"Once again, I'm glad it's Monday."
"God, it's hot," I said to myself as I soaked in the swimming pool at Mom's house Sunday afternoon. I thought about all of the folks waiting for or participating in the PRIDE Parade, and was very happy to be someplace else.
I realized that I'm also a bit bored with the whole gay paradigm. For much of my life, the gay world was off limits. Then a few years ago, it wasn't. So I've spent some time and effort trying to explore it, gain some traction in it, understand it and figure out how to relate to it. Yawn. I'm ready to focus on something else in life.
The process has been frustrating too. I'm beginning to think that 1) I'm not smart enough, good enough or pretty enough to ever find any substance here, or 2) I am good enough. There simply is no substance here. I'm shopping in an empty store or trying to pull water from a dry well.
I've been here before, and each time my answer is to walk away empty handed, and go on and live life anyway. After all, I have a pretty good life. Then I think that there most be a thousand guys like me right here in Oklahoma City who are in exactly the same boat, and so the circle starts again. Blah.
Well for today, it's time to go back to work. And I can't hardly wait. I think it's good to spend time out of one's comfort zone. But not too much. Hot, bored and frustrated are not the words I want to use to describe my life. I'm way too happy to put up with that crap.
I feel like Joshua, the computer in the movie "War Games". "How about a nice game of chess?"