Can We Please Have Another September?

"It's been by far the best weather of the year."

It's already time to say good-bye to September. If I had my way, we'd just have another one or two months like this back to back. The weather has been beautiful, and I've had a great month. The Fair was in town and that was a blast, I've gotten to ride my bike a little when the weather is just right and the wind isn't blowing (rare conditions indeed for Oklahoma), no trauma or drama at work - just lots of it (and that's a good thing) and I had visitors from another planet to my blog. They've pretty much all flittered away by now, but it was interesting to have guests.

My thoughts on boundaries and obstacles continue. Clearly, the difference between the two is dependent on one's goals and dreams in life. If my goal is to be a really good gay guy, many of my boundaries should be treated as obstacles and overrun with passion. If my goal is to be a Godly man, and a source and reflector of good things, the boundaries vs. obstacles equation changes. This combined with the overview of ten years without a closet (that I wrote over a period of weeks but decided not to share) leads to some inescapable conclusions that I don't want to hear.

So I guess I'll start October reviewing my goals and dreams, take a deep breath and make the hard decision to go where they lead me. But not today. Overall I'm pretty tired of carrying around the Oxymoron, trying to reconcile two different paradigms when I don't fit into either one. Right now, I'm about a millimeter from throwing them both into the bottom of Lake Eufaula, and just being myself - the enigma that I've been my whole life - Good, but Not Good Enough.

But this is the year for Momentum. And, like the tide and the calender, momentum waits for no one. September was great, and it's over. We'll see what October brings. So far, it's shaping up to be a relatively sane month. We'll see what it has in store.

Let The Price Wars Begin!

"Amazon announced an Android based tablet that looks pretty damn good for $199."

There's an interesting situation going on in the global economy that deserves watching. China and other Asian countries keep sending us cheap, low quality knock-off versions of stuff. And we keep sending them worthless pieces of paper with pictures of dead presidents on them. Somebody's getting screwed here, but nobody can figure out who.

I've been watching the tablet computer market for a while now. Being a first generation IPod owner, I'm not afraid of buying new things, if the benefit is worth the cost. We haven't achieved the benefit/cost point yet as far as I'm concerned, but we're getting there. I have a unique problem in that I can't see the screen if it's too small. Smartphones are totally useless to me.

I looked hard at the Nook Color, and was less than impressed. My current favorite iis the ASUS Eee Transformer. I can see myself using one. Since it has a 10.1" screen, I can almost read it. Seems like it does everything the IPad does on a bigger screen and costs less. Target ran a one day special on them at $299 on Monday. It was over before I found out about it.

Now comes the Kindle Fire, which actually offers a lot of cool integration with Amazon's digital library of everything, a way to store and backup data on the Internet that is actually integrated into the device and some other cool features. At $300 less than an entry level IPad, it just might give Apple a run for its money as well as force everyone to lower the prices to be competitive. But, alas, the 7" screen is too small for me. (Plus, I think Amazon is really trying to make tablet computer that works well and is a continuing revenue source for them. I sense a little bit of a conflict of interest there. )

But Christmas is coming, and tablet PC's are on about everyone's shopping list as far as I can tell.. What we need now is a good old fashioned price war. Who wants my business most? It'll be fun to see who wins.

The Day I Was Good Enough

"Too Much History."

I met a friend at a bar on N. Portland Ave. last night. The unique thing about the bar is that the front door is 35 ft from where I spent around four years working for the Business Products Division of Tandy Corp. circa 1985. This is where I got my start in the business computing world and accounting. I answered tech support calls, wrote data bases for specific client applications, provided marketing support to sales, blah, blah.

It was cool to be back over there last night, and I couldn't help but think about those days for a few minutes. And whenever I think of those days, one of those days in particular always comes back to me. It is the day I was good enough.

There is plenty of evidence and no shortage of people in my life to document with some degree of certainty that I'm not good enough - no matter how good I am. Note that I didn't say. "I'm no good." I know better than that. I'm just not good enough.

But on this certain day, I answered one of about 40 tech support calls I was destined to answer that day. It was from the El Paso Computer Center, and I talked some girl through fixing a problem with her customer's accounting software. The call took about four minutes. I let her tell me what was wrong, walked her through fixing it (ignoring her as she told me what I was doing wouldn't work), had her test it and listened to her almost yell, "It Works!, It Worked! You Fixed It."

The Center Manager grabbed the phone out of her hands and proceeded to thank me profusely. It was a good day. Someone actually said, "Thank You." I went on to the next call, and the one or two more after that.

The next thing I know, my boss is standing at my desk, white as a ghost. "What did you do? The National Training and Support Manager from Ft Worth is on the phone and wants to talk to you. You must be in big trouble. What did you do and why didn't you tell me?"

I had no idea what I had done, or why God's own second in command would call me. I answered the call. "How did you fix it?" (No introduction, no clues given as to what 'it' was.) I asked what we were talking about, having no idea that it was about the call from El Paso.

The guy on the phone was irritated. He assumed I knew that a whole bunch of people had been working on this problem for weeks unsuccessfully. For this call, he had assembled four department heads from the Ivory Towers of the Corporate Offices. He interrogated me for 20 minutes about how I solved that problem, and was cranky and intense the whole time. Me? I just answered the call and made the problem go away, like I did almost every call. I didn't think anything through or document my thought process.

But I did conquer the problem. That day I was good enough. And they knew it at the highest levels of the national office. That day, I was a hero and a stud and a genius, and didn't even know it.

It's good to have days like that easily accessible in one's mind. They make good medicine for the really shitty days when nothing goes right. I have several, maybe even a lot of those days I can relive whenever [fill in the blank] is telling me I'm not good enough...again.

And it was good to relive a few bright moments from my 20's, even if it is ancient history.

One other tidbit of history, just for fun. On that very same spot of Earth, some 60 years ago,  before the story above happened, before there were paved roads or buildings there, my dad worked at Boots & Saddles Riding Academy getting horses ready to ride and taking care of them when the rides were over. That's kind of cool too.

What Would A World Without Money Look Like?

"Time and money are as inseparable as time and space."

Not long ago, I pondered what a world without debt would look like. I was discussing it with a friend who has thought I'm an idiot since we were in sixth grade, and he said my fantasy makes no sense because there is no tangible economic difference between cash and debt. Take away the debt, all you do is reduce the money supply causing further damage to the economy.

So together we explored the question, "What would the world look like without money?" How would we buy gas or groceries? We've long passed the time when people could live off the land, hunt for food, etc.And, although debt is a relatively new arrival, at least to the extent we do in the U.S., money has been around in one form or another since forever.

So we thought about it and came up with the following scenario. There is now no money. If you need groceries, you might go to the grocery store and ask for some food. The grocer might say something like, "OK. I have lots of food, and you can have some. But first, go do something that helps someone else or makes their life better. Have them write you a note: a certificate, if you will, documenting what you did that helped them. Bring the certificate back and I'll tell you how much food I'll give you for it."

The guys that have gasoline do the same thing. "Go do something good in the world, bring me back some certification that you actually did so, and I'll do something good for you." Even the guy that has beer makes you go demonstrate that you have contributed something to the world around you before he will give you any.

Every time you make a positive difference for other people in the world, they would write you a certificate - saying good things about you if you did something good and great things about you if you did something great. You could therefore get the food, gas and beer that you want and need just by handing over these certificates written by people that benefited from your efforts.

What would these certificates be called? Why not call them 'Dollars'?

Isn't this what earning money is supposed to be about? Doing something beneficial, or making some positive contribution of time, effort, skill or resources to the world around you?

One of the biggest problems we have in the American economy is that people have forgotten what money is. Money represents your relative value to the world at large. It represents your contribution and your role in making the world better for everyone.

Nobody is entitled to money, yet we have a plethora of people who think they are. And a whole bunch more that think they should receive maximum reward for minimal effort. People try to take more than they give, and think themselves smart. Even if they pull it off, the economy as a whole suffers from their fraud.

I think of the waiter who is too busy flirting with the waitress in the next section, who is ignoring her customers as well, to refill my drink as I choke on my food. And he's insulted when I don't tip 20-25%? The contractor who does shoddy work but expects to be paid in full because he has a 'contract'. The government that sucks so much money out of the economy that will never accomplish any positive purpose. These kinds of things will seriously damage even the most robust, innovative and booming economies.

Until we remember and respect the value of money and its function in our world, all of the economic wisdom known to man isn't going to make our economy work right, and it won't matter which moron we call President.

Boundaries and Yeses

"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.."

I don't think that in all my 48 years living in Oklahoma there has been a more beautiful weekend. The weather was perfect. I want to formally place my order for about a zillion more weekends like this one. It was a little too cold to enjoy the boat, and there is still a burn ban, so we didn't go to the lake. I got to stay home, enjoy a couple of football games, do some stuff outside, relax and drink in the beautiful weather.

But by the time we decided to stay home, I had already pulled out the boundaries story from my past. Damn, I was a smart guy in 1997. Maybe I need to go spend some time with that guy summore. The concepts in that post, that came alive to me that day at the lake so long ago really helped me process events that were going on in my life at that time, but are also strangely relevant to my life now, 14 long years later.

Specifically, the concept that boundaries and what happens within them define and validate us, contrasts and compares nicely to the theme of my year this year, which is "Momentum. May the momentum continue and continue to increase."

A thousand thoughts and questions jumped up to be heard and decided. Things like:

Boundaries should be respected. Obstacles should be obliterated.
How do you know the difference between a boundary and an obstacle?
How are obstacles defeated in ways that affirm our character without diluting it?
How can I experience the breakthroughs Momentum promises in the context of nonnegotiable things I learned to acclaim forever ago in my life?

Obviously, there is a lot more to be said than will fit in this post. I'm not saying that I''m overwhelmed with it all. On the contrary, I'm luvin' it. But the thoughts are going too fast in too many directions to make for good blogging.

And as if that weren't enough, like two rivers converging, the thoughts above are mingling with another event that I haven't yet started blogging about. My coming out process happened between June and December, 2001, basically exactly 10 years ago. I have been thinking a lot about the process and outcome of that time in my life...the good, the bad and that which smells good and tastes bad.

I've written a lot about those times that I've decided not to post. Not everything about me needs to be thrown out there on the internet for everyone else to pick through. But I am really enjoying the activity just now. Like identifying the various flavors on a pizza, and experiencing the taste overall, I am having a great time at present experiencing my past and present all at once, all taken together. We'll see where it goes from here.

Boundaries

"Life is about what happens between the boundaries, not what's outside of them."

Way back in 1997, long before I ever began exploring the gay world, so long ago that it almost seems like another lifetime, I had probably the most significant, impacting conversation with Lake Eufaula I have ever had. The conversation and discussion that follows was very relevant at the time and has helped me stay sane during some pretty crazy times on the past few years. The conversation was about boundaries.

I slept late one morning, and by the time I walked out to say "good morning" to the lake, the wind was already blowing, the lake was churning and noisy and waves were hitting the beach constantly. The lake won't talk to me when it's like that. It has its hands full and is too busy to chit chat.

That evening before sunset, the wind died down and the lake settled down with it. I asked the lake if it was OK, and in the mood to talk, and it was. I asked it about all of those waves and all of the energy that was basically wasted as the lake tried to move the beach. "Isn't it just a little bit futile to waste all of that effort trying to move a boundary that isn't going to move?"

"The boundaries you speak of define me," the Lake said. "If those boundaries move, if the dam breaks and that boundary is taken away, I am no longer a Lake at all. I don't despise the boundaries or rebel against them, I count on them as one of the sources of my identity and image. Lakes have energy all the time, just like people. The energy hits the boundaries and dissipates, as it should. The same thing happens in people.."

I said, "Ah, so when my energy pushes against the boundaries in my life, (we call that temptation in Christian circles, BTW) I don't need to feel guilty or ashamed of that. I just need to trust the boundaries. Because the boundaries define me. They establish and validate my character for all to see. Is that what you're getting at? That's cool."

"That is how lakes work," said the Lake. "But there is another level to this discussion where people are concerned. If my boundaries disappear, it's a given that I disappear with them. What about you? If your boundaries are removed, are you still Mr. Happy? Will you be someone else? Will you disappear?"

And I realized that for men, the real test that establishes and validates our character is when the dam breaks and the boundaries are removed. If the boundaries ever had any real meaning or impact, I would not flow downstream and disappear like the water in a lake. I would maintain my identity and image even without the boundaries.

I thought of some people who I knew had failed that test. I had a friend in high school that went to college for one semester. His boundaries were taken away, and has not been sober since - not to this very day. I thought of my good friend who I loved dearly and spent much time with in 1996. He left for a few months and came back. His boundaries were gone. He was a different person, and not my friend at all. As I recall, he wouldn't have much of anything to do with me. A few years later, I would work hard to help another friend keep his identity when the dam in his life broke - and fail.

Also, later in life I would learn about boundaries that had been there forever, but maybe shouldn't be. I realized that I have the ability and even the responsibility to remove these boundaries and let myself explore other areas of life - on purpose, within the parameters of my character and who I want to be.

Over the years, more and more, I have become someone who respects the boundaries I have allowed to remain in my life. Once we get there, the boundaries don't matter anymore. I would be (I am) just the same person without them.

Call Of Duty

"Two little league football games and Sr day at the fair? I need a drink."

My bro and I flipped for it, so I took Mom to the Fair on Senior day. There weren't that many people down there, but the ones that were moved in slow motion. Except, of course, for those who had their electric carts. It took forever to get anywhere because the whole place was moving so slow. I handled it better than my bro. I took a deep breath and slowed down with everyone else, half sleeping through the experience. My bro would have been a blithering idiot by the end of our time there.

I already had my fair time last weekend, so Wednesday was all about mom. Mom and I had a great time. She bought some stuff that will probably show up again around Christmas. Moms are cool. Mine's getting older. It's time to start cherishing the good times. They aren't going to last forever.

I made it to two little league football games as well this week - got 'em both in on the same night too.  I was actually impressed that a bunch of six year olds could actually run a variety of plays and make it look like they know what they're doing. They're learning a lot, these guys. They're learning about football, teamwork, strategy, competition, and the concept that if they don't stand in there and take their ground, they're gonna get run over. And they don't even know it. They're just having fun. Anyway, I made sure both of my nephews knew I was at their games. I did my uncle's duty on a beautiful night and had a great time.

But last night, I needed a drink. I went to the Park and said 'hello' to the bartender. I had my usual shot of Crown and two MGD's, and enjoyed some music vidios from Muscle Beach. I think there were eight people in the bar total. I used to really enjoy going out on Thursdays because the crowd was good but smaller and less intense then Fridays or Saturdays. Last night was a little too small and not quite intense enough. Oh well, I enjoyed the drinks and slept really good.

I'm writing a purchase agreement to sell two engines as I finish this. I'm so far behind at work I haven't even started the end of month chores for August, and now September is practically over. [sigh]

And I'm headed for the lake this weekend. Looks like the whole fam damnily is going, so I probably won't get any reading in, but some good guitar time around a campfire sounds great. I wonder if the burn ban is still on? Anyway, if I have time to transcribe one from my paper journals, I might just entertain you with another 'conversation with the lake' while I'm gone. I've enjoyed revisiting those this summer.

Are there any football games this weekend?

If "It Gets Better", What Went Wrong?

"In memory of Jamey Rodemeyer."

"I'm not sure which is more astonishing: the magnitude of torment human beings can endure, or the enthusiasm with which they inflict it."

Jamey is the latest in a rash of teenage kids who committed suicide because of relentless and intense bullying by their peers. Jamey in particular contributed a video to itgetsbetter.org, an anti-bullying outreach designed to draw attention to the problems of gay teens being harassed to the point that they were killing themselves. For him, it evidently didn't get better. I have seen the video and read a little about itgetsbetter.org.

Other than that, I don't know Jamey's story, But this whole bullying/harassment thing isn't all that new. Gay bashing has been a hobby among the straight redneck crowd at least as long as I've been coherent, and probably a lot longer. It was an unofficial sport when I was in high school.

We think this should get better because people should stop being so cruel. We think people should accept us and not discriminate against us because it's the right thing to do. We think we have the right to be gay, just as others have the right to be straight. We think we should be respected and allowed to be who we are without reprisal because this is America, and it is what America stands for. We think the straight world should get over it, and stop thinking of us any differently that they think of any other distinctive people group or subculture.

Gay Advocacy groups push this thinking farther. The discrimination and harassment has to stop. If not because it's immoral, then because it's the law. If not because it's the right thing to do, then because it's the only option. If not because it's inherently wrong, then because of our rights under the Constitution.

And we're right to expect this to change. The Activists are right to push the point legislatively and in other ways.

And to some extent it is changing. DADT is finished. People are changing. People are beginning to realize that the gay community is just another part of the whole of society, and we're just people doing what we know to do to succeed in life. People are beginning to realize that homosexuality is not an invading army bent on destroying society. The change is good.

But this kind of change is slow and not without resistance. It's also not without martyrs like Jamey.

I can basically already write the news articles about the backlash against some on the leading edge of 'serving openly' in the military. Somebody is going to take that freedom to the extreme and get stomped. Somebody is going to resent the change and use the first opportunity they can to lash out against one of us. It's a done deal, whether the story has been written yet or not.

From this perspective, It Gets Better and Jamey's death is just a small step forward in that journey.

But I think there's a better way to facilitate the change is society that we seek and deserve.

I think it's up to us to make sure people see us as men and women, not fags and dykes. I think we do this by being better at our jobs, by contributing more than our fair share to making the world around us a better place, by being good friends and good people first and gay second, by showing the world what we're capable of as humans not who we're having sex with.

I think it is a huge mistake to establish our identity within society at large by our sexuality. I think we have to establish our identity as people worthy of respect and deserving of acceptance. Then if and when they find out we're gay, at least there will be a ton of undeniable evidence that we're not evil.

I think that as long as 'Gay' is associated with ''Sodom and Gomorrah" in the minds of mainstream society, we're screwed. The activists are just making noise and people like Jamey pay the price.

I think that once the rest of the world realizes that we don't want to live in Sodom and Gomorrah, or bring that to their neighborhoods, schools, government and workplaces, the change that needs to happen will happen quickly.

Now, if only I could convince the gay world to actually want something better than Sodom and Gomorrah have to offer. That's the real challenge here.

Welcome, O Visitor From Dave's World. I Mean You No Harm

"Ich spreche kein barfly"

I am intrigued that Dave would read much of my blog. Dave I and met 10 years ago and I really enjoyed knowing him back in the day. At one time I had a great deal of respect for him but then some Indian squaw friend of his named Three Horses came along and stole it. He knows me really well but I evidently know nothing about him. It seems like quite a long trip from calling me names and making fun of me on his blog to actually almost recommending mine to others. I sense a joke that I don't get in there somewhere, but I'll play along.

So, let me show you around a little.

I am gay in that I'm sexually attracted to nice looking men. But that's about all I have in common with the gay world. The intrinsic association of 'gay' with emotional, psychological and sexual abuse and self abuse as well as the booze, drugs and disconnect from real life and relationships that go with it is a paradigm I don't understand very well. I consider it tragically sad, which are the two words that encapsulate Dave to me. I have seen his potential, his passion and his impact with my own eyes at close range, in the midst of hard times in his own life. I loved him for it. He says he has changed, but I don't believe him. An eagle cannot become a frog.

Lest my comments sound judgmental in the least, I am nobody's judge except my own, [please note the period at the end of that sentence. Those are important in my writing.] Life is about choices, and each of is responsible for making our own.

I learned to love deeply, intimately, intentionally and effectively long before I knew anything about sex. I dream of being in a relationship with someone else like that.

I am a Christian. Christianity is a very important part of my life even to the extent that I chose it over being gay when I thought the two were mutually exclusive. Ironically, Dave was singularly and personally responsible for me being able to outgrow the oxymoron.

But fear not, O Visitor from Dave's World. I do not consider it my job to save your soul or ram anything down your throat. I sold medical billing software for many years, but I never tried to sell it to a construction company. I am now in the aviation parts industry and spend exactly zero time marketing aircraft parts to tanning salons. I understand that Christianity is not for everybody, just like not everybody is gay.

On the other hand, this is my blog, and the Christian worldview and way of thinking play heavily into my thoughts, my life and by definition my blog. Enjoy what you can and ignore the rest. I respect your choices, please respect mine.

And if anyone trips over this who is struggling with the oxymoron or lost in the conundrum, I'm Your Man. I can help. I understand the issues deeply and intimately, and you don't have to sacrifice your relationship with the Eternal God for the temporal needs and desires of this mortal life - or the other way around. God created us, knows us and loves us. If I can help make that concept more real to you, jump on in here.

Well, Visitor, if you made it thus far, you probably belong here. Welcome, and make yourself at home. I wonder if Dave made it this far? If so, I still don't get the joke. But thanks for the plug, and for your impact in my life these many years ago. I appreciate it more than you can know.

What's My Fair Share?

"Taxes are inevitable, but they're always unfair."

Some time ago, I wrote a post about taxes. That post was about how Businesses Don't Pay Taxes, Customers Pay Taxes, and my point was about how much to tax those big bad oil companies. Considering that people all over the world pay so much in taxes, we're really idiots about the whole subject.

President Obama, borrowing a line from Bill Clinton in years past, says everyone needs to pay 'their fair share'. Isn't it amazing that ''their fair share' ends up meaning exactly whatever he wants them to pay?

So I got to thinking about my fair share. I wonder what that is? I already know that it's bogus to tax businesses. All that does is raise prices on the business' customers, which eventually means me (and you). So what is my fair share, your fair share and his fair share, and how can we tax everyone fairly?

To start, we have to look at different kinds of taxes. I think there are five. They are,

Income Taxes. A portion of the value each of us earns each year. Like payroll taxes.
Consumption Taxes. A portion of the value each of us spends each year. Like sales tax.
Asset Based Taxes. A portion of the wealth we have accumulated. Like property taxes.
Fee Based Taxes. Fees for services rendered. Like toll charges or drivers' license fees.
Fuck You Taxes. Taxes of opportunity. Like a traffic ticket for floating through a stop sign that shouldn't be there in the first place, or the tobacco and booze taxes.

Which of these types of taxes are fair? The answer is, "None Of The Above".

Since taxes aren't fair to start with, I think we should quit thinking in those terms. I think we should consider an asset based tax system to the exclusion of all other types of taxes. An asset based tax system would ensure that people who don't have anything would not pay taxes. The cost of the government would be borne by people who have much.

Hmmm. Then we could call those who pay taxes 'Nobility' and people who don't pay taxes 'Peasants'. Since the Nobility pays the bill, they should call the shots too, right? It''s only fair, isn't it? And those who don't pay taxes should show their respect to those who do, shouldn't they? Then we could have a revolution. A peasant uprising, like the French did in the late 1700's. I wonder if anyone still makes a good guillotine?

How about instead, we have a much smaller, less intrusive, less expensive government? Doesn't that sound a whole lot better?

Monday Morning Meditation

"It seems appropriate since I missed church yesterday - again. Join me if you like."

Light of the world you stepped down into darkness, opened my eyes, let me see beauty that made this heart adore you; hope for a life spent with you.

So here I am to worship.

Lord, my life and my existence have but one purpose, and that is to worship you. With my thoughts this morning, and the words of my mouth, but also with every activity, task, action, reaction and decision, I want and need to walk out that singular purpose today. Apart from that purpose, life has no meaning. But inside of that purpose, every event of life is an opportunity to worship you, and absorb and reflect your love and goodness into the world around me as the moon reflects sunlight. To the extent that I have free will and freedom of choice, I choose to live my life this way. Teach me how and I will learn. Show me how and I will know. Lead me and I will follow.

Here I am to bow down.

I bow down to you not in unconditional submission, but in absolute trust. I do not cower before you as one who fears your wrath or retribution, but I bow down to you as one who is committed to knowing you, walking with you, learning from you and being like you. From this perspective, I know that my mind is renewed and transformed in such a way that I begin to know what your will is. The more I know, the more I trust. The more I trust, the more I bow down.

Here I am to say that you're my God.

If I say you are God, I say you are the creator, father, ruler and judge of everything and everyone. If I say you are 'my God', I say that you are the axis around which my world revolves and the center of my universe. This morning I say that you are my God; the objective of my life's quest, the destination of my journey and the fulfillment of my desires. You are my God, and there is no other.

You're altogether lovely,

As dolphins get to swim in the ocean and eagles get to soar high above, so am I immersed in and surrounded by you. Everything about you is good and beautiful. The earth you created, the relationship you establish with those who worship you and everything with which you have to do is indeed lovely. It is not a chore or burden to follow you, it is my joy, my happiness, I am honored and excited to live in your context and build my life around your character and purpose for me.

Altogether worthy,

It is right and good that you are God, for you have earned that title by all that you are and all that you have done. There is no God like you in the heavens, there is no God like you in the earth. You have kept your covenant and showed mercy when you didn't have to, and reached out to men who hated you. It is not just your power and position that make you worthy of being God, it is also your choices and your sacrifice. You have earned that to which you were already entitled,

Altogether wonderful to me.

I am excited and thankful and enthusiastic about knowing you, following you and worshiping you. You really are wonderful, and your impact on my life and the universe at large is also wonderful. I am proud of you, and proud to be associated with you. I'll probably never fully understand the depth and effort involved in your creation of the paradigm in which I can relate to you, but I understand it enough to very much appreciate it, and enough to respect it with my whole heart.

OK, here we go...

The Fair Was Fairly Fair

"I consumed more calories yesterday than some in third world countries get in three months."

We are such creatures of habit. I walked in to the State Fair of Oklahoma looking for the very first place that sells corn dogs. Why are they so much better at the Fair than any other place? Anyway, a whole lot of people do that too. The guy that owns the corn dog stand closest to the gate is either really lucky or really smart. I didn't have to walk far.

Before I left the Fair, I had more corn dogs, a beef wellington, some pizza, a Tiger's Blood sno cone, a caramel apple with nuts, some fried oreos, and some other suff. I wanted to try the fried ravioli, but didn't get around to it. I did get some fried mozzarella cheese on a stick with jalapeno batter. That was the best junk food of the day.

I bought a new pocket knife (so my bro can borrow and lose it like the last three) and that's it. But I walked through all of the buildings and gawked at all of the people.

One really cute guy was selling this deal you stand on and it vibrates real fast and he says it's like walking two miles up hill in the snow, and if I buy the thing I'll be really skinny in three weeks flat by just standing there. Part of the show was him demonstrating how to use the machine if you have back problems, and he bent over the thing just right, and butt vibrated just right and all of a sudden several other people had back problems so he had to do that part a few more times. I think I won't buy the machinne, but I'd have thrown a buck in his tip jar.

I walked through the midway a couple of times laughing at the drunks throwing balls trying to knock down the four bottles stacked together. Often they missed all four and didn't hit anything. "Need a player, Need a winner" barked one of the guys selling that game. I told him he really just needed summore drunk guys trying to impress their drunk girlfriends.

But overall, it was an absolutely beautiful day for the Fair. It was packed. There were all different kinds of people, all ages, sizes and fashion tastes. Everybody was having fun and enjoying being there. There were a zillion and forty two thirty something year old guys walking around with a girl and kid or two in tow. A lot of them were really pretty. It just seemed like the place was packed with good folks enjoying the day and their families, and loving life. I was happy to be down there and be a part of it.

I watched OU score their first touchdown against Florida State, then saw the weather radar and decided I should find my way home. Driving at night in a thunderstorm is one activity my eyes make me avoid. I made it to mom's about three minutes before the rain hit. We watched the OU game, then checked in on the Pokes. I remember yawning before I fell asleep.

Hey, Where'd My Goat Go?

"My God, they're everywhere. Surely there's a medical cure someplace."

One of the distinct advantages of being gay is not having to put up with overbearing, bitchy women who are totally convinced that they are the center of the universe and have absolute power. How these people ever trap some dumb-ass straight guy into marrying them is beyond me. I used to work with office managers at medical offices, a field where this type of women are specifically concentrated. In the old days, here's how it worked:

The office manager doesn't like something...maybe a feature of the software, maybe the way a support call was handled by one of my guys, maybe the temperature outside or something equally unrelated to what my company did. The issue doesn't matter. Whatever the issue is, it always goes down the same way.

Belligerent office manager calls and gripes her head off. I am given an ultimatum to solve whatever the problem is or else. If I don''t solve it, the next call is from the Doctor himself, who knows nothing about anything except that his office manager is whining. That's the problem he expects to be solved and he doesn't give a damn about the details.

Sometimes, there was an actual problem or issue that I could resolve, in which case all was well. But many times, the issues were not issues within my purview. I cannot correct the temperature outside. I could not make an insurance company pay a healthcare claim when the staff uses incorrect diagnosis codes or got the patient's date of birth wrong. The office manager can bitch until her eyes pop out of her head, and it isn't going to change a thing.

I was sitting through one such ass chewing someplace in Texas, and the doctor was sitting there too. The complaint was so far outside my realm of influence I thought the scene was funny. I wanted to ask the office manager if she needed to clear out some space in her office so she could lay down on the floor and kick and scream. "If I have to endure this tantrum, I at least want to see you turn red."

I never really did learn to handle these situations very well. You can't reason with people like this. You can't solve their problems. You can't really tell them to fuck off (although I ended up doing that a couple of times, and I did learn to avoid them on the marketing end of the company). They are just frustrating people - the downside of an otherwise fairly rewarding industry.

Fortunately, and very much for the record, not all office managers in medical offices are this way, and not all women behave this way. But the ones that do are hopelessly unreasonable and maddeningly frustrating. Usually they are totally incompetent and specifically in medical practices, a lot of them are also stealing their doctors blind.

It has been a very long time since I felt the frustration of dealing with one of this breed. Until Today, that is. I got cross threaded with one of them in the aviation industry in Florida. She sent me an email this morning asking about some bullshit part they returned three weeks ago, and whether I'd written the $500 refund check yet. I didn't get back to her soon enough, so she called, and insisted that I be interrupted during a meeting with our bank.

All I had to say was, "Yes, darling, your refund is being processed as we speak, and I promise it will be mailed Monday or heads will roll. After all, you are the center of the universe, and your refund is infinitely more important than anything else on my desk, and the last thing I want to do is offend you."

Gag me with a fork. Despite my training, which kicked in spontaneously, I just couldn't do it. Especially when we returned a part to them in July, 2010 that they didn't refund, but carried as a credit on their books. What a bitch. I won't say she's the only one in the aviation world, but they are a lot fewer and farther between then then they are in healthcare.

So instead of handling the afore mentioned feminazi bitch with the grace and professionalism I learned in the software business, she got my goat. What can I say?

Here We Go...Again

"God, is it Friday Already?"

This week in particular has been unusually crazy at work, and today will be no exception. September so far has just been a blur. I got up this morning and realized that it's already Friday...again.

And again, I'm way behind the power curve at work. I'm just keeping my head above water with the daily stuff, and haven't even started the end of month process for August. It's time to think about taxes again, the bank wants it's bi-annual list of stuff, we're busy as ever, and I'm not on top of stuff that I should always be on top of. I've even had to do some cash flow management this week, which is a polite way to say that there's not enough money to go around just now. I haven't had to worry about short term cash flow budgeting since 2002.

And again, in a few hours it will be Friday night. As it stands right now, I don't have anything on the agenda for the evening, so it looks like I may have to go hang out in the ghetto for a while.  I haven''t been slumming in months, so I guess a beer or two at the gay bars won't be too bad. Who knows? There may yet be someone else down there wandering around in the dark looking for ... how many times have I thought that?

Again, the summer weather has finally broken, so it's the right time to do some stuff around the house like throw away all of the plants that died this summer in the 63 days of 100+ heat. I'm also doing some work on my fireplace so I can actually enjoy it this year. As fast as time is flying by just now, it will be Christmas by next Thursday, and I've got a lot to do to get ready.

Tomorrow I think I'll go to the State Fair. The Fair is fun by itself, but for some reason it has also been a catalyst for a whole lot of good things in my life. In 1990, my old business partner and I ran into each other at the fair and started the software business I would spend 13 years working with. A few years later the fair was where a new relationship started that would become a cherished friendship. The fair is sometimes a place where new ideas, new plan and new dreams are born for me. It's not that way every year, but I'm due.

 So, here we go...again. Time to kick off another Friday..and if I get really bored, there are a couple of football games tomorrow.

Do Lord, Oh Do Lord

"Oh Do Remember Me. Way Beyond The Blue."

When I was a kid we sang this song a bunch, as all good Christian kids do to this day. I never understood it.

I remember asking a teacher once when I was still pretty young what the song meant. Do I really need to ask God not to forget me? I didn't think he ever forgot anything. And what does 'way beyond the blue' mean?

The answer was something like, "Well, those are just the words to the song." That wasn't really a good enough answer, but you can't argue with the teacher. I didn't know at the time that she didn't have any more of a clue than I did. I sort of thought it had something to do with 'the sweet by and by', which is only related in that neither phrase made any sense to me.

Later on, as I looked at pictures of the blue earth taken from the moon, I decided that 'way beyond the blue' meant outside the confines of this life and the crap that goes on every day down here, beyond the scope of what I see and hear and could think about. 'Way beyond the blue' is God''s world from which he created this one. Then I thought about gloryland (pronounced glow-ree layand), and decided that people who used words like that probably had no idea what I was talking about.

The whole thing was funny to me. Here's a song that everyone knows, but nobody knows what it means.

But it sure is nice as a grown up, at least in my own eyes, to be able to stop the chaos and noise of days like yesterday, sit in the parking lot at McDonald's and sing,

Do Lord, Oh Do Lord, Oh Do Remember Me.
     (Connect with me, join me for just a moment and give me your ear.)
Do Lord, Oh Do Lord, Oh Do Remember Me.
     (Let me see what my day looks like from where you stand.)
Do Lord, Oh Do Lord, Oh Do Remember Me.
     (Show me how small and trivial all of the stuff I'm stressed about really is.)
Way Beyond The Blue.

It even makes lunch at McDonald's a good thing. I shoulda gone to lunch 30 minutes earlier.

I Fired Cox Cable and Switched to AT&T U-Verse...

"...and traded one arrogant company whose junk doesn't work for another one."

Once upon a time not too long ago, I had Cox High Speed Internet and Cable TV.

My 56" JVC TV, my Denon AVR-590 home theater system, my Sony Blue Ray DVD Player and my something or other multi disc CD player all worked and played well together for the two hours each month I actually used the damn things. All was well, and life was good.

Then one day Cox decided to do a firmware update on their Scientific American cable box, and the fun times were gone. My screen flickered to static for a second to two once or twice every few minutes. It was maddening. Cox came out to fix it, but couldn't.

We rewired the Cable box to go around the AV receiver, and the process of switching back and forth between DVD and TV became an exercise in futility. It sort of kind of worked, if you stood on one foot with your eyes closed, completed three revolutions without going over and spit to the north while you changed the configuration around. Even then, I got the flicker to static once every half hour of so.

I begged and pleaded to just change back to the way it was when life was good, but Cox can't do that. Progress only moves forward. Technology only works by accident anyway, right? Always go forward, never go back. (There's a software patch available from Scientific American to fix this problem, but Cox won't distribute it. They think I should take what they give me, and like it.)

Meanwhile, AT&T has asked me at least once a week for a year to give them a shot. I refused. I'm not an AT&T fan. I stood my ground, thinking that the devil I knew was better than the one I didn't know. I resisted staunchly for a long time. Finally one gloomy Saturday in August, I was trying to watch Good Will Hunting on Encore and the signal wouldn't stay connected. My screen went black, then back then flickered.

I'm done.

I grabbed a clothes pin to clamp my nose closed as I drove to the nearest AT&T store and humbly signed up for U-Verse. They finally installed it last week, and sure enough, it doesn't work right either. Hooked it all up, I did, to my AV Receiver, TV, DVD, Ethernet and CD player. No Surround Sound.

Evidently AT&T has decided that 5.1 or 7.1 surround sound through the HDMI output is trivial. "2 Channel Stereo was good enough for Ma Bell and it's good enough for you." Cox, DISH, Direct TV, the Blue Ray player and everyone else on the planet sends surround sound audio through the HDMI cable. What, did AT&T think nobody would notice?

Fortunately, my AVR has two slots for optical audio input, one for the CD player and one for U-Verse. It's the only way to get surround sound from them, evidently. So for $30 at Radio Shack, I was able to compensate for AT&T's incompetence. Life is good again - until AT&T does a firmware update anyway.

I should send them the bill.

"Social Engineering" Ahhh, So That's What It's Called

"Bullshit is a very flammable substance."

My Number 1 of Six nephew has a problem. He can't communicate verbally. Oh, there's nothing wrong with his mouth or brain. He says many words, makes complete sentences and does just the right facial expressions and body language to go with his words. But he doesn't use words to communicate, he uses them to manipulate. He'll say anything to get someone to do what he wants them to do. His words can be true, false or totally off the wall. I can't trust anything he says, so there is no point in him saying anything at all.

My Number 3 of Six is not quite as bad. He doesn't like conflict, and therefore will say whatever you want to hear to avoid it. Again and unfortunately, his words are not reliable. He uses them to defend or protect himself, not to communicate. Most of the time, he might as well not talk too. (He's a lot like me in that he doesn't talk much.)

I know a really pretty guy who uses really pretty words (when he wants to). But his words have no more substance than a horse's fart. The last time I talked to him, his words were so pretty I totally forgot they were just bullshit. I acted like they were real words, effectively compressing the bullshit and setting it aflame. I think both of us were a little embarrassed. I should have known better.

Now, thanks to Kevin Mitnick and his book, Ghost In The Wires, I know there is a name for the scenarios outlined above. It's called "Social Engineering". Mitnick social engineers all kinds of people into doing all kinds of things by using words that transform himself into whatever others can trust enough to do his bidding. Of course, it's all a lie. It's all bullshit. Just a mask he wears to accomplish a task.

Like all bullshit, his words caught fire. He ended up running all over the country from the FBI, and eventually spent time in prison. According to him, he never committed a crime. He never used his social engineering or computer hacking skills to steal money or damage any software. He even got mad when his buddies' words turned out to be untrustworthy. He spent eight months in solitary confinement because a prosecutor social engineered a judge into believing that he could start a nuclear war by whistling into a pay phone.

So, even though his words were bullshit, the outcome of those words was real enough. Such is the fate of all social engineers. Once I know that someone is an adept, competent social engineer, I have no choice but to categorically disregard everything they say.

I'm not a good social engineer, and I'm not very good at figuring out which words are real and which are bullshit from others. As a result, I tend to trust people's words initially, but once I find someone's words are unreliable  I turn them off like a bad TV show.

Since Mitnick is obviously a very proficient social engineer, and proud of it to this day, I found myself unable to finish his book. What's the point? I wouldn't believe him if he said the sky was blue without external confirmation. The more I read the less I enjoyed his book, and I have no idea how much of it is actual and how much is bullshit anyway. I hate reading books that don't say anything.

But it is cool to put a name with a situation I have faced many times in life.

America The Beautiful On September 11

"Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me."

Obviously, the United States of America has its issues. I am concerned for the future as political and corporate corruption, reckless fiscal policies and incompetent or inept government gains power. Our history as a nation is not all that clean either. We've done some things that all of us should be embarrassed by and ashamed of. The same can be said of any nation or ethos.

As I stop, along with basically everyone else in America, to remember the events of September 11, 2001 and honor the memories of those who were killed and those who gave their lives to save others, my thoughts gravitate toward two truths about America and about God that the enemies of each should never lose sight of.

The Rod.

History records events in broad strokes. The World History article about 9/11 that will show up in textbooks 50 years from now will say something like, "Islamic fanatics, through an organization called Al Queda, attacked the United States by destroying the World Trade Center, killing 5,000 innocent people in the process. The United States responded by strategically dismantling two (or maybe three depending on Pakistan's near term fate) countries that harbored and aided Al Queda operatives known as terrorists."

I know that there has been much squabbling and grandstanding about the war on terror, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and US foreign policy overall. I am very proud of our military, and our resolve. Our enemies should be as afraid as we should be proud. Osama bin Laden characterized himself as the man who would inflict judgement on the U.S. As a result, he lived like a rat for 10 years until we finally found him and blew his fucking head off. The next sorry SOB that wants to live that life, please step forward. Seal Team Six will be more than happy to accommodate you.

If there is no God, there is no point to being his enemy. Therefore those who rebel so proudly and openly against God and what he stands for gain nothing by their hostile words and actions toward him. If there is a God, hostility toward him should be tempered by the knowledge that even the hostility exists because of his benevolence.

The preceding three paragraphs represent 10% of my thoughts.

The Staff

The other 90% of my heart and mind today are about the distinctive and unprecedented good that the United States and Americans impute to the rest of the world. How much food did Al Queda send to Japan or Haiti during the natural disasters that did so much damage? The USA, and Americans from every walk of life, contribute more in terms of humanitarian aid, financial help, educational outreaches, medical assistance, etc. to third world, underdeveloped, war torn and disaster ravaged countries than any other nation in the history of man.

Overall, it really is our heart to be a help and a blessing to the rest of the world. Desiring to do good things for hurting people, all kinds of aid organizations from missionary outreaches to secular institutions impact practically every country on the planet. And, though the tactics are not always beyond criticism, the intent is genuine and sincere. I am very proud of this aspect of our society and our people.

Our enemies (be they militant terrorists or corrupt politicians) should understand that their efforts to destroy us are efforts to destroy a powerful force for very good in the world at large. Their efforts and their disdain for all that we are doing and everything we stand for are inappropriate. We are a nation of good hearted people who express that goodness every day in every corner of this planet.

God, and all that he stands for and represents, is good. What do his enemies hope to accomplish by opposing this goodness? What do they offer to replace it with?

I am proud of our nation, even considering all of its faults, and of God, even considering thee erroneous and misguided ways of some who claim to represent him. I am comforted by the rod and staff, the power and the goodness of both. Let the enemies of each be ashamed and confounded, for their efforts are self defeating.

More Than Conquerors

"in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

A conqueror overcomes obstacles in life by the sheer power of overwhelming force.
More than a conqueror overcomes obstacles in life by tenaciously refusing to give in to them.

A conqueror attains his goals through destroying anything or anyone who gets in his way.
More than a conqueror attains his goals by building and nurturing them to maturity and fruition.

A conqueror defends his position aggressively, not tolerating any challenge to his authority.
More than a conqueror is secure in his position, and persuades others to have confidence in him.

A conqueror leads through intimidation and demands submission.
More than a conqueror leads through earning respect and seeks loyalty.

A conqueror is shrewd and ruthless.
More than a conqueror is faithful and compassionate.

A conqueror walks all over people and belittles them.
More than a conqueror encourages people and supports them.

A conqueror takes whatever he wants.
More than a conqueror gives all that he has.

A conqueror dispenses justice expeditiously.
More than a conqueror bestows mercy bountifully.

So let us live as more than conquerors overcoming the obstacles of life by refusing to give in to them, building and nurturing our goals and dreams to maturity and fruition secure in who we are and showing others that they can trust us, earning their respect and loyalty through gentle faithfulness and compassion, encouraging and supporting them, giving of ourselves generously and showing mercy whenever it is called for.

Not even Sally Kern can bitch about that.

"Stop The Political Circus And Actually Do Something To Help The Economy"

"Hey, he stole my line!"

I remember Dubya talking for months about the sound economic fundamentals underlying the American economy, clear up until he announced major government intervention and spending to avert economic disaster. I think maybe he is the only one in the nation who didn't see the recession coming before it was simply undeniable.

Then he and President Obama set out on a course to spend a trillion or more dollars propping up the most predatory, sleazy and corrupt industries in America: car manufacturers and financial institutions. They also spent a whole lot of 'stimulus' money on various politicians' pet projects that had very little, if any, investment value from a long term growth point of view.

I saw one of those stimulus projects at the lake. To protect what may have once been an Indian burial ground, the federal government laid some really expensive looking concrete blocks held together by flexible steel cables right down on top of the beach where we swim. This project, or so I was told, was on deck for a long time but wasn't important enough to be funded. Suddenly, the government has a bunch of money to throw around under the umbrella of economic stimulus and the project was completed. IT WAS A TOTAL WASTE OF YOUR MONEY!

So were a zillion other stimulus related projects. These weren't investments. They didn't stimulate anything. They were extravagant expenditures. How does anybody on the planet think that the project at the lake will result in more jobs, economic growth or future productivity?

Who knows whether Presidents Bush and Obama were (are) idiots or just poor decision makers. Neither answer is good, and the people advising and recommending those actions share the same dilemma. Our government didn't handle the recession very well. The 'recovery' has been shallow and jobless. Jobs are what the recovery should have been about from the beginning. It's about the only indicator that matters.

But, better late than never.

Now Obama wants to spend another half a trillion dollars that we don't have addressing jobs, providing incentives for hiring and allowing small business owners to spend money on people instead of taxes. It's about damn time.

Plus, this time he quoted from the Pledge of Allegiance, said "God bless you" and stood in front of the flag. Must be an election year. It looks to me like the circus continues, and so does the recession.

Down Memory Lane

"If the automobile industry had advanced at the same rate as the computer industry, we'd all be driving cars that get 450 mpg, go 150 mph, never need maintenance and cost around $350."

I started my computer career in 1982 working with the International 99/4 Home Computer Users Group providing tech support for people using the Texas Instruments 99/4 and 99/4A. A year later, the IBM PC came out. I remember writing a review of Microsoft Multiplan, the predecessor of Excel for the Users Group magazine.

God. That was eons ago. In my three or so years at that job, I spent hours and hours telling people to turn the volume down on their cassette player that was used to load software programs into the computer. It was actually a cool job. I wrote for the magazine, reviewed software submissions to the the library, learned phone support skills that I still use today and made more money at the time than I ever thought I would be worth.

From there, it was the Shack. Actually the Business Products Division of Tandy Corp, where I did phone support for the Model II et al, with eight inch floppy drives for data and program storage and a real accounting package. I learned all about TRS-DOS, General Ledger accounting, and later MS-DOS and SCO Xenix.

With great nostalgia, I remember the days when a computer gave you a $ or # prompt, you told it what to do, and it did it without question. Not like now when Apple won't even hear of you wanting to watch a video with Flash player or Windows bitching at you whenever you tell it to do something.

All of this came back as I read my second book of the weekend, Ghost In The Wires by Kevin Mitnick. I haven't completely finished the book yet, but I read enough about the DEC PDP-11 and VMS operating systems, Xenix, Novell Netware and other platforms now long gone to realize how damn old I am, that's for sure.

I really enjoyed the review of computer systems and platforms discussed in the book, but I'm not enjoying the other theme of the book, which is something called 'social engineering'. I may never finish this book, but I'm gonna give it another day or so. I'd like to see what happens to Kevin and how he transforms from a computer hacker criminal to a security consultant.

So far, unless you're like me and can identify with some of the older computer and telecommunications architecture, there's no reason to read the book. Just watch the movie Catch Me If You Can. It's actually more interesting and it's basically the same story.

One way or another, I'll address this social engineering concept soon. Maybe between now and then I'll think of some redeeming quality of it.

To Hell And Back

"No, I'm not talking about the weekend at the lake."

Most scholars believe that the first book of the bible ever written was Job. Job is a story of a man who lived a good life, then shit happened and he was in hell, then he came back. For some reason, we're fascinated with these kinds of stories, and have been for a long, long time.

This weekend, I read another one. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand, is the story of an Olympic champion turned bombardier, shot down, marooned at sea, captured by the Japanese and held as a POW until the end of the war, came home and became an alcoholic, lost about everything and by God's grace made it back. Another example of the trip to hell and back.

My personal favorite is The Shawshank Redemption, mainly because is has so many good quotes in it. There are a zillion and four of these stories out there, and we love each one. For some reason, they inspire us and encourage us in our own hells. They remind us that our lives are overall pretty good by comparison, and we don't really have too much to complain about. They teach us that even the worst obstacles can be overcome with endurance, providence and luck.

Unbroken is particularly good because it is an absolutely true story, not historical fiction. The writer tells the story as a novel, but documents each scene with pictures, statistics, research and commentary. History is always easier to read when presented as a story, and an authentic story that ends well is unbeatable.

There are many WWII stories that end well like this one. But there are many times as many that don't. Japan was especially cruel to POW's and captured civilians, much moreso than Germany or Italy. Many thousands were needlessly and terribly slaughtered. Many POW's that survived the war itself never really made it back from hell. Their lives continued to reflect the abuse after their return. But the stories that get written are the ones with a happy ending, like Job, Andy Dufrense and Louis Zamperini.

A lot of people take that trip to hell - maybe not on the scale of Louis Zamperini, but in the contexts of their lives, it is hell.

Some never come back. They stay there as if they're doomed to it, or they have no place else to go. They resign themselves to it, and somehow it becomes their reality. They learn to be content there, and make the best life they can. What did Red say about the walls?

Some fare even worse. They become part of hell itself. I know one guy that had to crawl through the 500 yards of unimaginable filth but became indistinguishable from the shit.

And some, like Zamperini, make it back. Thank God for Job and all of those whose stories teach, inspire and encourage us. I wish that nobody would ever have to go to hell. But since they do, I'm really glad that some of them make it back to tell us their stories.

I Make Really Good Coffee

"They said these commercials from the 50's were sexist. I make my own like a real man."



Anybody want a cup?

That Was Then, This Is Now

"That which has been, should have been or might have been simply IS not."

Lake Eufaula is a sprawling man made lake in eastern Oklahoma covering 102,000 acres. It has everything one could want in a lake. The interesting thing is that construction on the dam started in 1956 and wasn't complete until 1964 - I was already a year old. In lake years, it's just an itty-bitty baby.

But you can't tell that by looking at it, or by looking at how people enjoy it and profit from it.

I know the history of the lake well enough to know that once the dam was complete, there was a whole lot of rain. The lake filled up much more quickly than anticipated. As a result the demolition of many small towns was never finished. Except for what the water itself has rotted or washed away, the towns, buildings, trees, streets, etc are still down there. It's a little creepy

Once, on one of my trips down there, I asked the lake about the towns, the history and the secrets that were buried under its waters. I remember watching so many people out there having fun on boats, wave runners, etc. I thought of how many ways there are to enjoy the lake, none of which existed in 1940, and I thought about all of the life that was there in 1940 that doesn't exist now.

Before the lake filled up with water, people lived, farmed, fought, laughed, cried, and made love right down there at the bottom of the lake where people today were skiing over. Now that's all gone and something just as wonderful, though very different, has taken its place.

The lake's reaction to my pondering was simple: "That was then, this is now."

Paradigm shifts happen all the time in life. Just last month someone I work with was awakened at 4:30 AM by her husband of thirteen years who said he wanted a divorce. Every now and then, someone wins millions in the lottery and life is suddenly different. Today someone's house burned down somewhere in Kansas. Tomorrow, someone will decide to stop letting alcohol or drugs run and ruin his life.

I understood exactly what the lake was saying. Life, humanity and each one of us is forced and privileged to go through paradigm shifts from time to time. Once such an event occurs, it is counterproductive to think about what was and now is not. There's a lot of wisdom in living 'in the now', letting the past be the past and leaning towards the future.

But it's really hard for us mere mortals to do that.

A Long Weekend and Highs In The 80's?

"Has God been reading my blog?"

Wow. Right on schedule, it's Labor Day Weekend and cooler weather. Today the high is supposed to be 102, then 99 Saturday then - get this - highs in the 80's for the rest of the seven day forecast. We're probably going to Lake Eufaula for the weekend. Some of us are wishy-washy about it, but I'm content just to go read, chill, relax and enjoy. I don't really mind if everyone else stays home. (But that ain't gonna happen.)

I'm in the middle of one good book and have one waiting in the wings. I'm currently reading Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand, who also wrote Seabiscuit. It's a really easy read, and I'm enjoying getting lost in it.

Next up is Ghost in the Wires: My Adventures as the World's Most Wanted Hacker by Kevin Mitnick. The previews look good. Supposedly it's a whole lot more than a watered down 'how to hack a computer' book, but tells a much bigger story. I'm looking forward to the read. I'm also looking forward to the jump from WWII to the computer age all at once. 

I need to do some light reading that I don't have to filter or coagulate. At the same time, I hate reading books that don't say anything. There are so many mindless books out there, and other people enjoy them. I'm irritated if I read a book then ask myself why in the world I read it.

Don't worry. I'm not turning my blog into a book review site. Other people write better reviews, and typically  don't make it through most books anyway. I read 60% and scan the rest. I'll let you know if either book provides a good blog topic for me, or if the books stink.

All I really want to do today is point out that instead of blogging for the next few days, I fully intend to be sitting outside in the not to hot weather enjoying a couple of really good books at the lake, thanking God for reading my blog and saying "Yes" to my request.

September's Second Wind

"One cannot exhale all the time. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath."

I'm looking forward to September this year more than normal. I enjoyed August more than I usually do, but I always enjoy September. I think a lot of it has to do with the weather cooling off. It's usually possible to spend some time outside in September, and there's a lot of work to do in my yard - this summer and the preceding winter were very hard on my landscape. I've got a ton of work to do, but not in the 100+ degree heat.

Most people probably associate September with the beginning of College Football Season. I admit that I wear my one and only OU shirt once or twice. I own an OSU shirt and a cowboy hat, but Halloween isn't until October, and I'm ugly enough without the bright orange. (I look good in my boots and hat though.) This season is shaping up to be like Christmas when your brother is in Afghanistan or something. UT isn't in Afghanistan, but they aren't gonna have a football team this year either.

The Oklahoma State Fair starts Sept. 15. I usually love spending time out there every year. The weirdos on the midway and the junk food are worth the trip, and I enjoy going through the exhibit halls too.September and October are usually lake intensive for me too. I haven't spent nearly enough time there this year.

Other than that, I can't think of anything that really happens in September. It always ends up being one of my favorite months. This year, where momentum has been my buzzword all year, August was a chance to regroup, and I'm hoping that September is like a second wind.

The one stated goal of this year is to improve my pathetic social life. I've made some effort, but don't have much to show for it. I made one good friend earlier this year, and now he's been offered a job out of state and will probably move in December. Good for him, boo for me. 

I'm not much inclined to push things right now. I'm more geared to relax and see what life brings my way. 2011 is 2/3 over, and I feel that the agenda for the year isn't anywhere near 2/3 finished.