"It is not our abilities that define us, it is our choices."
One of the good things about having a journal is being able to recognize trends. I have noticed that my posts in July have been more negative than in any other month so far, especially in the past ten days. I have decided to allow the end of July to be the end of that trend as well. I think there are some reasons for darker shade of July including:
Tragedies.
The drunk kid beating up his mom, the situation in Norway, the events surrounding My Happy's Halloween and the emphasis on the national debt problem (which is not only tragic, it is unsolvable) all worked together to get me down a little this month. I know better than to focus too much on such things. I know I'm prone to absorb the distaste of it all.
There have been other things to focus on, and I vow to do a better job next month of keeping my eyes on the good things life provides, and the Good God from whom every perfect gift comes.
My destiny is not dependent on how others respond to my performance or on the strength or weakness of the dollar or the political system that manipulates its value. Drunk people do stupid and hurtful things every day, and that's not my laundry. The senseless loss of life in Norway, eerily reminiscent of the senseless loss of life in Oklahoma City in April, 1995, speaks to the challenge of helping people think and come together. We don't have the time or luxury of being all depressed by it. We need to address people like this before they blow up buildings and shoot people. There's too much work to do to be bitter.
Friday Night Fizzle.
What started out as Friday Night Focus, an effort to reach out and find some quality people to spend Friday evenings with has pretty much fizzled out. I have managed to meet one new really good friend so far.
They say a dog can live just fine on cat food, but a cat will starve to death if all it has to eat is dog food. There's not not enough protein in dog food to sustain a cat. I've thought several times over the years about just finding a good whore, and forgetting about the gay world apart from that guy. I had the opportunity to have just exactly that in July, and could have had an ongoing relationship in that context.
But, alas, it's not enough for me. I need to love someone, and need him to love me. Woe is me, because I still don't have the first clue where to find what I really need. On the 'expanding my social life' front, I would go back to the drawing board, but I can't even find one of those.
and it's just hot.
The heat here is getting to everybody. It's just too damn hot. It's hard to think or be motivated. Most all of my flowers are dead and everything is burned up. A few days of this are one thing - we have it every year. But today was our 38th day this summer with the high temperature at 100 degrees or hotter. and it's not even August yet. The forecast for next week is even worse with highs projected to be 106-108 for much of the week.
I heard that the devil called the governor and said he wants his weather back. I'd be OK with that.
In spite of my bitchiness in July, evidently more people read my blog than any other month so far by a long shot. Thanks. Leave more comments!
And, not for your sake but for mine, I promise to be more positive and enthusiastic in August.