Knight In Shining Armor

"My brother had a great Valentine's Day."

The flip side of my Valentine's Day Funk (which I experience every year to some extent) is my brother's day.

My sister in law was on the ill fated Party (Potty?) Cruise that experienced an engine fire and was adrift in the Gulf of Mexico for five days. They were dragged back into port on none other than Valentine's Day.

My brother relished being the Knight in Shining Armor that showed up in Mobile, AL Thursday night when the passengers disembarked. Through no small amount of collusion and coordination, my sister in law was informed that a hotel shuttle would meet her at the dock so she could go to a hotel and clean up before catching a plane to Houston, another bus to Galveston and commence the 8+ hour drive home.

Indeed a van was waiting, the driver holding a sign with her name on it right in front of his face. She said, "Here I am" and he said, "Me too." He was ready with food and vodka. She was very glad to see him.

Awwww.

They went to the hotel for whatever was left of Valentine's day, then boarded a private jet that my bro managed to finagle by trading some parts we didn't have a lot of money tied up in. They flew home in style along with five of her companions that were equally done with the cruise experience.

It was really sweet. How often does one have the opportunity to be a hero on Valentine's Day?

My Pity Party Is Over Now

"I'm done feeling sorry for myself...just in time for Valentine's Day."

Certain events last week put me in a funk. I admit it. But I'm done now and recovering nicely. I should be fully recovered just in time for the annual funk I experience on the day that the whole world pokes fun at people like me by flaunting their sweetheart relationships in front of us and implying that if we were worth a crap we'd have one too.

I've prepared for it the best I can. I've turned off Facebook, bought a couple of new books to read, stocked up on vodka and sparkling cranberry juice cocktail and made a list of reasons I'm happy to be alone and pathetic. I should be OK.

Now all I have to do is figure out what to buy myself for Valentine's Day. I don't want or need anything. So, my variation on the theme of, "What do you get someone for Valentine's Day who has everything he wants?" still needs an answer. I'm sure I'll think of something.

Then I'll take a deep breath and hold my nose through the flower deliveries at work and the stories about what everybody else is doing for VD. Then I'll go home, eat a TV dinner, have a few drinks and read myself to sleep. Maybe I'll dream one more time about what might be next year if God loves me. I'll make it through another one, hopefully with minimal anguish.

For all of those more fortunate than me, enjoy your day. Spend time with your Valentine and do whatever you can to make it a perfect day for them.

I'm relatively confident that I'll resurface when it's all over.

We All Have A Purpose, Right?

"After millions of years of evolution, this guy finally serves a purpose...and it makes people mad."

Yesterday, someone was talking about an accidental oil spill in their swimming pool. I mentioned that it probably took a whole flock of sea gulls to clean up that mess. I was, of course, berated badly for being such an environmentally insensitive ass.

But what other purpose do sea gulls actually serve? Could it be that they were created just for such an occasion? They seem to do it really well, and are better equipped to clean up oil spills that anything else science has come up with.

I'm kidding about the sea gulls, obviously. But sometimes I feel like one of them.

There is a concept in Christianity that we are being 'poured out' for the benefit of others, and that this is not just our duty, but our glory. Self sacrifice and giving up that which is important to me for the someone else's sake is thought of highly. And we are taught to make these sacrifices willingly - with enthusiasm.

We should be content to be part of a process that benefits other people and makes their lives better without desiring to participate in whatever 'better' turns out to be. We are taught that jealousy is a bad thing, and we should not want what someone else has - even if we had a role in helping them have it. We need to learn to be patient and that our turn will come.

So today, I'm a student. I guess I'm supposed to enjoy it.

I Miss My Wednesday Afternoons

"It's all over Facebook, but if you haven't watched it yet..."



It's all about perspective, huh?

For over a year, from November 2011 until December 2012, I spent Wednesday afternoons working with a few organizations that deliver food to homeless camps around Oklahoma City. I was really thankful to have the distraction from work, the opportunity to serve others in a meaningful way and the exposure to other people who also have a heart to help.

I gave that up this year for several reasons. The primary thought behind not doing that anymore is, "Anybody can stand here and hand out boxes of food, but I'm the only one that can do my job." And my job needed my Wednesday afternoons again. What can I say?

But I really miss the connection to the people I was working with and for. And the video above doesn't just apply to third wold countries. It applies equally as well to hundreds or even thousands of people living in each and every big city in the first world (whatever that is).

Sometimes it's good to take a step back, see the trivial things that genuinely irritate us, and realize what a blessing those irritations really are.

DISCLAIMER:
The video above is from www.waterislife.com. These folks make and distribute straws that purify water. Not sure what else they do, and I am not advocating the organization - just the thoughts presented in the video.

This is not the same organization whose equipment we took to Zambia last October. That group is called Water4Life. Their website is Water4Life. I can wholeheartedly recommend these guys. Their organization is first rate, and their equipment works well. Their stuff is used to drill safe water wells that require no power or equipment to work.

Now Here's An Oxymoron Conundrum

"Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks."

Please Meet Shane Windmeyer and Dan Cathy.

Shane is co-founder and executive director of Campus Pride, a national advocacy group for gay college students.

Dan is none other than the infamous president and COO of Chick-fil-A that got so much press last year with its corporate gay bashing porgram.

Shane was Dan's guest at the Chick-fil-A Bowl New Year's Eve.

Wow.

Shane wrote an article for Huffpost Gay Voices that was published yesterday. The article can be found here.

The Cliffs Notes are that these two diabolically opposed people met and became friends. The Chick-fil-A dude isn't quite as bad as previously thought, Chick-fil-A stopped supporting the worst of the anti-gay programs and (I guess) we're all supposed to go eat chicken sandwiches again.

I'm encouraged by the article, but obviously skeptical. Rather than share my reservations, I just want to encourage everyone to read the article.

I think I'll leave it there for now.

Work In Progress

"Progress and improvement comes in little steps along the way."

Well, I'm a month into the Wellness and Strength focus, so it's time for a pretty pathetic update on how it's going so far. I get the concept of step by step progress, but I need to start walking a little faster. I'm crossing the Big 50 mark in three months, and I'm actually looking forward to it. But I also want to live stronger (ugh...did I quote Lance Armstrong?). I want to approach upper middle age with a sense of strength and a heart of wellness. Maybe I should take some of Lance's medicine? -NOT.

I have figured out that the divide and conquer technique doesn't work with Wellness and Strength. All of the components are interrelated and cannot be separated and dealt with individually. That makes the project harder, but also tenable.

I do think I can document progress by looking at different components of the paradigm. So...

SMOKING: I'm still smoking my first cigarette or two every day and usually one in the evening. The evening cigarettes are getting fewer and farther apart. Starting next month, I'm going to try really hard not to have any in the evening, and I'm going to try putting off the morning smoke a little longer each day. The Vaping thing works really well - better than any other nicotine replacement therapy I've tried so far. And, let's face it. Nicotine is a drug with benefits. Otherwise everybody would have quit smoking a long time ago. So, I'm content with using the Vape Stick (e-cigarette) and smoking just a couple of real ones a day for now. That's gotta better than two and a half packs, right?

DIET: I really am working on it. Honest. For Real. I just don't have a clue what I'm doing and progress takes a while to document. But I'm eating more often, making better choices and not doing so much of the obvious no-no's. I hardly ever drink Coke anymore, for example. I drink a lot more water and a glass of aloe vera juice every day. That really helps with stomach issues, BTW.

EXERCISE: No habla Engles. But it is on the list.

MUSIC: (Yes, this is right up there with the rest in my world). I got a new piano and amp. I've been spending more time playing. It's fun, healthy and just as important as anything else on the list. There are other things I need to focus on in this category as well. But they are (for me) secondary to the first three.

So, here I am. Ready for February. We'll see how that goes.

Can I Get A Straignt Answer?

"All of the important questions in life are circular."

I said to the cloud, "Why won't you rain?"
"I will," said the cloud with a hint of disdain.
"The rain that I have belongs not to you
But to someone else. I'm just passing through."

"Will other clouds come and bring us some rain?
We really need it, our lives to sustain."
"How should I know?" said the cloud with a sigh,
"I'm just a cloud. You should go ask the sky."

The sky told me it didn't have a clue why
The rain didn't fall, "But it will by and by.
Talk to the wind if you want to know
Where the rain is and where it will go."

"Ah," said the wind. "That is a good question.
Thank you for asking it with such affection.
I never know til the thunder gets loud.
The best course of action is, Go Ask A Cloud."

Oh, wait...It's raining.

Cool.

Fast Carbs, Slow Carbs, Tofu and Bean Sprouts

"Does a pot of coffee qualify as the Breakfast of Champions?"

As my focus this year is Wellness and Strength, and specifically eating better (for now), I'm reading about a more intelligent way to eat. I'm not going to eat tofu and bean sprouts for the rest of my life, but I can do better than I am.

So, I've been studying a little, and here's what I've learned so far:

1) I should eat breakfast within 30 minutes of waking up in the morning, and should eat something every 2-3 hours all day. This is supposed to kick start my metabolism and make my body use more energy. God knows I could use a good kick start.

2) At least one meal each day should include protein (which is pretty easy), some - but not too many - fast carbs, and a whole bunch of slow carbs.

I'm stuck on the slow carbs. Seems like this is cauliflower, broccoli, lettuce, etc. How do I eat that for breakfast? I think some beans count too. Most of this stuff gives me gas, and I don't want any of it 30 minutes after waking up.

So, I'm sitting around my house this morning drinking my morning pot of coffee and sucking on this E-Cigarette, thinking about what I should eat for breakfast. Honestly, I don't have anything on hand. I haven't regularly eaten breakfast since...well, ever.

I began to think of all of my travels. If I were any place in the whole world, and could have anything at all that I wanted for breakfast, what would I eat?

I really just want my coffee. And a real cigarette.

How about a 'fat pill' (I think they're called doughnuts). Yumm.

Time To Go Home

"A six and a half year project is now completed successfully."

In August, 2006, a Chinese foreign exchange student somehow found his way to my house.

My Gookito (cause in Spanish, everything small ends in 'ito') left my house in 2007 and enrolled at UNO in New Orleans. In December, 2012 he graduated with a BS in Business Somethingorother. He says that the worst degree from the worst US college is more valuable than the best degree from the best Chinese university.

Yesterday, he went home to China to begin his adult life for real. I already miss him, even though he hasn't lived with me for years.

Somehow I got him through a semester of high school.

When he first moved to New Orleans, he would ask me to call Domino's Pizza down there and order his dinner for him. He couldn't communicate with the people on the phone and they were rude as hell to him.

I taught him to drive and helped him get his license. (Yeah, that's scary, huh?).

I watched him change and grow through the normal college stuff, through the language barrier issues, through the loneliness of being in a foreign country away from family and friends, etc.

Now he speaks English just like one of us, has a ton of friends, has traveled the U.S. as much as I have, got his degree, partied like a rock star for a while and lived the American college student life as well as anyone.

I am really proud of him, and proud to have had a role in helping him get this far in life. I would like to take this opportunity to wish him the very best in life. May he find happiness, success, good health and peace for years to come.

I'll Have To Think About This One...

"What is right about America just totally dwarfs what’s wrong with Washington."

Warren Buffett came up with this nice, warm and fuzzy statement about the good old U.S. in a video on AOL today. He was talking about the challenges Obama will face in his second term. He is apparently referring to Congress.

Congress is taking a lot of heat just now. From one perspective, rightfully so. Those guys can't agree on anything except to disagree. Their effectiveness seems to be at an all time low. They can't get anything done, then at the last minute they put off the decision for another couple of months. Members on both sides take unreasonable, untenable positions and stick to them without compromise or negotiation.

And they know it. But with today's technology, everybody in Congress is always running for re-election. If they say or do something that solves a problem for now, they'll suffer greatly for doing it in the next election cycle.

Self Preservation is a primal instinct all of us have.

To me, the irony of the situation is that Congress more accurately reflects American society now that at any point in our history. The American Public is selfish, demanding, never satisfied, non-negotiable and wants to take more than it gives. All of the shenanigans in Congress are accurate all the way through our society. At least that's how it seems to me.

The result is exactly what is should be. Until Americans as a group of people resolve our differences, learn to cooperate and love each other, stop being so self righteous and start being more responsive to the needs, strengths, weaknesses and expectations of others, we're in for a really big circus for the foreseeable future.

Personally, I think in is entertaining as hell.

Wellness and Strength Cop-Out #1: I'm Too Busy

"Nobody does what he HAS time to do. He does what he MAKES time to do"

Well, I'm supposed to be focused on Wellness and Strength this year, and more specifically on learning to eat better. As I look at the first three weeks of the year, I guess it's time for my first excuse, "I'm Really Busy!"

Bullshit! Everybody is busy!

A couple of months ago, I was in a ghetto in Kenya. There were up to a million people living there by some estimates. They don't have jobs. They don't have food. They don't have electricity. They don't have anything - not even time. They're all busy.

I learned all about 'busy' from dentists in the Kansas City area back in the early '90's when I sold dental practice management software. The busiest dentist in Kansas City would find a way to take my call if it was important to him to talk with me - even if he had both hands and one foot in a patient's mouth.

The dentist who hadn't seen a patient in four days was too busy to talk to me if he didn't want to.

"I'm too busy" is a universally acceptable way to tell someone that they just aren't important enough, It's a socially and professionally acceptable excuse for not getting something done on time (or at all). It's a way to justify not doing things that someone else thinks are important.

But when you pull that line on the guy in the mirror, it's a self delusional lie.

In other words, "Bullshit!"

I'll do better, I promise.

Gun Control Questions

"Knowing the Right Thing to do shouldn't be this hard."

Is the gun control question really as complex, difficult and divisive as everyone is making it? How hard can this be?

The second amendment is clear. Its motivation and intention, as well as its impact could not be more obvious.

The need to protect the public from harm is equally obvious, and very much within the scope and function of government on all levels.

The terrorist is the problem. The depressed guy that opens fire with an assault weapon on a shopping mall or classroom full of innocent people is the problem. Logic says, "Take away his gun and this won't happen." Since we don't know who 'he' is, we have to take the guns away from everyone. This is what gun control advocates seem to think.

And the debate starts there and gets more passionate and less intelligent as the discussion goes on. I have no interest in summarizing the debate here. But I do have some questions:

Could the people who originally wrote the Second Amendment have conceived of a gun that could fire 30 rounds a second and kill a school full of kids in less than 5 minutes? If they could have conceived of such a weapon, would they have written the Second Amendment as is?

Does the Gun Control logic above apply to cars as well? After all, a depressed guy can run over a lot of people quickly. Why aren't we discussing "car control"?

Do the rednecks yelling the loudest about keeping their guns really need the ability to do so much damage so quickly? Honestly, from what I've seen of the most passionate gun control opponents, I don't want them to have guns.

It seems like everyone agrees that we need an equal playing field. Either give everyone a gun so we can shoot each other when we think it's appropriate or take everyone's gun away so that nobody can shoot anybody. Is that really what it comes down to?

If that's the bottom line, I think I vote for 'no guns'. Let's all just get along.

Can Cats Suffer From Mental Illness?

"I'm much to clever to fall for your attempts to make my life better."

My brother really screwed up for Christmas. His idea was fine. He wanted to give each of my three youngest nieces and nephews a cute, cuddly, kitty-kitty for Christmas.

Of course he waited until Christmas Eve to actually try to find three kittens and he had to take what he could get. And that was three not so little. barely cute, barn cats that don't have a clue how to cuddle or purr.

Two of the the cats have begun the rehabilitation process. They sort of like being fed, having their ears scratched, sleeping in a warm house, etc. But the third cat won't have any part of it.

He ain't havin' any of that lovey-dovey stuff, he refuses to eat that food from a bag and would never be caught sleeping anywhere. Try to challenge its perspective and make its life better and you're in for a fight!

I had an employee once that behaved the same way. I could just tell him, "Good Morning" and he acted like I was attacking him. One time I screwed up and said, "Why are you being so defensive. I'm not picking a fight." This, of course, was a direct attack.

Unfortunately, the young man treated my customers exactly the same way, so I eventually had to attack him, which I did by kicking him to the curb. Sad.

Why couldn't he see me as an asset? Why couldn't he join my team and work with me instead of turning everything into a confrontation? Who knows? Was he insane or just way too clever to be manipulated by someone like me?

How many times does life put a real asset in our path and we respond like we're being attacked? So many people face disastrous consequences to problems with easy solutions, but woe to the one who tries to introduce them to the solution. "It's my life. I have rights. You can't possibly understand what I'm going through." Blah, blah.

It's amazing how hard we hang on to things that hurt us or hold us back. Just like that cat, we get all stubborn and belligerent if a suggestion is made that we could do life differently and experience different results.

Maybe we all need to try to be smarter (or not as smart) as this damn cat.

Music: Food For The Soul

"If playing my piano consumed more calories, I'd be set."

It's been said, "You are what you eat." Fair enough. But I think it is equally true to say, "You are what you listen to."

And just as some prefer to eat food they prepare for themselves as opposed to going out, I prefer to listen to the music I play on my piano.

I've needed to upgrade my piano for a couple or more years. I finally did it. I bought a Casio PX350 this week. I ordered it mail order from a fellow blogger who wrote the best review including the best samples of the auto accompaniment I found out there anywhere. I haven't received it yet, but I'm hoping it is everything my old (inexpensive) Yamaha YPG-235 isn't.

The guy's name is Tim Praskins, and his blog is AZ Piano Wholesale. I'm not going to try to review the instrument here since I don't even have it yet, and Tim already did a great job.

I just want to point out how important music is to me, that I got a new tool for making it, that I'm really excited to start playing it and that I consider the move directly related to my theme for 2013 of Wellness and Strength. Music, especially the stuff I play by myself, for myself, is one of the most important ingredients in maintaining sanity and promoting well being.

Now if I could just figure out how it can help me lose weight!

Overfed and Undernourished

"This is so true on a number of levels."

What a great description of life in North America. Sure, concerning what we eat. But this statement applies to a whole lot more than food.

I was doing some research online about eating smarter. I know I don't eat like I should. I know there is a better answer than the tofu and bean sprouts diets that don't really work and I won't stick to anyway. I know I need to develop some eating common sense. I don't know how.

For the most part, everyone out there talking about it is selling some supplement, advocating some extreme diet, promoting some political agenda or something else that is off subject as far as I am concerned.

But the slogan above rang really true to me, and the more I thought about it the broader the application and scope of these three words.

It applies to our cultural eating habits, obviously.

It also applies to our education system. We're not taught to think, we're taught to regurgitate facts. There's a big bias toward educational conflict avoidance so that nobody is offended or challenged by things they learn about. We're not teaching kids the truth, we're teaching them approved curriculum. The result is obvious in a five minute conversation with a high school or college graduate.

It also applies to our healthcare system. We are over extremely medicated and still sick. Healthcare suffers from being driven by money on every level, and not driven by public welfare or health.

It also applies on a shear entertainment level. We spend hours watching TV programs with a lot of words and nothing to say. So many books fit this paradigm too. I can't stand reading a book that doesn't say anything.

It also applies to relationships. Casual sex and shallow relationships have become the norm. Intimacy and relational integrity and just not the norm anymore.

We need better food for our bodies. Also for our minds, our emotions, our spirits and our environment. We need intimate, quality relationships, platonic and otherwise, that nourish our lives. We need better nutrition on many different levels of life.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm prepared to work on Wellness and Strngth all year this year.

I Don't Smoke, I Vape

"Say 'Hello' To My Little Friend."

Please allow me to introduce my Brand New E-cigarette. It is a Joyetech Ego Twist 1000 with a CE4 Cartomizer. (Wow, does that sound technical or what?). It's blue and pretty. (OK, that sounds gay.)

It is everything an e-cigarette should be. The battery lasts all day, and is consistent from the first drag to the last. The tank holds 1.6 ml of nicotine 'juice', which is roughly a pack and a half of cigarettes. It is used by inhaling through the mouthpiece while pressing the button on the battery to produce a nicotine laden vapor that looks and feels just like smoke. It doesn't smell, nor does it contain any of the 4,000 chemicals other than nicotine that old fashioned, 'analog' cigarettes have.

It costs $80, but I've probably paid a thousand for it if you take into account all of the other crap I tried before I found this little gem.

Last year, I sort of quit smoking for almost two months by using a combination of nicotine patches, nicotine losenges and traditional e-cigarettes. Every day was a fight, and I still smoked a couple of real cigarettes every day.

I've been using this guy for a little more than a week. I am not using the patches or losenges, and I'm smoking only a couple of cigarettes per day now. And I'm not really fighting with it. I just use the T-1000 instead of a smoke. I actually like the taste, the effect and the outcome. It's new and improved smoking.

The play here is...I'm not quitting smoking, I'm 'vaping' instead. I'm still getting my nicotine fix. I'm not getting the tar and crap that regular cigs have provided for the past 25 years. I'm not suffering or fighting. I'm not losing my mind. It's the greatest thing I've found since my Asus e-Pad Transformer.

The juice comes in about 80 different flavors and 5 different strengths. I use the strongest. I picked out a whole handful of really gay flavors too... Pineapple, Grape, Strawberry, Lime Ice and Coconut. I also got the unflavored and the American Tobacco flavor. They're all pretty good.

And, except for that ever famous first cigarette of the morning, and maybe one before bed, I'm not smoking.

Well, It's About Time for Wellness and Strength

"New Year is New Focus"

I have mentioned previously that for me, I intend 2013 to be a year of Wellness and Strength just as 2011 was a year of Momentum. It's now time for me to think through what that means a little more specifically.

Maybe a good overview is in order. Maybe some thoughts on each area of life is appropriate. Maybe a list of goals or accomplishments will help. Maybe I have no clue what wellness is, which is why I need to focus on it this year.

But there are a bunch of issues I know need my attention, and I've already started working on them.

First, Smoking. I gotta quit this shit!. I am trying a new nicotine replacement system. There's a whole subculture of ex-smokers who can't quite get rid of the nicotine. They have managed to quit smoking and start 'vaping'. There's a store here called "The Vapor Hut" that sells the equipment and supplies. I saw someone using it at a bar a couple of weeks ago, and bought one the next day. So far, so good. This is what an e-cigarette should have been from the beginning.

Second, Eating. For years I have skipped breakfast, waited until I'm so hungry I can't think about anything else, ate whatever was close and fast without regard to health, then ate a big dinner and went to bed. I've been living this way since my early 20's, and there has to be a better way. I'm not going to eat tofu and bean sprouts for the rest of my life, but surely I can do better than I am. I have a plan. I'll document my progress as I get it started.

Third, Exercise. This should be the easy one. I don't need a plan or a new concept. I don't need education or knowledge. I don't need motivation or encouragement. I don't need to focus on the benefits. I just need to get up off of my fat, lazy ass and go do it. Sounds good, right? We'll see.

What occurs to me as I focus on Wellness and Strength is that each of these things (and fifty more) are hard. Logically, I think I should tackle them one at a time. This is what I've tried (and failed) to do in the past.

So the 2013 Wellness and Strength wisdom is that all of these things are related. They're not separate issues. Exercise will be more practical and effective if I can actually breathe and eat right. Eating right will be more palatable if I am exercising enough to use up the calories I consume.

My thinking as I start the New Year is that Wellness and Strength cannot be broken down and compartmentalized like the chart above. It's all one thing, and all of it affects all of life. And each step forward makes the whole better and the whole is no stronger than the weakest part.

But I want to be well and strong. And 2013 is now officially designated as the year for that process to take tangible form in my life.

Flipping The Sign

"The End Is Just The Beginning."

I guess it's appropriate to say "Good-Bye" to 2012. As far as I'm concerned, it won't really be a year to remember. I did some fun stuff, and had a great time. But mostly, I'll remember 2012 for what didn't happen.

For example, the world didn't end as the Mayans evidently thought it would.

I didn't quit smoking like I thought I would. (but I finally found something that I think will help.)

My Africa trip, which resulted in a whole lot of good things BTW, didn't result in a new relationship.

I didn't really accomplish much personally, professionally or in any other paradigm.

It was a relaxing, restful, enjoyable year. But so what? And the end of it, I'm left wanting more. I'm anxious and excited to go around the bend and see what's there. I feel like I'm waking up from a very enjoyable and well deserved nap, and ready to get on with the day.

So, as I flip the sign over from 2012 to 2013, I'm also looking to a more productive, more profitable, more successful year. Maybe after two or three of those, I can have another year like 2012 to coast and enjoy life.

Let Us Worship

"The world didn't end, so Let's Have Christmas."

This was not my favorite Christmas.

I'm blaming busyness for ruining Christmas this year. Things have been so crazy busy the past few months that I had to move into survival mode. Nobody else knows it because I still did a good job of picking the best gifts I could find, and did all of the right stuff on the outside. But inside, in the part of life that matters, I just wasn't in to Christmas.

The message of Christmas is not 'Let It Snow' (which it did), or 'Let Us Shop' (which I did). Christmas is about worship.

It is about perceiving and following the Christmas Star right up to the place of worship. Christmas is about recognizing and accepting a life and destiny that is fundamentally different and better than the one into which I was born, and laying down my meager gifts and talents in exchange for the purpose and impact of a bright star on a dark night...of the baby that changed the course of history...of change, renewal, hope, humility and all of the other images presented in the nativity.

It is about following the star without getting lost or distracted. Without losing hope or interest. Without thinking that the journey is too long or too hard. Without being kidnapped by busyness, wealth, pride, pleasure or fear.

Christmas is about faith - not in my own ability to complete this journey, but in the ability of the Star to guide me and the Baby to accept me, and the angels to protect me and the wise men to teach me and the shepherds to rescue me if I get tangled up.

It is about encouraging each other, families, friends and other travelers to take a few more steps. It is about anticipation of the life that will be, and will never 'not be' again.

It's about worship.

I may be a day late, but I'm there now. I hope I never again 'do' all of the wrong stuff and 'not do' all of the right stuff where Christmas is concerned.

Just In Case

"An Open Letter to My Coworkers."

Just in case the Mayans got it right, and the world as we know it comes to an abrupt, catastrophic end tomorrow, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell each of you how much I have enjoyed working with you. We’ve had some fun, made some money, fought a little and laughed a lot. We really have created a family here, and I am proud to have been a part of it. I am truly grateful for the opportunity to get to know each of you and your families over the years, and will really miss you if I survive and you don’t. It’s been a great ride.

I’m pretty sure the predictions for 12-21-12 are wrong. God wouldn’t let the end of the world come before the next Star Trek movie is released May 17, 2013. But it doesn’t hurt to be prepared, and I don’t want to leave anything unsaid. So I want to say a special ‘just in case’ farewell to Diane and that damn dog she brings to work with her on Wednesday. Could it be that Junebug’s incessant whining is her way of trying to warn us about the impending doom coming tomorrow? Or is she just a whiny dog? We’ll all know soon.

And it will be too bad if the end of the world comes just two short days after Marla learned to make coffee in a real coffee pot.

If anything does happen tomorrow, I think we have the skill sets to deal with it expeditiously and effectively, each in our own way. Whatever it is that happens, Fred will probably shoot it. Janis will undoubtedly shake her finger at it and tell it what for. Diane will organize it, Chrys will enter it (assuming the paperwork is right), Brad will forget it by Sunday, Bryan will laugh at it and Tommy will probably offer to buy it. I expect Winn will send it an email and Jim will infamously say, “Hmm. I’ll be darn.” Charity will bitch about how much money it costs, and Mario will wave politely and say, “Helllow”. We can tell Esteban to fix it, then all chant, “He broke it, he broke it.” I think we’ll be OK.

One never knows about these ‘end of the world’ predictions. So far, they’ve all been wrong. But only one has to be right, and none of us knows whether this is the one.

But it occurs to me today, very possibly the day before the end of it all, that we should each do our best to Finish Strong and go out with a bang. And, no, I don’t mean a big party! I mean living life as if today is our last day here – doing something really good, profound, worthy of the effort that has been invested in us, etc. And if the world doesn’t end tomorrow, maybe we should start living every day with the same mindset. If the world continues on past tomorrow, it will not be unchanged. We can, individually and corporately, change it for the better. (This is the only real value I can see in all of these doomsday predictions anyway.)

And just in case something does happen, we need a plan – strike that – a STRATEGY. So, I propose that in the event of some calamity tomorrow, we should all head for Esteban’s house in Mexico. It’s in Tecozautla, Mexico just a little NNW of Mexico City. I’m sure if we ask people down there where his house is, they’ll be able to tell us. If doomsday comes, we’ll all meet there and eat tamales and drink tequila. If worse comes to worse I really hope to see you all there.

If It Fits, It Ships

"Wisdom from the Post Office? Really?"

One profound thought I had as I relive and digest the Africa trip I took earlier this year, and the guy I hoped would turn out to be a closer friend, is about relationships, connections and even romance.

I'm not a 19-year old college kid, and I (surprisingly enough) have spent exactly no time second guessing myself, wondering why things didn't work out, asking myself what I could have done diffferently, etc.

Hey. For me, that's pretty damn good.

Furthermore, I didn't 'not' do these things on purpose. I just naturally assumed the stance that, "It Is What It Is", and dismissed the whole thing. Honestly, this is really unlike me. But it feels good.

Thinking through it a little more, I decided that I'm old enough, secure enough in who I am, and smart enough to look at things differently now than I would have a few years ago. In business long ago, I learned the axiom that, "if the best I can do isn't good enough, there's no hope for you." With irate customers, employees or even vendors, the best I can do is all there is. There isn't any more. If there was, I would do it.

It's fun to feel the same about relationships. I fully understand my limitations and shortcomings. But I have a lot of assets too. If I'm not good enough (which may indeed be true), then there's nothing more I can offer, nothing else to put on the table.

Which leads me to say, "Best of luck to you, and Have a nice life. I have a good life without you, and have no interest in intruding into yours." Then let the whole thing fall on the ground and get back to work.

Too bad I wasn't a good fit. It would have been a fun trip.

Five Day Forecast

"I'm behind blogging. I better hurry and get caught up."

Since, assuming the Mayans were right, the end of the world is Friday, I better update my blog.

I did indeed make it back from a wonderful trip to Africa. It was awesome. We did a lot of really good things, fun things and eye-opening things. The guy I like? Well, "I'm a great guy but not good enough." Gee, I never heard that before.

Since then, life has been frantically busy, which I hate. But it has been filled with good things, which I love. Because time is so short, I won't share the details. But the last three months have flown by faster than any other time period I can remember.

One thing I will say is that November and December (so far) have been terrible for sales at work. We're having the worst two months since July, 2008. This is exactly how things started for us in December, 2007 before the recession. We were impacted six months before the rest of the world knew what was going on. Hopefully this isn't round two.

(But if it is, oh well. The world ends Friday anyway.)

It's too bad too. I was really looking forward to 2013. 2011 was the year of Momentum for me. 2012 was a year to basically coast. 2013 was shaping up to be the year of Wellness and Strength. I'm really ready to focus on these issues in my life, our business and the world at large. I have even been considering resurrecting by blog.

Well, hopefully the forecast above is as wrong as most of our local weather forecasts. I'm convinced that Oklahoma is Purgatory for meteorologists. They never get it right here.

Greetings From Zambia

"When 70% of the earth is covered with water, why does 85% of the world's population lack clean, safe water?"

I've been in Zambia all week with a team of guys working to hand drill a water well in a remote village and orphanage. The object of the exercise is to bring the tools, drill a well and train a group of local workers to replicate the process over and over after we leave.

We're on our fourth day of drilling, have reached water and will complete the project tomorrow.

It has been an amazing week.

It is amazing to see the progress that has been made since my last visit in 2009.

It is amazing to ride in a boat and stumble upon a herd of elephants crossing the river.

It is amazing to see people living in grass huts with no plumbing or air conditioning, but they do have a satellite dish, TV, and a smart phone.

It is amazing to write a blog post from a lodge 20 miles from a city that is 100 miles from any sign of civilization.

It is amazing to see such big smiles from kids when you give them candy.

It is amazing to give a few people an entirely new vocation in less than a week. The group we are training was hand picked because they have spent time in jail and need a better way to feed their families.

It is amazing to be here with a really wonderful guy I really like.

It will be amazing to continue on with him to Kenya this weekend.

I am amazed, impressed and thankful.

Arrogant or Stupid?

"Sometimes people, even Presidents, say the stupidest things."

One of our customers recently put up a banner at his business. Yeah, the business he started from scratch and now employs 600 people. Yeah, the business he sacrificed for and struggled with and nurtured along like a parent raises a child. Yeah, the business he made - the antithesis of the millions of Americans who punch in at 9:12, out at 4:48, take an hour and a little for lunch and bitch about how little money they make.

As a political cynic, who believes that neither party has my best interests in mind, a clue what to do to make the economy better or any idea what to do about the spiraling debt or the consequences thereof, I am not taking sides on the political front.

But this guy does have a point.

I get what Obama was saying. The reason small business can start and grow and thrive and make money is because of the infrastructure established and maintained by the government. Everything from roads and transportation to legal concepts and judicial contract enforcement to a stable financial system to the military and foreign policy arm of the government comes together to allow people to start a business and live the American Dream.

The same infrastructure allows people to just get a job, do what they need to do to get by and enjoy life with other priorities outside of the business paradigm.

But the way Obama presented his argument was offensive to a lot of people who are going the extra mile and doing it well - and providing employment to hundreds in the process. Obama's comment was arrogant and provocative, not to mention pretty much wrong.

Obama (and a whole lot of other people) have forgotten that the single biggest difference between the U.S.A. and the post WWII Soviet Bloc behind the Iron Curtain is people like Butch. People who are allowed to take risks, enjoy rewards, make little business grow into bigger ones, employee people and pay taxes.etc.

I understand Obama's point. But it could be equally argued that the government in it's current not-so-glorious-form could not exist without whatever Obama claims small business owners didn't create.

I wish we had a serious candidate for President who I could be proud to vote for and proud of once elected. Do I live in a fairy tale world?

Connections

"Music consists of notes, chords, scales and rhythm."

I have always thought that the Universe resembles music more than any other model. Music is made up of notes. But a note in itself is not the important thing. The way notes connect through scales, chords, rhythm, melody, counter melody, etc -- in other words the way notes are related -- is what makes music.

Life is about connections, relationships, stories unfolding and developing and mixing together. It's this way in nature, in humanity and in every facet of philosophy, religion and thought. This concept drives Science crazy, but oh well.

So, along the lines of connections, I'm going back to Zambia this fall. I'm going with a team to drill a water well and teach some Zambians how to use the equipment to drill more after we're gone. With all of the differences between Oklahoma and rural Zambia, one thing that is the same is the need for clean, potable water. But there, kids get eaten occasionally by alligators as they draw dirty water from a river for their families. I am passionate about fixing that.

So connect the dot to a relatively new acquaintance who I see every Wednesday as we take food to homeless people here in Oklahoma City. He has spent time in Kenya, and works with food, education and orphanage programs there - just like what we're trying to build in Zambia. I invited him to go with us. He said, "Yes".

So, since we're going to be over there anyway, we're going to take a couple of extra days and go see his people in Kenya too.

I wonder how many more dots will connect before this is all said and done? Talk about excited!

Let the music continue, and continue to increase!

Low Hanging Fruit and Slow, Fat Rabbits

"Man, did I get my butt chewed out!"

We had an excellent service Sunday at church. It was one of those services where God seemed to show up and tell everyone, "Things are changing and I am the Architect. New things are coming, and you need to be ready. Seek Me first and the things with which I have to do and you will see My power and impact in everything around you."

I love services like that. And, although I am biased more toward the intellectual side of life than the emotional side, I believe it. All of it.

I left church motivated, ready, hungry, excited, etc. Then I thought about how many of these services I been in before. The service last Sunday could have happened (and probably did) in 1979 at another little church less than two miles away where I attended with my Grandma and Great Grandma.

I mentioned this observation to God on my way to my car, and became just a little frustrated that we keep having services like this and nothing really changes. "God," says I, "I've been hearing this for years. What do I need to do to be more ready, more prepared? What do you wamt me to do? Where do you want me to jump in? Why wind me all up and then just go back to life as usual? Whazzup?"

About the time I closed the car door, the Universe stood still long enough for me to immediately hear the following dialogue, all at once:

"You've got to be kidding me!

"Why don't we start by doing some of the things we've been talking about for years. Get your butt back to the gym and lose 20 lbs. Take a little pride in what I have done in and around your life, and show it by being strong and healthy! And eat better and quit smoking.

"While you're at it, how about showing some respect for where you work. Quit going in at 10:30 and sleeping half of the afternoon away. If you don't have enough work to do, clean the place up and help others do their jobs better. Your job deserves more respect, attention and effort than you're putting into it presently.

"You've got less to complain about and more to rejoice about than 98% of the people on the planet. And you're frustrated about what exactly?

"There are things in life that I have to do. And I am both faithful and competent to do them whenever and however I choose. But there are things you can do too. Get off of your ass and get them done, then talk to Me about being frustrated about what I don't do fast enough to suit you."

"Um..." says me again. "You're right, of course. Can we forget about this conversation altogother?

"Sure. And we can have it all over again next week, which explains why you've been hearing it since 1979."

I was discussing all of this with a friend who had a similar experience last weekend. He said there was a lot of low hanging fruit and many slow, fat rabbits that are within reach.

We need to take advantage of those before we get frustrated about the rest.

Eight Years and 33.5 Million Dollars Ago ...

"I almost forgot Mr. Happy's Halloween!"

Yes, folks, it's that time again: The day I remember watching over thirteen years of hard work to make a medical software business successful go up in smoke.

I'm way over it now.

I'm way over my old business partner and his absolute religious committment to serving his checking account balance. I'm way over being asked to leave as if I didn't own half of the place. I'm way over what could have been.

I'm way over the first gay guy I ever fell for, whose religious committment to drugs, booze and the gay lifestyle has rendered him more like Smeagol than the guy I loved so much. (Although, to this day he is a very pretty Smeagol. I still miss my friend.)

I'm so far over it, I almost forgot to document the number that to me has always proven beyond doubt that I'm better off now than I ever would have been then. That number is the total cumulative sales number from July 28, 2004 up to and including today at the family business I work with now. Although I don't own it, I am and have been as instrumental in its success as I tried to be at the old company.

The number that makes this year's Halloween feel like Thanksgiving is:

$33,512,991

Just Make Sandwiches and Shut Up

"It's one thing to debate qualified people, but Chicken Flippers?"

First, they make a damn good chicken sandwich.

Why they (or anyone else on the planet) think that makes them qualified to say anything at all about gay marriage is beyond me.

By that logic, I can tie my shoes and therefore I should be President of the United States. (Hell, Dubya made it.) I can make toast, therefore I can make foreign policy decisions? Really?

Even a casual overview of my blog will show that I am a gay Christian, and passionate about closing the gap between the two. I can make my case for anyone who will listen. I can debate the subject with anyone. I can (I think) win any legitimate argument on the subject hands down.

I would love to sit down with some real homophobic Christians and show them my math, help them overcome their error, teach them what I have learned. There are many people I respect greatly who disagree with same sex marriage and gay rights in general. But my contention is that they haven't really had to look closely at the issues, the people and the logic involved in this paradigm. The sound byte from Leviticus is good enough.

But why would any sane person engage that debate with a bunch of people who figured out how to fry a chicken, add a pickle and call it lunch?

This makes no sense at all.

The Edge of the Universe

"What happens in Vegas shows up on YouTube in the morning. -NOT!"

Well, vacation is over. Everything except the Blackjack was wonderful.

We had a great trip, and it was just long enough.  We did the shows, the gambling, the shopping, the people watching, the over eating...basically the whole Vegas deal.

The best show was Donny and Marie. My expectations weren't very high, and it was a great show. The Titanic exhibit was awesome as well. They've built several new masterpiece hotels since I was last there, and those are impressive to the point of intimidation.

All of that I expected, and enjoyed completely. One thing that was different about this trip compared to my usual excursions is the hotel. We stayed off strip at the Tuscany Hotel. It actually had a really nice pool area in which to unwind and detox from the typical Vegas flare. It was really nice to be able to get away from all of the stuff I went there to see and do for a while each morning. I was able to relax with my typical morning coffee and hot tub time to which I have become addicted over the past few years.

Then, since it was my friend's birthday, we did the Gay Club scene. We found a place called 'Share', and went in for a drink. The bar was as dead as the Park in Oklahoma City. Nobody was there. We asked what was up and were told that the real fun was upstairs. There was a $20 cover, but we paid it and climbed the staircase.

Who knew that the very edge of the universe was that close? Sure as hell not me.

What we walked into ... well, we don't have those in Oklahoma. Some of the prettiest guys I've ever seen were totally available (for a fee, of course). And that's all you're gonna hear from me about that.

It was definitely an eye opening, horizon broadening experience. It's not my world, and it's not my destiny. But for a few hours it was a lot of fun. The sun came up long before we made it back to the hotel that particular night.

Hot As Hell Vacation Starts Now!

"Out of the Frying Pan into the Fire!"

I am officially on vacation! Leaving tomorrow for a few days of Donnie and Marie (is that gay or what?), Dancing With the Stars Las Vegas, The Beetles Cirque Du Soleil, lots of blackjack (I hope), great food, afternoon naps (like that's any different than normal), late night bars (I wonder if that really cute Cuban guy still works at Krave?), and some quality time (no, not that kind...get out of the ghetto!) with a good friend from Houston.

Now, if I could just get a freak arctic front to blow through there and drop the temperatures by, oh, 40 degrees should do it. That would be a vacation!

Las Vegas, Here we come! It's been several years, and I am looking forward to having as good a time as last time. I really need a break.

But I sure would like to ask the Godfather why they didn't start Las Vegas somewhere in Montana. It would be cooler there in July, and more scenic if by chance the blackjack makes us take the consolation drive to the Hoover Dam or the Valley of Fire.

But alas, Vegas is in Nevada, and it's hotter than hell there just now.

I am therefore going to have a great time anyway.