"Be it ever so humble."
It's almost time to wrap up August, talk about September, momentum, fall, etc. It seems like I spent June and July reaching outside of myself, my comfort zone and my world into things I know nothing about. It wasn't a total failure, and certainly can't be called successful either.
But I knew a few days before August even started that I needed to spend some time back in my world. I've read a couple of books, written a little, talked to a few friends on my level in life, made friends with my guitar again and basically had a more wonderful month than I can express.
As I've said before, it's OK to go visit the edge of the universe so long as you don't forget where home is. August, in a sound byte, was a month at home.
I have a tendency to want to draw conclusions when I write an end of the month journal entry. "Here's what I learned this month, and here's how my life is different because if it." And those conclusions are almost always wrong because I am a moving target.
If I were to write a conclusion for August, and express how I feel just now, it would be the old song, "be it ever so humble, there's no place like home."
Or I could characterize how I feel by telling the story of the guy who went to Christ and said, "Lord, my cross is too heavy." So the Lord let him choose from all of the other crosses, all lined up row by row in the space of a football field.
The poor guy walked around for hours, trying on different crosses. Bigger ones, smaller ones, lighter ones that were awkward, tiny ones that were heavy beyond measure. After hours and hours of trying them on, he finally found one that fit just right. And, of course, it's exactly the one he started with.
My life has holes in it. I know that more than most people. But I am happy with who I am, who I have become over the years, and I don't want to be anyone else or live their life.
My (probably bogus) conclusions are that it's OK that I don't fit in to the gay world very well, or at church either. I don't mind that I don't give a damn about football or that I don't think really stupid things are funny.
Overall, it's good to be me. I'm happy and having a great time.