spock. What's The Future Coming To?

"i believe in the power of intention to change the landscape of our society - and it is my intention to live an authentic life of compassion and integrity and action." -Zachary Quinto

The new Mr. Spock in the reboot of Star Trek finally, after dodging the question for a long time, came out officially yesterday. Zachary Quinto, motivated by yet another teen suicide of a tormented gay kid mercilessly bullied by his peers, wrote a very classy and moving statement on his website.

The gay world needs role models. Successful people doing things right. Not only does the gay world need high profile, quality people, the straight world needs to see them too. If being gay is not what conservative Christians, Muslims, Rednecks, etc. think it is, it's up to the gay community to show them.

Observing quality role models and authentic examples of people living life right is the only way that the straight community is going to be able to develop any respect for the gay world. Hell, it's the only way those in the gay world are going to develop any meaningful self respect and see their own potential value.

I don't know anything about Zachary Quinto (outside of the Star Trek movie, which I enjoyed greatly, and the fact that he's killer cute with that beard.) But I read his statement, and put part of it at the top of this post.

Look at the power words he is using:

"I Believe". The gay world is famously shallow and self centered, and finding gay guys who believe in anything farther than 18 inches from the end of their ... um ... noses is difficult.

"Intention". The power of intention is the nonreligious and esoteric way to say God.

"Authentic". The opposite of the mask, the antithesis of bullshit. A life lived as an expression of something genuine, meaningful and important. Just reading those words from a gay guy is refreshing.

"Compassion".  Reaching out with the power of intention to help others, straight and gay, live better lives.

"Integrity". The opposite of two-faced. Living life on purpose, whether others are looking or not.

"Action". More than lip service.

If Quinto's statement is a well written ploy by his publicist to garner attention, then I applaud his publicist. He's saying just exactly the right things, and the whole world needs to say them too.

But if the statement is a genuine expression of how the guy thinks, feels, acts and believes, then I applaud him wholeheartedly and enthusiastically, and wish him every success and opportunity to give those words substance in the real world, with real people and producing real change.

All Is Well

"Hey, I'm all caught up."

I ended the week Friday at 4:30 by signing our renewal for our line of credit at work. I knew the guy was coming, so I worked to get all of my stuff done before he got there. I realized about fifteen minutes before our appointment that my desk was pretty much cleared off, and that I was, for the first time in months, caught up.

Our collections finally caught up with expenses incurred to produce the sales that led to the collections, so all of the bills are paid. As my desk is the resting place for any piece of paper that no one else in the office wants to deal with, my desk usually contains a collection of crap that I either deal with or throw away. And that's all done for now.

On October 7th, I did some mental/emotional house cleaning and I find my agenda of things to think about is in about the same shape as me desk.

Both at work and outside of work, there are some things on the not too distant horizon that will need my attention. My nephew made me play a no fun game of "Heads or Tails" last week, and an equally unpleasant game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" is inevitable. Rock: When a man's down, kick him. I'm done supporting a lifestyle I fundamentally disagree with. Paper: Give the kid a break. He's young and will make mistakes. The rest of the world will kick him hard enough. Don't add my boot. Scissors: Up to now, I've let him do his own thing with invited advice only and no interference. The interference starts now.

I don't particularly like any of those answers. If anyone has a vote or some advice, I'd love to hear it.

But my thoughts this weekend are about how good it feels to be on top of things again. My house is even clean and my laundry is caught up. I'm in an all too temporary state of being just now where all is in order, and I can really rest.

There are moments in almost every day of 'imposed peace'. These are good times when I intentionally and belligerently push the conflicts, agendas, thought processes and drama away and immerse myself in a peace based on the knowledge that Christ has the whole world in his hands, and that one of the benefits to walking with Him is encapsulated by Philippians 4:6-7:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

But I also enjoy times like now when the world is right, all is well and life is good all by itself, without being enforced by faith or held on to by reaching outside of myself.

So, What's Up?

"No, I don't want to know what you're doing, I wanna know What Is Up?"

It's easy to understand UP meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house, and some guys fix UP the old car.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP. Just as I'm getting all wound UP it's time to shut UP!

Now it's UP to you to decide, "What's UP?"

[Editor's Note: This is the first time I've ever plagiarized anything on my blog, but I thought it was funny. I actually adapted it from an email someone sent me. Sorry, I promise not to do it again.]

Well, CRAP!

"I really hoped I wouldn't have to write a post like this."

My Nephew #3 of Six is driving around Bethany last night around 2 AM and gets pulled over and cited for improper lane use. The Cop found he had been drinking alcohol and since he is 3 months shy of his 21st birthday and subject to the zero tolerance policy, charged him with DUI. The Cop also found marijuana residue and a pipe in his truck, so there's a possession charge and a charge for drug paraphernalia. The Cop didn't find insurance verification in his truck, so he wrote a ticket for that too.

And, of course, my bro is out of town and can't deal with it, so I (using bro's money) paid the fines and got Nephew out. His truck is still there. The fines added up to $3,050 + $42 for the privilege of spending the night in Bethany, Oklahoma's new jail.

Like every good coin, this story has two sides. Let's play heads or tails.

HEADS

Nephew was obviously up to no good. Nothing good is going on at 2 AM. He had been drinking and is not 21 yet. The zero tolerance policy exists for a reason. If he wasn't high at the time, he had been. He has been warned, lectured, threatened, taught, and didn't listen. He got caught red handed, and must now face the charges. The last thing any civilized society needs is some dumb-ass 20 year old kid driving around drunk and high. Innocent people die because of this, and the punishment is severe and justified. Nephew knows better than to behave this way, and did it anyway. The cop threw the book at him and should be applauded for his handling of the situation.

TAILS

The test showed his blood alcohol level to be .06. For someone three months older,this would be considered under the limit, and no DUI charge would have been filed. He was drinking, but barely. The pot residue they found was less than a gram, basically insignificant. The cop told him that if he had been 21, there wouldn't be enough here for a ticket. He has insurance but the cop wouldn't let him go find it. Nephew was wrong, but not very wrong, and the aggressive charges are not a result of his actions so much as the result of overenthusiastic law enforcement by a typical small hick town cop, supported by a municipal government that is just as belligerent and parasitic.

So? Heads or Tails? I can go either direction.

Heads is obvious. Nephew lives with me, and it's been a long standing question as to whether I'm helping him get on his feet and establish himself as an adult in society, or whether I'm enabling this kind of behavior that he probably couldn't afford if he had to go get his own apartment, pay utility bills, etc. etc.

On the Tails side, I grew up in Bethany and hate it. I don't even drive through it if I have a choice, and refuse to spend money there. It is a hick town, run by the Nazarenes and Baptists who elect Sally Kern, Oklahoma's consistent national embarrassment, to the state senate over and over. It's a terrible place to live, and the cops there are only different than the thugs because they have badges (I never got cross threaded with them, but they even treat honest, law abiding people badly). As far as I'm concerned, the world would be a better place without Bethany, Oklahoma.

The Truth, as usual, is probably somewhere in the middle.

My question, and I'm fighting being mad over it, is why I have to play heads and tails in this case. I try to live my life in a way that avoids this kind of dilemma. I don't drink and drive, and I know places like Bethany are crawling with government sanctioned thieves called policemen. (If they were real policemen, they'd do something about crime in their city. They pick on 20 year old kids, but real criminals flock to the place like flies to dog shit.)

One of the benefits to living a clean life within the boundaries is not having to ponder situations like this. The whole thing makes me feel dirty and sick. I feel like I have to negotiate or be caught between two perspectives that I can't stand. I find the whole paradigm distasteful, and want to get away from it. And here I am blogging about it.

Another Beautiful Morning

"How can I get paid for this?"

If there is a theme to my blog, and I'm not sure there is or that the overall tenor of my blog represents it, I want that theme to be digging through my days, finding something beautiful, worthy of praise, pure, right, honorable or just something I am proud of and highlight that thing. I love doing this. I wish I could figure out how to get paid for it.

But then it wouldn't be worship, would it?

Anyway, today's winner is (once again) the beautiful beyond description morning hot tub and coffee time I enjoyed so much. The air is cool and wet, the trees and yard are beautiful, the morning sun is both stimulating and extremely peaceful. What a great way to start a day. How does anyone live without a hot tub?

And as I soaked in the hot water and soaked up the beautiful morning, I remembered one of my favorite songs from the distant past:

The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice,
Let the hills sing for joy,
Let the forests lift their hands to Him
And the people hear His voice.

The Lord reigns, let the nations know
He's exalted on cherubim,
Let the earth quake,
For the Lord is great,
He's exalted over them.

Call all the people to praise His name,
To bow down at His footstool and pray.
The holy God and a mighty King
We will hear Him and not turn away.

I love the morning, I love good things, I love beauty and I love God, the source of it all and the one who opens my eyes so I can see it. The ugly shit in life finds its way into my field of vision all by itself. But the beauty in life is so hard for a blind, stupid guy like me to see and perceive. It's so great to have a Guide, a Helper, a Faithful Friend and Teacher. And, oh yeah, he's the absolute sovereign Lord of it all too.

Some people hate Him because they don't know better, Others fear Him terribly (and sometimes rightfully so). I'm excited, proud and thankful.

11th Inning, Grand Slam, Walk Off Home Run

"Ooh! Ooh! I want one! I want one!"

Last night he Texas Rangers prevailed over the Detroit Tigers in game 2 of the ALCS with a home run from Nelson Cruz. He popped one over the left field wall to end the game, in the 11th inning with the bases loaded. The crammed stadium erupted. It was a beautiful sight. He hit the first walk off grand slam home run in post season baseball ever.

There's a story behind it. Cruz has been a fantastic player for a while, and is no stranger to the Home Run Trot. But he spent time on the disabled list earlier this year, and hasn't really been doing much since his return. His batting average was something like .168 since returning from the DL. Saturday night he hit his first home run. Then last night he homered in the 7th to tie the score. The grand slam in the 11th, in addition to making baseball history, says to the whole world that he's back.

Moments like this are what baseball players live for - Major League and Little League players alike. It was cool to watch, I've had a few moments like this in my life in various paradigms. I know its an awesome feeling and a great day for Cruz.

But he didn't load the bases, the rest of the team did that. And, although I didn't see the whole game, I'm pretty sure that Ian Kinsler or Michael Young made a brilliant infield play or two that saved a run and extended the game to the 11th. Baseball is a team sport with plenty of opportunities for each player to shine like Cruz did last night.

Such is life and business and family and about every other important thing. I love being on a team, taking my turn in the bright lights now and then and enjoying my teammates when its their turn too.

It was just a really inspiring thing to watch it all come together last night.

Grate Wall Of Fire

"A roaring fire in the fireplace is the biggest asset winter brings."

I know, it's not winter. This was just a trial run. I love a roaring fire. My preference is a campfire, but I'll take a candle if that's all I can get. I have a fireplace in my house that is the exact thing a fireplace shouldn't be. It's a huge masonry fireplace, 36 inches deep and 30 inches wide. And a traditional fire creates a strong updraft that pulls every bit of heat out of the house and pushes it right up the chimney.

Now what do I do with that? For the past five years, I've only used the fireplace when (like today) it's a little chilly, but not cold enough for the heater. Once the furnace goes on, I forget I have a fireplace and use lots of candles. I've been looking for a better solution, but damn.

A fireplace insert costs $3-6,000, and takes away the whole benefit of a roaring fire from my perspective. I want a heart warming, soothing fire, not a wood stove. I don't have natural gas in my house (thank God), so gas logs aren't an option. Propane logs and a propane tank outside on the back of the fireplace would work, but I can't find anyone to put that all together - and I'm not smart enough.

Well, whether it's a pig in a poke or a sincere solution, I found a company in Connecticut called Grate Wall of Fire who redesigned the fireplace grate to solve exactly my problem. I researched it as much as I could, and found a plethora of college educated morons who listed probably a thousand reasons why this thing wouldn't work but never used it. I found about 3 people who bought it and loved it. I couldn't find anyone who tried it and didn't like it. So I bought one. I love it.

I can't yet comment on whether it helps much with heat, but I can say that last night I enjoyed the most wonderful fire I've had in my fireplace since I moved here. And, other than adding a log to it now and then, I haven't had to touch it since I started it. And the fire, with the ongoing sound of rain coming from the open back door, a glass of wine and Romantic period Piano music playing on Pandora, made for a really great evening.

If this is what I'm in store for this winter, Bring It.

Some People Walk In The Rain, Others Just Get Wet

"The Sooners walked, the Longhorns ?"

OK, So it wasn't raining at the Cotton Bowl yesterday, but the Sooners walked tall. The Longhorn fans walked too - away from the Red River Massacre to the corn dog stands at the Texas State Fair. With one notable, beautiful exception, I love seeing Longhorn fans in dismay. Sometimes it makes me think there is some actual value to football. And we all get to see it again next week when the other Oklahoma team (who are they again?) goes to Austin and gnaws on the carcass. Hey, maybe I could go sell corn dogs in the parking lot.

It didn't rain at the Cotton Bowl, but it rained and rained and rained here - and more is on the way. As for me, I solemnly swear that I will never again bitch about rain. We got exactly what we needed in a soaking, steady rain that lasted for hours. And it was widespread enough such that some parts of the world that have really been suffering from the drought got some real relief.

Sometimes rain is associated with depression. What could describe depression more accurately than the 186th consecutive rainy, gloomy, dreary day? Sometimes rain is associated with total destruction and devastation like Noah's flood. Rain also represents cleansing, providence, the end of hopelessness or the lifting of a siege, unity (rain falls on the just and unjust alike), difficulty (everything is harder to do in the rain) or something to look forward to (the latter rain). In literature and thought, rain represents lots of different things.

Contrast that to a rainbow, which always represents hope and promise fulfilled. Sunshine always represents happiness, life, clarity, etc. The starry sky always represents grandeur, mystery, vast expanse of things left to be discovered and known. Rain represents lots of conflicting emotions and circumstances.

Did I mention that the Sooners only needed the defense to beat the Longhorns yesterday? The three defensive touchdowns were enough to compensate for UT's offensive endeavors. OU would have won 21-17 without any offensive success at all. But we're talking about rain not football.

Clearly, our impressions of rain depend on our perspective. In Christianity, rain represents the presence and anointing of God in our lives, not conceptually or historically, but right here, right now. And yet there is so much resistance to God in our culture, just like some don't like the rain.

I can write books on the benefits God offers. It is easy for me to see the perspective that every Oklahoman feels today about rain. But I don't get the benefits of living life without God any more than I see a benefit to living life without rain. Believing in God is a choice with benefits. Not believing in God is ... what? ... a choice without benefits?

A Tax That Might Actually Be Fair

"Oh No! Obama and Pelosi wanna tax my welfare check!"

There is a certain kind of tax gaining ground (evidently) in Europe that has received a lot of chatter in the U.S. lately from email panic mongers and Obama haters. The tax is a 'financial transaction fee' and has been rolled out as a 1% fee on deposits (income), withdrawals (payments) and intangible transactions (moving money around to avoid income tax).

Basically, the bill wants 2% of every dollar moved in the U.S. economy, including real estate transfers, stock and precious metal transactions, etc.

The idea was originally proposed in 2005 and has never (including this year) made it out of committee in Congress. Folks, it ain't gonna happen. Neither Obama nor Polesi nor anyone else we've ever heard of has anything to do with it. Any discussion about it's potential advantages or drawbacks is entirely esoteric. People with a lot of money obviously hate the concept, and all they have to do to gain overwhelming popular support is point out that welfare recipients, social security recipients and churches will be taxed and the uproar is deafening.

But let's look a little closer at the concept and see if we can find any redeeming value in it.

First, it is a asset based tax and an income based tax. People with more money will disproportionally pay more taxes. The average paycheck to paycheck guy is going to pay 2% (1% when he deposits his paycheck and 1% when he spends it). That sounds awful until you take into account that the fee replaces individual income taxes a detail always omitted by the hate everything email spammers.

Middle class America would pay a little more because they are taxed on money coming in and money going out just like paycheck to paycheck guy. But they are also taxed 2% on credit card purchases (1% to use the credit card and 1% to pay it), House and car payments would increase by 2% too. Transferring money (the asset based part of the tax) from checking to savings or a brokerage account would also incur the 2% tax (1% for taking money out of checking, 1% for the deposit to savings). Finally, they would pay the 2% tax when buying stocks (1% to buy, 1% to sell).

People with a whole lot of assets that move these assets around a lot will pay through the ass. 2% every time they make a financial move of any kind.

Since business don't pay taxes (customers pay taxes), we would see an instant, automatic 2% price increase on everything across the board (which adds to the 2% tax). But we would get rid of income tax altogether. It would be a good trade.

Personally, I'm in. I think that if the fee was implemented without prejudice, exemption, exception or negotiation across the board, and the fee would replace income tax altogether with no possibility of revival ever, it would be a great way to reorganize taxes. The real losers would be the trust fund brats that don't work for their money anyway and financial services companies that are little more than parasites in my opinion.

Cleaning House

"No More Thinking In Circles."

One of my weaknesses in thinking things through is allowing myself to get tangled up in a mental circle jerk. Thinking about A leads to B leads to F leads back to A and the circle continues until I get so dizzy I abandon the process. I decided a few years ago not to allow that to happen anymore. Break the circle (it doesn't go anywhere anyway) at any cost. Just clean house.

So, I'm cleaning house today as follows:

Concerning Boundaries, I think my boundaries in life are fine for now. Yes, they define me to some extent. And they exist on purpose. I'm willing to negotiate their placement or existence but only upon the arrival of some new information or reason to do so. I like who I am, and have no intention of losing myself like I've seen so many others do in the past.

Concerning Goals and Dreams which dictate boundaries, I am content. I generally believe that goals should be feasible and dreams should not be. I think feasibility is one thing that separates goals from dreams. I want what I want, and am not particularly ready to compromise. I'd rather do without. And, outside of the feasibility argument, what I want is good.

Concerning Cynicism, aka "The Shark In The Water", I am again convinced that cynicism has no actual value in the human persona. There is no benefit to questioning someone's motives in life. If their character is not what it appears to be, that will come out over time. But to assume up front that this is the case automatically negates the possibility that things are on the up and up. A cynical attitude is a defensive weapon, but it defends against friend and foe alike, so it's value is zero. The same applies to bitterness, anger, jealousy and other widely acclaimed character traits that I choose not to incubate in my life.

Concerning Indifference, I am a sensitive, passionate person. I am not apathetic or indifferent. I cannot say, "I don't care." Not only is it a lie, in my opinion apathy destroys everything. No relationship of any kind can survive it's attack. Here's what I can say: "I care, but that situation is beyond my reach, outside of my circle." Once a situation is outside of my heliosphere, it doesn't really matter how far outside, in which direction, how fast it is moving or where it is headed. Out is out. That's it.

Concerning Being Good Enough, nobody is good enough. I just want to be.

Concerning Momentum There is a question as to whether Momentum serves me by bringing me closer to my desires or whether it carries me where it decides and I either go willingly or stressfully. I think probably the latter is closer to the truth. Momentum is not my servant. Instead, I am its passenger. At the moment, momentum seems to be taking me farther than I have been in years from all things gay. This saddens me a little, but I also know that I have not found anyplace in the gay world to really land and stake a claim anyway. So even if it takes me away altogether, I haven't suffered any actual loss, only loss of anticipated progress.

Part of the advantage to cleaning house is that I can be more sensitive and responsive to the call and motion of momentum. As such, it's all good and I am content. May the momentum continue and continue to increase.

Battery Is Low - Please Recharge Soon

"Even a cell phone can be a source of wisdom."

I very much need the world to slow down just a little bit for just a little while. Things are awesome, and I'm not complaining.

There's just a little too much going on too fast.

At work, throwing around $20,000 is pretty routine, but yesterday, we sold and delivered $200,000 worth of aircraft engines, bought another airplane, spent $40K on some other junk and shipped parts to three foreign countries. Good business, but can I get a breath in here somewhere?

It seems like that's just how all of life is right now, and I love it. I just need to make sure I don't lose track of anything - especially my nuts.