"I was glad when they said unto me, 'Let us go to the house of the Lord'."
After my hot tub morning yesterday, I went to church. I've been attending this church for about 10 months now. I've always had mixed feelings about it. I'm really not much of a church guy anyway, and I got too involved at the last church I attended with any passion about 12 years ago. That church stood for some really good things. Like my new church, it was made up of a bunch of people that wouldn't be acceptable in other church circles - of which I am one, gay or not.
So I've been going to this new church, and really enjoying it (from a distance). I haven't made any friends there, or gotten involved in anything churchy. One of the things I really like about my new church is that they don't seem to need me. They have enough volunteers and it doesn't seem like the same 15 people do everything like I'm used to at church. (I never want to be one of the fifteen again, BTW).
Anyway, I have always appreciated not having to lie to be a part of this church, and I have enjoyed having a place to go that actually knows what praise and worship is. If someone had told me a few years ago that I'd be standing in God's presence in worship with a bunch of fags, I'd have asked for some of whatever it is they were smoking. There are aspects of church that I have really missed, and I didn't realize how much until I found it again. Communion is another one.
So I have benefited from my new church. But until yesterday, I never really felt like a part of it - more like a perpetual guest, like going to a concert by sneaking through the fence without paying for a ticket.
I'm not sure what happened yesterday. It was a good service, but not spectacular. But somehow, I managed to connect with it in a way I haven't done in a decade. the people there are by and large just like me. They all love God and each other. Whatever flows out of that is fine.
I realized after church yesterday that this is exactly the kind of place I need to be, and I would be proud to be a part of it even if I wasn't gay.