"Dr. Please Help. There's a plumber in my ass!"
Isn't it amazing how one can be going about the goings on in life and all's well. Christmas is almost here, it's end of year time at work, life is busy and exciting and then...
One of the good things that happened this year is that I've managed to rent out my old house that I can't sell or get out from under. I rented it this summer to my nephew and his friends, and that went OK. They're done with it now, so I rented the house out again to someone else. I found a really great couple who can see possibilities where I see problems with that place. They moved in last week and all's well.
The gas company comes out to read the meter and switch the billing to the new guys. How hard can it be? Read the damn meter, write down the damn numbers on your damn piece of paper and start a new bill for the new residents. Not hard. Simple. Routine. Done every day - except the day before yesterday.
The gas company guy sees something he doesn't like. I wasn't there, and I have three version of what he said, none of which make sense. But everyone agrees on the result. Before the gas can be turned back on, a plumber has to look at it and bless it.
So, happy-go-lucky me calls a happy-go-lucky plumber. It's an $89 service call. He gets there and decides it has to be pressure checked and the leaks fixed. Now it's a $439 service call. It's an old house. Sure it leaks a little, but the house isn't a new air tight house and life goes on. Not with the City. Not with the plumber. We have to make the system hold 30 lbs of pressure (more then the tires on my car!) Natural gas pressure is typically 12 psi).
So the plumber decides there are too many leaks and wants $2000 to run four gas lines from where the gas comes into the house to the hot water tank (15 ft away), the furnace (8 ft away), the kitchen stove and the living room fireplace. Take it from a certified lunatic, this guy has lost his rabid-assed mind.
We settle on two gas runs to the hot water tank and the furnace. Now we're back to less than $1000. So he spends the rest of the day somehow (two lines, total of 25 ft) fucking with it, then calls me at 5:00 Friday and tells me that when he pressurized the new system he blew out the main line from the gas meter to the house.
Now what do I do? My new tenants don't have any heat, hot water or stove. The plumber is probably laughing his ass off at me for being such a sucker as he sits at home drinking beer. It's going to be 16 degrees tonight and 18 tomorrow night. The water pipes in the house are vulnerable to freezing. I have no idea how much more money this $89 service call is going to cost. And I don't have a clue where to go with it from here.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a bona-fide wildfire going on. Where's the fucking fire department?!!?!!