Looking Inside

"I'm not talking about being introspective."

Mom had a heart attack a year ago. They also found and fixed an aortic aneurysm.

Mom's mom died of a heart attack. Mom's dad had diabetes, lung cancer, etc. (They died two weeks apart.)

Dad died of lung cancer, COPD, emphysema, etc. So did his dad, and his dad's dad.

Great-Grandma stroked out. Great Grandpa had cancer. Uncle died of heart disease.

So, health problems present themselves in every family. Nobody ever knows about any of it until it's too late.

What do we really look like on the inside? Not in our hearts, but our hearts themselves. Not mentally, but inside the brain? Breast cancer has gone from the #1 cause of death among women to #3 because of the mammogram. And in a few years, it will fall even further. Why? Because we figured out how to look for it.

So there are MRI's, CT scans, x-ray machines, etc that can look at our bodies on the inside. Sometimes they find stuff. But traditionally they are only ordered when symptoms dictate or when something is suspected to be wrong. We have a Disease Management system in the U.S., not a healthcare system. Tests are only performed when symptoms present themselves. With cancer, usually once symptoms are present it's too late for effective treatment. Aggressive treatment kills as many as it saves.

But how often do we have the opportunity to go get a full body CT Scan simply as a screening? Not often. But the technology exists now to do this relatively inexpensively, with relatively nominal radiation exposure and supposedly clear, reliable results.

The technology is called an Electron Beam CT Scan. I had one today. They're a little expensive, but not compared to individual tests for all of the things mentioned above. I'll know the results in a week or so. Of course, I think I will be 'unremarkable'. But it will be fun to know for sure.

No More Smoking

"Over Four Months and Counting!"

Probably my most important accomplishment since I last blogged regularly is that I have finally quit smoking! Completely! Forever!

After mostly vaping instead of smoking for exactly two years, I finally smoked my last cigarette last December. I smoked for 27 years, throughout the process of my dad dieing from all of the smoking demons - emphysema, COPD, Lung Cancer ... basically the whole works. And his sister and dad also died of the same things way before their time. I loved my dad, but didn't really wnt to follow in his footsteps. And it was coming. I still can't breathe very well.

Now I'd like to report how much better I feel.

But I can't.

I can say that I made a quality decision, and after many years of trying to kill this dragon I finally did.

I can say that I'm never smoking another cigarette - ever!

I can say that I think this is the right decision 25 years too late.

I can say that we should continue as a society to help people quit.

I can say that the FDA is full of shit when they down talk vaping. But then again, everything McDonald's sells is FDA approved, and we know that will kill us.

I can say that I am glad to have finally won the war with a long term, destructive enemy.

Maybe someday I will be able to say that I feel so much better. But not yet.

Raising The Bar - At Least The Voltage

"Time to get out hte big gun!"

I have now been vaping instead of smoking for over a year. I still smoke a few real cigarettes a day, just because I can't seem to completely quit. But it's time to raise the stakes a little on my vaping.

I've proved the concept long ago. I've gone from two and a half packs a day to 3-6 cigarettes a day. My brother and mom have quit smoking completely. My cousin is starting the vaping journey and I just sent a kit to my long lost brother in California who came to visit last month. He vaped while he was here, and is ready to make the switch. It is a total mystery to me why the politicians and anti smoking coalitions object so strongly to vaping in light of all of the positive things this paradigm has brought to me, my family and thousands of others. But that's a different post.

I've been considering an upgrade for a while. My system works well, and it's easy. But the vaping community has gone over the edge in terms of making this a full time hobby. There is a whole new language around the vaping world - most of which I never want to understand. I just want to quit smoking. My current system isn't very powerful, but usually good enough. But I want to take just one step forward in terms of effectiveness without learning about RBA's, VV, mech mods, volts/amps/resistance graphs, drip tanks, and all of the rest of the crap that the techno-vapers all know inside out.

I finally went shopping for a more powerful, more flexible way to vape, and dug into the jargon as far as I dared. I still wasn't convinced. Fortunately for me, I met a vape nerd at a local store who sold me his backup mod cheap and set it up for me in such a way that it is as easy as the old system, only more robust. And I even saved some money buy buying a working used one instead of a new one.

So I now use a Smoketech Zmax v3. Are you impressed?

Its battery is 2 amps instead of 1.3. It vapes at 7 watts instead of 3.7. It hits a lot harder than my old one, and even a little harder than a cigarette. It weighs as much as a Smith & Wesson 38 Revolver. It has 1,072 other features of which I know nothing. Just like the old one, I just push the button and suck. Perfect!

Maybe now I can get rid of the last few cigarettes each day and finally be free.

Winding Down 2013

"I'm a Solid 'C' Student!"

As 2013 counts down, it's time to reflect on my year of Wellness and Strength. I've actually accomplished more than the numbers indicate, but the numbers aren't that impressive. Some other interesting things happened this year too.

To start with, I turned 50 in April. To celebrate, my bro and I went to Las Vegas for a long weekend. We went to the Elton John Concert and had a blast. In a random bar at a random casino on the Strip, we randomly ran into the ex-wife of a certain foreign exchange student from Belgium that we hosted in 1977. He never left the U.S., but left our family's world in 1985 or so. We hadn't seen or heard from him since.

Running into his ex led to renewed conversations and relationship with my brother that ran away from home, and we're ending 2013 with a visit from him. He came to town yesterday, and we all had dinner. We'll spend the rest of the week with him. It is just not possible to communicate in a blog post how miraculous, awesome and wonderful that is. (But I'm also mad as hell at him for disappearing these 27+ years). I guess on the 1-10 scale, I'm 8.5 mad and about 13 excited. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed.

Back to Wellness and Strength, I started vaping instead of smoking last December. I'm still smoking a little. My Brother quit completely in June and Mom quit November 1. Not only did I impact my own wellness and strength issues by mostly laying down cigarettes, the paradigm expanded to include the last smokers in my family - and they've been more successful at it than I was.

I've lost some weight. And I did it right. I changed my diet lifestyle and started working out. My performance deserves a grade of "C", but at least it's not an "F". There's much more to do, but the ball is rolling, and I fully expect the progress to continue in the months and years to come.

I walked away from the gay world this year, and no longer identify myself with this ethos. Like a candle that burns all the way down to the bottom until it runs out of wick, there was no particular fanfare with my exit from this paradigm. I'm just too old, too out of place and bored with it anyway.

After 30+ years away from it, I bought a trombone and rekindled my love of the music and the instrument I grew up with. And I am enjoying it more than ever. Not only do I get the benefit of playing, I can do it without being good enough or better than someone else. It's been a truly wonderful experience.

And I almost lost mom, who had a heart attack in November. She has had two stents (yes, I learned to spell it correctly!). She is doing well, but will have another procedure in January to fix an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm that is just as serious as her heart problems, but couldn't be fixed until the heart was stable.

Next year is lining up to be crazy. I think I've been a few baby steps away from crazy for a long time, but in 2014 I think I'm actually going there whether I want to or not. Since the journey has become inevitable, my plan is to put on my Big Boy pants and go there with attitude and enthusiasm, and not fear. Who knows? It might just be fun!

A Carton Every 40 Days?

"I hope Mom doesn't start smoking again."

Mom quit smoking November 1. I almost quit when I started vaping last December.

Mom used to smoke 2 1/2 packs a day, or a carton every 4 days. Doing some math, 365 days in a year times 2 1/2 packs a day is 912 packs per year. 10 packs in a carton comes down to 91 cartons a year. I smoked about the same. That's another 91 cartons a year.

Cigarettes cost between $50 and $55 per carton presently. That's $50 times 182 cartons = $9100/yr for mom and me to smoke.

Being forever mad at the government for taxing them so much, and forever broke, I found that by rolling my own cigarettes, I could make them for $10.57 per carton. So a few years back I cut the smoking costs to $10.57 times 182 cartons = $1,923 for mom and me to smoke. The downside? It took almost an hour a day, every single day, to make enough cigarettes for both of us. I cut that in half last December, so I have only been spending 30 minutes a day making cigarettes.

One of the biggest questions I had when I bought my trombone earlier this year was, "Where am I going to find 30-45 minutes a day to play this thing?" It takes that much time. I can't stand to play badly. I didn't have time to budget for this.

It has been a wonderful gift to be able to reallocate 30-45 minutes a day away from something harmful (but necessary?) toward something enjoyable and healthy. I have had time to play the horn for no other reason except that I'm not making cigarettes.

Some days after Mom quit smoking, I opened a new carton of tubes (to make the few that I smoke still). I can't remember which day it was. Probably November 3 or maybe 5. This is December 13, and I just now opened another carton.

That's pretty much 40 days per carton. Translate to 9 times $10.57 = less than $100/year.

Suddenly I realize that I can pay for the trombone 3 times, have time to play it and still save money in just the first year.

If I ever needed proof of concept on the Wellness and Strength year, I now have it! Wow!

Thanks, Mom!

Running From An Avalanche

"Don't look back! They may be gaining on you."

Sorry for the Blogging Blackout. It's just been busy. Mom had Round 2 of having stints put in her heart, we've had a major (by Oklahoma standards) snowstorm, it's end of year time at work, Christmas parties, working out, eating too much, and everything else you can think of has been going on.

Plus, this is my time of year to be introspective.

I've been reviewing my year of "Wellness and Strength" and charting a course for next year. 2011 was a year of Momentum (May the momentum continue, and continue to increase). 2012 was a year to coast and enjoy. 2013 was all about "Wellness and Strength". There is measurable progress but I'm still not where I need to be. So what will 2014 bring?

We're in the end of year airplane buying mode too, which means that I have a bunch of bills at work for which there is no money to pay. It was this way last year too, but it seems worse this year - or else everything else is getting to me and I don't have enough energy to feel the checking account's pain.

In any case, this will all pass soon. In the mean time, I am reminding myself that I have a pretty stress free life compared to most people. Times like now, once everything settles down again, are just reminders of how good life really is.

Besides all of that, it's Christmas time. I have taken time to really enjoy playing along with Pandora's Jazz Holiday Radio on my trombone and piano now and then. My Christmas theme this year is Music, and I only pulled out Christmas decorations that tie in to music.

In my world,, Music = Sanity. Every couple or few years, I allocate time to listen to the complete performance of Handel's Messiah. I have every intention of devoting time to that endeavor this year especially. That single act may turn out to be the biggest contributor to my year long Wellness and Strength theme.

No More Excuses

"If my breathing is OK, why can't I jog more the 2 minutes?"

Well, the sleep study results are in, and I don't need a CPAP. Further, the Dr. did a PFT (Pulmonary Function Test), and I passed with flying colors. There is virtually no damage to my lungs after 30 years of smoking. My lungs are clear and strong. Any shortness of breath I experience while working out is related to conditioning, not smoking.

I think the Dr. was giving me good news. He thought I should be thrilled, and I am from a certain point of view. It's fun to know that I will probably not follow in line with my father and grandfather, who died in their early fifties from COPD, emphysema and other smoking related complications. But there's another angle to consider.

My standby excuse for poor performance in the gym, general lethargic lifestyle, the amount of time I spend asleep (or wishing I were asleep), lack of interest in almost everything and life overall has been taken away. I had a stress test and some other routine 50 year old stuff done earlier this year, and my heart is as strong as ever too. So the two main concerns with my 30 year smoking addition have pretty much evaporated for now.

So, why do I get so winded after just a couple of minutes running slowly on the treadmill? I could understand it before. Last year while I was still smoking, I could barely walk fast for a few minutes. I am doing a lot better.

I remember back in college when I was encouraged to run. I had friends who very much enjoyed going for a good run in the morning. I never could do it. After just a few minutes, I just ran out of air. From then on, it was just meaningless torture to run more. And that was before I ever smoked a cigarette.

So I'm trying to work on breathing better. Maybe pushing my lower jaw forward and stuff. I tried it on the treadmill this week, and it seems to help a little. Maybe the bottom line is that I just need to do the one thing I don't know how to do...

Try harder.

The Vaping Backlash Exposed

"Water looks like Vodka and Gin, so don't drink it because it could lead to alcoholism and death."

I am now approaching the one year anniversary of mostly vaping instead of smoking. I am not alone. My brother (who ridiculed me for months before he actually tried it) hasn't had a cigarette since May. My mom is on day 15 of vaping instead of smoking - after telling me under no uncertain terms that after 63 years of smoking, she was not going to vape instead.

These stories are neither unique or atypical. Thousands and thousands of people in the U.S. and Europe have finally found a way to stop smoking without killing anyone - a feat that Medical Science and the Tobacco industry have attempted and failed at many times over the past fifty years.

Yet the backlash against vaping is loud and strong - especially from the very industries that should be reveling in its succes. The reason behind this stance is that the anti-tobacco industry has become just that…an industry.

It is a body composed of many parts. There are the pharmaceutical corporations who make billions of dollars off of Chantix, Wellbutrin, Nicorette, etc. There are organizations such as Truth. org which employ many people who are dependent on the continuing panic of tobacco-induced health risks for job security. There are doctors, lawyers, etc. who have concentrated their practices on tobacco-related issues. There are many government agencies who benefit from the tobacco taxes. So the mere mention of something that could possibly make many of these different companies and organizations obsolete is a frightening and threatening proposition. This makes no sense at all.

The main arguments against vaping are:

It looks like smoking, therefore must be bad. (The quote above demonstrates how silly that argument is.)

It lends itself to a false sense of security that may entice people to become addicted to nicotine who would never smoke. (Try applying that argument to condom use as a way to reduce teenage pregnancies or the spread of STD's.)

We don't know whether they're safe. There's not enough data. (We know that smoking isn't safe, and kills thousands each year. Let's save some of those lives while the research continues, eh?)

They contain arsenic and other bad chemicals. (As does baby food, the patches and gum they're so proud of and thousands of other products we use every day. The FDA can't find anything harmful about the nicotine juice that doesn't apply to all kinds of other products they have deemed safe for human consumption.)

There really aren't any more substantial reasons for the bitter, hateful opposition to e-cigarettes. And there have already been many, many efforts to find a smoking gun in this fledgling industry.

Experience is everything. My experience, and that of many close to me and thousands in the world around me is nothing but positive. Why can't we just leave it there and let everyone go on with their lives?

Mom Had A Heart Attack

"Some days, the world turns faster than others."

At 74 years old (the last 63 of which as a smoker), my mother experienced a heart attack last Thursday.

It wasn't the sudden catastrophic kind. It was the more subtle, don't feel a bit good kind. After 36 hours of feeling bad, she started having a hard time breathing, and we called for help. Within 45 minutes, the EMS folks took her to the Oklahoma Heart Hospital, the staff diagnosed the problem and completed the stint procedure to completely open up a 100% blocked artery. From 911 call to recovery was a total of 45 minutes. That's amazing.

She was in the hospital all weekend, resting and being pampered. I was up there with her, taking care of her house and dogs, intercepting calls from friends and family (how fast the gossip channels work!), talking to doctors, fetching chocolate pudding, worrying and contemplating life without her, etc. By the time she came home Sunday night, I was exhausted.

Our family has a history of leaving this world through heart attacks - the sudden kind that come from nowhere and are over as fast as they start. Mom's older brother died that way in 1996, and Mom's mother died that way in 1984. My mom has always said she wants to go that way, and even told the cardiologist that before they did the stint procedure. "I'm going to die of a heart attack. But not today."

The events of the weekend have caused some serious reflection, and some awesome circumstances surrounded the main attraction. More about those coming soon, I'm sure.

But for now, it's great that she's home and feeling better - and that I can get some rest.

Sleep

"Somnum puer, somnus et non evigilabit donec dicitur."

In the early or mid 1990's, I sold and installed our medical practice management software in the first Sleep Disorder Clinic I had ever heard of. I quizzed the staff what their practice, and what a sleep center was all about. I remember thinking that this was silly, and a total insurance scam.

I thought that trouble sleeping would be a result of some other problem. Find the real problem and fix it, then the patient will sleep better. Be it digestive, stress related, sinus issues or any number of other problems, it just seemed to make more sense to find and fix the underlying cause of poor sleep, not work on the sleep.

Now, of course, there are sleep centers all over the place.

About 7 years ago, my brother had a sleep study, and got a CPAP machine. He said it made a world of difference. I was skeptical. So a couple of months ago in San Francisco, the guy who let me camp out in his hotel room mentioned that I stopped breathing a lot at night, then gasped for air. He suggested I get a CPAP too, and has bugged me constantly about it since.

I found a practice that does the sleep studies at home without all of the fuss of a night at the hospital. We're doing my sleep study this week, but the Dr. already told me to get ready for one of those machines. I've been asking around, and found 10 people within my circle who have such a device. Exactly five of them say it is the greatest thing ever. They talk about their sleep mask the way I talk about vaping. Their enthusiasm and testimony about how much good these devices really do is encouraging.

The other five went through the study, got a machine but don't use it. They're uncomfortable, too much trouble, don't work, blah, blah.

The ones who use them say that they get a full night's sleep in about five hours, wake up energized and rested and ready for the day. I don't think I have ever - ever felt that way in the morning. I need a pot of coffee and half a pack of smokes (before I started vaping, anyway) before I can even focus on waking up. Hmmm.

I have never felt that sleeping is on the list of things I'm no good at. I sleep a lot. I have always considered it fortuitous that I have the luxury of sleeping 7+ hours at night. I always thought this is something I did pretty well.

Maybe it's time I considered a different perspective. Is there a possibility that my sleeping IS the underlying problem? Or is it all hocus-pocus?

Struggles

"The results of struggling with oneself: Victory, Failure or Frustration!"

Seems like life has been extraordinarily easy lately - cept for the struggles I'm having with myself. I hate times like that, but they are inevitable at times, I guess. But just now, on every front, I'm facing opposition. Not opposition from outside, just from myself. What the hell do I do about that?

SMOKING
I haven't smoked so much since last December when I started vaping. I've always had the mindset that I'm not quitting smoking, I'm choosing to vape instead. And overall, that works really, really well most of the time. There are times when vaping doesn't cut it. First thing in the morning, I don't want to philosophize, negotiate, compromise or be reasonable. I want a cigarette, NOW! So I have one. At first, I smoked 2 or 3 real cigarettes a day. Now it's five or six and maybe more if it's a really bad day. Not sure why all of a sudden I want to smoke more, or how to fight it.

Plus, even smoking 5-6 cigs a day is a helluva lot better than two and a half packs. In context, I'm still doing really well, but I want to do better. And I was a few months ago.

WEIGHT LOSS
I'm trying not to eat too much, and concentrating on eating the right (or better) food this year. I lost over 20 lbs. and really have changed my eating habits. I went from 221 to 200 lbs. by eating better and working out. But the momentum stopped there. I don't know why. I'm still eating better and less, and I'm still working out. But I'm back up to 206 lbs. and continuing to gain. I can't figure out why or what to do about it.

If I eat less, I want to smoke more. I can't handle being hungry and wanting a cigarette all of the time. I want to lose another 20 (now 25) lbs, and have absolutely no idea what to do from here. I think I'm doing everything right for the most part, and not experiencing the results I want. Now What?

WORKING OUT
I'm still doing it, but I hate it more now than ever. I don't like my trainer very much, but am doing everything he says without complaining (too much). But I am disliking the medicine, and (see previous paragraph) and not getting anywhere. I really am getting stronger. I can easily do stuff now that I could never have done last year. I am losing fat. I am wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear in years. There is progress from a certain point of view, but I'm not where I need to be.

The obvious answer for all of the above is, "Try Harder". If I had any more to give I would have already. Try harder is no help.

PLAYING TROMBONE
I'm having a ball. I'm loving playing again, and am not as bad as I thought I would be. But I don't have enough time to play as much as I want or progress to the level I want to be. I am doing well, but could do so much better if I could find another half hour each day to invest in this area.

My emphasis this year is "wellness and strength". I'm not depressed about my progress, but I am growing more frustrated at the slow pace. I need an answer to this dilemma, and a way to get off of high center.

And I may have found one. Stay tuned.

Should I Bitch or Be Excited?

"Be careful what you ask for..."

Earlier I noted that I weighed less than 200 lbs for the first time this century. Unfortunately I gave a few pounds back in the past few weeks. I decided to do something about it.

My old trainer left to go play baseball. He was a great guy and a good trainer, BTW. I actually miss him. But he's history and life goes on. I tried to continue the progress myself with varying degrees of success. Basically, I maintained the level we achieved together, but forward motion was slow at best, stagnant most of the time.

I noted in my last post that I needed to look at it this way: The fat old man that used to be me died. Now I am a 200 pound guy that needs to weigh 180. What do I need to do to get there?

I needed a new trainer. I got one. He isn't as good as the old one, and I've had more intelligent conversations with my Jack Russell. But he gets me to the gym consistently and doesn't let me skip the hard stuff.

Actually, he's kicking my butt. He's working me out a lot harder than the other guy did, and I really don't like it. I don't like the guy, his training style or how tired I am when we're done. I'm having to remind myself that I'm doing this with the mindset of taking medicine, not as a new hobby.

I got just what I asked for. I got a trainer that has no concept of the fat guy who couldn't hardly lift his right arm over his head a few months ago. And I'm already stronger than I was before. And he's pushing me. And I don't like it.

So, what do I do. Do I suck it up and perform? Do I complain politely and tone things down?

I think I know the answer. I'm already sucking.

198.6!

"I like not being a fat old man anymore."

For the first time this century, I weigh less than 200 lbs.

I've been working on it for months, and weighed in yesterday at 198.6 lbs. I actually got off, reset the scale and reweighed just to make sure. I used the scale at work today just to confirm. It's Official!

I started at 221.5 lbs, so some quick math means that I have lost 22.9 lbs. since I started paying attention to my theme this year of Wellness and Strength.

My former trainer told me that my ideal weight for my age and height is 178 lbs. I told him flat out that I couldn't even begin to see that far down the road. I would be happy with anything south of 200. He said we needed to put 178 as the goal anyway. I told him to go for it, but it didn't mean anything to me. 221 to 178 is too much for me to get my head around.

But now that I have broken through 200, and have lost almost 23 lbs, 178 is just 21 lbs away. I still can't imagine what I would look like at 178. I weighed 185 in high school.

But for the most part, I'm excited to find out. But I need a new plan.

So, here's what I'm thinking now. The 221.5 lb fat guy died. He doesn't exist anymore, and never will again.

Now I'm a 200 lb guy who needs to weigh 180. What do I need to do to get there?

I'd Rather (Not)

"There are a lot of things I'd rather do. Choosing between them is the challenge!"

I’d rather be at home drinking a Coke and watching the Rangers play baseball.
I’d rather not be too fat and all that goes with it.
So I’m working out instead.

I’d rather have pizza for dinner.
I’d rather not wake up at night with acid reflux.
So I’m eating grilled chicken and salad instead.

I’d rather have a cigarette.
I’d rather not have trouble breathing and all that goes with it.
So I’m Vaping instead.

I’d rather go to work at 10:30 and take a nap in the afternoon.
I’d rather not be so far behind and all that goes with it.
So I’m there early tomorrow.

I’d rather spend money and not worry about it.
I’d rather not be up to my eyeballs in debt.
So I’ll save up and pay cash.

I'd rather keep the money I earn and let the rest of the world fend for themselves
I'd rather not live in a world where hunger and poverty are the norm.
So I'll give when I can with a heart to help.

There are a whole lot of things I think I’d rather do until I think through the consequences, the long term results of habits and behavior that I participate in without question. Then I realize I’d just rather not. We don't usually have to choose between doing the right thing or the wrong thing. I'm not 14, and I'm way over that. Now I just have to choose between the things I'd rather do.

I’d rather be healthy, well, strong, financially stable, on top of my responsibilities at work and in my relationships with others. I’d rather eat right, work out, clean house, breathe deeply and sleep soundly. I'd rather be a good friend and a man of faith. I'd rather earn the respect of the people who know me (whether they give me that respect or not). I'd rather hear, "Well Done..." at the end of it all.

We all need to think about what we'd rather do.

(HaHa, I know...I'd rather not too.)

Walking Tall

"I'm 50 years old. I guess it's time I learned to walk."

Speaking of Habits for Wellness, and on the heels of my trip to San Francisco, I realize that I need to learn to walk. I walked miles and miles last week in SF. There's no way I could have survived that a year ago. As it is, I was worn out every day.

But as I walked my poor feet off, I began to notice how other people walked. The guide on the walking tour I took had a beautiful walk - and never got tired. But he grew up in SF and is in his 20's. Still, there was something about his walk that got my attention, so I started watching the others on the tour, then others after the tour. I observed that most people don't walk very well but some do. There really is a difference.

We all learn to walk when we're one or two years old. But we learn to get it done. We are never taught to do it right. It makes sense that there are bad walking habits just like there are bad eating habits or bad social habits. Hmmm...I might need to learn to walk better.

I did some research on it, and discovered that I'm not the first person to notice this. But every article I read on the subject said something different. Now, that's strange. Doesn't anybody know how to walk correctly?

If there is a general consensus, it starts with posture. The general idea is to walk with shoulders back, chest out (but not too far), tail untucked (whatever that means) feet pointing forward instead of out, etc. Basically, just the opposite of everything I do.

In general, it was easy to see who lives in SF and who the tourists are. And the Europeans tend to do a much better job than Americans. And fat people really screw it up, probably necessarily.

I (along with most Americans) rely primarily on my quads for walking. This evidently leads to dominant quads, weak muscles in the back of the legs and butt, hip issues, lower back issues and knee problems. Shoot! All this time I just thought I was too fat. Now I need to learn to walk? Cool. I'm in.

So I've been experimenting with walking better. Amazing results already. Sightseeing in San Francisco, I learned that something I've done wrong every single day of my life without thinking about it can be easily improved.

But I still wonder how to it right!

Good Habits Bring Good Luck

"Wellness and Strength is much more than weight loss."

As my 2013 emphasis is 'wellness and strength', I have been focusing on the physical side of life...weight loss, not smoking (so much), etc.

But the physical fitness picture is only a small part of wellness and strength. I've also been reading more, working hard to implement some long overdue changes at work, and a ton of other activities that lead to good results.

I just finished "Rich Habits - The Daily Success Habits Of Wealthy Individuals", which is a short, easy to read, concise overview of a thousand other self-help books out there. For me, it served as a good reminder of the concept that good habits lead to successful outcomes. (The book is not nearly as much about money as the title indicates. It's about life.)

The concept is this: There are four kinds of luck. Random good luck and random bad luck just happen. But our daily habits (good or bad) put us in the right place at the right time for situational luck - good and bad.

For example, random had luck might mean that I get hit by another car while driving. Sometimes, that's just random luck.

But if I am texting while driving, following too closely, fumbling with the radio or other electronic equipment, etc., my chances of being in an accident go up exponentially. That's different than random bad luck. An accident that happens in part because I am using bad driving habits is situational, not random.

If I am using good driving habits, I very possibly avoid the accident that would have been inevitable if I was busy texting or fighting with someone while driving.

All of life is that way. Good living habits by definition help avoid situational bad luck. And good living habits create a fertile environment for situational good luck to flourish. It's a simple concept, but easily overlooked when life gets busy and we operate mostly on autopilot.

Getting There

"I just realized it's been more than a month..."

My focus this year is on Wellness and Strength. And I haven't forgotten about it for a minute.

But I realized today that it has been a whole month since I said anything about it. Fear Not, All Is Well.

It's been a little slow going since my trainer left to go play baseball. I confess that I haven't spent as much time at the gym as I need to, and the time I do spend there is not as productive. I don't really like the gym anyway. I don't belong there, and often feel like a gay boy in a Baptist church. I don't really know what to do or how to act. But I am doing the same stuff that I was doing with the trainer - 'cept the hard stuff. It's so easy to talk myself out of that.

Anyway, I'm still going, and still losing fat.

And, life has been extraordinarily busy lately, which is why I haven't had much to say on my blog in general. I'm never busy, but now I am always busy. I'm usually pretty good at slowing life down when it gets this way, but I'm unable to figure out how to do so just now. I'm working on it.

But the good news is that I've now lost 20 lbs. Wow. Within a couple of weeks, I expect to drop below 200! I'm not sure how to act when I feel proud of myself for something I've accomplished physically. I think this may be the first time in my whole life that I'm going to get to feel that way. Kinda weird.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. More to come soon, I promise.

(And kudos if you noticed before now that the July calendar is from 2003. That's not an accident. I'm just that far behind at the moment.)

If It Is To Be, It Is Up To Me

"I got fired."

I guess two months of working with me is all that my trainer could stand. He resigned at the end of my monthly contract. But I'm not taking it personally. He got an offer to go play baseball again. He is now a player on the Edinburg (Texas) Roadrunners, doing what he loves. I wish him every success.

I looked up the team and the city too since I've obviously never heard of them. The Roadrunners have a web site. Player roster and stats were last updated in Sept, 2012. But they do broadcast the games on the internet. I actually listened to part of one the other night. My former trainer came up to bat. At a 2-2 count, the announcer simply ran out of things to say, so I could hear the ball park in the background. The organ music that was playing between pitches was, "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands."

I hope the guy is happy. But how can you take something seriously with that particular song playing in your ear?

He did manage to single to right field and get on base. He got left on third two batters later. But at least he's out there playing, doing what he wants to do in life, and doing his very best to do it well.

Now I just have to figure out how to keep the momentum going on the training front by myself. I didn't have enough torque to start it, but so far, I'm keeping the concept alive. I've lost 12 lbs., and am getting closer and closer to the 200 lb. mark.

I'm challenged just now to at least put as much effort into continuing my progress as my old trainer is putting into playing baseball.

I love baseball!

Pura Vida : : Wellness And Strength

"We had a great time."

This is what the week looked like from our balcony. It is on said balcony that I thought about the ad hoc slogan of Costa Rica, "Pura Vida".

I think Pura Vida, Pure Life, connotes something different to those in Costa Rica than it does to me. At first I really loved the thought. Then I started to see it in action, and only loved it a little instead of a lot.

To me, the word 'pure' connotes two things: Pure is unpolluted. Thoughts are pure if they are not attached to multiple or conflicting motives or impure desires and intentions. A heart is pure if it is not encumbered with bitterness, jealousy, hate, fear or prejudice. Pure also means undivided. Focused, passionate and effective.

'Pura Vida' to me therefore connotes living life to its fullest, trying to make the most of each day for the good of people, the planet and everything in between. What a cool concept.

But the more I heard the phrase used and observed how and when it was invoked, the connotation changed a little. I understood it as an expression of living life fully regardless of the consequences. It does connote saving the planet, but also includes an element of self centered, 'all that matters is my pleasure, screw anyone that doesn't like it, I am the center of the universe' mentality that I completely reject.

I want to live life, especially with my emphasis on wellness and strength this year, in my own understanding of Pura Vida. I want to attack life intentionally, desiring to do good for myself and for others. I want to be strong and well. I was amazed how nice looking and healthy people seemed to be there. (I had the same observations in Africa last fall).

If people in third world countries can eat healthy, live healthy and be well and strong, why is it such a fight here at home? This makes no sense. I want to understand this better.

Another Couple of Weeks, Another Couple of Pounds

"At this rate, I'll look like a heroin addict by the turn of the century."

Well, the training, sweating, strengthening and progress continues. I wish it was faster, easier, done already, etc. But it isn't. So I'll keep after it.

It's not like the process is all that bad. But it's not impressive either. Kinda like my whole life, in a way.

But I'll get there. I won't be first. I probably won't be last. And I won't fail.

My trainer decided to up the stakes a little this week. We're doing different and harder stuff, and I'm sore all over. But I do feel like I'm accomplishing something, so that's good.

And I walked right by the box of doughnuts this morning at work to get to the fridge where I have a stash of really good, fresh blueberries. (I still want a doughnut.)