"I love object lessons."
So I get an email today (not nearly the first of its kind, and the likes of which have been discussed often in the past) from a coworker with no subject that simply says, "See Below."
'Below' is an email chain, eight printed pages long in small font, full of back and forth salesman BS, clarification about part numbers, price haggling, anti virus and confidentiality disclaimers and a dirty joke. In there somewhere towards the top, I got the impression that a customer wants to buy something, and I'm supposed to figure out the rest.
My response to my coworker: "Nonsense. Please Consolidate."
My coworker's response: "Please process order. See below for details."
Hmmm. I haven't kicked anyone's ass in quite a long time. I'm a little out of practice. But what do you want to bet that I'm up to the task!?
My response to my coworker's response:
"In order to process an order, I need to know WHO is buying WHAT on which PO NUMBER, WHERE and HOW the order is to be SHIPPED, at what PRICE and how we get PAID. It would take you three short lines to answer all of those questions. Either you don't know the answers (in which case I will not process your order) or you do know the answers but are too lazy to type the three lines. It's easier for you to forward the entire email chain and make me weed through it and figure it out.
"I will be glad to do so. I am currently scheduling such projects for May 14, 2017. If you feel that this order needs to be processed before that time, please communicate concisely and exclusively the information I require. I leave the decision in your hands, however please be advised that my laziness trumps yours, and probably will not complete the project as scheduled.
"I do not appreciate being treated as if my time is worthless and yours is significant. First, this attitude on your part is inaccurate. Second, it is insulting. I would prefer to be the only condescending, arrogant SOB in this discussion. I think that since I am the only one who writes checks, I am the only one that can be an asshole.
"Feel free to disagree with me, but it is not in your best interest. Regardless, let me know what your decision is."
My coworker's response to my response to my coworker's response: I got my three line order information. Bet I get it next time too.