"It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter."
When I was in fourth grade learning my multiplication tables, I had the hardest time understanding why math doesn't allow division by zero. Once I got my mind around it, it reminded me of the one tree in the garden of Eden that Adam and Eve were commanded not to touch. Dividing by zero in math is really the only sin one can commit. One can make many errors. But dividing by zero is more than error. It is indescribable, unthinkable, inconceivable. It is the one place math cannot go. The best word we have to characterize it is 'undefined'. Not even the smartest minds in the world can answer the question, "What is 4 divided by 0?" The answer just does not exist (or it can be whatever you want if you prefer).
There is a worldview that makes perfect sense, that many have accidentally or intentionally embraced, that answers all of life's questions, that relieves all of the pressure of understanding the world, that negates all joy, sorrow, pleasure and pain, and that reduces everything to "the circle of nothing" (i.e. zero).
The shallow expression of this worldview is, "Eat, Drink and Be Merry, for tomorrow we die." Nothing really matters. In the end we're all dead, so "make hay while the sun shines". A more pessimistic version of this worldview is expressed by Robert Penn Warren in All The King's Men: "Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption and he passeth from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud."
The other end of the spectrum is the Buddhist concept of Nirvana: A perfect state of mind that is free from anger, desire and other 'afflicting' states. It is also the "end of the world;" there is no identity left and no boundaries for the mind. In various versions of this worldview, the words 'nothing' and 'everything' mean exactly the same thing. There is no distinction between them at all. Both words connote wholeness, completeness and perfect peace. This is thought of as the highest form of happiness. There is no 'God' per se, (or I could say that everything is God because it means the same thing).
Now, in the process of examining various worldviews, I kept in mind that all worldviews are circular (they depend on themselves), and that my overview study of any particular worldview is not thorough enough to tear it apart. Many people do this with Christianity: They take a version of the gospel suitable for presentation to a group of five year olds and use their college education to rip it to pieces and claim it makes no sense.
I did not make that mistake. I understand that, A) A large portion of the world embraces Buddhism and/or Hinduism, B) There are thousands of years of devout thought and study behind it, C), that I have not studied it enough to criticize its math, and D) there are obvious advantages to looking at life this way. For me to try to poke holes in the either the shallow or the deep versions of these worldviews would serve only to show my ignorance the way most atheists do when they criticize Christianity. I'm not doing that.
On the contrary. I assume that the overview is absolutely sound. I assume that whether I've studied it or not, the math works. I give it the benefit of the doubt, and carte blanche to paint whatever picture of the world it would have me believe. Then I ask myself whether I can conceive of (imagine) anything better. That is the process. That is the methodology I used in choosing my worldview on purpose, rather than accepting the one that was given to my by my parents, my education, my environment and my heritage.
So, here's what I can't get around: If the themes and variations of this worldview are true, then when it comes right down to it, nothing really matters.
I have named this worldview the "Divide by Zero Worldview". To me, it makes sense. But I want better, if I can find it and gain some level of confidence in it. I want things to matter. I want to matter. I want an identity. I want the trials, pleasures and drama to mean something. I want life to matter.
I think I will stop there for now.