Lack Of Interest

"Not really bored, just bored with this."

Well, obviously my blog is suffering at the moment. I've been trying to figure out why, but I don't have any answers.

It's not that life isn't busy. There's a lot going on. Good, fun, exciting stuff.

It's not like I don't have anything to say. I always have something to talk about. But I will say that I don't like my thoughts very much right now, and I'm not particularly enjoying my theme this year. Perhaps if one loses his mind, he should do it privately and not advertise it all over the internet.

It's not like I'm depressed or melancholy. Actually the year has started out with a flurry of activity - and I was already busy. Life is pretty exciting at work as we expand again and at home as I continue to work out, eat right and avoid tobacco. I am engaged and happy, and all's well.

I think it's more like, "I'd rather DO than TALK just now.

Or perhaps I'd rather talk with somebody rather than just talk.

Anyway, for whatever reason or for no reason at all, I'm bored with the blogging thing for now.

Those of you who actually know me, shoot me an email or give me a call. Everybody else, please check back periodically. Boredom doesn't usually last too long.

My Year To Be Crazy

"I don't think I can accomplish everything on my plate this year and maintain my sanity."

I've been avoiding writing this post for a month, and life is really busy so it's been easy to procrastinate. But here's the deal for 2014.

For years, I've been just a short distance from crazy anyway. I've been compensating the best I can. But the evidence is becoming overwhelming. The only reason I haven't gone there already is because I am afraid of it. Crazy people aren't treated very well in society, and too many of them are homeless or in jail. I'd rather not go there.

But it seems like lately I've been spending more energy fighting it than I have applied to getting life done. That isn't good either. So I've been wondering if this 'crazy' thing is all bad. I'm ready to entertain the possibility that it isn't. Besides, all of the compensating and covering up and self denial is just a smoke screen anyway. It is what it is, whether I admit it or not.

I've watched over the years as others I evaluate as crazy attack life with all of their might, doing things that don't make sense - even to themselves at the time. They somehow make it through, and pretty much succeed. I wonder if I can be like that. I'm pretty sure that over thinking things is just as crazy as under thinking them. Since I am an over thinker, perhaps by under thinking things for a while, I will just equalize into normal - even if it seems crazy to me. But, of course, I just over thought over thinking.

So my contentions on 'my crazy year' are as follows:

Crazy is not synonymous with stupid. I can be crazy and not stupid, reckless or destructive. I just have to trust myself a little more.

Crazy, though outside of my field of vision, is not beyond the reach of faith. God is with me wherever I go - even Crazy!

Crazy just might turn out to be a whole lot of fun.

So, here we go. Let's Go Crazy, and do it well!

Winding Down 2013

"I'm a Solid 'C' Student!"

As 2013 counts down, it's time to reflect on my year of Wellness and Strength. I've actually accomplished more than the numbers indicate, but the numbers aren't that impressive. Some other interesting things happened this year too.

To start with, I turned 50 in April. To celebrate, my bro and I went to Las Vegas for a long weekend. We went to the Elton John Concert and had a blast. In a random bar at a random casino on the Strip, we randomly ran into the ex-wife of a certain foreign exchange student from Belgium that we hosted in 1977. He never left the U.S., but left our family's world in 1985 or so. We hadn't seen or heard from him since.

Running into his ex led to renewed conversations and relationship with my brother that ran away from home, and we're ending 2013 with a visit from him. He came to town yesterday, and we all had dinner. We'll spend the rest of the week with him. It is just not possible to communicate in a blog post how miraculous, awesome and wonderful that is. (But I'm also mad as hell at him for disappearing these 27+ years). I guess on the 1-10 scale, I'm 8.5 mad and about 13 excited. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed.

Back to Wellness and Strength, I started vaping instead of smoking last December. I'm still smoking a little. My Brother quit completely in June and Mom quit November 1. Not only did I impact my own wellness and strength issues by mostly laying down cigarettes, the paradigm expanded to include the last smokers in my family - and they've been more successful at it than I was.

I've lost some weight. And I did it right. I changed my diet lifestyle and started working out. My performance deserves a grade of "C", but at least it's not an "F". There's much more to do, but the ball is rolling, and I fully expect the progress to continue in the months and years to come.

I walked away from the gay world this year, and no longer identify myself with this ethos. Like a candle that burns all the way down to the bottom until it runs out of wick, there was no particular fanfare with my exit from this paradigm. I'm just too old, too out of place and bored with it anyway.

After 30+ years away from it, I bought a trombone and rekindled my love of the music and the instrument I grew up with. And I am enjoying it more than ever. Not only do I get the benefit of playing, I can do it without being good enough or better than someone else. It's been a truly wonderful experience.

And I almost lost mom, who had a heart attack in November. She has had two stents (yes, I learned to spell it correctly!). She is doing well, but will have another procedure in January to fix an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm that is just as serious as her heart problems, but couldn't be fixed until the heart was stable.

Next year is lining up to be crazy. I think I've been a few baby steps away from crazy for a long time, but in 2014 I think I'm actually going there whether I want to or not. Since the journey has become inevitable, my plan is to put on my Big Boy pants and go there with attitude and enthusiasm, and not fear. Who knows? It might just be fun!