Wednesday, February 23, 2011

'Not Yes' Usually Means 'No'

"Failure to answer the question is an answer all by itself."

A couple of days ago, I posted some comments about saying "Yes" on purpose, knowing full well that saying "Yes" to one thing automatically says "No" to many other things. My exhortation was to say "Yes" when it's appropriate, but be aware of what you're saying "No" to in the process.

Today, I am reminded of another principle about good decision making: For a decision to be a good decision, you actually have to make one. Failure to do so is every bit as much of a decision as either "Yes" or "No" - and the decision usually turns out to be "No". Hem-Hawing around, scratching your nuts, watching the baseball fly right over your head while you try to decide whether or not to catch it is a decision by default.

I am convinced that more decisions are made through indecision than by any other method. It's the cheesy-easy out. If you don't decide then (you think) you're not responsible for the outcome. If the result of something doesn't turn out to be the very best answer, one can always say, "It's not my fault, I didn't make that decision". Yeah, you let indecision make it for you. That's smart.

There are about a zillion causes of indecision. They range from needing someone else's approval, fear of doing the wrong thing, a feeling that the planets aren't lined up exactly right (or some other set of ambiguous factors) so you can't decide, not enough time to think it through, etc. Meanwhile, the whole universe sits and waits on you to figure out what you're gonna do until indecision decides for you and takes you off the hook.

Personally, I think things would be better if people would look at their choice, make a decision - and if they can't say 'yes', just say 'no'. Indecision will probably say 'No' anyway, so take yourself and the rest of the universe off the hook at the same time, and just say 'No' and be done. Sure, you have to accept the consequences of the "No'. You can't claim to be just an innocent bystander. But you and the rest of the whole universe can know that the answer is 'No' and go on, rather than sitting around waiting for you to make up your feeble mind.

And another thing: "Yes, but ..." is no better. "The answer is yes, but these eighteen things have to happen before my I'll really do it." That's also the same as saying, 'No.'

If 'No' is the right answer, just say it. At least have the genital fortitude to say it on purpose. Life will go on, and if anyone will be pissed at you for saying 'No', they're gonna be just as pissed at your indecision.