"Just a little fun between friends."
I read an article recently about the upside of casual sex. With my background and worldview, I'm not really wired this way. But even though this article is not the first of its kind, it caught my attention. The premise of the article is that gratuitous sex (sex without emotional drama, any real commitment or any connotation other than fun for an hour or two) has no downside, and promotes many good things in the human psyche.
Among the benefits the article highlighted are: Good source of physical activity, Helps maintain youthful (not childish) outlook, Temporary escape from reality, Relief from boredom (which I agree is one of life's biggest problems), Promotes self esteem, Supports the need for conquest and competition, and a Well deserved reward.
I can see where the author is coming from. Personally, I'm long over my image of sex as an expression of religious purity. Standing against sexual immorality is one of the biggest areas of life where conservative Christians show themselves to be entirely hypocritical. But I could also list most of these as benefits to joining a bowling league or playing tug of war with my dog, or riding my new bike around lake Hefner.
The article mentioned the potential for casual sex to lead to unhealthy relationships, but only if one breaks the rules by actually assigning some significance to the activity, which makes sense. The concept of NSA fun specifies 'No Strings Attached'. Attaching emotional strings to this behaviour obviously breaks the most basic rules of the game, and if somebody does that they deserve to get hurt.
Albeit from a great distance, in my observations of sex for fun, there is something I think the article failed to discuss. This kind of sex often (I would say almost always, but I'm not qualified to make that observation) involves an abundance of alcohol and drugs, thus combining three potentially very addictive, self destructive tendencies into one activity. Sex for fun is evidently much more fun if everyone involved is drunk or high. Alcoholism, drug addiction and sexual addictions are hard enough to overcome individually. Put them all together and the outcome is not pretty for anyone and fatal for way too many. All three of these issues are addictive and chronic. Sex that starts off fairly mild has to get wilder and wilder to maintain the benefits the article promotes. Otherwise it looses its intrigue and becomes nothing more than bowling, bike riding or playing with a dog.
I've always viewed self esteem as the same thing as self worth. Self esteem comes from being of some value to the world at large, from contributing something positive to life on earth. Self esteem doesn't come from a certain activity, or something that I do. Self esteem comes from who I am as reflected (documented, made real) by what I do.
So how would being some drunk asshole's 2:00 AM booty call give me self esteem? Having self esteem is a different thing from feeling pleasure. Pleasure is no more a substitute for self esteem than food that smells good is a substitute for food that tastes good and is good for you.
I guess I just live on a different planet then the author of this article or those who think this way. I've only really been sexually attracted to people who I respect, admire and am proud of. Cute guys are everywhere, and they're fun to look at, but I don't really want to take one home. I don't like being drunk or high. But I long to connect with someone I admire who also respects, admires and is proud of me. Really good, frequent, productive, passionate, intimate sex would be but one of the benefits to that kind of relationship. I sure which I could find one.