"Let your 'Yes' be Yes and your 'No' be No. "
My nieces and nephews are not Borg, but it's easy to refer to them by their order of entry into this old world. Three of Six is growing up and trying to find his place in the world. He's a really smart kid, but he's having a really hard time with the concepts of being a grown-up. He's gonna make it. But he's making the journey harder than it needs to be.
I've been working on him. We've talked about the two seemingly contradictory concepts of "Teach us Lord to number our days, that we may present to you a heart of wisdom", (Concept: make each day count for something. Don't waste them, count them and make each one important) vs "If the Lord is not the builder, the builder builds in vain", (Concept: It is better to wait and move intentionally than to let chance direct your life.)
We've talked about the concept that if a man likes to eat, likes to play and likes to spend, then by definition, he likes to work. Because without work there is no food, play or spending. A fool says, "I like to party but I hate to work."
I know he lacks direction, or a vision for what his life should be or where he should go from here. I want to help him develop one, or at least give him a safe place from which to figure it out. I have a heart to help, and resources to provide until the wires in his head grow together and the circuit is complete. I don't want to yell at him or give him a bunch of pass/fail ultimatums. I want him to get his feet underneath him, take those first few steps and embark on a life that adds to more than it takes from the world, and produces the rewards and benefits this particular nephew deserves.
So far, it just ain't kicking in.
Maybe it's time for the "Yes usually means No" concept. Almost always, saying 'Yes' to one thing means saying 'No' to many other things. Three of Six has trouble saying 'No' to people. Maybe I need to show him that every time he says, "Yes", he also says, "No". It's not a question of being strong and saying, "No" sometimes. It's a case of saying, "Yes" to the right things. That automatically says, "No" to everything else.
"Yes" to the Night says "No" to the Morning.
"Yes" to the party says "No" to the career.
"Yes" to the whore says "No" to the (future) wife.
"Yes" to the friend who needs money says "No" to the people you owe.
"Yes" to the hangover says "No" to the renewal each new day brings.
"Yes" to the wrong says "No" to what is right.
Maybe it's time for me to teach him that almost every time he says, "Yes" he also says, "No", and to encourage him to be aware of what he is saying "No" to before he says "Yes" to anything else.