Supreme Court Affirms Gay Marriage

"So?"

Well, this morning the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that GLBT people have the right to marry.

So what? Is this really a big deal?

So, now gay couples have the same responsibility that straight people have to do it right. We'll see if a court decision impacts the level of commitment, faithfulness and fidelity in gay relationships. If marriage means anything, it means that couples work through problems, and stop trading in partners like they trade in their old cars now and then. Straight couples aren't doing that well in this area, and we'll see what the GLBT community does. Personally, I expect that divorce lawyers and going to be thrilled with the results of this decision. I hope that gay world makes me wrong.

So, the last stronghold of legal discrimination and differentiation between gay and straight people has been removed. The ramifications of this decision are a lot broader than marriage. If gay people can marry, and that is the most sacred, most untouchable social right, then they can reasonably expect to be treated as equals in every cultural or social arena. The big one has been overcome. The little ones shouldn't be a problem anymore.

So, another huge step in the redefining of Christianity in the U.S. is reinforced. Christians no longer have the right to hate gay people. They can disagree, just as they disagree with all kinds of people groups, legal decisions, behavior patterns, etc. Maybe it's time for Christianity to see itself as ambassadors of God's love and redemption rather than defenders of God's integrity. God's integrity doesn't need to be defended by a group of hard line, hypocritical, hateful people anyway, does it?

So, it really is a landmark day. Personally, I really hope that people younger than me, who love God with all of their hearts and are also gay, can can have the opportunity to enjoy life on a level that I never could. God bless and help them.

A Conure Homeconing

"Be It Ever So Humble..."

Ahhh...That's Better.

After a three week (and a couple of days) hiatus, my T-Bird found his way back home last night. Somebody responded to my ad on Craigslist, and called me. Turns out that they live less than a block away. My bird landed on this nice lady's head Sunday night - the day he left my house. The lady recognized him as a domesticated bird, and put him in the same cage as her parakeet. Three weeks later, she called me to let me know she had found my bird.

So, just last weekend I gave up on my bird coming back. I assumed that by now he was cat food. Or perhaps he is married with children, on his way South toward Argentina where they are from. Since I could not know his fate, I may as well imagine a good outcome, right? Nonetheless, just last Sunday, I took his cage down and put it in the garage, accepting the end of my bird owner life. For the past three weeks, I actually enjoyed not having to come home and mess with him. Cleaning his cage was not very fun, and even though I enjoyed his company I didn't like being pooped on very well. "All's well," thought I. "Teddy is released to his highest good and best life."

Now he's back.

So I got his cage back out, set up his toys, food, water, etc. and I have my friend back. I'm thinking I should take him to the vet and have his wings removed. But then he wouldn't be a bird. I guess I'll just be more careful.

Bottom line is that I enjoyed the 3 week vacation, but I'm glad the little guy is back.

As for the three weeks, I sort of got the impression that the lady that found him planned on just keeping him. But he wasn't very nice to her, and nipped at her constantly. So when I went to get him, I pulled up to the house and said, "Man, I sure hope the bird you found is mine. I really miss the little turd."

The nice lady said, "At this point, you can feel free to take him even if he isn't yours."

It took him 3 days to settle down the first time I brought him to my house. Last night it took less than 20 minutes. He's back. He's home. He's happy. So am I. So is the nice lady.

I'll Fly Away

"My Green Cheeked Conure Flew The Coop."

One event in my life never made my blog. During my hiatus I got a new roommate. I found him wandering around PetSmart and brought him home. He isn't a Teddy Bear, He's a Teddy Bird (T-Bird for short and because it sounds more publicly acceptable). Anyway, my Green Cheeked Conure quickly became one of my best friends - and much better company than my Jack Russell Terrorist aka 'Damn Dog'.

Teddy came to my house when he was about 6 weeks old. His wings were clipped so he couldn't fly. As they grew back, he became a pretty good flyer, and I became more diligent about keeping doors and windows closed, not using ceiling fans, etc. I couldn't stand the thought of clipping his wings. First of all, his flight feathers are beautiful. Brightly colored Red, Green, Grey and Blue. Absolutely gorgeous!

Second, he's a bird and he's supposed to fly. It was cool when he flew from his cage to my shoulder and back. It seemed cruel to cut his wings and ground him. He's a bird, not a hamster.

But he got away from me last weekend when I let the dog in the house. I opened the door just a little wider because it was raining really hard when the weather guys said it would be completely dry. Out he went into the wild, stormy Blue Yonder (whatever that is). Haven't seen or heard from him since.

Part of me misses him. I also understand that he's not really equipped to be a wild bird in Oklahoma. It gets too hot, the food that he knows about doesn't grow here year round. etc. etc. I know I should have prevented his impromptu escape. He doesn't know to be afraid of cats (although Teddy is pretty much afraid of everything). And besides all of that, I miss him like crazy.

But another part of me is happy for him - maybe even a little jealous. I want to fly away like that! I want to soar through the treetops and play with the other birds. I want to leave a lot of crap behind and never look back. I can't help feeling a little proud of him for leaving the confines of his cage inside my house and embracing the wide, wonderful world.

I've had a bird before, but not like this one. I wanted to be a caretaker and enjoy him. But I never wanted to be a warden. I guess Teddy didn't want to be in a jail either.

Rethinking IT

"My Loss Is My Gain."

My IT guy flaked out last week. I think he got his feelings hurt. He decided I lost confidence in him (the IT way to say that I didn't use his services enough?), and he thought our company would be better served by looking elsewhere for IT support. Well, whether or not I had previously lost confidence in him, the events of last week guarantee that I can have no confidence at all in him in the future, so he turned out to be right - albeit somewhat prophetic.

Nonetheless, I told a couple of people that I needed a new IT support vendor, and a line formed outside my office door almost immediately. So far, I've talked with two of them in detail. And so far I like exactly two of these vendors better than my previous supplier.

IT stuff changes so fast. And I was rethinking my company's IT needs and requirements anyway. We're changing ISP's, building a new web page, rethinking phone systems and implementing some measure of disaster recovery for anything short of an asteroid hitting the earth. My old IT guy knew this was all on the agenda, but I haven't pulled the trigger yet on most of it.

In 2004, I knew the rules. I knew what best practices were for making backups. I could separate real cost/benefit equations from 'smoke and mirror' software that costs alot and doesn't work - in other words separate the Sizzle from the Steak. In the past few years, my response to my IT demise was to abandon my IT Czar role and focus on other activities. I now realize that was a mistake. I still have to authorize the expense, and I can't do that for something I don't understand.

Put all of this together and one has to feel a bit sorry for whoever I choose to fill my IT gap. These guys won't even be able to check free disk space unless I know how, why and so what.

But I'm looking forward to renewing my former expertise.

My 52nd Trip

"By now, I know the way,"

So today begins my 52nd trip around the sun. I feel like I've been here before. It seems like each lap takes less time than the last one.

Hey. Maybe that's what's causing Global Warming. The only way that each rotation could take less time is if A) Time is moving faster (which I doubt), or B) the earth is actually getting closer to the sun.

There's plenty of evidence to support B). Rising sea levels, melting ice caps, earthquakes in Oklahoma - Oh Wait! That's a different man-made environmental disaster.

Could it be that Global Warming is actually nothing more than my birthday present from the universe? Hmmm.

I wonder if I can give it back.

OKC Festival Of The Arts (Again!)

"This event costs me money every year, and I love it!"

I found these cute guys hanging around at the Arts Festival last Friday, and brought them home with me.

The artist made them as inspirational pieces. They're called "Achievers", and are an artistic reminder that any goal can be accomplished with effort. Hard work and endurance always pay off in the long run. Sometimes you just have to hang on. Not a bad message.

I saw them and immediately thought, "I want to be skinny and strong like these guys."

I brought them home and immediately realized that they are really 'Delegates'.

Whenever it is time for me to climb the walls, I can delegate that to these guys, and I don't have to.

Too Cool. I've needed these guys for years!

Sauntering With Awareness

"Men walk with purpose and urgency. Poor men saunter"

In a conversation at Home Depot, someone told me a "secret" about life. People who wander around gawking at stuff on the shelves of stores or craft shows or whatever are almost always poor. Rich people don't saunter. They do stuff intentionally and expediently. They know where they are going. They get there, get done and get out expeditiously and efficiently. Poor people bump around like a Roomba, and every time they bump into something, it costs them money - usually for something they don't need, and didn't want until the Roomba effect kicked in.

Maybe he has a valid point. Sauntering around at places designed from inception to get you to spend money is probably not a financially smart way to do things. I get what he's saying.

But there is a different kind of sauntering. I love to saunter.

But when I saunter, I'm not so much paying attention to the new and improved toothbrush at Target. I'm paying attention to the people.

It's really fun to be in public with the energy and life of others with whom I have nothing to do. But I do it with an awareness that their lives are as deep, as meaningful, as full and as important as my own. Everyone who buys groceries, attends the Arts Festival, goes to a baseball game or whatever, walks around with regrets and hurtful events in their past. They all have dreams, desires, hopes and fears. Each has a unique set of assets - skills, experience, point of view and outlook. Each is full of potential.

I believe that every one of the people I pass at the store is created for a higher purpose than they can know. Each can be more than they could ever imagine. To every one of us is attached a destiny that is as big as the universe itself. Some of them realize it. Others are sauntering around, bumping into stuff and spending money.

So, I guess I'm saying that we should all stop sauntering and begin to embrace all of that for which we are created. Except for me. I love to saunter.

But I really want to say that we all need to be kind to each other. You don't know what that person blocking the green beans has been through, how much they've endured. You don't know what they are capable of becoming or what they can accomplish. But a kind word or gesture can change their whole day. We can't dismiss people because they don't move as fast as we want them to.

And Ooh! I need that pretty bird sculpture. It would look great on my bookshelf in my living room!

Sometimes It's Best To Be Subtle

"Just check your calendar, then go back to your grind."

So it's April 1, and the whole office is expecting something over the top from me for April Fools. I wasn't much in the mood. But I found this on the internet, and made one for our bathroom door.

It was very enjoyable to see people come up, listen attentively, ask questions like, "Who brought live chickens?", or "Is this a real deal?" etc. Of course everyone asked me what (implied 'I') was up to. I claimed not to know, but threw out for consideration that since it was April First, something was probably up and that the sign should probably be considered fair warning.

Several of my coworkers were brave enough to cautiously enter the bathroom and do their business. Several others waited until they saw someone else do it.

Of course, there were no live chickens in the bathroom. But making people wary as they get vulnerable and do what they do there was enough for this year all by itself.

No More Smoking

"Over Four Months and Counting!"

Probably my most important accomplishment since I last blogged regularly is that I have finally quit smoking! Completely! Forever!

After mostly vaping instead of smoking for exactly two years, I finally smoked my last cigarette last December. I smoked for 27 years, throughout the process of my dad dieing from all of the smoking demons - emphysema, COPD, Lung Cancer ... basically the whole works. And his sister and dad also died of the same things way before their time. I loved my dad, but didn't really wnt to follow in his footsteps. And it was coming. I still can't breathe very well.

Now I'd like to report how much better I feel.

But I can't.

I can say that I made a quality decision, and after many years of trying to kill this dragon I finally did.

I can say that I'm never smoking another cigarette - ever!

I can say that I think this is the right decision 25 years too late.

I can say that we should continue as a society to help people quit.

I can say that the FDA is full of shit when they down talk vaping. But then again, everything McDonald's sells is FDA approved, and we know that will kill us.

I can say that I am glad to have finally won the war with a long term, destructive enemy.

Maybe someday I will be able to say that I feel so much better. But not yet.

Steve Grand Album Release

"Any Excuse For A Party."

Well, it's been over a year since I updated my blog, and I've been missing it lately. Actually, I've been missing the opportunity to document some of my thoughts more than I've missed the blogging part of this. Anyway, I'm not so sure I have anything to say just now...just a lot that I want to remember for later. And what better place is there to store my thoughts?

And the catalyst for doing so today is the release of an album by Steve Grand called "All American Boy". A Facebook friend posted his video a couple of days after it came out in July, 2013. I did a blog post about it back then because I have never identified so much with a music video in my whole life. I gave the kid some money on Bandcamp, then later on Kickstarter. I had the opportunity to go to a benefit concert he did in Oklahoma City last year, and gave him a hug during the meet and greet that followed.

He's either a really talented artist for a drunk 20 year old or a young man way beyond his years artistically who happened to be a little tipsy for the concert. Anyway, I love his music and I've followed his story on Facebook over the past couple of years. If I had to perform in front of a bunch of gay boyz and looked like him, I'd need a few drinks. Overall, he seems like a very genuine, creative and motivated guy, and it's cool to be proud of him.

The point is that his debut album is out today, and it's really good. So buy it if you read this. Steve Grand. All American Boy.

And the other point is that I intend to start blogging again for no other reason than because I miss it. There's a lot going on in life, in the world and in my head. Gotta start letting some of it out again.

I'm not sure I'll be able to do this every day like I did before, but for now, strap on the feed bag and enjoy - or else click the "Next Blog" link at the top and have a nice life.

First New Year's Resolution:

"I may require an intervention."

I have a lot to say about the New Year, and it's coming. But today, I wish to formally announce to the world my first New Year's Resolution for 2014.

I resolve to refrain from purchasing or acquiring through other means any new shoes, boots, sandals, flip flops, slippers or variations thereof."

I am a shoe whore. I admit it. And I'm changing that next year.

Somebody was giving Nephew #4 of Six a hard time Christmas Day because nobody needs 10 pair of shoes. He was explaining why he needed the new pair he just opened so badly. I, always the good uncle, came to the boy's defense by confessing that I probably have forty pair - not including the ones I've shoved aside that don't fit or are so worn out they've been relegated to yard work attire (not that I do any, but 'there's a shoe for that').

And I realize that I have, in typical form for me, way overdone the shoe thing.

So I will recognize I have a problem and deal with it like a man. Does anyone know of a 12 step program for shoe addicts like me? Does each step require a different pair of shoes?

In preparation for my hiatus from shoe acquisitions, I got one pair for Christmas and bought three more pair during after Christmas sales already. But I'm drawing the line, by God.

No More Shoes.

I may cry now...

A Christmas Story

"I bet none of us got a Christmas gift like this. It sure is nice to help someone else get one."

Meet the recipient. His legs and feet don't work right. He gets around mostly on his hands and uses the rocks to protect himself from the harsh terrain. He lives in a village near Chirundu, Zambia. The farmer/pastor we support arranged for him to get some help.

He's climbing into his new wheelchair. Our company helped send the chair over, just in time for Christmas.

He doesn't need the rocks anymore.

I'll bet he remembers this Christmas for a long time

A Tale Of Two Dinners

"I may not eat anything else this year!"

I had the pleasure of partaking in two Christmas dinners this year. I don't think I've ever done that before. And I am stuffed still.

Mom cooked a rib eye roast, and it was outstanding. The family gathered and ate and opened presents. This is what we pretty much do every year. This year was about average for Christmas at our house. It was great, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't particularly exceptional, if that makes sense.

But this year, before the festivities started with my own family, I had dinner with the friend I went to Costa Rica with earlier this year. We had brisket, and it was delicious. There were seven of us at that dinner. My friend is a lawyer with the State Bar Association. His sister is a Methodist minister. A State Supreme Court judge and his wife were there and a Professor of Philosophy and Religious Studies from a local college joined us too. Finally, there was a genealogy expert as well.

There were several unique things about this particular dinner.

First, I don't think I've ever been to someone else's Christmas dinner.

Second, I was the only idiot at the table.

Third, and this is hard to say, I really liked everyone. This is a group of people I really enjoyed being around - more than my own family. There. I said it.

I'm not sure why. We didn't get involved in any deep discussions. As a matter of fact, dinner conversation was mostly about cooking. The group represents a wide range of economic, social and political persuasions. I know some of their stories, and they (and their families) are as screwed up as mine - or more. I cannot explain why I enjoyed hanging with this group of people so much. But I really did.

I would really like to be in a monthly dinner club with these folks or something.

But it bothers me a little that I had a better time at Christmas dinner with somebody else's friends than I did with my own family.

If A Christmas Tree Falls And Nobody Hears It...

"There is more than one way not to hear."

Usually my Christmas Musings revolve around the Christmas Star. If is a visible sign of hope for the whole world, and shines to herald the coming of Christ for all generations. I love thinking about the wise men who started the trip, following the star. I'm not sure how many wise men there were, but I'm pretty confident that more started the trip than finished it.

This year, my thoughts surround the music - the sound - of Christmas. We sing the old hymns, but do we really hear them? We are inundated with the noise of Christmas, but do we distinguish the noise from the sound of it?

It's almost a cliche to talk about remembering the reason for Christmas, and not get sidetracked by the commercialism, hustle, blah, blah. That's sort of what I'm thinking about this year - but not quite. Separating the music from the noise is a good thing. But having done that, we also need to hear the music, not just recognize or appreciate it, but let it in. We need to experience the sound of Christmas.

The Christmas star stands out as a guide. It gives hope and purpose to those who follow it. It gives assurance and motivation to stay focused and on target. It helps is not be discouraged, distracted, despondent or defeated in our pursuit of Christ. The wise men completed the trip. We will too. And the rewards, as we present ourselves as living sacrifices before Him, are tremendous. The star guides from afar and leads us forward.

But the music of Christmas is more immediate. Somehow, it is more tangible than the idealistic and futuristic connotation of the star. "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus", "Away In A Manger", "Silent Night", The First Noel" and a hundred other carols all talk about an event long ago. But the connotation of the music is to bring that moment in history to us today - each Christmas, right now.

The carols, the Christmas Story (Luke 2), etc. remind us that Immanuel (God With Us, Revealed In Us) is more than a major historical event, but it is an ongoing event, day by day in our lives. Just as God's Words "Let there be light" created an ongoing event we call the universe, the words of Christmas, the Incarnation of Christ, create an ongoing event inside each and every one of us. An event that has a beginning, an impact and a consummation.

As we look at the Christmas star and follow it intentionally and diligently, we also need to hear the music of Christmas and allow its creative and ongoing impact to influence the very core of our beings. Because of the star, we know that everything will be different and better. Because of the music, it already is.

Let's not ignore the star. And let's not let the music be drowned out by anything...not even the tradition of Christmas itself. Let's allow the music and the coming of Christ to change us, remake us and give us peace this year and forever.

Merry Christmas.

I Am Shopped Out!

"One for you, One for me. One for you, Two for me."

I usually love Christmas Shopping. I typically buy more stuff for myself, always on sale, than for anybody else. I also really enjoy being out and among 'em at the malls and stores - for a while. Then, when it gets stressful and not fun, I go home.

This year, I just wasn't in to it. Black Friday starting at 2:00 PM Thanksgiving Day was offensive. I don't need a damn thing (so I didn't have anything to shop for). For the most part, the people I need to give gifts to don't need anything either. Besides (like me) if they want something, they go buy it.

I didn't think the sales were particularly good this year. Everything I saw fell in to the "same ol' shit" category or else the "why would they possibly think I want that" category.

I did find some cool presents for my important peeps. Things they won't expect and wouldn't have thought of.

But the result of all of the above is that for the first time ever, I'm done - long before Christmas. Every present is bought, paid for, wrapped and ready.

I've even had time to burn myself out on Christmas carols, both listening to them and playing them. I still have to get Handel's Messiah in sometime this year. Maybe this weekend.

Then it will be time to have Christmas and be done with it. I think I'm ready.

A Carton Every 40 Days?

"I hope Mom doesn't start smoking again."

Mom quit smoking November 1. I almost quit when I started vaping last December.

Mom used to smoke 2 1/2 packs a day, or a carton every 4 days. Doing some math, 365 days in a year times 2 1/2 packs a day is 912 packs per year. 10 packs in a carton comes down to 91 cartons a year. I smoked about the same. That's another 91 cartons a year.

Cigarettes cost between $50 and $55 per carton presently. That's $50 times 182 cartons = $9100/yr for mom and me to smoke.

Being forever mad at the government for taxing them so much, and forever broke, I found that by rolling my own cigarettes, I could make them for $10.57 per carton. So a few years back I cut the smoking costs to $10.57 times 182 cartons = $1,923 for mom and me to smoke. The downside? It took almost an hour a day, every single day, to make enough cigarettes for both of us. I cut that in half last December, so I have only been spending 30 minutes a day making cigarettes.

One of the biggest questions I had when I bought my trombone earlier this year was, "Where am I going to find 30-45 minutes a day to play this thing?" It takes that much time. I can't stand to play badly. I didn't have time to budget for this.

It has been a wonderful gift to be able to reallocate 30-45 minutes a day away from something harmful (but necessary?) toward something enjoyable and healthy. I have had time to play the horn for no other reason except that I'm not making cigarettes.

Some days after Mom quit smoking, I opened a new carton of tubes (to make the few that I smoke still). I can't remember which day it was. Probably November 3 or maybe 5. This is December 13, and I just now opened another carton.

That's pretty much 40 days per carton. Translate to 9 times $10.57 = less than $100/year.

Suddenly I realize that I can pay for the trombone 3 times, have time to play it and still save money in just the first year.

If I ever needed proof of concept on the Wellness and Strength year, I now have it! Wow!

Thanks, Mom!

Melodious Etude No. 11

"This is why I bought a trombone!"

There is a famous trombone study guide called "Melodious Etudes For Trombone" that has been around for a hundred years, but I never used it during my trombone playing time. The idea behind it is, it is a method book that lets trombone students play exercises that are arranged as music. It is used the world over by trombone players on every level. I picked up a copy when I got my trombone earlier this year.

I have very much enjoyed working my way through the book, playing pieces that I think sound good. Some of it is beyond my ability, and I hack through it the best I can. After not playing for 27 years, I am amazed that I can still play any of it.

There is a fundamental difference between playing classical music and playing jazz. Jazz music has boundaries, not rules. As long as you stay within the boundaries, anything goes. The point to playing jazz is to be creative, spontaneous and interpretive. The idea is to express oneself and (again, within the boundaries) play your heart out.

Classical music is different. The issue here is to express the music - appropriately and exactly as it was designed and written to be expressed. The objective is to honor the music and the composer (creator) by performing it to the level of proficiency and standard for which it was composed.

There is room for both in the world of music, but there is an absolute distinction between the two. The principle, which deserves much more thought and comment that I can provide here, applies to a whole bunch of different paradigms in life. Jazz is about expressing myself musically. Classical music is all about the music. This distinction and contradiction applies to religion and our relationship with God, to work, to marriage, raising kids, and a whole lot more. Knowing the difference between Jazz and Classical music, and knowing when use each approach is a really important life skill.

But my point for today is just how good I felt this morning playing Melodious Etude No. 11. When you play a piece like that really well - above your own ability. When it sounds and feels just perfect, it gives you goose bumps. At the end of it this morning, I actually cried a little. It was so right. And nothing in a world based on this music can ever be that wrong.

This is why I bought a trombone.

Feels almost as good as getting licked by a horse!

Running From An Avalanche

"Don't look back! They may be gaining on you."

Sorry for the Blogging Blackout. It's just been busy. Mom had Round 2 of having stints put in her heart, we've had a major (by Oklahoma standards) snowstorm, it's end of year time at work, Christmas parties, working out, eating too much, and everything else you can think of has been going on.

Plus, this is my time of year to be introspective.

I've been reviewing my year of "Wellness and Strength" and charting a course for next year. 2011 was a year of Momentum (May the momentum continue, and continue to increase). 2012 was a year to coast and enjoy. 2013 was all about "Wellness and Strength". There is measurable progress but I'm still not where I need to be. So what will 2014 bring?

We're in the end of year airplane buying mode too, which means that I have a bunch of bills at work for which there is no money to pay. It was this way last year too, but it seems worse this year - or else everything else is getting to me and I don't have enough energy to feel the checking account's pain.

In any case, this will all pass soon. In the mean time, I am reminding myself that I have a pretty stress free life compared to most people. Times like now, once everything settles down again, are just reminders of how good life really is.

Besides all of that, it's Christmas time. I have taken time to really enjoy playing along with Pandora's Jazz Holiday Radio on my trombone and piano now and then. My Christmas theme this year is Music, and I only pulled out Christmas decorations that tie in to music.

In my world,, Music = Sanity. Every couple or few years, I allocate time to listen to the complete performance of Handel's Messiah. I have every intention of devoting time to that endeavor this year especially. That single act may turn out to be the biggest contributor to my year long Wellness and Strength theme.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's one thing to be thankful for stuff - family, material stuff, status in life overall, whatever.

It's another thing to be thankful to someone - God, family, employer, whatever.

It's still another thing to be thankful for surviving and prospering through a situation or season of life.

It's still another thing to Give Thanks.

As I celebrate Thanksgiving this year, I want to emphasize the Giving part of Thanksgiving, intentionally and specifically in every paradigm of life. I am Thankful. But just now, in addition to being thankful, I want to Give Thanks.

It Was So Fun The First Time

"Mom's going back for more heart stints."

I took my mom to the cardiologist for her follow up appointment after her heart attack. They said she's recovering nicely and they want to schedule the procedure for the other two stints in a couple or three weeks. They're telling us it's not nearly as traumatic when we do it on purpose - and not in the middle of a coronary 'incident'.

Mom is doing much better. She's almost back to where she was before the first incident. Maybe gets tired a little quicker.

I'm recovering too. Most people lose their parents at some point in life. The other way around is really not fair. Parents should never have to bury their children. I lost my dad in 1991. I probably came closer than I want to know about to losing Mom a couple of weeks ago. Of course I had to think about that a little. Books have been written on losing loved ones and coping with it. I think I shall not need to read them.

At Mom's house while she was in the hospital, I looked around at all of the accumulated stuff from several generations of our family. It's all the stuff that Mom loves. I love a little of it too, but not much. I remember thinking that when she dies, all of this will turn to dust as far as I'm concerned. Then I thought about how callous that would sound if I put it in my blog.

I don't mean for it to be callous or hard hearted. It's just how it is. I have been a good son to Mom, and she has been a terrific mother. The day will come when that role is completed for both of us. When she dies, I will miss her. But I will not grieve much. I have no regrets. I've lived my life the way I have for these 50 years to avoid having to look at someone important that I've lost, regretting things that I did (or didn't) do or say.

I know. That all sounds good. We'll see what happens when the time comes.

The good news is, that day is not today.