"Don't just survive, Contribute."
If you can't tell, I've been thinking a lot about Nephew #3 of Six, who is currently figuring out why a DUI and possession charges are things to be avoided. He screwed up (though not too much, but enough) and is getting his nose rubbed in it just now. I feel for the kid, but also see the other side.
A DUI is a particularly good example of a principle in life that applies to many situations. A DUI stands all by itself. People who don't know Nephew at all, who have never seen any of his assets and know nothing of his struggles, victories or history, know that he has a DUI on his record. Insurance companies, lawyers, etc., etc. know just this one thing about him, and that one thing stands alone.
So it is when we screw up in life. Our screw ups, be they a DUI or something as simple as oversleeping and missing work, seem to have a way of becoming the lens through which others see us. If we are not careful, they also become the lens through which we see ourselves. This is one of the most destructive principles in life. Nephew is more than the DUI he tripped into last week. It's important for me to recognize that, and it is critical, imperative and crucial that he recognize that himself.
Clearly, a first offense DUI charge is no fun, expensive and humiliating. But it is survivable. Nephew will make it through this experience, of that I have no doubt. But I would like to present the concept that surviving the experience is not the issue. In the shadow of our biggest mistakes in life, we need to intentionally and aggressively do something good in the world around us. There is no time in life when it is more important to contribute something tangible to make the world a better place.
If we do this, then there is immediately another lens available to us (and whoever else will look through it) that tangibly and irrefutably presents a different picture of us than our mistakes present. Obviously, it is invalid to see anyone only in light of their failures (though people do this to each other constantly). But it is up to us, even while the nose rubbing is ongoing, to build the lens, to establish another perspective, through which others can see us and we can see ourselves.
In other words, nephew, find something right now to do that makes a contribution on the good side of life for someone. It doesn't have to be world peace or anything magnificent. It just has to be real, demonstrable and meaningful. Then when you feel bad about your DUI, there will be something on the other side of the equation to make you feel good about yourself, and you will know that you are not defined by your mistakes.
And if anybody else that happens to bump in to my blog is suffering from an identity and self image consisting of your failures and screw ups in life, do something today, and every day for that matter, to counteract that image. The image that I am my failures is a lie, and evidence to the contrary is found in every positive contribution and good thing I add to the world around me.