"But every year, I get older and that hope becomes more of a wish."
Well, it's time to turn my attention to my free birthday this year (tomorrow). I say it is free because I thought I was 48 last year. I was only 47. I will be 48 tomorrow, so in effect, this one is free. I have never understood or agreed with the way we determine someone's age in our culture anyway. What does the number of times Earth has circled the Sun have to do with one's age?
To me, old is characterized by bitterness, narrow mindedness, cynicism, fear, resistance to change and a certain arrogance that says, "You're an idiot if you disagree with me." The Universe seems to shrink around old people, and becomes so small over time that there is not enough room in it even for themselves. Then they die.
I know several people who are many years younger than me according to the 'trips around the sun' method of aging, but are actually much older than me according their outlook on life and relationships to others. Some of the oldest people I've ever met have experienced relatively few trips around the sun.
I know that I'm gullible, sensitive, too trusting (on purpose because the other choice is cynicism), naive and inexperienced in some areas of life. But I am generally not thought of as stupid. I know that I am not immune to the aging process. I know it takes its toll on me just like it does everyone else.
My demon is cynicism. I have been at war with him since Jr. High. Cynicism is an attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity, sincerity or professed motives of others. The older I get the more undeniable the accusations of cynicism.
Cynicism is evil. It destroys relationships before they start and erodes hope, faith and dreams before they ever have a chance to come to fruition. I hate being cynical, and sometimes respond to a situation in exactly the opposite way that cynicism suggests just to stick my tongue out at the slimy bastard.
So am I cynical about cynicism? Hmmm.
Anyway, so long as I keep cynicism in check, life is really good. I had a great 47th year even though I thought is was my 48th. So, may the real 48th be as wonderful and productive as the perceived one was last year. (Does that make sense?)
And cynicism can kiss my sweet ass.