The Gym

"OK, I'm all done being stupid."

Well, Since December, I've been thinking and talking about getting in better shape. More specifically, about eating better and exercising more. Less specifically, about Wellness and Strength as I turn 50 this year and start the second half century of my life.

And I have accomplished some things. I've starting vaping instead of smoking, and that's going pretty well. I never drink soda anymore. I'm taking better care of my mouth, trying to eat smarter and working out at home a little.

And on the scale, the sum total of all of that taken together is a big, fat, perfectly shaped zero.

And I realize that I've been an idiot. Why am I trying to figure all of this out when there are fitness gyms on every corner with educated and motivated personal trainers who already have all of this figured out?

Other people like going to the gym and working out. They want to look good for their wives or show off or be studs. I get it, but that's not who I am. Some older guys want to look like they're 25 again and so they work out, buy red convertibles and try to date 22 year old girls. Not this guy - although I do drive a red Jeep and the top comes off...hmmm.

For me, working out is like taking medicine. I don't want to, I need to. If I could figure out how to accomplish Wellness and Strength, be all that I can be and honor God without doing it, I would.

My thoughts this month are: If I need to work out, I need to treat it like medicine. I need to do it right (maximize the time invested in it, avoid injury and not waste time and energy doing it wrong).

I'm not the guy to do that, any more than I am the right guy to go browse through the prescription medicines behind the counter at a pharmacy and figure out what medicine to take. I need someone who knows what he's doing.

And I found him. We had our first workout together yesterday. I honestly think we accomplished more in an hour than I have accomplished in four months on my own. I'm excited, and ready for more medicine. More to follow...

Easter: The Antithesis of Narcissism

"My reflection would be more lovely if the water were more pure."

For Christians, the Christmas Star and the Empty Tomb serve as bookends around what has become known as "The Christ Event". But as Christians, we also believe that Christ was not a temporal, mortal man. We believe that He existed in the beginning and will orchestrate an end that has yet to unfold.

As such, we believe that God created man in His image, also immortal and eternal by nature. Life provides an environment by which we choose to live out eternity in the darkness of death or in the light of Life.

Then we spend our days trying to live up to that higher calling; to be in the light as He is in the light. We try to discern and do good, perceive and reject evil, be transformed by the renewing of our minds and be conformed to the image of Christ in every conceivable way.

Unlike Narcissus, we gaze upon our own reflections and see our imperfection, our shortcomings, our weaknesses and failures.

And if we're not careful, like Narcissus, we become enraptured by that reflection.

As I reread my blog posts over the past few years, I realize how self centered (if not narcissistic) I am. My theme this year of Wellness and Strength, my Momentum thoughts of 2011, my perspective on homosexuality (which I still can't believe I put out there for everyone on the planet to read), even my thoughts on God and how to live life, think and act in congruence with my knowledge of Him - the whole list is all about me.

In my defense, I don't know what else I'd write about. I don't know anything about anybody else.

But still, on this particular Easter, the wind is blowing in a different direction. My thoughts today are that the whole reason for Easter is to set me (and all of us) free from the paradigm above. God died for us because He loves us, and that is our only hope - our only salvation.

When He walked among us, Jesus healed ten blind people. Nine of them went off looking at stuff. They could see at last, and I'm sure they were busy looking. Maybe they were enraptured by all of the stuff they could see. One of the ten came back to say, "Thank You."

I'm sure I'll get back to my own reflection soon...to all of the stuff that's wrong with me and how to fix it, overcome it, etc. But today, I just want to say, "Thank You, Christ Jesus for all that You are, for all that You have done, for all that You are doing day by day in and around me, for Your love and sacrifice on my behalf, for life and light."

Maybe that's all I really need to do every day.

It's All My Fault

"and I'm really proud of that."

Facing down the final month before I turn 50, thinking about the Parable of the Talents in Matt. 25 and Easter tomorrow, my thoughts today surround being at fault.

We live in a world that wants someone to blame for everything. Unfortunately, or mirror doesn't always allow that person to be someone else. Even when it is clearly someone else's fault, God admonishes us to 'forgive, even as He has forgiven us."

I know that there are many situations in my life that didn't work out the way I intended. I know that I am not beyond criticism. But there is a component of the blame game that hardly ever gets noticed.

The one 'at fault' most of the time is the one who instigates the situation in the first place.

Ultimately, God created everything, so in a sense everything is His fault. God handles this burden easily. He didn't create bad situations. He created opportunities for really good situations - even in the face of tragedy and suffering.

Since we are created in God's image, it is our bias to use our imagination and faith to create situations in and around our own lives. We plan, try, dream, work and invest ourselves in all kinds of things that we think will make our lives and the lives of the people we care about better. This is a good thing. It's how we're designed to work.

Sometimes, our motives are not pure. Thus we have God's word and spirit to create in us a pure, clean heart. There is a remedy designed to show us how to create better.

Sometimes, our motives are pure. But through a lack of knowledge or perspective, we start a cause/effect reaction that doesn't end well. We learn from those experiences and accumulate a resource over time called Wisdom to protect us from making those mistakes again. There is a remedy for those who lack wisdom.

Sometimes, our motives are pure and our actions are wise. But someone else involved in the equation screws things up. Then they turn around and tell us it's our fault. We need to learn to see through that. When our hearts a re pure and our hands are clean, we approach God boldly, full of confidence in Him. There is a remedy for those who do right and are called wrong at the throne of Grace.

Sometimes our motives are pure, our actions are wise and the whole universe works together on our behalf. But some random something beyond our control thwarts our efforts and steals our outcome. Call it bad luck. In those times, when the rest of the world tells us it's our fault, we just have to say, "Shit Happens," pick ourselves up and try again.

The only way I will ever get through life and be able to say that nothing is my fault is if I don't do anything to start with. That is the sin of the wicked and lazy servant. Of that, I am absolutely Not Guilty. And the proof is all of the people who think it's my fault!

Too Late For Me

"...but it's about damn time."

Simple Math

"God Loves A Cheerful Giver."

I never have trouble contributing. Everybody in the world that's doing something good needs money. I love helping and being a part of good causes, humanitarian projects, evangelistic or holistic outreaches, missions or a variety of other concerns. I'll probably never have any money - I'll give it all away.

Giving is, of course, not just financial. It is money, time, used furniture, clothes, credit card miles, broken down cars, advice and counsel and anything else you can think of.

Contributing to the well being of others is absolutely a component of "Wellness". When I give to a worthwhile activity, everyone benefits. I benefit from knowing that I helped accomplish something good notwithstanding anything that could be said about my value (or lack thereof) otherwise. Other people benefit by receiving whatever I can give. Nobody loses. The universe is just a better place. And as one who gives, I have an undisputed role in making it so.

So how about this simple math concept:

More or less, 3500 calories is 1 pound of body weight. If I want to lose a pound a week, I have to do something with 3500 calories a week, or 500 per day. I can work hard enough to burn them up. I can consume fewer to begin with.

-or-

Can I give them away?

Surely someone can use an extra 500 calories a day, right? Two thirds of the world goes to bed hungry. Sounds like there ought to be need and a solution equation someplace in there.

A Business Diversion

"Speaking of full time jobs..."

What a great week!

I know I haven’t done much writing this week. But I don’t have any progress to report on the Wellness and Strength front, and work has been busy, busy.

The exclamation point on the week is that we fixed our one big mistake. Several years ago, we bought a couple of inlets for a certain aircraft. We thought we could sell them pretty quickly, so we got ‘em and paid to have them certified.

They’ve been sitting here since. Today we finally sold one, which pays back the capital it took to buy and repair both. That’s a big shot in the arm for us, and totally out of the blue.

The other aspect of this particular transaction is that business in November and December was uncharacteristically slow. This is how things started for us in December 2007. Six months before the rest of the world figured out we were in a recession, our sales fell through the floor. I was getting a little concerned that we were starting that cycle again.

As it worked out, it’s just a hiccup. Things started picking back up in January on the sales side. Collections didn’t get any real help until late February. We went on an aircraft buying spree at the end of last year, so I was really sweating things in January and February.

But, just as March brings Spring, severe weather and Easter (at least this year), it is also bringing some much needed money, momentum and (at least for Yours Truly) peace of mind.

I’m getting too damn old to worry about money.

It's Not About The Gold

"...and it's a good thing, too."

My thoughts lately have surrounded the parable of the talents in Matt 25. More specifically, I've been thinking about the guy that is not discussed in the parable; the guy who invested his Master's money with the best wisdom he had, and lost it.

A surface level, shallow reading of the story teaches us that the guys who doubled their investments are the ones that the Master respects and rewards. The difference between these guys and the wicked and lazy servant who buried his talent is totally financial. It's all about the gold. It's all about the increase...success...achievement...victory...outcome.

If God's self expression was limited to these few verses, and that's all we could know about him, most of us would be in big trouble. Perhaps the surface level, shallow version of the Master is all that the servant with one talent knew. No wonder the guy was terrified. If his Master was all about profit, he better not screw up. How many of us live life just like that poor guy? "If I don't do anything, I can't screw up."

Many religious people behave as if our walk with God is just this simple: Performance is all that matters. Those who perform are good and faithful and those who don't measure up are wicked and lazy.

But if we look at what the Master said about the two successful people in the parable, we see a little deeper. In praising them, the Master uses the words, "Good" and "Faithful", not "Smart, Shrewd or Stingy." And the reward given to the successful servants was not gold. It was more work to do.

If it was all about gold, all about profit, shouldn't the servants have shared in the gold? Instead the master saw that the servant was good and faithful with gold and gave him charge over 10 cities. That sounds like a lot of work, not a reward. I'm not even sure I want that much reward. Does anyone?

Cities are full of people. Christ was all about people. Charge over 10 cities is about people. Christianity is about three things: People, People and People. Some are good and faithful. Some are wicked and lazy. Some are "none of the above". They're just living their lives, doing their best, hitting home runs from time to time and screwing up.

But still, when the Master returns and looks at my life, what will he say? I hope He can find something that makes Him disagree with my mirror.

Wellness and Strength Starts With The Mouth

"The only thing I got from my British heritage is bad teeth."

I have terrible teeth. It's not really the only British stereotype in my life, but it's the most prominent. My family has always had bad teeth as far back as I can remember. It's just a little mean of God to make human beings live for 70-80 years, but give them teeth that only last 45.

Of course there are two approaches: One is to fight the inevitable from an early age and probably lose anyway. The second is let things happen and deal with whatever unfolds. I chose the second way. But now we know that oral health is directly related to overall health more closely than anyone thought when I was young.

As I pay attention this year to Wellness and Strength, I cannot ignore my mouth any longer. I don't have any dental problems, but I don't pay enough attention to my mouth. Smoking for 27 years didn't help either. As it relates to Wellness, I have started paying attention to three areas specifically related to my mouth.

First is what goes in. I am trying to eat better.

Second is oral hygiene. I'm brushing, flossing and mouthwashing. I still hate my teeth. I'm playing the 'all things work together' card.

Third is what comes out. I'm watching my "yes's" and 'no's" pretty carefully, and starting to do more healthy things by saying more healthy things first.

We know that heart disease and gum disease are closely related. Preventing gum disease prevents heart disease too.

We know that we are what we eat. I'm living proof. Eating better is being better.

We know that what we say is what we become.

Maybe I can figure out the nutrition, exercise, weight loss, wellness and strength equation. That is hard. I'm working on it. But to the extent that it starts with the mouth, I can, "Watch My Mouth".

Music For A Broken Piano

"Now that takes a real Virtuoso."

Anyone with some education, a little aptitude, a lot of practice and passion for music can make a piano sound good. But what can you do with a broken piano?

I've struggled my whole life with being a great guy, just not good enough. I'm like the broken piano. I get it. I am very aware of my limitations, shortcomings, faults and failures. I can quote the list of 347 reasons I'm not good enough forwards and backwards.

If someone finds a few more, I really don't need to hear them. 347 is plenty.

I've been thinking lately about the Parable of the Talents in Matt 25. I may actually have to jot down some notes before I can get it out of my head. But my main question in rereading this familiar parable is, "What about the guy that has been given a talent or two, invests them using the best wisdom he has, and looses the investment?" Not every investment made by good and faithful people doubles in value, does it? What about broken piano guys like me?

There are no obvious answers to this question in the parable itself. There are some contemplative possibilities. But the parable doesn't give an example of the servant who tried and failed.

Perhaps failure is not a possibility. Perhaps the example of the Master who goes on a long journey is not applicable to our lives. Perhaps the Master never leaves or forsakes us. Perhaps, whether it makes sense to us or not, we can relax in the knowledge that the Master Himself directs our steps. If we loose a talent or two of His gold along the way, He can afford it.

Perhaps we need to remember that He writes the music and He plays it. We're just the broken pianos.

If They're Known Terrorists, Take 'Em Out?

"It's amazing how unimportant the Constitution is when we don't like someone."

First, for what it's worth from a politically cynical guy like me, "Congrats" to Rand Paul for the filibuster yesterday. He was trying to draw attention to predator drones, their use in assassinations worldwide, the lack of oversight or even consistency in how and where they are used, and most importantly, the question of whether they can be used against United States citizens on United States soil with the same discretion (or lack there of).

"If they're a known terrorist, take them out - no questions asked." That seems to be the attitude of most people here. One person even told me, "If they could have taken out Timothy McVeigh with a predator drone before he blew up the Murrah Federal building in 1995, they should have."

(DISCLAIMER: I disagree. I am among those that might have supported McVeigh completely had he blown the place up at 2:00 AM when nobody was there if he'd made sure that even the security guards were out of harm's way.)

Disclaimer aside, my reaction is, "Really?"

If they had known he was going to do that, they could have arrested him and given him the due process which the Constitution provides to all of us. If it doesn't apply to all of us, it doesn't apply to any of us.

They didn't know he was going to do that. Should they have assassinated him without due process because some unknown and unaccountable person in the intelligence community thought he was going to do something like that? Hell No.

What are we thinking here? How can we so loudly support our military, then despise the basic principles they're supposed to defend? Where are the Second Amendment rights advocates on this? Do they think their AR-15 Assault rifle will do anything to help them against a predator drone? Are we really this out of touch with what America stands for, what it's supposed to be about?

Is it that hard for our President, the nominee for CIA Director and the US Attorney General to stand up and say unequivocally, "Drones will never be used to assassinate US Citizens on US Soil. It is illegal and antithetical to everything our Constitution stands for."

Wellness and Strength March Madness

"It's a process, not an event."

Well, time for a quick update. The concept I'm working with this year is that none of the issues below are separate issues. They're all interconnected and related. So a bullet point update is about all I have room for in one post

Good News/Bad News: Good news is that I'm still vaping instead of smoking. Bad news is I still smoke two or three old cigarettes a day. In February, I tried to 86 the one before bed, and was not successful. I may have even lost a little ground last month.

I did manage to go a whole weekend without a real smoke, but by Tuesday, I couldn't deal with it. I smoked one. I'm not too upset though. 2-3 a day is a lot better than 2 packs! And I'm still enjoying vaping, and still not fighting all the time.

But the smokes just won't let go. Bullet is: "The Empire Strikes Back."

I started exercising a little. I got out the excercise bike and the cheap, Academy Sports version of the Total Gym I've had for a few years. My facebook post from last weekend says it all:

I spent 45 minutes on my exercise bike today. Almost not smoking for a few months has really helped. I used to only last 10-15 minutes b4 my lungs gave out. Today I only stopped because of the sharp pain extending down my left leg, blurred vision and a strange numbness on the left side of my face. But I'm better now.

I'm eating breakfast every day. Except I forgot today, and now I'm starving. That's actually good news, I think. But I still struggle with the nutrition/eating right stuff. Somehow, I have to translate "I need to eat more healthy" to "Buy 1% milk at the store from now on."

And finally...drum roll, please...

Total weight loss since I started working on Wellness and Strength last December. "ZERO." I weigh exactly the same as I did then. Hmmm.

Who Is Sitting On Whose Ass?

"Fund Programs Individually. Make Cuts Across The Board."

There's so much nonsense talk about the Federal Budget going on out there. Politicians and members of the press are throwing rocks around like hand grenades, talking about how people will be hurt by across the board cuts, and our way of life is at stake, and we'll be thrown into another recession, and it's always the other sides' fault.

Yesterday, the Speaker of the House and the Senate Majority Leader exchanged the 'ass' word, telling each other to get off theirs and do what they wanted. Very entertaining. I laughed my ass off.

Everybody knows that the budget (Federal Spending) is insanely out of control. Everybody knows that spending has to decrease and taxes have to increase. Everybody knows that the status quo is unsustainable. But nobody can fix it.

It is simply not within government's scope to get smaller. Anytime anyone talks about cutting spending for a particular program or special interest, they are picking a fight. Someone out there passionately believes in whatever program is being cut, whether it's the military or animal rights advocacy groups. And someone, despite the funding cut to whatever their passion happens to be, will find money to crucify the politician who instigates any such cut on election day.

The only prayer government has for extending its fiscal demise is to implement across the board cuts. Nobody likes them, but everyone will understand them. Personally, I think we should make significant, almost fatal cuts across the board.

Then government can do what it does best. It can go back through the list individually and fund the important programs. The more important the program, the more support it will have for funding and the quicker the funding process will be.

The programs that aren't too important? Well, that's what committees are for.

It's just not that damn hard.

Weight Loss Is A Full Time Job

"I already have one of those."

I had dinner with a friend over the weekend. I didn't know it, but he has been working really hard this year to lose wieght, gain muscle and be more healthy. He is doing exactly what I am unwilling to do: He eats only tofu and bean sprouts and spends two hours a day, six days a week at the gym.

His religious fervor for losing weight and being more healthy is admirable. I am not criticizing him at all. As a matter of fact, I applaud his success so far. In just six weeks, he has lost 24 lbs and looks completely different. He is toning up nicely and feels much better. He has more energy, enthusiasm, endurance and strength. I'm proud of him. But his journey is not my journey.

I might be able to suffer through such a program for a few weeks, or even a few months. But I have no interest in adopting it as a lifestyle. I have never enjoyed exercise. Even back in college, everyone told me if I would work out regularly and especially run, my body would crave it. It would be a joy, not a chore. That never happened.

I want to eat better. I want to learn to eat more healthy, less processed food. I want to get away from convenience food. I might even enjoy cooking if I'd learn a little more about it. Of course, my friend isn't just eating tofu and bean sprouts, but in our discussion about eating, I would only eat about 30% of the stuff he said he is eating. I don't like yellow squash and wouldn't have a sardine up my nose if I had room for a freight train. I can't imagine eating both at the same meal.

If that's all there was to eat, I would certainly lose weight - I'd starve!

I'm convinced that I don't have to live that way.

My friend got a rather direct letter from his cardiologist that suggested he does have to live that way. My solution to that is: "Avoid The Cardiologist!" But he is five years older than me, and didn't do what I am willing to do this year.

And I am making some progress. More on that in the next post or few.

For now, as I stand at the bottom of the staircase looking up at my friend, I am impressed.

Knight In Shining Armor

"My brother had a great Valentine's Day."

The flip side of my Valentine's Day Funk (which I experience every year to some extent) is my brother's day.

My sister in law was on the ill fated Party (Potty?) Cruise that experienced an engine fire and was adrift in the Gulf of Mexico for five days. They were dragged back into port on none other than Valentine's Day.

My brother relished being the Knight in Shining Armor that showed up in Mobile, AL Thursday night when the passengers disembarked. Through no small amount of collusion and coordination, my sister in law was informed that a hotel shuttle would meet her at the dock so she could go to a hotel and clean up before catching a plane to Houston, another bus to Galveston and commence the 8+ hour drive home.

Indeed a van was waiting, the driver holding a sign with her name on it right in front of his face. She said, "Here I am" and he said, "Me too." He was ready with food and vodka. She was very glad to see him.

Awwww.

They went to the hotel for whatever was left of Valentine's day, then boarded a private jet that my bro managed to finagle by trading some parts we didn't have a lot of money tied up in. They flew home in style along with five of her companions that were equally done with the cruise experience.

It was really sweet. How often does one have the opportunity to be a hero on Valentine's Day?

My Pity Party Is Over Now

"I'm done feeling sorry for myself...just in time for Valentine's Day."

Certain events last week put me in a funk. I admit it. But I'm done now and recovering nicely. I should be fully recovered just in time for the annual funk I experience on the day that the whole world pokes fun at people like me by flaunting their sweetheart relationships in front of us and implying that if we were worth a crap we'd have one too.

I've prepared for it the best I can. I've turned off Facebook, bought a couple of new books to read, stocked up on vodka and sparkling cranberry juice cocktail and made a list of reasons I'm happy to be alone and pathetic. I should be OK.

Now all I have to do is figure out what to buy myself for Valentine's Day. I don't want or need anything. So, my variation on the theme of, "What do you get someone for Valentine's Day who has everything he wants?" still needs an answer. I'm sure I'll think of something.

Then I'll take a deep breath and hold my nose through the flower deliveries at work and the stories about what everybody else is doing for VD. Then I'll go home, eat a TV dinner, have a few drinks and read myself to sleep. Maybe I'll dream one more time about what might be next year if God loves me. I'll make it through another one, hopefully with minimal anguish.

For all of those more fortunate than me, enjoy your day. Spend time with your Valentine and do whatever you can to make it a perfect day for them.

I'm relatively confident that I'll resurface when it's all over.

We All Have A Purpose, Right?

"After millions of years of evolution, this guy finally serves a purpose...and it makes people mad."

Yesterday, someone was talking about an accidental oil spill in their swimming pool. I mentioned that it probably took a whole flock of sea gulls to clean up that mess. I was, of course, berated badly for being such an environmentally insensitive ass.

But what other purpose do sea gulls actually serve? Could it be that they were created just for such an occasion? They seem to do it really well, and are better equipped to clean up oil spills that anything else science has come up with.

I'm kidding about the sea gulls, obviously. But sometimes I feel like one of them.

There is a concept in Christianity that we are being 'poured out' for the benefit of others, and that this is not just our duty, but our glory. Self sacrifice and giving up that which is important to me for the someone else's sake is thought of highly. And we are taught to make these sacrifices willingly - with enthusiasm.

We should be content to be part of a process that benefits other people and makes their lives better without desiring to participate in whatever 'better' turns out to be. We are taught that jealousy is a bad thing, and we should not want what someone else has - even if we had a role in helping them have it. We need to learn to be patient and that our turn will come.

So today, I'm a student. I guess I'm supposed to enjoy it.

I Miss My Wednesday Afternoons

"It's all over Facebook, but if you haven't watched it yet..."



It's all about perspective, huh?

For over a year, from November 2011 until December 2012, I spent Wednesday afternoons working with a few organizations that deliver food to homeless camps around Oklahoma City. I was really thankful to have the distraction from work, the opportunity to serve others in a meaningful way and the exposure to other people who also have a heart to help.

I gave that up this year for several reasons. The primary thought behind not doing that anymore is, "Anybody can stand here and hand out boxes of food, but I'm the only one that can do my job." And my job needed my Wednesday afternoons again. What can I say?

But I really miss the connection to the people I was working with and for. And the video above doesn't just apply to third wold countries. It applies equally as well to hundreds or even thousands of people living in each and every big city in the first world (whatever that is).

Sometimes it's good to take a step back, see the trivial things that genuinely irritate us, and realize what a blessing those irritations really are.

DISCLAIMER:
The video above is from www.waterislife.com. These folks make and distribute straws that purify water. Not sure what else they do, and I am not advocating the organization - just the thoughts presented in the video.

This is not the same organization whose equipment we took to Zambia last October. That group is called Water4Life. Their website is Water4Life. I can wholeheartedly recommend these guys. Their organization is first rate, and their equipment works well. Their stuff is used to drill safe water wells that require no power or equipment to work.

Now Here's An Oxymoron Conundrum

"Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks."

Please Meet Shane Windmeyer and Dan Cathy.

Shane is co-founder and executive director of Campus Pride, a national advocacy group for gay college students.

Dan is none other than the infamous president and COO of Chick-fil-A that got so much press last year with its corporate gay bashing porgram.

Shane was Dan's guest at the Chick-fil-A Bowl New Year's Eve.

Wow.

Shane wrote an article for Huffpost Gay Voices that was published yesterday. The article can be found here.

The Cliffs Notes are that these two diabolically opposed people met and became friends. The Chick-fil-A dude isn't quite as bad as previously thought, Chick-fil-A stopped supporting the worst of the anti-gay programs and (I guess) we're all supposed to go eat chicken sandwiches again.

I'm encouraged by the article, but obviously skeptical. Rather than share my reservations, I just want to encourage everyone to read the article.

I think I'll leave it there for now.

Work In Progress

"Progress and improvement comes in little steps along the way."

Well, I'm a month into the Wellness and Strength focus, so it's time for a pretty pathetic update on how it's going so far. I get the concept of step by step progress, but I need to start walking a little faster. I'm crossing the Big 50 mark in three months, and I'm actually looking forward to it. But I also want to live stronger (ugh...did I quote Lance Armstrong?). I want to approach upper middle age with a sense of strength and a heart of wellness. Maybe I should take some of Lance's medicine? -NOT.

I have figured out that the divide and conquer technique doesn't work with Wellness and Strength. All of the components are interrelated and cannot be separated and dealt with individually. That makes the project harder, but also tenable.

I do think I can document progress by looking at different components of the paradigm. So...

SMOKING: I'm still smoking my first cigarette or two every day and usually one in the evening. The evening cigarettes are getting fewer and farther apart. Starting next month, I'm going to try really hard not to have any in the evening, and I'm going to try putting off the morning smoke a little longer each day. The Vaping thing works really well - better than any other nicotine replacement therapy I've tried so far. And, let's face it. Nicotine is a drug with benefits. Otherwise everybody would have quit smoking a long time ago. So, I'm content with using the Vape Stick (e-cigarette) and smoking just a couple of real ones a day for now. That's gotta better than two and a half packs, right?

DIET: I really am working on it. Honest. For Real. I just don't have a clue what I'm doing and progress takes a while to document. But I'm eating more often, making better choices and not doing so much of the obvious no-no's. I hardly ever drink Coke anymore, for example. I drink a lot more water and a glass of aloe vera juice every day. That really helps with stomach issues, BTW.

EXERCISE: No habla Engles. But it is on the list.

MUSIC: (Yes, this is right up there with the rest in my world). I got a new piano and amp. I've been spending more time playing. It's fun, healthy and just as important as anything else on the list. There are other things I need to focus on in this category as well. But they are (for me) secondary to the first three.

So, here I am. Ready for February. We'll see how that goes.

Can I Get A Straignt Answer?

"All of the important questions in life are circular."

I said to the cloud, "Why won't you rain?"
"I will," said the cloud with a hint of disdain.
"The rain that I have belongs not to you
But to someone else. I'm just passing through."

"Will other clouds come and bring us some rain?
We really need it, our lives to sustain."
"How should I know?" said the cloud with a sigh,
"I'm just a cloud. You should go ask the sky."

The sky told me it didn't have a clue why
The rain didn't fall, "But it will by and by.
Talk to the wind if you want to know
Where the rain is and where it will go."

"Ah," said the wind. "That is a good question.
Thank you for asking it with such affection.
I never know til the thunder gets loud.
The best course of action is, Go Ask A Cloud."

Oh, wait...It's raining.

Cool.

Fast Carbs, Slow Carbs, Tofu and Bean Sprouts

"Does a pot of coffee qualify as the Breakfast of Champions?"

As my focus this year is Wellness and Strength, and specifically eating better (for now), I'm reading about a more intelligent way to eat. I'm not going to eat tofu and bean sprouts for the rest of my life, but I can do better than I am.

So, I've been studying a little, and here's what I've learned so far:

1) I should eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up in the morning, and should eat something every 2-3 hours all day. This is supposed to kick start my metabolism and make my body use more energy. God knows I could use a good kick start.

2) At least one meal each day should include protein (which is pretty easy), some - but not too many - fast carbs, and a whole bunch of slow carbs.

I'm stuck on the slow carbs. Seems like this is cauliflower, broccoli, lettuce, etc. How do I eat that for breakfast? I think some beans count too. Most of this stuff gives me gas, and I don't want any of it 30 minutes after waking up.

So, I'm sitting around my house this morning drinking my morning pot of coffee and sucking on this E-Cigarette, thinking about what I should eat for breakfast. Honestly, I don't have anything on hand. I haven't regularly eaten breakfast since...well, ever.

I began to think of all of my travels. If I were any place in the whole world, and could have anything at all that I wanted for breakfast, what would I eat?

I really just want my coffee. And a real cigarette.

How about a 'fat pill' (I think they're called doughnuts). Yumm.

Time To Go Home

"A six and a half year project is now completed successfully."

In August, 2006, a Chinese foreign exchange student somehow found his way to my house.

My Gookito (cause in Spanish, everything small ends in 'ito') left my house in 2007 and enrolled at UNO in New Orleans. In December, 2012 he graduated with a BS in Business Somethingorother. He says that the worst degree from the worst US college is more valuable than the best degree from the best Chinese university.

Yesterday, he went home to China to begin his adult life for real. I already miss him, even though he hasn't lived with me for years.

Somehow I got him through a semester of high school.

When he first moved to New Orleans, he would ask me to call Domino's Pizza down there and order his dinner for him. He couldn't communicate with the people on the phone and they were rude as hell to him.

I taught him to drive and helped him get his license. (Yeah, that's scary, huh?).

I watched him change and grow through the normal college stuff, through the language barrier issues, through the loneliness of being in a foreign country away from family and friends, etc.

Now he speaks English just like one of us, has a ton of friends, has traveled the U.S. as much as I have, got his degree, partied like a rock star for a while and lived the American college student life as well as anyone.

I am really proud of him, and proud to have had a role in helping him get this far in life. I would like to take this opportunity to wish him the very best in life. May he find happiness, success, good health and peace for years to come.

I'll Have To Think About This One...

"What is right about America just totally dwarfs what’s wrong with Washington."

Warren Buffett came up with this nice, warm and fuzzy statement about the good old U.S. in a video on AOL today. He was talking about the challenges Obama will face in his second term. He is apparently referring to Congress.

Congress is taking a lot of heat just now. From one perspective, rightfully so. Those guys can't agree on anything except to disagree. Their effectiveness seems to be at an all time low. They can't get anything done, then at the last minute they put off the decision for another couple of months. Members on both sides take unreasonable, untenable positions and stick to them without compromise or negotiation.

And they know it. But with today's technology, everybody in Congress is always running for re-election. If they say or do something that solves a problem for now, they'll suffer greatly for doing it in the next election cycle.

Self Preservation is a primal instinct all of us have.

To me, the irony of the situation is that Congress more accurately reflects American society now that at any point in our history. The American Public is selfish, demanding, never satisfied, non-negotiable and wants to take more than it gives. All of the shenanigans in Congress are accurate all the way through our society. At least that's how it seems to me.

The result is exactly what is should be. Until Americans as a group of people resolve our differences, learn to cooperate and love each other, stop being so self righteous and start being more responsive to the needs, strengths, weaknesses and expectations of others, we're in for a really big circus for the foreseeable future.

Personally, I think in is entertaining as hell.

Wellness and Strength Cop-Out #1: I'm Too Busy

"Nobody does what he HAS time to do. He does what he MAKES time to do"

Well, I'm supposed to be focused on Wellness and Strength this year, and more specifically on learning to eat better. As I look at the first three weeks of the year, I guess it's time for my first excuse, "I'm Really Busy!"

Bullshit! Everybody is busy!

A couple of months ago, I was in a ghetto in Kenya. There were up to a million people living there by some estimates. They don't have jobs. They don't have food. They don't have electricity. They don't have anything - not even time. They're all busy.

I learned all about 'busy' from dentists in the Kansas City area back in the early '90's when I sold dental practice management software. The busiest dentist in Kansas City would find a way to take my call if it was important to him to talk with me - even if he had both hands and one foot in a patient's mouth.

The dentist who hadn't seen a patient in four days was too busy to talk to me if he didn't want to.

"I'm too busy" is a universally acceptable way to tell someone that they just aren't important enough, It's a socially and professionally acceptable excuse for not getting something done on time (or at all). It's a way to justify not doing things that someone else thinks are important.

But when you pull that line on the guy in the mirror, it's a self delusional lie.

In other words, "Bullshit!"

I'll do better, I promise.

Gun Control Questions

"Knowing the Right Thing to do shouldn't be this hard."

Is the gun control question really as complex, difficult and divisive as everyone is making it? How hard can this be?

The second amendment is clear. Its motivation and intention, as well as its impact could not be more obvious.

The need to protect the public from harm is equally obvious, and very much within the scope and function of government on all levels.

The terrorist is the problem. The depressed guy that opens fire with an assault weapon on a shopping mall or classroom full of innocent people is the problem. Logic says, "Take away his gun and this won't happen." Since we don't know who 'he' is, we have to take the guns away from everyone. This is what gun control advocates seem to think.

And the debate starts there and gets more passionate and less intelligent as the discussion goes on. I have no interest in summarizing the debate here. But I do have some questions:

Could the people who originally wrote the Second Amendment have conceived of a gun that could fire 30 rounds a second and kill a school full of kids in less than 5 minutes? If they could have conceived of such a weapon, would they have written the Second Amendment as is?

Does the Gun Control logic above apply to cars as well? After all, a depressed guy can run over a lot of people quickly. Why aren't we discussing "car control"?

Do the rednecks yelling the loudest about keeping their guns really need the ability to do so much damage so quickly? Honestly, from what I've seen of the most passionate gun control opponents, I don't want them to have guns.

It seems like everyone agrees that we need an equal playing field. Either give everyone a gun so we can shoot each other when we think it's appropriate or take everyone's gun away so that nobody can shoot anybody. Is that really what it comes down to?

If that's the bottom line, I think I vote for 'no guns'. Let's all just get along.

Can Cats Suffer From Mental Illness?

"I'm much to clever to fall for your attempts to make my life better."

My brother really screwed up for Christmas. His idea was fine. He wanted to give each of my three youngest nieces and nephews a cute, cuddly, kitty-kitty for Christmas.

Of course he waited until Christmas Eve to actually try to find three kittens and he had to take what he could get. And that was three not so little. barely cute, barn cats that don't have a clue how to cuddle or purr.

Two of the the cats have begun the rehabilitation process. They sort of like being fed, having their ears scratched, sleeping in a warm house, etc. But the third cat won't have any part of it.

He ain't havin' any of that lovey-dovey stuff, he refuses to eat that food from a bag and would never be caught sleeping anywhere. Try to challenge its perspective and make its life better and you're in for a fight!

I had an employee once that behaved the same way. I could just tell him, "Good Morning" and he acted like I was attacking him. One time I screwed up and said, "Why are you being so defensive. I'm not picking a fight." This, of course, was a direct attack.

Unfortunately, the young man treated my customers exactly the same way, so I eventually had to attack him, which I did by kicking him to the curb. Sad.

Why couldn't he see me as an asset? Why couldn't he join my team and work with me instead of turning everything into a confrontation? Who knows? Was he insane or just way too clever to be manipulated by someone like me?

How many times does life put a real asset in our path and we respond like we're being attacked? So many people face disastrous consequences to problems with easy solutions, but woe to the one who tries to introduce them to the solution. "It's my life. I have rights. You can't possibly understand what I'm going through." Blah, blah.

It's amazing how hard we hang on to things that hurt us or hold us back. Just like that cat, we get all stubborn and belligerent if a suggestion is made that we could do life differently and experience different results.

Maybe we all need to try to be smarter (or not as smart) as this damn cat.

Music: Food For The Soul

"If playing my piano consumed more calories, I'd be set."

It's been said, "You are what you eat." Fair enough. But I think it is equally true to say, "You are what you listen to."

And just as some prefer to eat food they prepare for themselves as opposed to going out, I prefer to listen to the music I play on my piano.

I've needed to upgrade my piano for a couple or more years. I finally did it. I bought a Casio PX350 this week. I ordered it mail order from a fellow blogger who wrote the best review including the best samples of the auto accompaniment I found out there anywhere. I haven't received it yet, but I'm hoping it is everything my old (inexpensive) Yamaha YPG-235 isn't.

The guy's name is Tim Praskins, and his blog is AZ Piano Wholesale. I'm not going to try to review the instrument here since I don't even have it yet, and Tim already did a great job.

I just want to point out how important music is to me, that I got a new tool for making it, that I'm really excited to start playing it and that I consider the move directly related to my theme for 2013 of Wellness and Strength. Music, especially the stuff I play by myself, for myself, is one of the most important ingredients in maintaining sanity and promoting well being.

Now if I could just figure out how it can help me lose weight!

Overfed and Undernourished

"This is so true on a number of levels."

What a great description of life in North America. Sure, concerning what we eat. But this statement applies to a whole lot more than food.

I was doing some research online about eating smarter. I know I don't eat like I should. I know there is a better answer than the tofu and bean sprouts diets that don't really work and I won't stick to anyway. I know I need to develop some eating common sense. I don't know how.

For the most part, everyone out there talking about it is selling some supplement, advocating some extreme diet, promoting some political agenda or something else that is off subject as far as I am concerned.

But the slogan above rang really true to me, and the more I thought about it the broader the application and scope of these three words.

It applies to our cultural eating habits, obviously.

It also applies to our education system. We're not taught to think, we're taught to regurgitate facts. There's a big bias toward educational conflict avoidance so that nobody is offended or challenged by things they learn about. We're not teaching kids the truth, we're teaching them approved curriculum. The result is obvious in a five minute conversation with a high school or college graduate.

It also applies to our healthcare system. We are over extremely medicated and still sick. Healthcare suffers from being driven by money on every level, and not driven by public welfare or health.

It also applies on a shear entertainment level. We spend hours watching TV programs with a lot of words and nothing to say. So many books fit this paradigm too. I can't stand reading a book that doesn't say anything.

It also applies to relationships. Casual sex and shallow relationships have become the norm. Intimacy and relational integrity and just not the norm anymore.

We need better food for our bodies. Also for our minds, our emotions, our spirits and our environment. We need intimate, quality relationships, platonic and otherwise, that nourish our lives. We need better nutrition on many different levels of life.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm prepared to work on Wellness and Strngth all year this year.

I Don't Smoke, I Vape

"Say 'Hello' To My Little Friend."

Please allow me to introduce my Brand New E-cigarette. It is a Joyetech Ego Twist 1000 with a CE4 Cartomizer. (Wow, does that sound technical or what?). It's blue and pretty. (OK, that sounds gay.)

It is everything an e-cigarette should be. The battery lasts all day, and is consistent from the first drag to the last. The tank holds 1.6 ml of nicotine 'juice', which is roughly a pack and a half of cigarettes. It is used by inhaling through the mouthpiece while pressing the button on the battery to produce a nicotine laden vapor that looks and feels just like smoke. It doesn't smell, nor does it contain any of the 4,000 chemicals other than nicotine that old fashioned, 'analog' cigarettes have.

It costs $80, but I've probably paid a thousand for it if you take into account all of the other crap I tried before I found this little gem.

Last year, I sort of quit smoking for almost two months by using a combination of nicotine patches, nicotine losenges and traditional e-cigarettes. Every day was a fight, and I still smoked a couple of real cigarettes every day.

I've been using this guy for a little more than a week. I am not using the patches or losenges, and I'm smoking only a couple of cigarettes per day now. And I'm not really fighting with it. I just use the T-1000 instead of a smoke. I actually like the taste, the effect and the outcome. It's new and improved smoking.

The play here is...I'm not quitting smoking, I'm 'vaping' instead. I'm still getting my nicotine fix. I'm not getting the tar and crap that regular cigs have provided for the past 25 years. I'm not suffering or fighting. I'm not losing my mind. It's the greatest thing I've found since my Asus e-Pad Transformer.

The juice comes in about 80 different flavors and 5 different strengths. I use the strongest. I picked out a whole handful of really gay flavors too... Pineapple, Grape, Strawberry, Lime Ice and Coconut. I also got the unflavored and the American Tobacco flavor. They're all pretty good.

And, except for that ever famous first cigarette of the morning, and maybe one before bed, I'm not smoking.

Well, It's About Time for Wellness and Strength

"New Year is New Focus"

I have mentioned previously that for me, I intend 2013 to be a year of Wellness and Strength just as 2011 was a year of Momentum. It's now time for me to think through what that means a little more specifically.

Maybe a good overview is in order. Maybe some thoughts on each area of life is appropriate. Maybe a list of goals or accomplishments will help. Maybe I have no clue what wellness is, which is why I need to focus on it this year.

But there are a bunch of issues I know need my attention, and I've already started working on them.

First, Smoking. I gotta quit this shit!. I am trying a new nicotine replacement system. There's a whole subculture of ex-smokers who can't quite get rid of the nicotine. They have managed to quit smoking and start 'vaping'. There's a store here called "The Vapor Hut" that sells the equipment and supplies. I saw someone using it at a bar a couple of weeks ago, and bought one the next day. So far, so good. This is what an e-cigarette should have been from the beginning.

Second, Eating. For years I have skipped breakfast, waited until I'm so hungry I can't think about anything else, ate whatever was close and fast without regard to health, then ate a big dinner and went to bed. I've been living this way since my early 20's, and there has to be a better way. I'm not going to eat tofu and bean sprouts for the rest of my life, but surely I can do better than I am. I have a plan. I'll document my progress as I get it started.

Third, Exercise. This should be the easy one. I don't need a plan or a new concept. I don't need education or knowledge. I don't need motivation or encouragement. I don't need to focus on the benefits. I just need to get up off of my fat, lazy ass and go do it. Sounds good, right? We'll see.

What occurs to me as I focus on Wellness and Strength is that each of these things (and fifty more) are hard. Logically, I think I should tackle them one at a time. This is what I've tried (and failed) to do in the past.

So the 2013 Wellness and Strength wisdom is that all of these things are related. They're not separate issues. Exercise will be more practical and effective if I can actually breathe and eat right. Eating right will be more palatable if I am exercising enough to use up the calories I consume.

My thinking as I start the New Year is that Wellness and Strength cannot be broken down and compartmentalized like the chart above. It's all one thing, and all of it affects all of life. And each step forward makes the whole better and the whole is no stronger than the weakest part.

But I want to be well and strong. And 2013 is now officially designated as the year for that process to take tangible form in my life.