Forty years ago today, when I was nine years old attending Vacation Bible School at some backwards Baptist church, I made a decision to become a Christian. All of life taken together, it has been the one decision that has had the most impact on me - then and now.
I've second guessed that decision many times, of course. I've asked myself what made me able to make such a decision when I was that young and stick to it all these years. But Christianity, for me, passes all of those tests. I'm proud of who I am, and my identity is lost in Christ and everything He represents. I don't have a story of being delivered from some great evil or being brought back from the edge of the universe, or being healed of some terrible disease. Other people have such stories, and many are legitimate. But those are not my story.
My story is of a faithful and effective connection between my deepest self and the God that created me and everything else on purpose, for purpose, in joyful anticipation of a destiny that is good. And at least through the lens of being 49 years old now, it seems like it was always that way even 40 years ago.
I remember being in High School when others did things I knew to be wrong. But I was Baptized, and those things weren't an option for me. Without criticizing them, I knew that my life needed to be different.
When I ran my own business, principles that I absorbed through Christianity found their way into every decision I made. I genuinely tried to make decisions that were in the best interests of my employees and customers, and that honored God and accomplished good things.
As I have grown older, my understanding of Christianity have grown, refined, coagulated and matured. But I don't think my passion has changed at all. I want to be everything that God created me to be, and I want to reflect and honor Him with all that I am - just like I did when I was 9 years old.
Oddly enough, I think being gay really helped the process of fervently developing my knowledge and commitment to Christ. Over and over again, the two seemed to collide. If indeed a gay Christian was (or is) an oxymoron, I choose Christ without reservation.
Had I been raised in an environment that could tolerate a gay Christian, had I known then what I know now, had I been pushed earlier in life to really think through the issues involved, my life would have been different and arguably better. But that isn't what happened. In my life before I turned 40, the two were mutually exclusive, and I chose one and rejected the other.
And today, as I look back over 40 years of being in Christ, it is wonderful to do so without regret. I am very thankful and excited to stand with Christ and all of the good things he brings to life. And given the cards I was dealt, I wouldn't change a thing.