Top Ten Reasons for No Rapture Today

"Don't worry if you can't come up with a Rapture joke. It's not the end of the world."

What a beautiful day for a rapture! But, alas, today is not the day. I guess I'm eventually going to have to set the world straight on the concept of rapture. But today, I can't resist having some fun with it.

So here's my Top Ten List of reasons why the rapture didn't happen:

• The Rapture was postponed until God could go see "Thor".
• They couldn't wake the Pope from his drunken stupor.
• People didn't give enough at church last week, so the Rapture fell victim to budget cuts.
• Jesus is still waiting on Mary Magdalene to finish getting dressed.
• Camping made his calculations using the King James bible instead of the NIV.
• George W. convinced God the Rapture had already occurred last November.
• The White Horse is as confused as the White House and took Christ to the wrong planet.
• Randy Savage, "Macho Man" saved us.
• A bug in Microsoft Excel caused numerous miscalculations.
• Oprah insisted that God wait until after her final show, May 25th.

So, there you have it. Now you know the Rest of the Story. But for the record, I did actually write a couple of tongue in cheek 'bye-bye' emails to some folks I know aren't coming along, just in case.