Winding Down 2013

"I'm a Solid 'C' Student!"

As 2013 counts down, it's time to reflect on my year of Wellness and Strength. I've actually accomplished more than the numbers indicate, but the numbers aren't that impressive. Some other interesting things happened this year too.

To start with, I turned 50 in April. To celebrate, my bro and I went to Las Vegas for a long weekend. We went to the Elton John Concert and had a blast. In a random bar at a random casino on the Strip, we randomly ran into the ex-wife of a certain foreign exchange student from Belgium that we hosted in 1977. He never left the U.S., but left our family's world in 1985 or so. We hadn't seen or heard from him since.

Running into his ex led to renewed conversations and relationship with my brother that ran away from home, and we're ending 2013 with a visit from him. He came to town yesterday, and we all had dinner. We'll spend the rest of the week with him. It is just not possible to communicate in a blog post how miraculous, awesome and wonderful that is. (But I'm also mad as hell at him for disappearing these 27+ years). I guess on the 1-10 scale, I'm 8.5 mad and about 13 excited. Mostly, I'm overwhelmed.

Back to Wellness and Strength, I started vaping instead of smoking last December. I'm still smoking a little. My Brother quit completely in June and Mom quit November 1. Not only did I impact my own wellness and strength issues by mostly laying down cigarettes, the paradigm expanded to include the last smokers in my family - and they've been more successful at it than I was.

I've lost some weight. And I did it right. I changed my diet lifestyle and started working out. My performance deserves a grade of "C", but at least it's not an "F". There's much more to do, but the ball is rolling, and I fully expect the progress to continue in the months and years to come.

I walked away from the gay world this year, and no longer identify myself with this ethos. Like a candle that burns all the way down to the bottom until it runs out of wick, there was no particular fanfare with my exit from this paradigm. I'm just too old, too out of place and bored with it anyway.

After 30+ years away from it, I bought a trombone and rekindled my love of the music and the instrument I grew up with. And I am enjoying it more than ever. Not only do I get the benefit of playing, I can do it without being good enough or better than someone else. It's been a truly wonderful experience.

And I almost lost mom, who had a heart attack in November. She has had two stents (yes, I learned to spell it correctly!). She is doing well, but will have another procedure in January to fix an Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm that is just as serious as her heart problems, but couldn't be fixed until the heart was stable.

Next year is lining up to be crazy. I think I've been a few baby steps away from crazy for a long time, but in 2014 I think I'm actually going there whether I want to or not. Since the journey has become inevitable, my plan is to put on my Big Boy pants and go there with attitude and enthusiasm, and not fear. Who knows? It might just be fun!

First New Year's Resolution:

"I may require an intervention."

I have a lot to say about the New Year, and it's coming. But today, I wish to formally announce to the world my first New Year's Resolution for 2014.

I resolve to refrain from purchasing or acquiring through other means any new shoes, boots, sandals, flip flops, slippers or variations thereof."

I am a shoe whore. I admit it. And I'm changing that next year.

Somebody was giving Nephew #4 of Six a hard time Christmas Day because nobody needs 10 pair of shoes. He was explaining why he needed the new pair he just opened so badly. I, always the good uncle, came to the boy's defense by confessing that I probably have forty pair - not including the ones I've shoved aside that don't fit or are so worn out they've been relegated to yard work attire (not that I do any, but 'there's a shoe for that').

And I realize that I have, in typical form for me, way overdone the shoe thing.

So I will recognize I have a problem and deal with it like a man. Does anyone know of a 12 step program for shoe addicts like me? Does each step require a different pair of shoes?

In preparation for my hiatus from shoe acquisitions, I got one pair for Christmas and bought three more pair during after Christmas sales already. But I'm drawing the line, by God.

No More Shoes.

I may cry now...

A Christmas Story

"I bet none of us got a Christmas gift like this. It sure is nice to help someone else get one."

Meet the recipient. His legs and feet don't work right. He gets around mostly on his hands and uses the rocks to protect himself from the harsh terrain. He lives in a village near Chirundu, Zambia. The farmer/pastor we support arranged for him to get some help.

He's climbing into his new wheelchair. Our company helped send the chair over, just in time for Christmas.

He doesn't need the rocks anymore.

I'll bet he remembers this Christmas for a long time

A Tale Of Two Dinners

"I may not eat anything else this year!"

I had the pleasure of partaking in two Christmas dinners this year. I don't think I've ever done that before. And I am stuffed still.

Mom cooked a rib eye roast, and it was outstanding. The family gathered and ate and opened presents. This is what we pretty much do every year. This year was about average for Christmas at our house. It was great, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't particularly exceptional, if that makes sense.

But this year, before the festivities started with my own family, I had dinner with the friend I went to Costa Rica with earlier this year. We had brisket, and it was delicious. There were seven of us at that dinner. My friend is a lawyer with the State Bar Association. His sister is a Methodist minister. A State Supreme Court judge and his wife were there and a Professor of Philosophy and Religious Studies from a local college joined us too. Finally, there was a genealogy expert as well.

There were several unique things about this particular dinner.

First, I don't think I've ever been to someone else's Christmas dinner.

Second, I was the only idiot at the table.

Third, and this is hard to say, I really liked everyone. This is a group of people I really enjoyed being around - more than my own family. There. I said it.

I'm not sure why. We didn't get involved in any deep discussions. As a matter of fact, dinner conversation was mostly about cooking. The group represents a wide range of economic, social and political persuasions. I know some of their stories, and they (and their families) are as screwed up as mine - or more. I cannot explain why I enjoyed hanging with this group of people so much. But I really did.

I would really like to be in a monthly dinner club with these folks or something.

But it bothers me a little that I had a better time at Christmas dinner with somebody else's friends than I did with my own family.

If A Christmas Tree Falls And Nobody Hears It...

"There is more than one way not to hear."

Usually my Christmas Musings revolve around the Christmas Star. If is a visible sign of hope for the whole world, and shines to herald the coming of Christ for all generations. I love thinking about the wise men who started the trip, following the star. I'm not sure how many wise men there were, but I'm pretty confident that more started the trip than finished it.

This year, my thoughts surround the music - the sound - of Christmas. We sing the old hymns, but do we really hear them? We are inundated with the noise of Christmas, but do we distinguish the noise from the sound of it?

It's almost a cliche to talk about remembering the reason for Christmas, and not get sidetracked by the commercialism, hustle, blah, blah. That's sort of what I'm thinking about this year - but not quite. Separating the music from the noise is a good thing. But having done that, we also need to hear the music, not just recognize or appreciate it, but let it in. We need to experience the sound of Christmas.

The Christmas star stands out as a guide. It gives hope and purpose to those who follow it. It gives assurance and motivation to stay focused and on target. It helps is not be discouraged, distracted, despondent or defeated in our pursuit of Christ. The wise men completed the trip. We will too. And the rewards, as we present ourselves as living sacrifices before Him, are tremendous. The star guides from afar and leads us forward.

But the music of Christmas is more immediate. Somehow, it is more tangible than the idealistic and futuristic connotation of the star. "Come Thou Long Expected Jesus", "Away In A Manger", "Silent Night", The First Noel" and a hundred other carols all talk about an event long ago. But the connotation of the music is to bring that moment in history to us today - each Christmas, right now.

The carols, the Christmas Story (Luke 2), etc. remind us that Immanuel (God With Us, Revealed In Us) is more than a major historical event, but it is an ongoing event, day by day in our lives. Just as God's Words "Let there be light" created an ongoing event we call the universe, the words of Christmas, the Incarnation of Christ, create an ongoing event inside each and every one of us. An event that has a beginning, an impact and a consummation.

As we look at the Christmas star and follow it intentionally and diligently, we also need to hear the music of Christmas and allow its creative and ongoing impact to influence the very core of our beings. Because of the star, we know that everything will be different and better. Because of the music, it already is.

Let's not ignore the star. And let's not let the music be drowned out by anything...not even the tradition of Christmas itself. Let's allow the music and the coming of Christ to change us, remake us and give us peace this year and forever.

Merry Christmas.

1 Cor 6:9-10

"Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Lord Thy God In Vain."

I have thought forever that Duck Dynasty is the stupidest show on TV. But I'm all about political and social agendas. We all have them. We all have issues we believe in deeply, and want to see changed. Since I have a blog, I think I shall promote mine here:

My issue is the drunks. I believe very strongly that a third conviction for DUI should be a capital offense, and should incur the death penalty. Drunk drivers kill people - innocent people who were not involved in the perpetrator's decision to get drunk and did not receive any benefit or pleasure from that decision.

Further, violent crimes such as child or spousal abuse, rape, assault or anything associated with firearms when the suspect was drunk at the time of the incident should incur the death penalty on the first offense.

That may sound harsh, but violent drunks and drunk drivers cause incredible harm and should be purged from society.

That's my opinion, and I am allowed to have one.

But when I escalate that opinion to the level of spiritual truth, documented by snapshots of scripture like 1 Cor. 6:9-10, which clearly states that "neither [blah, blah], nor drunkards [blah, blah] have any part in the kingdom of God", when I tell all of the Christians they aren't following Christ if they disagree with me, when I use the Bible (God's Holy, self expression to man) to justify and solidify my social/political opinion and coerce others into submission to it, have I not violated the Third Commandment?

Using the name of Jesus and all that He stands for to promote any agenda is exactly what the Third Commandment forbids. And we do it all the time. Hitler killed 6 million Jews in Jesus' name and the Catholic Church sat by in silent agreement. The concept has been used to persecute and discriminate against all kids of people groups throughout history including blacks, divorced women, kids born out of wedlock, and a whole lot more.

This is as wrong as anything else on the planet. Period.

Which is more important, the Third Commandment or the First Amendment?

I Am Shopped Out!

"One for you, One for me. One for you, Two for me."

I usually love Christmas Shopping. I typically buy more stuff for myself, always on sale, than for anybody else. I also really enjoy being out and among 'em at the malls and stores - for a while. Then, when it gets stressful and not fun, I go home.

This year, I just wasn't in to it. Black Friday starting at 2:00 PM Thanksgiving Day was offensive. I don't need a damn thing (so I didn't have anything to shop for). For the most part, the people I need to give gifts to don't need anything either. Besides (like me) if they want something, they go buy it.

I didn't think the sales were particularly good this year. Everything I saw fell in to the "same ol' shit" category or else the "why would they possibly think I want that" category.

I did find some cool presents for my important peeps. Things they won't expect and wouldn't have thought of.

But the result of all of the above is that for the first time ever, I'm done - long before Christmas. Every present is bought, paid for, wrapped and ready.

I've even had time to burn myself out on Christmas carols, both listening to them and playing them. I still have to get Handel's Messiah in sometime this year. Maybe this weekend.

Then it will be time to have Christmas and be done with it. I think I'm ready.

Bethany, Oklahoma's Sad Demise

"I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. If a decent wage for firefighters threatens the fiscal stability of the city, people that live there better pay attention!"

I am embarrassed of my home town. For many years, Bethany, Oklahoma has been in demise. I graduated high school in 1981. There were 683 seniors in my class. Now there aren't 683 students at the whole high school - and they added a grade too.

There are many reasons for the decline. But it used to be a great place to live and grow up. Now, it's just mean and terrible. From city leadership to the police department to the religious kooks that control the place, Bethany has suffered greatly during a time of relative prosperity and growth for the rest of the OKC Metro area.

But this post is not really to criticize Bethany. That would take a whole book, and would be totally unnecessary anyway.

This post is about the recent controversy between city leaders and the fire department. The fire department union pushed for a raise and won through arbitration. The City responded by agreeing to the raise and cutting staff. The story is here.

I understand fiscal responsibility. But Bethany already pays firefighters 25% less than surrounding municipalities. Are they really so defunct that they can't staff the fire department properly and pay a decent living wage? Things really are getting bad there.

Firefighters are part of a group of people that we really need, and they usually get the very short end of the deal. They, along with police officers, social workers and a host of other public servants, see the worst of society. Firefighters do a lot more than fight fires. They work car accidents, medical calls, and a whole lot more. Whenever anybody thinks he needs help, the fire department is the default answer.

And that kind of work takes its toll. Many of these guys get calloused and bitter and suffer personal tragedy that is entirely a result of their chosen vocation. And society needs their sacrifice. We can't get along without them, even if many of them live miserable lives and die young helping the rest of us. It takes a very special person to be a public servant and not be victimized and traumatized by the experience.

But it's just wrong to ask them to to do that and not even pay them enough to live - or, like Bethany, use them as pawns in a power struggle.

A Carton Every 40 Days?

"I hope Mom doesn't start smoking again."

Mom quit smoking November 1. I almost quit when I started vaping last December.

Mom used to smoke 2 1/2 packs a day, or a carton every 4 days. Doing some math, 365 days in a year times 2 1/2 packs a day is 912 packs per year. 10 packs in a carton comes down to 91 cartons a year. I smoked about the same. That's another 91 cartons a year.

Cigarettes cost between $50 and $55 per carton presently. That's $50 times 182 cartons = $9100/yr for mom and me to smoke.

Being forever mad at the government for taxing them so much, and forever broke, I found that by rolling my own cigarettes, I could make them for $10.57 per carton. So a few years back I cut the smoking costs to $10.57 times 182 cartons = $1,923 for mom and me to smoke. The downside? It took almost an hour a day, every single day, to make enough cigarettes for both of us. I cut that in half last December, so I have only been spending 30 minutes a day making cigarettes.

One of the biggest questions I had when I bought my trombone earlier this year was, "Where am I going to find 30-45 minutes a day to play this thing?" It takes that much time. I can't stand to play badly. I didn't have time to budget for this.

It has been a wonderful gift to be able to reallocate 30-45 minutes a day away from something harmful (but necessary?) toward something enjoyable and healthy. I have had time to play the horn for no other reason except that I'm not making cigarettes.

Some days after Mom quit smoking, I opened a new carton of tubes (to make the few that I smoke still). I can't remember which day it was. Probably November 3 or maybe 5. This is December 13, and I just now opened another carton.

That's pretty much 40 days per carton. Translate to 9 times $10.57 = less than $100/year.

Suddenly I realize that I can pay for the trombone 3 times, have time to play it and still save money in just the first year.

If I ever needed proof of concept on the Wellness and Strength year, I now have it! Wow!

Thanks, Mom!

Melodious Etude No. 11

"This is why I bought a trombone!"

There is a famous trombone study guide called "Melodious Etudes For Trombone" that has been around for a hundred years, but I never used it during my trombone playing time. The idea behind it is, it is a method book that lets trombone students play exercises that are arranged as music. It is used the world over by trombone players on every level. I picked up a copy when I got my trombone earlier this year.

I have very much enjoyed working my way through the book, playing pieces that I think sound good. Some of it is beyond my ability, and I hack through it the best I can. After not playing for 27 years, I am amazed that I can still play any of it.

There is a fundamental difference between playing classical music and playing jazz. Jazz music has boundaries, not rules. As long as you stay within the boundaries, anything goes. The point to playing jazz is to be creative, spontaneous and interpretive. The idea is to express oneself and (again, within the boundaries) play your heart out.

Classical music is different. The issue here is to express the music - appropriately and exactly as it was designed and written to be expressed. The objective is to honor the music and the composer (creator) by performing it to the level of proficiency and standard for which it was composed.

There is room for both in the world of music, but there is an absolute distinction between the two. The principle, which deserves much more thought and comment that I can provide here, applies to a whole bunch of different paradigms in life. Jazz is about expressing myself musically. Classical music is all about the music. This distinction and contradiction applies to religion and our relationship with God, to work, to marriage, raising kids, and a whole lot more. Knowing the difference between Jazz and Classical music, and knowing when use each approach is a really important life skill.

But my point for today is just how good I felt this morning playing Melodious Etude No. 11. When you play a piece like that really well - above your own ability. When it sounds and feels just perfect, it gives you goose bumps. At the end of it this morning, I actually cried a little. It was so right. And nothing in a world based on this music can ever be that wrong.

This is why I bought a trombone.

Feels almost as good as getting licked by a horse!

Running From An Avalanche

"Don't look back! They may be gaining on you."

Sorry for the Blogging Blackout. It's just been busy. Mom had Round 2 of having stints put in her heart, we've had a major (by Oklahoma standards) snowstorm, it's end of year time at work, Christmas parties, working out, eating too much, and everything else you can think of has been going on.

Plus, this is my time of year to be introspective.

I've been reviewing my year of "Wellness and Strength" and charting a course for next year. 2011 was a year of Momentum (May the momentum continue, and continue to increase). 2012 was a year to coast and enjoy. 2013 was all about "Wellness and Strength". There is measurable progress but I'm still not where I need to be. So what will 2014 bring?

We're in the end of year airplane buying mode too, which means that I have a bunch of bills at work for which there is no money to pay. It was this way last year too, but it seems worse this year - or else everything else is getting to me and I don't have enough energy to feel the checking account's pain.

In any case, this will all pass soon. In the mean time, I am reminding myself that I have a pretty stress free life compared to most people. Times like now, once everything settles down again, are just reminders of how good life really is.

Besides all of that, it's Christmas time. I have taken time to really enjoy playing along with Pandora's Jazz Holiday Radio on my trombone and piano now and then. My Christmas theme this year is Music, and I only pulled out Christmas decorations that tie in to music.

In my world,, Music = Sanity. Every couple or few years, I allocate time to listen to the complete performance of Handel's Messiah. I have every intention of devoting time to that endeavor this year especially. That single act may turn out to be the biggest contributor to my year long Wellness and Strength theme.