"In Memoriam Patris."
Dear Dad,
I know you loved me, and I can't begin to tell you how much you meant to me, how much I learned from you, how much I wanted to be the son you wanted me to be and how much I've missed you since you died 20 years ago. For what it's worth, I tried hard - and still do most of the time. The things I want in life and strive for would not offend you. I think that in many respects, you would be proud of who I've become and the things I stand for.
I know you didn't blame me for my bad eyesight, which kept me from being the baseball catcher, football quarterback and star athlete you wanted. Fortunately, my brother was all of those things and more. You'd be proud of him now too. We often talk about how we wish you could be a part of or at least a witness to all of the good things we've got going in business.
You never criticized me or acted badly about the fact that I couldn't be what you wanted, but I always knew you were disappointed. I think I presented a situation you didn't know what to do with. I couldn't play sports or go hunting. I'm not very mechanical, and we didn't seem to have all that much in common.
At least we connected musically. We often talked about but never made the trip to New Orleans to spend a few hours listening to real dixieland music. For my 40th birthday, I did make that trip, and sat listening to a dixieland band play for several hours. It was a great experience.
Of course, I never told you that I am gay. I probably wouldn't if you were still alive now. As far as I know, the two things in life that hurt the most are 1) really letting down someone you care about and 2) being on the other end of 1). I hope you understand me not wanting to put either of us in that situation. You probably had a right to know, and I probably should have gone ahead and put you in the position to either accept or reject me. But my bad eyes kind of did that once, and I didn't want to push my luck.
I've tried to do the right thing in life, and I haven't done too bad. Life is good, and I'm getting along fine. I have some good friends, enough money and I'm overall happy. But I wish I could have been a better son. For what its worth, I'm really sorry that I wasn't good enough.
Happy Father's Day