"Maestro, please queue the violins..."
I find myself unable to be pathetic enough to make appointments to spend time with someone seven to ten days in advance, only to have them cancelled at the last minute.
This is my latest addition to the list of things I am not pathetic enough to endure.
At the top of the list is not being good enough when everyone else on the planet is.
The list also includes:
trying to relate to ghetto-fags at the bars,
spending time with guys who can no longer make it at the bars but still want to,
embracing guys who found their way to church only after the 'gay lifestyle' has eaten so much of their minds, hearts and souls that there just isn't anything left,
40+ year old guys who have no clue what they want to do with their lives, who they are or what they stand for,
Oh Yeah, I've also learned not to dig through another man's trash. It's sitting on the curb for a reason.
I have the growing feeling that unless I learn to be more pathetic, lower my expectations and rid myself of any sense of self-worth, I will never really be part of the gay world. I did a Google search to find an online study program in proficient patheticism, but didn't come up with anything.
Maybe I could spend the next few years of my life letting down people who care about me (and who I care about too). Would that help me be more pathetic? It seems to have worked for others.
I think I'll just shake my head and move on...again.