"I once was lost but now I don't know where I am, Was blind, but now I can't see."
So the good news in my quest is that after comparing Christianity to other ways of looking at life, I am more convinced than ever that I've made the right choice. The bad news is that I realized I embraced Christianity (or my perception of it) because it represents MY worldview. It is everything I want it to be and more. Even where I fail to live up to Christian ideals and principles, I agree with and want the ideals. One of the benefits to Christian thinking is that it keeps me growing, keeps me engaged.
But surely there is something deeper, some more meaningful, substantial reason why I am a Christian besides the fact that I happen to like it - like I like green beans or jazz music.
Besides, one of my biggest pet peeves with church is when some preacher takes his opinion, goes to the bible and finds some obscure scripture to support, justify or give credence to it, and then preaches it as universally objective truth. This is so wrong and has been the source of a whole lot of error over the centuries. Plus, it hurts a lot of people and doesn't honor Christ or a good God at all.
These guys aren't preaching God's word, they are preaching their dumb-ass opinions, cleaned up and made palatable because they disguise it with scripture. Whenever I have to give my dog medicine, I hide the pill in a piece of bread or a bite of weenie. The dog eats it really fast thinking it's a hot dog and never knows it just swallowed some drug. I'm not a dog and it makes me mad to be treated like one.
Surely, the years of study and growth in my own Christian walk don't amount to just the same thing!
My quest is to document why I believe in this, not why I like it. The process is to find 'that than which nothing greater can be conceived'. I see no way around the fact that I will by definition adopt a worldview and live by it (whether I do this on purpose or not). I think it is in my best interests to do so by choice, not by accident. I look at the available worldviews and let them tell their own stories. I choose the one with the greatest destiny; the one that offers the most, makes the most sense and promotes the highest ideals I can imagine. So I choose Christianity - on purpose with a good heart. And I believe my choice is right.
And that takes me right back up to the top of this post, and starts an endless loop.
There is something missing: A facet of the 'right' worldview that I'm overlooking. Who am I to say what is the 'right' way to look at things anyway? The process and the outcome seem backwards!
Then I realized what is missing, and that it is at the very heart of Christianity.