"I don't need to review my goals and dreams again. I know them by heart."
This story is appropriate on several levels. First, it goes directly to the Boundaries, Obstacles, Goals and Dreams discussion I've been having with myself. Second, it's about the best conversation I've had with nephew #3 of Six in quite some time. And finally, today begins the anticipation that even I enjoy leading to the almost pagan indulgence of the slaughter of Bevo next Saturday. The meat doesn't appear to be very good this year, but the ritualistic devouring of it should be as much fun as it always is. I can almost smell the cremated flesh of that tired old bull even now.
Friday, I enjoyed another beautiful morning, got ready for work and my nephew woke up. We had a cup of coffee together on my back porch. He is trying to get things together to go spend some time in Nicaragua next year and it isn't all falling in place the way he thinks it should.
I told him I sensed a lot of indecision and being wishy-washy, not committing himself to a direction but still expecting everything to come together. I told him that doesn't work. I used the analogy of a football game. Until the play is called and the ball is set, nothing will happen. The players sometimes just stand around out there and look at each other. Nothing can happen until the decision is made, the play is called and the offense takes its place to execute it.
The whole universe works that way. This is why flaky, wishy-washy people always feel like they're in a fog. They really are. The whole universe stands around doing nothing until they take a stand. I told Nephew that it was time for him to make a decision and take a stand, and that the whole universe could then take its place. Some of it will line up with him, as if on offense. He'll have an offensive line, a backfield and a host of assets to help him achieve what he sets out to do.
Some of the universe will line up against him, just like a defense on a football field. And then it's, "Game On." I told him there wasn't a right or wrong play to call, just make the call. Choose a direction and take off with enthusiasm, passion and hope. Then look around to see who is with him and who is against him.
It was a good talk, and there was obviously a lot more to it than the outline above. After we finished, I went to work and realized I was talking to myself as much as I was talking to Nephew.
I don't need to review my goals and dreams again. I've done that a million times. I want to be in a committed relationship with a quality guy that I love and am good enough for. I want that relationship and all of the good things that happen because of it to be an inspiration and help to others who think the gay ghetto is the way things should be for us. I want that relationship to be proof to the Christian world that gay is not inherently evil, just as I saw in my arch type these many years ago. I want good things, things worthy of protecting and being proud of.
But where the hell is my offensive line? My backfield? Where are the assets that should help me attain and realize my goals? Even my arch type gave up on the concept. The gay, straight and Christian world seem to pretty much agree on this much: I'm living in a fantasy world that will never exist in the real world. My dream is to prove them wrong.
Ready....Break.