"Whirl On, World, in Headlong Flight."
I spent Saturday night drinking and dancing with a bunch of straight people (I didn't drink much). I spent Sunday at church with a bunch of fags. Jim Swilley was here Sunday night, and there are many similarities in our stories (though my story is on a much smaller scale). I have a lot to think about and zero time. The week ahead is going to be more than I can handle. I'm tired just thinking about it.
We're pouring concrete for a big section of the new driveway today, we have a new employee starting, we're going to start moving inventory to the new building, my bro is getting a new hot tub and I'll be spending the day getting ready to change software over to the new server. All of this carries over to tomorrow, and my nephew returns from Zambia (he better bring me some good coffee).
I need to think about Sunday. Jim Swilley basically said the same thing his video said, with a little reflection as to the outcome. Many have stayed on his team and some haven't. My first reaction as I try to apply what he said to my life and experience is, "So What?"
I am so glad not to have to live a lie to be a part of what God is doing. This is a huge benefit. But other than that, I don't think my own story matters much. I'm still not a very good gay guy. I just don't know anything about it. I don't want to live a hedonistic lifestyle as if God doesn't matter. I want to live a quality life with someone who loves me and I love. I want a home and someone to share my life with.
After what is all of a sudden 10 years since my 'reorientation about my orientation', I'm really no different. I've made zero progress. I don't even have an archetype - an example close to me of a gay couple living a life that I can be proud of. The one that I had morphed into its own antithesis - the very exact thing that conservative Christianity told me for years was the outcome to being gay.
So what is the point to all of the thought, stress, growth or energy that I have involuntarily applied to this subject?
That's only my first reaction. I reserve the right to change it later as I have time to think and process more.
But today, I've got work to do and a role to play. The world is whirling at a frenzied pace, and it's all good.